Random Drama Revenge of the Island
by TotalDramaFan14
Summary: [FOURTH IN THE RANDOMVERSE SERIES] The series goes back to the original island, with thirteen new campers in tow. But the island has been changed, and those campers aren't the ones you expect - they, like those who came before, have been... Randomized. Season 4 AU; pairing and update info in first chapter.
1. Bigger, Badder, Brutal-er!

**Author's Note:** Welcome everyone to the fourth season of the Randomverse series. For the first time _ever_ I'm introducing a brand new cast. As such, reading the first three seasons are not required.

Anyway, the rules haven't changed: A while back I took the 51 contestants from Total Drama, and the 16 from my fic Danger Island, and sent them through a randomizer. The first twenty-two debuted in Random Drama Island, with two more coming in Random Drama World Tour, and this is the next thirteen.

And for those who don't believe I've actually randomized, I feel like you'll believe it now. Trust me.

There will be three pairings this season. One will be revealed in the opening sequence, and the other two as the season progresses. Also, one of these pairings will not be straight. I'm giving you fair warning.

Expect a chapter once a week every Friday, starting... now!

* * *

 **Episode 01: Bigger, Badder, Brutal-er!**

The scene faded in to a shot of the Earth from space, an astronaut banging on a small communications satellite in the foreground with a wrench. The satellite had the letters 'TDRI' scrawled on the front in black.

"We've been to the movies," the voice of Chris McLean began as the satellite seemed to whir into function, lights on either end of it glowing green. "We've been around the _world_!" Just as the astronaut gave the camera a thumbs-up, the satellite suddenly failed with a jolt of electricity and broke apart, the astronaut palming the visor of their helmet. "And _this_ season," Chris said as the camera rapidly began to zoom in towards northern Canada, "we're going right back where it all began," the camera past through layers of clouds to reach a beautiful morning sky, then panned down to an all-too-familiar island, "at _Camp Wawanakwa_!"

Chris McLean was already standing just off-center on the dock, right by the 'Wawanakwa' sign – both of which looked like they'd gone through some heavy wear and tear. "I'm Chris McLean," the host formally introduced himself, "and as you can see, things have changed since we've been away." He walked down the dock to where a male red-shirted intern of southeast Asian descent waited with a coconut drink on a platter; the right side of the camp's sign fell down as he passed by, taking out a small piece of the dock.

"And by _changed_ ," the host said with a darkly expectant smile, "I mean gotten really, really, _dangerous_!" He rubbed his hands together in anticipation, then took the coconut drink from the intern. As soon as he did so a giant pink tentacle rose from the lake with a terrifying roar, and slammed down on the dock – Chris calmly sidestepped it, but the intern and a sizable chunk of the end of the dock were smashed into the water. "Hahaha, good stuff," the host laughed.

"But the rules of the game remain the same," he told the camera, the scene changing to a panning shot of one of the cabin rooms, a cockroach scurrying over the lens. The room itself looked about the same as it had three seasons ago – decrepit and old-fashioned, but boringly so. "A handful of unsuspecting teens will bunk with complete strangers," Chris explained during the pan, the shot cutting to a stained piece of male underwear nailed to a wooden door that promptly opened to reveal the old outhouse confessional within, "air their dirty laundry in our outhouse confessional, and compete in _life-threatening_ challenges all over the island," the camera cut to a long-distance shot of the thousand-foot-high-cliff, zooming in on the gleamingly jagged rocks in the water below it, "and risk being voted off," Chris continued as the shot cut to the clearing, fire pit, oil drum, and eleven stump-seats used for Campfire Ceremonies of the past.

"Last one standing wins," the shot cut from the elimination area to a still image of a wheelbarrow overflowing with money, "one, _million, DOLLARS_!" A short, grand, and victorious tune blared as the shot zoomed in on the prize money.

"Speaking of our cast," Chris said back on the Dock of Shame as a cool rock theme began to play, "here they are now!"

The shot cut to a small but luxurious red-striped yacht where the twenty-four contestants of the past three seasons could be seen more-or-less enjoying themselves. Trent and Gwen were making out on the starboard side while Harold, Leshawna, DJ, and Sammy danced nearby, Amy huffing and looking away from them in disgust. On the stern deck, Noah read a book while Malcolm made out with Sierra (who had started to regrow the hair she'd lost and her legs were healed from the plane exploding last season), Tyler dancing nearby. On a higher sternward balcony, Scarlett smiled down at her friends below then gave the camera a grin, Mike and Zoey gazed in each other's eyes, and Shawn dropped down on the group unexpectedly from even higher up, startling all three. And at the bow, Heather and Alejandro leaned coolly against the port-side railing and tried not to look at each other, Victor and Sky danced next to them, Sugar practiced her craptry dancing in front of the Drama Machine, Duncan and Kitsune made out, and Staci and Clone sat on the very foremost point of the railing, snuggling together.

Chris waved at the yacht as it approached...and kept on going, the music scratching to a halt instead of the ship. "NOOOO!" Malcolm yelled in surprise in anguish as the boat sailed off-screen, and Chris laughed.

"No, not _them_ ," he told the camera as it zoomed back in on him. "This season, we've got all _new_ players, fighting for the million!" he announced as the music turned tense and grandiose. "And here they come now, for _real_!"

The shot cut to another yacht approaching, similar to the last one but with its stripes a pale teal instead of red. Several teens could be seen standing along the bow, port-side, upper deck, and stern, and the camera cut to those at the head of the ship – a rather masculine white girl dressed in grey sweats; and a tall young black man in a blue and gold football jersey.

"Meet _Jo_ ," Chris said, the girl noticing the boy next to her kissing his biceps.

"Stay outta my way if you value your kiwis," The Take-No-Prisoners Jock-ette told him.

" _Lightning_ ," the host continued, and the boy glared back.

"Right back atcha dude," The Athletic Overachiever told Jo, causing the girl to raise an eyebrow in angry disbelief.

The camera panned to the right, moving away from Jo but keeping Lightning in frame as he and Jo started growling at each other. This didn't seem to faze the next two campers in line – two pale, white girls identical in the face only - the one on the left had obviously dyed red hair tied into a short ponytail, and wore a black button up vest and black jeans; the one on the right had loose platinum blonde hair that fell to her shoulders and wore a white sundress with pale green floral designs on it.

" _Angel_! And, _Lily_!" the host continued.

"Lily look! We're here!" The Innocent Idealist said, grabbing the redheaded girl by the shoulders and shaking her excitedly.

"Hey, calm down sis," The Cynic told Angel, giving her twin a pointed look as the shot zoomed in on the two. "By the way, there's something off about that island," she added, looking back at the camera.

"Sorry Lily," Angel said sweetly. "I'm just so excited."

" _Cody_!" Chris announced next, the shorter white boy in question suddenly and without warning dashing between Lily and Angel and parting the twins. His longish brown hair was parted down the middle, and he wore a pale yellow polo shirt with single red and blue stripes over a longer gray undershirt.

"Hello ladies," The Geek said in was supposed to be a suave tone, his voice high-pitched but still masculine. "I'm Cody, and it's _awesome_ to meet you." Lily rolled her eyes while Angel giggled into her hand.

The camera panned away from the three, and onto a thick and muscular white-skinned young woman of apparent Eastern European descent with a mole on her cheek wearing a blue sleeveless shirt and slightly darker shorts. Her black hair was pulled back into a tight ponytail, and her unibrow was perfectly level as her hazel eyes glared straight ahead. She was wearing earbuds, and the faint sound of heavy music was coming from them courtesy of the mp3 player in her pocket. As she listened, she alternated reps with the small dumbbells she held in each hand.

" _Eva_ ," Chris said, emphasizing each syllable of the girl's name.

The Hothead looked at the camera grunted, the only acknowledgement she gave as she continued her reps.

The camera panned right again, just enough to keep Eva in frame while still showing the next contestant – a pale skinned boy of Eastern European descent. He wore a red shirt and khaki pants, and had long black hair tied into a ponytail. The Mastermind glanced at the camera, but said nothing

 _"Natasha_!" Chris finally introduced, "and _Bridgette_ ," he added, the camera panning further right to show the next contestant – a white skinned blonde girl with a big smile and surfboard in hand. She wore baby blue hoodie and a pair of blue jean shorts.

"I'm really excited to be here," The Surfer Girl said happily as she turned to Natasha. "Do you think we'll have a surfing challenge?" Natasha just shrugged in response.

" _Ella_ ," the host continued as the scene cut to a spot further down the yacht, showing a slender teenage girl, her features an ambiguous mix of white and east Asian. She was wearing what looked like a short pink dress, though it may just have been a skirt and blouse with particularly poofy shoulders. Combined with the pink slippers, the pink evening gloves, and the pink bow in her black bouffant she gave the impression of a princess straight out of an animated fairytale.

"Hello there," The Fairytale Princess waved pleasantly at the camera. "I'm _so_ glad I was chosen to compete this season, and I'm ready to make my new friends lives better with _songs_!"

As she began to sing a wordless melody the camera panned away to the next contestant, a young black man with a large belly and an even larger amount of hair. His blue-ish pants were held up by suspenders, and his gray shirt was slightly dirty.

" _Beardo_ ," the host introduced.

The Human Soundboard began beatboxing a version of Ella's song, finishing it out by singing " _Sooooong_!"

Ella walked back on the screen looking impressed. "That was a _lovely_ rendition of my song. You're quite talented."

"Uh," Beardo said shyly. "Thanks."

" _Gary_ ," the host introduced next as a shorter black boy dashed onto the scene, putting himself between the two. He had short curly black hair, and he wore a baggy dark blue hoodie, baggy blue jeans, and a gold chain with a dollar sign.

"Dang yo!" The Rap Star Wannabe said in what was an attempt at a 'street' voice. "You be layin' down some sick beats! You gotsta let me spit some bars over that."

Beardo just looked at Gary blankly.

" _Ezekiel_ ," Chris introduced next, the camera panning up to a short, white boy standing on the upper balcony. He had a mop of brown hair sticking out of his toque, a soul patch, and wore a faded green hoodie and blue jeans.

"Uh, am I supposed to say somethin' eh?" The Home Schooled Guy asked the camera in confusion before a small flock of pigeons flew past and knocked him over the railing with a yell.

"And _Sam_ ," the host finished as Ezekiel landed next to the thirteenth and final competitor of the season – a pudgy young white man with curly brown hair and glasses, he wore beige long sleeve shirt similar to Cody's but with a yellow stripes, white undershirt and blue shorts. His attention was solely on the handheld game console in his hands and he didn't even notice Ezekiel falling down next to him.

"Oh yeah!" The Nice Guy Gamer said to himself. "Grenade launcher upgrade! _Now_ we're cookin'!"

"Yup!" Chris said as the shot cut back to him on the Dock of Shame. "It's our _roughest_ , _toughest_ , most _explosive_ season ever!" He took out a remote control, and pressed the large central button with his thumb.

The yacht that the new contestants were sailing in on suddenly exploded, sending all thirteen of them flying and screaming in every direction.

Chris took a casual sip of his coconut drink, then looked at the camera and raised a finger high. "Right here," he said as a faint version of the series' capstone theme played, "on Total! Drama! _Revenge_ of the _Island_!" The shot jumped outward as the title was said, showing Wawanakwa Island in its entirety with a few plumes of smoke in the distance marking where the yacht had exploded.

 **XXXXX**

[The sequence begins much as it did three seasons ago, with an open into letterbox format as the camera focuses on the tops of a few distant pine trees. A rusty stage light rotates up and turns on; then the shot changes to a cobwebby spotlight swinging down and turning on as well; then a small security camera popping out of one of several leaky toxic waste barrels; then another camera bursting out of a tree hollow, held by an octopus tentacle and dislodging a few bones; then a pair of fair-skinned arms clapping a film slate in front of the camera which switches to a shot of the island, briefly showing a giant octopus looking out of the lake to the right, then flying forward down the dock and past the buildings, passing under a totem pole that Chris was sitting on and which was being carried by a trio of male interns of mismatched heights.]

 _Dear Mom and Dad, I'm doin' fine;_

[The camera rapidly flies through the trees as the lyrics begin, quickly reaching the top of the thousand-foot-high cliff.]

 _You guys are on my mind!_

[It looks down at the ring of buoys in the water below and dives, immediately cutting to an underwater view as the bubbles disperse to reveal Cody gagging with several vicious-looking fish watching him hungrily.]

 _Ya asked me what I wanted to be,_

 _And now I think the answer is plain to see!_

[Cody frantically swims up and away from an approaching tentacle, passing another fish wearing a gas mask. The camera pans up to reveal Bridgette on one side of her surfboard; Cody surfaces and slumps against the other side, then flashes her a flirtatious smile. The tentacle surfaces and slams into the middle of the board...and in doing so, sends Bridgette into the water and Cody high into the sky.]

 _I wanna be...famous!_

[The scene lingers on Cody in front of the sun for a moment, then quick-pans down to Jo working out with a punching bag in the middle of the woods; a falling Cody abruptly falls into her arms. Cody tries one of his flirty smiles on the jock-ette, who just scowls and drops him before going back to her workout. The camera pans right to Ella, happily singing to a number of hairless squirrels and three-eyed birds.]

 _I wanna live close to the sun!_

[At the top of a waterfall, Angel and Lily float downriver in a canoe. Angel appears to be gushing about something to her sister, and the cynic is clearly only pretending to listen for a second before turning around and spotting the fall. Both scream as they go over the edge.]

 _Well pack your bags, 'cause I've already won!_

[The camera pans down to Lightning, dead-lifting a large log while standing on another log suspended across the rocks at the bottom of the falls. the twins and their canoe land on his makeshift weight, breaking the log supporting him and sending all three into the water.]

 _Everythin' to prove, nothin' in my way;_

[Ezekiel walks up to the outhouse confessional and a monstrous shark with arms and legs bursts out of the outhouse with a toothy grin, causing the homeschooler to scream and run away as the shark chases after him.]

 _I'll get there one day_

[The camera pans to the Main Lodge, Chef's silhouette visible in the window. Zooming in to the room shows him stirring a pot of some greenish slop with an annoyed frown, and the shot pans over to show Gary making various hand signs and rapping. A spoon flies from the right and hits him, knocking him out.]

 _'Cause I wanna be...famous!_

[Another pan to the left reveals Natasha looking Gary's way and sighing in relief, he turns to the camera and gives an all-knowing smirk. The scene zooms back out of the lodge to the beach, where Eva is alternating reps with a dumbbell in each hand.]

 _Na-na nanananaa, nanana-nanaa, na-nananananaa_

[The camera pans away from Eva and on to Sam happily playing a handheld game. A furry hand taps him on the shoulder, distracting the gamer and allowing the arm to snatch away the console. Sam realizes what's happened, and rushes angrily at the large hairy ape-man now playing the game, and the camera moves on watch an odd, almost rattlesnake-like gull floating on the water. A bulbous-headed fish jumps out over it on the right and a shark jumps out of the left with its mouth wide open, but the first fish blasts the shark with some sort of laser, turning it into a skeleton which is swallowed by the first fish as it finishes its jump. A tentacle rises out of the water to grab the gull, but it quickly lashes out and bites it with its snake-like fangs.]

 _I wanna be! I wanna be! I wanna be famous! (Na-na nanananaa, nanana-nanaa, na-nananananaa)_

[The camera pans down to the end of the dock to show Beardo moonwalking to the edge of the dock. He brings his hands to his mouth and vigorously beatboxes, spit flying from his hands.]

 _I wanna be! I wanna be! I wanna be famous! (Na-na nanananaa, nanana-nanaa, na-nananananaa)_

[A sudden splash of water comes down on the hairy boy, interrupting his music and causing him to send a blank look upward – Chris is hovering above him in a jetpack and helmet, holding an empty bucket. He drops the bucket then flies off, the flames from his jetpack taking over the screen. It becomes night as they peter out, and the camera pans down across the stars and treetops and full moon to Angel and Bridgette, sitting at a campfire together. As they lean towards each other with expectant smiles they are interrupted and separated by Chef, wearing a hazmat suit and holding a glowing green marshmallow between them with a pair of heavy tongs.

The shot zooms out to show the rest of the cast looking shocked, whistling the last few notes of the song – Ezekiel, Cody, Natasha, Beardo, Lightning, and Lily on Angel's side; Ella, Sam, Eva, Jo, and Gary on Bridgette's side; and Chris standing next to Chef on Bridgette's side as well. The shot continued to zoom out until a signboard was shown marking the presumed entrance to the fire pit; it read 'TOTAL DRAMA REVENGE OF THE ISLAND' in block letters, the third word being the largest and the last word relegated to a board tacked on at the end.]

 **XXXXX**

"AAAAHHH!" Ezekiel screamed, the episode fading in to him landing hard on a rock jutting out of the water. "Dad was right eh," he groaned. "The outside world _is_ painful," he said, pitifully sliding into the water as Lily swam past in the background.

"'Let's sign up for the new season'," she said, mocking her sister's lighter voice. "'It'll be so much fun!'"

Cody and Natasha were shown swimming side by side clinging to a few pieces of driftwood, then looking to the side at the sound of someone coming up behind them. "Outta the way! Triathlete comin' through!" Jo shouted as she pushed the two aside, earning an annoyed look from both boys.

The camera followed Jo as she swam up to Sam, who was holding his handheld above the water as he slowly paddled forward. Jo pushed him down and catapulted over out of the shot as Sam sank in the water screaming "Hey!"

The shot cut back to Ezekiel, now treading water as he spat some out of his mouth. "Chris!" Gary yelled as he swam past him keeping his chain out of the water. "Why'd you have to go an' get my _bling_ wet!" He let go of the neckwear, and was promptly pulled down.

"Help me 'cuz!" Gary spluttered as he finally sank below the water to Ezekiel's shock, but fortunately Lightning surfaced, holding the rapper over his shoulder.

"I'll save you little girl!" Lightning declared dramatically.

"Girl?" Gary asked in offense. "I'm a dude yo!"

The camera cut to Eva, scowling as she swam along. She reached another rock jutting out of the water and pulled herself up onto it, then let out a primal scream of rage. "You're gonna _pay_ for that McLean!"

The camera cut to Beardo watching from the water with awe and fear. He made the sound of an engine turning over and quickly swam away while making the sound of a speedboat's running motor.

The shot cut to Lightning carrying Gary to shore, only for a speeding Beardo to slam into the athletic boy from behind, causing Gary to fly from his shoulder with a startled yell as Lightning looked back at Beardo in annoyance.

Gary, in turn, crashed into Lily, briefly forcing both of them into the water. "Hey, watch where you're going!" Lily spluttered angrily as she resurfaced, only to frown when she realized Gary hadn't come up as well. "Oh crap," she said in mild concern, quickly diving down.

"Lily!" Angel sputtered as she struggled to stay afloat. " _Help_!"

"Angel?" Lily asked in genuine concern as she looked back, holding Gary in her arms. "Hold on sis!" she yelled back.

"I'm on it!" Bridgette said, appearing out of nowhere and swimming to the idealist past a shocked Lily.

The camera cut to Angel as she finally sank, only to resurface in Bridgette's arms. "Oh," she said shyly to her savior, "You're really... strong."

"I'm a part-time lifeguard," Bridgette explained as she swam past Lily again. "I guess it came in handy."

Angel just giggled in response, and Lily shook her head as the two blondes left the shot.

XXX

"So, I guess it's time for my first confessional," Bridgette opened in the outhouse confessional. "Everyone here seems pretty nice. I was a little worried about having to deal with people like Alejandro or Heather. Anyway, I know I suck at pretty much everything, but I'm a good friend and an honest player. So..." she trailed off awkwardly. "Let's try to win a million bucks!" she finished with a grin.

XXX

" _Wow_ ," Angel gushed in the next confessional, "I can't believe I'm actually in the Total Drama confessional. It's so exciting! Everyone seems so _nice_!" Her expression turned lovesick as she continued, "especially Bridgette! She's just so kind, and really, really pretty." She sighed dreamily and added "And strong."

XXX

The footage resumed with a close-up of a pair of sneakers stepping onto the beach, the camera panning up and zooming out to show that they belonged to a rather wet Jo. She looked around, then raised her fist in victory. "Woohoo! That's what I'm talking about!" she cheered. "First one on the- gah..."

Her face dropped as she looked to her left, and the camera panned to show Ella humming a tune to herself on the beach and completely dry.

"How did you?" she asked. "You're not even _wet_!"

"Oh, I got a lift from some of the _lovely_ birds that live around the island!" Ella explained happily.

Ezekiel was the next to shore, crawling out of the water. "Is this how people normally get off boats?" he asked both girls, falling on his face before they could answer.

XXX

"I was homeschooled my whole life eh," the homeschooler explained. "So I don't really _know_ that much about the real world. I didn't even know about the show for a while on a count of my folks not havin' a TV. But I guess the stuff I picked up on the farm can like, help me win."

XXX

Lily and Gary were the next to make it to dry land, the redhead dragging the short boy up the beach on his back. "You'd have an easier time swimming if you lost this ridiculous chain," she said in a somewhat annoyed tone, laying him down and hitting his chest. He immediately coughed up a bit of water, causing Lily to flinch away from him in mild disgust.

XXX

"Give up my chains?!" Gary asked incredulously. "Ain't hap'nin'. Say 'wazzup' to the next big rap sensation, _Young Easy_!" He said dramatically pointing to himself before rapping. "Check it, My name is Gary you can call me Young Easy. I'm about to win that money easy-peasy! Check me at the final gettin' handed that dough..." he faltered for a moment and said "Dang, I can't think of a rhyme for dough yo."

XXX

The footage cut back to the beach, showing Jo, Ella, Ezekiel, Lily, and Gary loitering around a large rock further up the beach and revealing that Lightning, Angel, Bridgette, Natasha, and Cody had all made it to shore as well. While Natasha was busy emptying his sneakers of water on a small rock in the foreground, the other four sat on a few moderately-sized rocks on the right.

"Hey, nice day out, isn't it?" Cody said, looking directly at Angel as he spoke. "I hope the rest of the competition is like this, right Angel?"

"Yeah," Angel said dreamily, looking at Bridgette. "That would be just perfect," she said, standing up and walking away. Cody followed her eagerly, and Natasha watched them leave with a raised eyebrow, then looked back when a wave washed another person ashore.

It was Sam, who was still holding his handheld above his head and coughed out a small fish.

XXX

Sam started his confessional with a short chuckle. "I knew I should've played that Swii Fitness workout game," he said as he pulled another handheld from his shirt and started playing it. He chuckled a bit longer and said "I just hope I don't get cut first," with a brief anxious look to the side. " _That_ would be lame." He smiled and added " _But_! If I last long enough to get cut sixth or seventh? How cool would that be?"

He chuckled some more, then went back to playing his game.

XXX

"I'm so _happy_ to be here," Angel said, both her and Cody now standing next to Lily and Ella. "My sister and I have been watching Total Drama since the first episode! Who knows, maybe I'll even make some new friends?" she said, looking eagerly back at Bridgette.

"Oh that would just be _wonderful_!" Ella declared happily.

"Great," Lily said under her breath. "Now my sister has an echo."

Cody walked up to the cynic and gave her an attempt at a flirty smile. " _I'm_ interested in making friends too." he said before waggling his eyebrows.

"So not happening," Lily told him before the piercing ring of the camp intercom turning on got their attention.

"Attention, fresh meat!" Chris announced, the shot cut to a pair of loudspeakers on a tree nearby, then panning down and right to show that all thirteen campers - including Eva and Beardo– were now waiting around on the rocky beach. "See that trail leading into the forest?" the host continued, the camera following the contestants' gazes right as they looked at where the beach, trees, and rocks met. "Race to the end of the trail," Chris commanded, "and do _not_ disturb the wildlife! That would be bad."

"Really?" Lightning said, looking back mockingly. "We wouldn't wanna upset the _bunnies_." He nudged Sam, who nodded and smiled.

"Bunnies?!" Lily asked in fear as the camera cut to her hiding behind Angel. " _Where_?"

"The _tiniest_ sound can set them off," Chris continued. "Liiike... _THIS_!" He blew an airhorn over the intercom, forcing all thirteen campers to cover their ears.

The camera panned over to the distant treetops on the left, the airhorn fading in to a loud, terrifying roar that startled a flock of birds to flight. One tree was knocked over, then another closer to the beach. Finally, the cast screamed and fled into the woods.

\

A clockwipe transitioned the footage ahead to an adorable little purplish bird singing on a branch...until a frog-like tongue snapped out of a hollow behind it and dragged the bird into darkness.

The camera panned down to a finish line, just as Lightning and Jo ran past it with the uber-jock in the lead. "Sha-bam!" he said happily. "First place!"

"Rematch," Jo declared bitterly. "Anytime, anywhere."

"Sure thing," Lightning replied smugly. "Lightning _always_ wins!"

It was then that Chris rode up on a red ATV, his usual smile on his face. "Captain Modesty, two steps left, you're on Team A," he directed, Lightning nodding happily and walking a few steps back towards the finish line. "Yo, Jo? Move right, you're on Team B," he told the jock-ette, directing her to the right with his thumb; she complied with a frown just as Eva crossed the finish line, skidding to a stop next to Lightning.

"Iron Woman," the host told her, pointing for her to stay where she was, "you're on Team A." Bridgette slid in next, and looked around with wide eyes. "Malibu, Team B," Chris told her.

"Okay," Bridgette said with a smile, putting her hands into the front pockets of her hoodie and walking off to the right. Angel and Lily ran on screen at the same time a moment later, and doubled over in mirrored positions.

"Doom and Gloom," he told a scowling Lily. "Team A. Sunshine and Happiness, Team B." Both girls looked at each other and Lily shrugged. Angel sighed and the two went their separate ways.

Natasha arrived next, raising his eyebrow and crossing his arms as he waited for instruction. "Dude with a Girl's Name, Team A," Chris said.

Natasha shot him a dirty look, then joined Lightning, Eva, and Lily.

"Lil' Annoying, Team A," the host continued over a shot of Gary and Ezekiel's arrival. Gary gave Ezekiel n smug look as the host added, "Homeschool, Team B."

"Yessir," Ezekiel said, briefly casting Gary a nervous glance before running off to the right.

The camera zoomed out a little ways from Team A just as Cody ran up, a grin on his face as Ella arrived moments later. "Casanova, Team B," the off-screen host said, causing the boy to shoot two finger pistols at at Ella, earning a giggle. "Princess Wannabe, Team A," Chris continued. Ella clapped at her assignment, then hurried off to the right.

"Afro Dude, Team B," Chris directed as Beardo arrived next, smiling brightly. As he joined his teammates they all looked back towards the finish line, as Sam finally arrived out-of-breath and crawling along the ground.

"Aaaand Game Junkie, Team A," Chris finished with a smile.

"Okay," Lily said, walking over to Chris and getting in his face, "what the heck was that in the forest?"

"I don't ever remember hearin' about an animal that sounded like that eh," Ezekiel added in a fearful tone.

"Relax, it'll all make sense eventually," Chris explained, his impish smile quickly degenerating into long, evil laughter that caused the two teams – Eva, Lightning, Sam, Ella, Lily, Gary, and Natasha on the left; Bridgette, Ezekiel, Cody, Jo, Beardo, and Angel on the right – to stare at him and look at each other in awkward, nervous confusion.

Chris finally stopped laughing, and wiped a tear from his eye. "Now, this season of Total Drama will be a _little_ bit different," he explained. "For example, in every episode, someone _will_ be eliminated."

The campers gasped. "It's never been that hard before," Bridgette remarked in shock.

"I know," Chris told her with a smug grin, "I'm good. But since you're all first-timers, I'm gonna cut you a break and hide this bad boy _somewhere_ in the campgrounds." He held up what appeared to be a small wooden carving of his head, and the shot cut in for a close-up. "A genu-ine McLean Brand Chris Head! _Your_ free ticket back into the game!" The small carving was shown against a radiant white and blue background, an angelic chorus playing as images of Chef dressed in a lavender leotard and tutu, angel wings, and a halo flew into the corners of the screen while holding harps and singing.

"Even if your teammates vote you off," he added as Natasha and Lily were shown staring with wide eyes. "Whoever finds it," Chris continued over a shot of Bridgette, Ezekiel, Cody, and Jo also watching with wide eyes, "will become the most _powerful_ player in Total Drama history!" Both Eva and Lightning were shown smiling in awe.

The angelic chorus ended as Chris brought the statue in for a closer look, frowning and feeling his own chin. "Is the cleft on my chin really that big?" he asked in concern.

"Yep, and it kinda looks like a butt," Lily answered, earning an annoyed glare from the host.

"Moving on," Chris said forcefully, "time for the team names!"

"Ooh ooh! Team Lightning!" Lightning immediately piped up excitedly. "No wait, Lightning Squad!" he said, earning annoyed frowns from Eva and Lily.

"Great suggestions, Lightning," Chris told him, "but, names have already been chosen by moi. Team A, you shall henceforth be known as, the _Toxic Rats_!" The screen switch to a green, red, and yellow starburst-patterned background, a green logo spinning up to the front. It bore the image of a six-limbed rat standing up on its hind legs and bearing its teeth menacingly.

Eva, Lightning, Sam, Ella, Gary, Natasha, and Lily stared blankly for a moment before Sam chuckled and said "Killer!"

"And Team B," Chris continued, turning his head to the other six, "you are hereby dubbed, the _Mutant Maggots_!" A teal, yellow, and orange sunburst-patterned background took over the screen, and a red logo spun up to the front. This one depicted the head of a three-eyed maggot, its mouth frozen in a gaping hiss.

Bridgette, Cody, Ezekiel, Jo, Beardo, and Angel stared blankly for a second as well, then moved their eyes to the geek as he spoke up. "So..., what's with all the chemical waste references?" Cody asked.

The perspective switched to a group shot as another loud roar shook the area. Beardo made the sound of an air-raid siren as the others looked around in shock.

The shot cut to some distant trees, a flock of birds flying away as one fell, then the camera panned to the right as another closer tree fell. Angel, Bridgette, and Beardo gasped in fear, the two girls grabbing each other for comfort, and the camera zoomed in on a bush in front of the last fallen tree.

A small hairless squirrel with big yellow eyes jumped out and looked around.

"Hey it's just a stupid squirrel," Jo said in disbelief.

"It's adorable!" Ella gushed...until it blinked sideways, and she cringed audibly.

"Yo, that thing ain't right!" Gary said from off-screen as the squirrel happily blinked and looked around some more.

"While we were gone," Chris explained, "I rented the island out to a nice family-oriented biohazardous waste disposal company." As he spoke, the camera cut to a pile of oil barrels stashed in and around a tree. All of the barrels had a hazard sign on them, and most were leaking some sort of foul bubbling green liquid. "Sweet people," the host remarked.

"But," he added as the focus cut back to him on his ATV, "the waste is having a _teensy_ bit of an impact on the flora and fauna." The hairless squirrel was shown again, blinking as a monarch butterfly flew close to it. It snapped out its tongue like a frog, and swallowed the butterfly up.

"Cool!" Sam said with a chuckle as Gary gave him an odd look.

"Well," Ella said, cautiously approaching it with a smile on her face. "It may look odd but I'm sure it's perfectly harmless! Hello there little fella," She reached out to pet it, and it roared the same deep and terrifying roar that had scared them all earlier, then shot lightning from its eyes at the ground Ella was standing on. Ella screamed and ran away, and the squirrel blew her a raspberry before hopping back into the bush.

Chris was laughing hysterically as the shot cut to Ella jumping into the arms of an exceptionally shocked Gary in fear. Ella smiled sheepishly, and Gary gently set her on the ground. The camera cut back to Chris as he stopped laughing, then in an elated and dramatic tone said "Most. Danger. _Ev-er~_!"

XXX

"Seriously?" Lily asked the confessional in outrage. "Toxic waste? Who green lit this season? Kitsune's birth mother?" She rolled her eyes and said "I've _got_ to stop letting Angel talk me into stuff."

XXX

"Now," the host said with a wide smile as the scene cut back to him once again, "before we start our _very_ first challenge of the season, let's give out some rewards. The _Maggots_ ," he turned to the right, "get a trampoline!" The shot cut to a close-up of the trampoline, and moments later Chef bounced down upon it. "And the _Rats_ , get a _hacksaw_ ," Chris added, the shot cutting upwards to showing his glowering assistant holding the tool in question.

Chef suddenly lost his balance and fell with a crash; Lightning laughed at him and had the hacksaw thrown at his head for it; and Jo laughed at him in turn, and in turn got crushed by the trampoline that was thrown at her.

"What do these items have to do with this bomb?" Chris asked, holding up a square of plastic explosives with a wireless timed detonator attached to it.

"Uhh, he's not gonna blow us up again, is he?" Cody nervously asked an equally nervous Beardo.

"Who knows," Chris said with a sly smile, leaning in between the two with the bomb. "Find out when we come back!"

\

(Commercial Break)

\

The episode resumed on a shot of two totem poles hanging from tree branches. The one on the left was a green-marked rat sitting on a toxic waste barrel; and the one on the right was a red-marked three-eyed maggot with a hazard sign on its base and a hatchet stuck in the bottom.

"Those, are your team totems," Chris explained, the shot panning down to show each team standing below their respective totem with the host roughly between them, the entire group standing in front of a river. "You need to cut 'em down, and get 'em in the river, and ride 'em _back_ to the campgrounds," he explained. "First team there gets _their_ pick of the cabins. But hurry! The totems are rigged with bombs that will explode if you don't plant 'em in front of your cabin in seven minutes or less," the shot zoomed in on the timer on the Rats' totem. "Starting now," Chris quickly added, and the timer began counting down from 7:00.

"Alright let's do this!" Jo said enthusiastically, jumping onto the trampoline that had been set-up under the Maggots' totem. However, rather than go straight up she bounced off to the right with a startled cry and landed in the river.

\

"Stand back, Lightning is _on_ it!" the uber-jock announced excitedly as the focus moved to the other team, jumping onto the trunk of the tree the Rats' totem was hanging from. Lily and Ella watched him climb in wary silence, then took a shocked step back when he slid back down almost immediately. "Dang slippery tree! Don't worry Lightning _never_ quits!" He told his team, quickly climbing back up.

"Yeah," Lily said, her surprise quickly fading into annoyance, "that's not gonna work. Anybody gotta plan?"

"Why don't we just saw the tree yo?" Gary asked while trying to do just that, earning a face-palm from Lily while Natasha rubbed his chin in thought.

\

"Hmm," Cody said, rubbing his own chin as he looked between the trampoline and the totem pole as the focus cut back to the Maggots. "The problem is that not only does the trampoline need to be in the right position under the totem pole, but the jumper _also_ needs to hit the right position on the trampoline to bounce at the right angle to grab the hatchet," he explained, the camera following his gestures to the trampoline, the totem pole, the large rock nearby, the trampoline again, and finally the ax.

"So...can you figure out where everything should go?" Bridgette said uncertainly, the shot zooming out to show the rest of the Maggots standing around, Jo soaking wet.

"Uh, I should be able to," Cody answered after a moment's thought, "but only if I know who'll be jumping so I can take their weight into account." His eyes widened. "Not that I'm asking any of you ladies for your weight! It's just y'know, basic math."

XXX

"Way to go Cody," the geek scolded himself in the confessional. "Girls don't like it when guys go all techno-babble. But anyway, I think I might be the smartest person on my team. Not that everyone else is dumb. So I guess I'll have to take a hit with the ladies so I don't y'know be the first one kicked off."

XXX

The footage cut back to another shot of the Rats' totem, Lightning scrambled back up the trunk, and nearly reached the branch the totem was hanging from. However, just as he paused to catch his breath, he began to slide back down the bark, his eyes wide.

"Well, if the meathead can't climb it," Lily said, the camera cutting back down to the forest floor where she, Ella, Eva, and Gary were looking up, "then I don't think any of us are gonna be able to."

"We have to do something," Eva countered, "the Maggots are taking the lead!"

"Well it ain't like we can just stack ourselves up and reach the rope that way," Gary said.

Natasha dragged a long, flat log in from the left, then set it down on a rock and grabbed Eva's arm.

"What are you doing?" the girl growled in warning.

Natasha raised his hands defensively, and opened his mouth to say something.

"I think he wants you to stand over by the tree so we can launch people to stack on top of you," Lily said.

Natasha blinked in confusion, then nodded his head.

XXX

"I wonder how long I can keep this up," he mused to himself. "It'll definitely make my _strategy_ easier."

XXX

A close-up showed Cody giving the trampoline's position a few minor adjustments, then smiling and standing back up. "Okay, you should be good to go!" he told Ezekiel, who was now standing on the large rock that was behind their team.

"Right," Ezekiel nodded. He jumped down onto the trampoline, then straight up to the totem pole. He grabbed onto the hatchet buried in the wooden carving and tried to pull it free, but it didn't budge. "Why's this buried so deep eh?" he grunted, swinging his legs up so he could brace them against the bottom of the totem pole.

"Crap," Bridgette said, the camera panning down to her and the rest of the Maggots looking up. "I don't think this is gonna be enough, guys," she told the others before looking back up at the homeschooler. "Ezekiel, I think maybe one of us should, I don't know, grab on too or something! Maybe the extra weight could help you pull it out?"

"No thanks!" Ezekiel called down to his teammates, pausing to try and pull the hatchet out with another grunt. "I can do it eh!"

XXX

"Bridgette seems like a nice girl and all," Ezekiel confessed. "But my dad told me to look out for the girls before I came out here, so I don't think she'll be that much help."

XXX

"Okay," Lily said from off-screen as Natasha adjusted the long, flattish log that had been propped up on a moderately sized rock like a seesaw, "Natasha says Lightning's next." He stood up and reached off-screen to the right, pulling the uber-jock into view and leading him onto the lower end of the log.

"Cool," he said confidently as Natasha ran off to the left. He met up with Sam who was waiting by the high-end of the seesaw, and motioned for the gamer to jump.

"Let's do this!" Sam said with a chuckle, and he jumped onto the high end, his weight causing Lightning to catapult into the air with a shout.

He landed with a grunt on Lily's shoulders, and the camera zoomed out to show her glaring up at him. "Lightning _strikes_!" he declared, striking a pose.

"Be careful Bolt-for-brains!" Lily scolded as the human tower began to sway.

The camera zoomed out even more to show Eva at the bottom of the stack, her eyes closed and breathing slowly and steadily, earning odd looks from the two on her shoulders. "I'm trying to stay calm," she explained.

"Right...," Lily said, rolling her eyes. A sudden scream caught all three's attention, the camera panned back up just as Gary landed on Lightning's shoulders.

"This better be worth it yo," he grumbled.

"Hey! Lightning's the one with another dude's legs on his neck," Lightning added.

\

The shot cut back to Ezekiel hanging from the hatchet, still trying to pull it out. "Almost...got it!" he said, finally freeing the ax then grabbing a short branch below the totem as he started to fall back down.

"Very good!" Angel cheered down below, Jo and Cody and Bridgette all joining in.

Beardo suddenly made an alarm sound, pointing up at the branch Ezekiel was hanging by one arm from as a hairless squirrel emerged from a hole in the trunk with an annoyed chitter.

The squirrel seemed to find that annoying, and its eyes began to glow red. It suddenly shot eye-lasers down at the hairy boy, who jumped away with a yelp. The squirrel did not let up, however, and kept sweeping its laser-gaze across the panicking Maggots below.

\

"Ella, you're next!" Lily told the princess, the girl in question humming to herself at the low end of the seesaw.

Natasha jumped on the seesaw's high end, and catapulted Ella into the air with a musical yell. She landed gracefully on Gary's shoulders and said "That was quite exhilarating! But I can't reach the saw."

"Then we only need one more," Eva said from the bottom of the pile. "Where's Sam?"

The camera cut to the gamer, who was unsurprisingly playing on his handheld before Chris walked on screen and snatched it from him.

"What gives?" Sam asked angrily.

"No electronic devices," the host told him with a wagging finger. " _Especially_ in the middle of challenges."

The gamer hung his head in disappointment.

\

The hairless squirrel was still attempting to zap the five grounded Maggots, forcing them to run about in terror.

"Uh oh," Ezekiel said as the shot cut back to him hanging from the branch the squirrel was on, which soon turned its attention to him. "Why're you zappin' _me_ eh?!" He quickly thew the hatchet in front of his face as the squirrel fired its laser, and the beam was bounced off the tool and directed at the higher branch the totem was hanging from – the blast snapped through it, sending the Maggots' totem pole crashing to the ground.

Beardo made the sound of a victory horn as the rest of his team cheered and Ezekiel landed next to it, on his butt and no longer holding the hatchet.

"I did it!" the homeschooler cheered, raising his arms in victory just before the massive carved log fell over onto him.

\

Natasha impatiently tapped his foot as he waited on the lower end of the Rats' makeshift catapult.

"Sorry I'm late!" Sam said as he skidded onto the screen. "I was in the middle of this boss fight and-"

"Who cares?!" Gary interrupted. "We only got like three minutes before this thing blows up yo!"

The gamer nodded. "Got it," he said, preparing to jump. "Get ready to saw!" With a mighty leap he launched the supposedly silent boy into the air.

Natasha hit the tree, but was somehow able to get on Ella's shoulder's before he fell to the ground.

"Quick!" Eva barked at him, the shot zooming out to show her scowling more intensely than usual. "Cut the rope!"

He shot her a quick, unnoticed, glare before sawing through the rope holding up their totem. A few seconds later, the totem landed on the ground earning a cheer from the seven Rats.

XXX

"So I _may_ have a bit of a problem with anger management," the gruff girl admitted almost sheepishly. "I'm not proud of it, but I'm hoping I can get past it long enough to win the million.

XXX

The challenge resumed with a shot of the rocky river, whoops and shouts of excitement coming from upstream. The camera panned up just as the Mutant Maggots floated by on their totem – Jo in front, followed by Beardo, Ezekiel, Cody, Bridgette, and Angel in back. The Toxic Rats floated by soon after, Natasha at the head followed by Ella, Lightning, Lily, Eva, Sam, and Gary on the end.

"They're gaining on us!" Jo shouted after looking back.

"I think we got bigger problems eh," Ezekiel said, pointing forward, "look!"

The perspective briefly switched to reveal that the river they were on was heading over a cliff, and the Maggots gasped. "Waterfall?" Cody asked. "What do we do?"

"Fall and hope we live!" Bridgette advised in rising panic.

The shot zoomed out to show the top of the waterfall, the six screaming teenagers shooting over it on their totem pole and falling into the forest below. Unseen branches snapped as they plummeted, but the camera cut to the ground just in time to show them landing on the shore of the waterfall's basin on the broadside of the totem pole, and after a bounce that jostled Angel from her seat they began to slide down a hill.

"WAAAAAAH!" Angel screamed, hanging on to the back of the fast-moving pole with only her hands.

"Hold on, I got you!" Bridgette told her, quickly turning around and grabbing her arms. "Don't worry!" She easily pulled her back onto the totem, and gazed deep into her eyes. Angel instantly stopped screaming. "Haha, you had me worried there for a second," Bridgette told her. "Maybe you should just hold on to me from now on just in case."

"Heeheehee, sure!" Angel giggled, quickly wrapping her arms around the surfer's waist and leaning in to her back. Bridgette looked away from the camera, but wasn't able to hide her growing blush.

Back at the top of the waterfall, the Toxic Rats shot out into the air with screams of their own. As with their rivals, the sound of crashing branches preceded the thud of their landing, and they whooped and cheered as the camera cut to them sliding down the hill.

Natasha looked back at his teammates and held his right arm out straight.

"I think Natasha would like us to lean forward!" Ella said as she did it.

"He's right, lean!" Eva said, and the other five promptly did so. The camera zoomed in on Sam in particular, who was giggling with another game console in his hands. The shot zoomed back out to show the Maggots passing the Rats, and a glowering iron woman reaching behind with her left hand, grabbing Sam's game, and tossing it behind them.

"Hey! How'd they get in front of us!" Jo complained as the handheld hit Cody in the head.

\

The scene moved to Chris and Chef, lounging in short white deck chairs outside of the cabins – the one on the right looked just as it had in season one, but the one on the left had been replaced by what looked like a larger and much fancier two-and-a-half-story house.

"Ahh, feels good to be back," Chris said, leaning back in his chair while Chef read a book.

"Too true, man," the cook added as he turned a page.

The sound of panting prompted the camera to pan to the right, and none other than Malcolm ran up. "Dude, hey, Chris," he said, "the boat wouldn't stop for some reason!"

"Oh look, it's former player _Malcolm_ ," Chris told the camera, "who's _not_ competing this year!"

Malcolm nodded eagerly and waved at the camera, then said "So I swam back over here to-" He paused, blinked, then widened his eyes in realization. "What do you mean I'm not competing?!"

"I'm afraid you and the other 'classic players' have outlived your usefulness," the host explained. He briefly looked at the camera, then added "Chef?"

"On it," the cook said, stepping forward and planting a bomb similar to the ones on the totem poles on Malcolm's chest.

"Oh no," Malcolm said in growing horror as the light on the bomb began to blink. He turned and fled, but the host smiled impishly and eyed the button on his remote.

The scene cut to a long-distance view of the thousand-foot-high cliff as Malcolm's screams were followed by an explosion that launched him into the air, visible even from afar.

Chris and Chef were laughing hysterically as the shot cut back to them, but they stopped as soon as they heard the laughs and cheers of a team approaching from the forest. The camera cut to the foot of a hill on the edge of the woods as the totem bearing the Toxic Rats slid down, and came to a stop just before the host and cook.

"First place! Go Team Lightning!" Lightning cheered, raising an arm in celebration.

"Tick tock," Chris told them, tapping on his watch. The bomb's timer was shown counting down from 0:15 to 0:14, and the camera panned back up to a nervous Lightning and Lily.

"Quick, grab the good cabin!" Lily commanded, and the shot cut to the two cabins – a flat stump occupying the area between them – as the seven teens carried their massive totem over their heads, grunting with the effort.

They managed to place it upright on the stump, and the timer stopped at 0:05 seconds. As it flashed and beeped the Rats cheered for their victory...that is, until the sound of approaching screams caught their attention.

The Maggots finally arrived at the bottom of the hill, hitting a small bump in just the right way to send their totem flying into the air. All six fell off it, and to the mute shock of Chris and Chef it crashed into the second story of the better cabin. The timer on it counted down from 0:03, to 0:02, to 0:01.

The explosion that followed blew the entire two-and-a-half-story building apart, leaving behind nothing but smoke and splintered boards.

"Too bad," Chris told the Toxic Rats as the camera panned right to the seven shocked teens standing around their totem pole, "it had an eight-person hot tub and _air conditioning_!" They all groaned in disappointment.

"Can't we just go back to an earlier save or something?" Sam asked by way of a joke. The camera panned across his teammates to show that they weren't amused, or was less pleased than normal in Ella's case.

Chris gave him a look of amusement and shrugged. "Sadly no," he told the gamer. "Anyway as the only team with a cabin still standing, the Mutant Maggots win the first challenge!" He pointed to the other team, still recovering from their sudden fall. They cheered and celebrated, though in a strained and hurting manner.

"So where am _I_ gonna sleep?" Lightning asked the host.

"No worries," Chris told him with a dismissive hand wave as the sound of a helicopter rose up nearby. "We've got a back-up cabin for you. It's every bit as nice as the one you lost." As he spoke, the show's red helicopter was shown bringing in the cabin in question and lowering it into the scattered rubble of the old one...revealing that the new one was basically identical to the older model the Maggots had gotten stuck with.

The Rats groaned again as it landed on the ground and one of its doors fell off its hinges.

"Team Rat," Chris told them as the camera panned back to the right, "I'll see you at the campfire for the first elimination ceremony of the season." He laughed, then high-fived Chef.

The seven losers grudgingly made their way to their new abode, and the camera focused in on Sam near the back of the group playing yet another handheld before bumping into Lily.

"Don't you _ever_ do anything besides play video games?" she asked in annoyance.

Sam blinked in confusion, then said "I got banned from all the Barney's Buffets in a thirty-mile radius from my house," with a chuckle

The cynic just rolled her eyes and walked away.

\

The footage skipped ahead to a full moon now shining over Camp Wawanakwa.

"The votes are cast," Chris said as the camera panned down to the campfire pit, the seven members of the Toxic Rats sitting among the eleven stump seats – Sam and Gary in the front row on the far right with the gamer playing a handheld; and Natasha, Ella, Lightning, Lily, and Eva taking up the entire back – and Chris in position at the oil drum podium. "Those who receive a _regular_ marshmallow can stay. But _this_ season," the shot cut in closer to the host, " _one_ player will receive a very _special_ marshmallow. A marshmallow you do _not_ wanna eat." He motioned to the side as Chef walked up, wearing a hazmat suit and carrying a thick metal box marked with a hazard symbol.

Chef flipped open the lid of the box, revealing a single marshmallow with a bright but sickly green glow to it. "Whoever gets the Marshmallow of _Toxic Loserdom_ ," the host explained, "is out of the contest. Which means, you can't come back! Ev- _er_." He paused for a brief moment, then smiled and picked up the first normal marshmallow from the tray resting in front of him.

"The following players are safe," he announced. "Lily," he tossed the first bit of white to the cynic, who caught it quickly and without flinching from her stern yet annoyed expression.

"Natasha." The second was thrown to the 'silent' boy, who caught it in his hand then popped it in his mouth.

"Lightning." The uber-jock got his next, catching it with one hand with a smug grin.

"Ella." The princess caught her prize with a bright smile.

"And Eva." The iron woman caught hers in her hands, only to accidentally crush the treat.

"And the Marshmallow of Toxic Loserdom goes to," Chris announced. The camera cut to the front-right corner as Gary stiffened up, and Sam continued to play a handheld. As the tension continued to build, close-ups of each boy were shown – first Gary, then Sam. The Marshmallow of Toxic Loserdom was shown glowing in a pair of tongs held by Chef, and finally the camera cut back to Chris as he said...

"Sam."

"Aww," The Nice Guy Gamer said, nodding in acceptance. "I kinda saw it comin'." The glowing marshmallow was tossed at him, but he backed away with a quick yelp; and the toxic sweet burned a hole into the stump he'd been sitting on. He hung his head and sighed. "Well, I guess it's the Dock of Shame for me, then, right?"

"Actually," Chris told him, "we came up with something _new_ this season! You'll _looove_ it."

\

The screen rotated around itself, the scene cutting to the torch-lit dock where, of all things, a large catapult had been set up. Sam was sitting warily in its bowl, while Chris, Chef, and his former teammates watched nearby.

"Say hello to the ' _Hurl_ of _Shame_ '!" Chris introduced excitedly. "Patent pending."

"Awesome," Sam said as Chris walked past him to the catapult's lever, "It's just like the siege equipment during the Battle of Resolute Citadel in Basilisk Era Threeeeeeeee!" he finished as he was hurled off into the distance over the lake.

"One down, twelve to go," Chris told the camera with a grin, the series's capstone theme starting up. "Who's next in line? Find out next time, right here," he pointed downward, "on Total! Drama! _Rrrevenge_ of the _Island_!"

The camera jumped outward with each part of the title as usual, ending with a long-distance shot of Wawanakwa with the moon's broken reflection shimmering on the surface of the lake.

(Roll the Credits)

* * *

So you know how the first generation cast was overloaded with characters with tons of plot that I could just pick something and put it in a season of my choice? This time, I got pretty much all the throw away characters. Bridgette without Geoff, Sam without Dakota, Ezekiel, Beardo, Ella, you get the idea.

So...let's talk about that first elimination, shall we? It begins with me starting to think up the teams for this season back in season one. I ended up listing the cast based on how they would place in a foot race, not realizing that Chris was being really random about who got put on what team. Luckily the gender balance worked, and I get to experience putting my twins on different teams to see how they act without their balancing agent. Anyway, I looked at what each Rat had to offer and made my choice based on who offered the least.

That person was originally Gary. Granted he did make the Final Five in Danger Island and was even a hero in All-Stars 2. I figured he wouldn't have much to offer here because because I have enough comedic relief between Beardo, Ezekiel, and Lightning. But after the success of all my OC's in the first generation, I decided to give him a little more time so you guys could form your opinion of him.

Thus, I needed a new first boot. The only other options were Ella and Sam, though I did briefly consider Eva. Anyway of those three, Sam ironically had the least potential and therefore became expendable in my mind. I'm sorry to his fans, myself included. Without Dakota, all he had was his video game withdrawal, and I'm not about to keep a character around just for one reference over someone who has more potential. Even if they do offer something offered by other campers.

Now for who I imagine voicing each Danger Island camper:

 _ **Angel**_ \- Starfire from Teen Titans

 _ **Lily**_ \- Blackfire from Teen Titans

 _ **Natasha**_ \- Toffee from Star vs. the Forces of Evil

 _ **Gary**_ \- Clover from Sofia the First

Anyway, that's all I have to say for now. This is the first thirteen-episode season so I expect thing to go a bit faster pacing wise, but who really knows.

By the way, let me know what you think of the cast, the revealed pairing, and who you think/hope the other two are!

And as always I'm sure I'm forgetting to mention something.

I hope you all enjoyed the episode, or some part of it.

With that I'm signing off

-TotalDramaFan14

* * *

 **RDRotI ELIMINATION TABLE:**

 **13th Place:** Sam


	2. Truth or Mutant Shark

**Author's Note:** Yes, I did change the name of the episode. That's on;y because it references something that didn't make the final cut of canon. Anyway, I'm glad to see the new cast is such a hit with you guys. Sadly, we're losing another one this week.

 **Disclaimer:** I don't own Total Drama, the shuffled concept or the (most of) the characters.

And to answer some reviews:

 _ **Guest #1:**_ I'm glad you like the cast. I wasn't totally sure about them at first but I see there's quite a bit of potential in these oddballs. I'm also glad you're okay with me booting Sam. It's funny you mention Brick about All-Stars, because he was supposed to be in that season instead of Sam but the writers thought Sam would be funnier. It will be a little weird to see Angel and Bridgette not with their canon love interests, but that's the nature of the Randomverse I suppose. And that's an interesting guess for one of the couples.

 _ **johnathen:**_ Thank you, but you do realize there's another cast after Pahkitew right?

 _ **That British Guy:**_ AngelxBridgette (or Bridgel) is going to happen this season. You do have interesting guesses for the rest of them though.

 _ **Pastatoxic:**_ Thanks, it's so odd writing and not dealing with the original cast. It's usually the most out there contestants that are people's favorites, and there aren't a lot of people more out there than Gary. Yep, Angel and Bridgette just seem to fit so perfectly to me. And I'm really glad you see why I got rid of Sam.

 _ **TheChrisanthemum:**_ Thanks! Honestly, I almost re-randomized when I first saw these guys. Glad I didn't though. Sam really got screwed by being put here with the others. He's a great character, but like you said, he's the weak link. I'll hold off on talking about the rest other than to say you have some interesting predictions. I will say it's funny who you put as the Final Two given that they were the Final Two in their 'canon' debut season.

 _ **StarHeart Specials:**_ As you can see, I had no intention of making Cody, Beardo, or Zeke the first boot. Even if they did end up on Team Rat with the way I split them up. By the way, how odd is it that both people who should've been eliminated after Leonard end up on the same team? It's awesome that you like the new OC's. They're not as likable as say, Victor, but they're fun to write in their own way. I'm sad about the lack of two great couples too, but I think I might have put Angel and Bridgette together even if Geoff was here. They're just too cute together. Plus I could see Geoff being like a meddling older brother trying to set them up.

 _ **Derick Lindsey:**_ They've got a lot of potential, I'm definitely excited to write Bridgette in a world that she never met Geoff. Is she oblivious? Flirty? Who knows? Like I said, Gary almost _was_ the first boot, but knowing me Sam would've stuck around until his canon loss and that would've just been a waste of a character slot. That's a luxury I don't have in these shorter seasons. Natasha is the season's main villain, which is something I've never done with him before. In Danger Island it was Matthew and in All-Stars 2 it was Rebecca. I also don't see how a potential rivalry with Jo and Eva could work because I've never seen them as being similar outside of 'tough girls'. One's winning obsessed and the other's just.. gruff. The bomb meant Malcolm had to be the cameo. I briefly considered it changing Sam's hair color, but I can't tell you why I changed it.

 _ **t20n00:**_ Well if all goes to plan I'll be busy for like 18 hours a day this summer. Anyway, I don't see this being better than the Shuffledverse.

 _ **Gucci Mane LaFlare:**_ Thanks! Gary was meant to be Danger Island's comedic relief. I have a few ideas on how I'll deal with that part of Zeke, but nothing's solid at the moment.

 _ **Guest #2:**_ We'll see.

 _ **Guest #3:**_ Man that's a popular request. I'll see what I can do.

 _ **Piecesxoxo:**_ That's interesting, did you predict anymore campers this time? I can see one of them hitting that role, but whether or not they _will_ is another story. I don't know, Lightning's voice seems a little too high pitched for Gary but Toffee seems just perfect for Natasha. Yeah, I did a little sigh when I saw those two here. I hope this leaves up to your expectations.

 _ **Remaining Campers:**_

 **Toxic Rats:** Ella, Eva, Gary, Lightning, Lily, Natasha

 **Mutant Maggots:** Angel, Beardo, Bridgette, Cody, Ezekiel, Jo

Let's get to know these guys a little more, and see their mad skills.

* * *

 **Episode 02: Truth or Mutant Shark**

"Last time, on Total Drama Revenge of the Island!" Chris opened over a long-distance shot of Wawanakwa, the recap montage beginning soon after. "Thirteen new competitors were _blown away_ by this year's challenges," the host said as the yacht carrying the new cast was shown, Chris maliciously pressed a button on his remote control, and the yacht blew up. "They were treated to an early-morning swim," Gary was shown trying not to drown as Ezekiel looked on in shock, "said hello to the island's wildlife," Ella was shown reaching out towards a hairless squirrel only to get nearly zapped by its eye-lasers, "and did some totem-surfing," the Mutant Maggots slid down the hill and into the air, falling from their totem just before it crashed into the better cabin and exploded. "Ex- _plosive_!"

"In the end," a few short clips of Sam playing his handheld were shown in quick succession, "Sam's non-stop gaming made him useless enough that his team sent him packing, _Hurl_ of _Shame_ -style." The recap footage ended with Sam getting catapulted off the island.

"Who'll go home next?" Chris asked the camera from the end of the dock. "And how much pain can I put them through first? Find out right now, on Total! Drama! Revenge of the Island!"

 **XXXXX**

[The sequence begins much as it did three seasons ago, with an open into letterbox format as the camera focuses on the tops of a few distant pine trees. A rusty stage light rotates up and turns on; then the shot changes to a cobwebby spotlight swinging down and turning on as well; then a small security camera popping out of one of several leaky toxic waste barrels; then another camera bursting out of a tree hollow, held by an octopus tentacle and dislodging a few bones; then a pair of fair-skinned arms clapping a film slate in front of the camera which switches to a shot of the island, briefly showing a giant octopus looking out of the lake to the right, then flying forward down the dock and past the buildings, passing under a totem pole that Chris was sitting on and which was being carried by a trio of male interns of mismatched heights.]

 _Dear Mom and Dad, I'm doin' fine;_

[The camera rapidly flies through the trees as the lyrics begin, quickly reaching the top of the thousand-foot-high cliff.]

 _You guys are on my mind!_

[It looks down at the ring of buoys in the water below and dives, immediately cutting to an underwater view as the bubbles disperse to reveal Cody gagging with several vicious-looking fish watching him hungrily.]

 _Ya asked me what I wanted to be,_

 _And now I think the answer is plain to see!_

[Cody frantically swims up and away from an approaching tentacle, passing another fish wearing a gas mask. The camera pans up to reveal Bridgette on one side of her surfboard; Cody surfaces and slumps against the other side, then flashes her a flirtatious smile. The tentacle surfaces and slams into the middle of the board...and in doing so, sends Bridgette into the water and Cody high into the sky.]

 _I wanna be...famous!_

[The scene lingers on Cody in front of the sun for a moment, then quick-pans down to Jo working out with a punching bag in the middle of the woods; a falling Cody abruptly falls into her arms. Cody tries one of his flirty smiles on the jock-ette, who just scowls and drops him before going back to her workout. The camera pans right to Ella, happily singing to a number of hairless squirrels and three-eyed birds.]

 _I wanna live close to the sun!_

[At the top of a waterfall, Angel and Lily float downriver in a canoe. Angel appears to be gushing about something to her sister, and the cynic is clearly only pretending to listen for a second before turning around and spotting the fall. Both scream as they go over the edge.]

 _Well pack your bags, 'cause I've already won!_

[The camera pans down to Lightning, deadlifting a large log while standing on another log suspended across the rocks at the bottom of the falls. the twins and their canoe land on his makeshift weight, breaking the log supporting him and sending all three into the water.]

 _Everythin' to prove, nothin' in my way;_

[Ezekiel walks up to the outhouse confessional and a monstrous shark with arms and legs bursts out of the outhouse with a toothy grin, causing the homeschooler to scream and run away as the shark chases after him.]

 _I'll get there one day_

[The camera pans to the Main Lodge, Chef's silhouette visible in the window. Zooming in to the room shows him stirring a pot of some greenish slop with an annoyed frown, and the shot pans over to show Gary making various hand signs and rapping. A spoon flies from the right and hits him, knocking him out.]

 _'Cause I wanna be...famous!_

[Another pan to the left reveals Natasha looking Gary's way and sighing in relief, he turns to the camera and gives an all-knowing smirk. The scene zooms back out of the lodge to the beach, where Eva is alternating reps with a dumbell in each hand.]

 _Na-na nanananaa, nanana-nanaa, na-nananananaa_

[The camera pans away from Eva and on to Sam happily playing a handheld game. A furry hand taps him on the shoulder, distracting the gamer and allowing the arm to snatch away the console. Sam realizes what's happened, and rushes angrily at the large hairy ape-man now playing the game, and the camera moves on watch an odd, almost rattlesnake-like gull floating on the water. A bulbous-headed fish jumps out over it on the right and a shark jumps out of the left with its mouth wide open, but the first fish blasts the shark with some sort of laser, turning it into a skeleton which is swallowed by the first fish as it finishes its jump. A tentacle rises out of the water to grab the gull, but it quickly lashes out and bites it with its snake-like fangs.]

 _I wanna be! I wanna be! I wanna be famous! (Na-na nanananaa, nanana-nanaa, na-nananananaa)_

[The camera pans down to the end of the dock to show Beardo moonwalking to the edge of the dock. He brings his hands to his mouth and vigorously beatboxes, spit flying from his hands.]

 _I wanna be! I wanna be! I wanna be famous! (Na-na nanananaa, nanana-nanaa, na-nananananaa)_

[A sudden splash of water comes down on the hairy boy, interrupting his music and causing him to send a blank look upward – Chris is hovering above him in a jetpack and helmet, holding an empty bucket. He drops the bucket then flies off, the flames from his jetpack taking over the screen. It becomes night as they peter out, and the camera pans down across the stars and treetops and full moon to Angel and Bridgette, sitting at a campfire together. As they lean towards each other with expectant smiles they are interrupted and separated by Chef, wearing a hazmat suit and holding a glowing green marshmallow between them with a pair of heavy tongs.

The shot zooms out to show the rest of the cast looking shocked, whistling the last few notes of the song – Ezekiel, Cody, Natasha, Beardo, Lightning, and Lily on Angel's side; Ella, Sam, Eva, Jo, and Gary on Bridgette's side; and Chris standing next to Chef on Bridgette's side as well. The shot continued to zoom out until a signboard was shown marking the presumed entrance to the fire pit; it read 'TOTAL DRAMA REVENGE OF THE ISLAND' in block letters, the third word being the largest and the last word relegated to a board tacked on at the end.]

 **XXXXX**

The episode opened on a shot of the morning sky and a few far-away bird calls as the camera panned down to the two cabins of Camp Wawanakwa.

The birdsong was joined by a melodious wordless melody, and the shot cut inside to the girls' half of the Rats' cabins where a fully-clothed Ella was looking out the back window, singing as she brushed her hair. Lily was shown in a lower bunk along the right wall, turning over in her bed with a groan and forcing her pillow over her ears.

"Can you keep it down?" she asked in tired annoyance. "Some of us are trying to sleep."

"I'm sorry Lily," the princess replied sincerely. "But when Eva left I thought that you would be up soon as well."

This caught Lily's attention and she sat straight up, the cover falling away to reveal the long black t-shirt she was sleeping in. "What do you mean 'Eva's gone'?"

"She told me she was going for an early morning run," Ella explained, "and to not wait up for her."

"And you _believed_ her?" Lily asked as she got out of bed. "She's obviously looking for that invincibility statue."

"Well then," the princess said sweetly, "I hope she finds it."

Lily promptly groaned in frustration, much to Ella's shock.

\

The shot cut abruptly to a top-down view of the other half of the Rats' cabin, showing Lightning snoring away on a top bunk on the left and Gary muttering in his sleep a lower bunk on the right. The camera cut in to a close-up of the rapper, and the sound of a door suddenly slamming open and shut startled him enough to wake up and look back.

It was Natasha – flat against the front door with his eyes wide, his breath heaving, and his clothes dirty. "Why'd have to go an' wake me up yo?" Gary asked in annoyance.

Natasha looked more nervous than before. The footage quickly cut to a scene of him running in terror from a Woolly Beaver – one with several boney spikes jutting out of its back. The shot flashed back to the Rats' cabin, and Natasha looked around the room as he tried to think of something.

"Dude, you can _not_ be that dumb!" Lightning said, suddenly sliding next to the mastermind wearing a white tank top and green pajama bottoms. "Don't you know Quiet Dude can't talk?"

Gary blinked in confusion and scratched his head, now out of bed and wearing only a pair of blue athletic shorts. "Dang yo, I forgot about that."

Unseen by both, Natasha smirked.

XXX

"This little ruse has already been a benefit," he explained in the confessional with a smirk. "Because now I don't have to come up with lie to cover the fact that I was looking for the invincibility statue. You see, _my_ strategy is to hang back and _observe_ my competitors. Then, I'll use my knowledge to subtly _push_ them in the direction I want."

XXX

The camera cut back outside the cabins, zooming on on the Maggots' abode on the right then cutting inside to show Angel brushing her hair.

Bridgette walked up behind her from the left, stretching her arms and yawning. "Good morning," she greeted.

"Good morning Bridgette!" Angel answered in a chipper tone. "How can you look so pretty after just waking up? It's not fair," she pouted.

The surfer just chuckled in response. "Just lucky I guess. But don't sell yourself short, you're really pretty too."

"You think so?" Angel asked with a blush.

\

The scene flashed to the boys' side of the cabin, the camera focusing in on Cody as he woke up and stretched his arms, wearing a basic yellow pajama set. "Morning Zeke, Beardo."

"Good mornin' eh," Ezekiel said as the camera panned right, showing the other two boys already dressed.

"Oh, uh you kinda said my name wrong," Beardo said shyly. "It's 'Bee-Air-Dough'."

"Well why didn't you correct Chris when he said it wrong?" Ezekiel asked as he idly dug in his ear.

"He spent two seasons callin' Sammy by the wrong name," the hairy boy explained. "I don't think he'd change it either way. Plus, I'm not really good with new people."

"I get whatcha mean eh," Ezekiel said. "I can't help but feel outta place here."

"Don't worry about that," Cody said as he hooked an arm around each boy's shoulder. "The Codmeister's here to help you guys every step of the way." His two socially awkward teammates smiled.

XXX

"Cool," Beardo confessed happily. "I've only been here one day and I've already made two friends."

XXX

"I'm glad I got people like Cody helpin' me understand the others eh," the homeschooler confessed next. "Even if he's a little weird sometimes."

XXX

The scene cut to the middle of the woods where Eva was running with her earbuds in.

XXX

"Yeah I smuggled my mp3 player in the game," she admitted with a shrug. "I'm gonna need it if I want to stay calm around my team. Gary, Ella, and Lightning are annoying, and I don't trust Natasha and Lily as far as I could throw them."

She paused for a moment then amended "Well as far as they could throw _me_ at least."

XXX

The footage returned to her run, the quick panned to the left to show Jo in the middle of her own morning run, then back to Eva, then to a laser squirrel sitting on the roof of the Rat cabin as it looked from one girl to the other. It closed its eyes as the two were heard crashing into each other, then laughed and scampered off.

Its laugh was still heard as the camera cut to the two athletic young women on the ground, Jo rubbing her head and Eva glaring at her.

"Just did my morning 5k run," the jock-ette said smugly. "You?"

"Good for you," Eva told her. "But I don't care."

"What's the matter?" Jo mocked. "Can't admit when someone's better than you?"

"Listen here," Eva said, thrusting a finger at the girl. "I can kick your butt anytime."

"Except the last challenge," Jo countered with a smirk.

XXX

"Eva's tough," Jo admitted. "And honestly, she's my only _real_ competition. If she was on my team, I'd even be more confident about the rest of the challenges. Unfortunately I'm stuck with Homeschool, Shortstuff, Hair Monster, Malibu, and Miss Goody Two Shoes.

XXX

The scene cut to a seagull sleeping in a nest inside the horn of a loudspeaker. A blowhorn sounded through it without warning, though, forcing the bird out into the air and revealing its snake-like features as it fell.

"Up and at 'em my little morning glories!" Chris called out, sitting on his ATV below. "It's time for today's challenge!" he announced, the camera moving behind him to show the two teams assembled in front, their respective logos appearing on the screen overhead.

"What?" Lightning asked in shock. "But Lightning hasn't had his DPA!"

His teammates gave him confused looks. "What?" Gary finally asked.

"Daily Protein Allotment?" the uber-jock explained. " _Duh_!"

"And I _just_ woke up," Lily complained crossing her arms.

"You can catch up on your sleep _after_ the challenge," Chris told her before pointing off to the left and smiling. "Rrright this way, to the Bay of Dismay!"

The twelve campers groaned.

"Perhaps I could wake everyone up with a _song_?" Ella suggested sweetly. "We're on our way, to the Bay of Dismay; Wondering what challenges we'll have on this day."

Her teammates walked off as she sang, all covering their ears.

\

The scene flashed ahead to the twelve campers walking along at an even pace. "'Bay of Dismay'?" Bridgette told Angel as they walked side-by-side. "Looks like we're getting one of those fighting challenges."

"I should hope not," Angel said fearfully. "I'd surely lose for our team. I'm not athletic like you and Jo," she added while looking down sadly.

"Hey don't do that," Bridgette told her. "It doesn't matter if you're not good at the physical stuff. Between you and me?" she asked in conspiratorial whisper, "I'm a total klutz unless I'm in the water."

The camera lingered a few seconds as they walked off and giggled, long enough for Lily and Lightning to enter the shot together. "So, what kind of heinous challenge do you think Chris is gonna put us through this time?" Lily asked.

"Don't know and don't care," Lightning answered without looking at her. "All I know is that Lightning is gonna _own_ it. Sha- _Lightning_!" he declared, dramatically striking a pose.

Lily rolled her eyes, unseen by the uber-jock.

XXX

"Lightning?" Lily asked the confessional. "Total meathead. _But_ a useful one. For now."

XXX

"I hope this isn't another physical challenge," Cody said to Jo as the footage resumed to the two of them walking together. "I'm better at the mental stuff."

"I bet you are, Shortstuff," Jo told him condescendingly as she walked forward. "I'm surprised your tiny neck can even support that giant head."

"We wouldn't have even gotten the totem down yesterday if I hadn't done the math," Cody countered angrily.

"Yeah, well if you think _math_ is gonna win Total Drama, you're crazy," Jo retorted. "Just stay outta my way."

XXX

"Okay, I like to cast a pretty wide net when it comes to girls," Cody explained, "I mean, a girl has to say yes _eventually_ right?" He chuckled for a bit then scowled. "But _Jo_? She might be the only girl I'd be happy if she never talked to me again."

XXX

The static cut away to the body of water that was, presumably, the Bay of Dismay. Three structures rose out of its waters: on the left and right were two-tiered game-show-like seats that housed the Toxic Rats and Mutant Maggots respectively and bore their logos on the front; and in the middle was a single Greek pedestal upon which Chris stood in his blue tuxedo below a large video screen and electronic scoreboard.

"Welcome to the 'Getting to Know You' Trivia Game Challenge," Chris introduced. "Everyone strapped in all nice and snug?" he asked the contestants.

"Oh, we're snug alright," Lily answered irritably, squirming in her harness in the center-front seat of her team's stand. "This thing's cutting into my shoulders!"

"Yeah, children's size harnesses will do that," Chris chuckled. "I'll be asking our players _embarrassing_ personal questions," he explained, "and I mean _majorly humiliating_. If the player I'm talking about hits the poorly-wired buzzer and owns their humiliation before the time runs out," he continued as the shot cut back to Lily looking at the red buzzer on the counter in front of her, the camera zooming out to show Lightning on the left, Ella on the right, and Natasha, Eva, and Gary on the back row, "their team gets a point." The camera panned across the Maggots, showing Ezekiel, Jo, and Beardo in the top row and Cody, Angel, and Bridgette below. "First team to five wins part _one_ , and a distinct advantage in part _two_."

"Buuut," Chris added as the shot cut back to him, "if _no one_ owns up, _this_ happens!" He took out his remote, pressed the button, and with a mechanical whir the elevated stand the Maggots were seated in suddenly dropped into the bay. The shot cut to the six holding their breaths below the water, focusing in on Cody in particular. He looked around and screamed when he saw the large mutant shark with arms and legs looking at him hungrily, and his teammates joined in as the shark reared back to take a bite – but the stand rose back up just in time to take the teens away from danger.

The shot cut back to the surface as the Maggots re-emerged, dripping and coughing and generally frantic. "There's some kind of two-legged _shark_ down there!" Cody told the host in a panic.

"Ya mean _Fang_?" Chris asked with a broad smile and quick laugh. "Yeah, it turns out toxic waste can mess with stuff underwater too." He pointed up at the screen above him as he spoke, and the camera panned up to show a seemingly ordinary shark drinking a cup of tea on a wooden post underwater...until the screen flashed, and a picture of Fang against a simple teal background replaced the normal shark. "Who knew?"

"Better them than us," Eva said from the Rats' stand.

"Anywho," Chris continued slowly, "if a team gets dunked, their opponents can _steal_ by guessing which dunk-ee is guilty. Guess right, and you get a point. Guess wrong, and _this_ happens." With a sly look he pressed the button on his remote again, and this time it was the Rats who got plunged into the bay. Fang was shown tying a bib around his neck, then looking behind him just as the fresh set of teenagers came into view. He turned around and opened his mouth to bite, and with the muffled screams being heard the shot cut back to the bubbling surface. Chris put his hand to his ear then pressed the button once more, and the Toxic Rats rocketed back up on their stand.

"Now that we understand the rules," Chris told them as they coughed up water, "let's start the game!" The host pulled a notecard out from behind his back. "To the Maggots, now listen carefully," he began, "who had _this_ forgotten," he motioned upward to a picture of a cake with candles on it that was now displayed on the screen above him, "by their own parents?"

Five members of the Toxic Rats began to laugh, as did Jo. However, Ella and the rest of the Maggots seemed to have looks of sympathy - Except for Cody who just sighed as the camera zoomed in on him. "And my birthday's on April 1st, which makes it worse," the geek explained bitterly, pressing his buzzer and yelping at the shock he received.

The shot cut to the scoreboard, the Maggots' half changing from 0 to 1.

"Next question," Chris said as the camera moved back to him and his card, now turned towards the Rats. "Whose first name is really... _Rudolph_?"

XXX

"Okay, even _I_ think that's an embarrassing name," Natasha said through his laughter. "And my first name's _Natasha_."

XXX

"Whoever it is better own up," Lily said as camera panned across each of her three male teammates – Both Gary and Natasha were trying and failing to hide their laughter.

As the timer continued ticking the shot finally panned down to Lightning, who was sweating nervously. He finally shuddered, then slammed his right hand down on his buzzer. "Lightning admits it," he declared after getting shocked, "his real name is Rudolph."

A bit of light laughter came from the Rats and Maggots, and the scoreboard updated to show the Rats' first point. "And it's one-all!" the host declared, earning a cheer from the other five Rats.

"See?" Lily whispered to the drooping uber-jock, "You can take a little embarrassment if it means we win..." Lightning began to perk up, until the cynic finished with,"and when you're done here you can still guide Santa's sleigh," causing him to frown as she snickered.

"Maggots," Chris turned back to the other team, "which one you once asked out a girl only to be rejected because-"

He was cut off by Jo saying "Push the buzzer Cody."

"But shouldn't we wait for Chris to finish the question?" Cody asked her.

"Hey, no reason to draw things out," Jo said. "And besides, I'm willing to bet you're the only here's who's ever asked out a girl." Cody rolled his eyes and pressed the buzzer, and groaned at the shock he was given.

"Uh, actually," Chris corrected, "if you'd let me _finish_ , I was gonna ask who once asked out a girl only to be rejected because she was straight. Which obviously, wasn't Cody."

Cody glared at Jo, who shrugged; Beardo, Ezekiel, and Bridgette groaned, and Angel sank in her seat with a blush. "Way to cost us the point eh," Ezekiel said in irritation.

"Hey, _he's_ the one that listened to me," Jo pointed out. "It's not _my_ fault."

Natasha raised an eyebrow.

"Rrriiigghhtt...," Chris said slowly. "Anywho, time for your penalty." He smiled darkly as he pushed the button on his remote again.

The Maggots were plunged back into the water, and the camera focused on Ezekiel as he felt a tap on his shoulder. He looked to the side as the shot pulled back, revealing Fang just as he chomped down on the young man, the stand rising back up as Fang struggled to close his jaws.

The shot cut back to the surface as the other Maggots warily looked at the water, and gasped as Fang and Ezekiel suddenly breached – the homeschooler screaming as he lept away from the mutant shark and somehow landed back in his seat.

XXX

"Now I get why so many people are scared of sharks eh," he told the confessional, pulling something white out of his butt. "Is this one of its teeth?" he said, looking at what was obviously a shark's tooth.

XXX

The next to use the confessional was none other than Fang, examining his mouth in a hand mirror with great concern. Upon noticing the gap in his upper row of sharp teeth, he growled angrily and snapped the mirror.

XXX

"So, since nobody on Team Maggot answered the question correctly," Chris announced, turning to the other stand, "the Rats get a chance to steal."

"Thanks a lot, Jo," Cody hissed to his teammate.

The focus cut back to the Rats as they turned towards each other. "So, any ideas?" Eva asked.

"What was the question again?" Lightning asked.

"I think it was which Maggot girl asked out a straight girl," Ella said.

"Oh," Lightning said blankly. "Well, do we have to answer? Because Lightning does _not_ want to get dunked again."

"Good point, yo," Gary chimed in, the shot zooming back out as he and the other Rats looked towards the host. "Yo, Chris? Can I leave? I can't exactly become a rap sensation if I get eaten by that shark."

"Uhh...," Chris began in annoyance before getting interrupted.

"Whoa, if he gets to get out of this, I want out too," Bridgette said, standing up and trying to undo her harness. "I'm not a fan of this kinda stuff anyway."

"Hey," Cody piped up, raising a hand and looking at the host, "do I really have to be here now that I've already been embarrassed?"

"Okay, everyone just settle down," Chris told them all sternly.

"Nerdy Guy has a point," Lightning said as he too began to undo his straps. "Unless we can get more than one question about us there's no reason for me to be here either."

"You could still help us figure out the questions," Eva suggested gruffly, which gave the uber-jock pause.

Natasha just huffed and started trying to undo his harness.

"Hey! Host talking here!" Chris barked. " _I_ decide when the challenge is over."

"Then get on with it so we can win already!" Jo told him. "The Rats don't wanna steal the point," she added, motioning over to her opponents while her eyes stayed on the host.

"Uh, I do," Lily said. "I even know who it is!"

"And what if you're wrong?" Lightning accused. Just then, Fang jumped out of the water and took a large bite out of the Maggots' stand, forcing Cody – who was closest – to yelp and recoil.

"That's it, I'm outta here yo," Gary remarked, earning a gasp from Ella.

"Not until we win," Lily threatened.

The shot cut back to the Maggots as Jo began to argue with Cody, Ezekiel, and Beardo, While Bridgette tried to console an upset Angel. Eventually, the shot cut back to a stewing host as he finally clenched his fists and shouted "Alright! SHUT IT!"

The off-screen arguments promptly ceased. "Thanks to that pathetic digression," he said in annoyance, glancing at his watch, "now we don't have enough time to finish this challenge! Happy?"

Ella, Gary, and Lightning voiced their agreement, while Lily scoffed, and Eva and Natasha didn't say anything.

Likewise, all the Maggots agreed happily save Jo, who crossed her arms and huffed "Quitters."

"Well ya won't be happy for long," Chris told them and the camera with a smile. "Come back after the break for an all-new challenge from which there is no escape. And in the meantime," he added slyly as he took his remote back out and pushed the button, causing both teams to be dunked into the bay with a scream once more.

\

(Commercial Break)

\

The scene faded back in to a shot of some treetops, Ezekiel saying "Well, even though we didn't win I'm glad I didn't get asked any questions eh," as the camera panned down to the Maggots walking through the woods. "It was bad enough watching Lightning and Cody."

"Let me guess," Jo said mockingly, the two walking at the front of their team's pack. "Whose first kiss was with their cousin?"

"I never kissed my cousin eh," Ezekiel said with a confused look. "So I don't really get-"

"She's calling you a redneck," Cody interjected. "It's an insult."

"Hey!" Ezekiel called out indignantly.

"Way to ruin the fun Shortstuff," Jo scoffed. "I wanted to see how long it took him to figure it out."

XXX

"I'm startin' to not like Jo that much eh," Ezekiel confessed with crossed arms.

XXX

The scene cut back to the Rats, also walking through the woods together, and focused on Lightning and Lily at the middle of their pack.

"So, your name is Rudolph," Lily told the uber-jock in a sly tone. "Can I call you Rudy?"

"Sha-nope," Lightning replied irritably. "The name's Lightning! And you need to respect that."

Lily put a hand on his shoulder, causing him to stop and face her. "But I was hoping it could be my own little nickname," she pouted while batting her eyelashes. "But if you don't want me to..."

The camera inverted to show Lightning's perspective, the cynic surrounded by sparkles through a pink tinted screen.

"Sha-yeah," he dopily said after the shot returned to the normal sideview. "Lightning's cool with that."

"Yay!" Lily cheered, giving him a quick kiss on the cheek and skipping ahead with an unnoticed smirk.

XXX

"Chris shoulda let Lightning be a team of one," the uber-jock complained. "Lightning's used to carrying his team on his own. Though he wouldn't mind carrying Hot Twin."

XXX

"A few flirty looks here," Lily explained, "a few shy smiles there, and suddenly our team's strongest player's in my pocket."

XXX

"Welcome, players!" Chris announced over the loudspeaker again, the camera cutting down to ground level to show the Rats meeting up with the Maggots again. "Now that you're all here, it's time for part two of today's challenge," the host continued, the shot zooming out to show all twelve campers standing in some sort of wide field of mud with a a wooden ramp leading up off-camera on the right.

"The 'Mad Skills Obstacle Course'," Chris announced, the shot cutting to him standing on some patch of grass. "Demonstrated by former competitor, _Harold_!"

"The relay race begins with a mad dash from the Kick Start," the shot cut to the wooden platform at the other end of the ramp, where an absurdly large rubber root was connected by wooden shaft and gear to a pole sticking up out of the platform that Harold was currently standing on. "Forget coffee," the host said as the boot swung squeakily back kicked the dweeb in demonstration and sent him screaming off screen, "if this baby doesn't get you goin', nothin' will."

"Then it's off to the race against time that is the Cannonball Run," Chris said, the camera following his motion further onward to another stretch of wooden platform. Several cannons situated below suddenly blew gaping holes in it, sounds of Harold's surprised shouts were heard and the shot zoomed out to show several more cannons hooked up to a scaffold over the platform and aimed downward.

"Over to my personal fave," the shot moved to the end of the platform where Harold had been a log had been set up to rotate on its side, "Wrecking Ball Alley! Hurts so good," he said as the camera panned across and the titular wrecking ball swung down over the rolling log and knocked the dweeb off.

"And moving on," the shot cut next to a few higher, disconnected, and generally precarious platforms, "we head to the Gang Plank, complete with rabid mutant beavers." The shot cut to the mud pit at the bottom where two giant woolly beavers with boney spikes along their back were busily chewing through the poles the gang plank platforms were on.

"Followed by," the shot cut to a close-up of a large, red, butt-shaped apparatus that was moving up and down, "the bouncy agony of Double Trouble." The shot zoomed out to show four of the butt-shaped things moving up and down between two platforms. Harold jumped on the first one, and was knocked off screen to the right.

"And finally," Chris said, "the Grand Slam," the shot cut to several giant baseball bats sticking up out of the mud surrounding an equally giant baseball mitt, "where you'll use ropes to swing into the giant baseball mitt, while avoiding those deadly bats." The shot zoomed in on the mitt, then panned over to one of the bats as Harold swung into it, knocking himself out with a clonk. "Piece of cake," Chris said with a chuckle as the shot cut back to the staring and nervous campers.

"Oh, and as you may remember," the host added, "I said that the _winning_ team from part one would have a distinct advantage in part two?"

"But nobody won!" Beardo said.

"Yeah, don't remind me," Chris answered in annoyance. "The losing team was gonna wear _snazzy_ specs while competing," he explained with a chipper smile, "but since we never _actually_ finished the competition," he became annoyed again, "I've decided that _everybody_ has to wear them!" He laughed, and the campers looked behind them to see Chef Hatchet holding a cardboard box.

Jo was the first to step forward, taking out one of the pairs of glasses – thick, ugly things that almost seemed to have a greenish tint to them – and put them on. Her brow shot up immediately. "Hey, what's with the grandpa glasses?" she asked. "We won't be able to see _anything_ wearing these!" The perspective shifted to demonstrate whats she was seeing, which little more than an incredibly blurry shot of the forest and some unknown body of water.

"Dorktacular goggles won't make part two easy," Chris said, "or _attractive_ ," he shrugged, "but it can be done. In theory."

The campers groaned.

"Competitors, take your positions!" he said, and the footage flashed forward to show Ella and Bridgette together near the edge of the first platform, Bridgette waving her hands in front of her face. "First up at the Kick Start it's Ella against Bridgette," the host said before the shot moved on to the next pair. "Then, it's Gary versus Beardo," the rapper and beatboxer exchanged confident and nervous smiles respectively before the shot pulled back to show the cannons, "versus the _Cannonballs_."

"Natasha faces Jo in Wrecking Ball Alley," the mastermind and jock-ette gave each other smug stares. "Lily is up against Angel in the Gang Plank," the camera cut to the base of the ladder then panned all the way up to it to the two nervous twins on top, "Eva and Ezekiel will battle Double Trouble," the homeschooler looked warily at the butt-shaped apparatus in front of him while the hothead just cracked her knuckles, "and, Lightning will fight Cody for the Grand Slam." The uber-jock kissed his biceps while the geek nervously mashed his pointer fingers together, the shot moving out to show the baseball mitt.

"First team to finish wins the _whoooole shebang_ ," Chris explained. "And, the other team loses a member tonight! Since it's a relay race," he added, "you'll need something to pass: your _mascots_ ," he said with a grin. "Oh, intern~!"

A scrawny white boy with his long black hair flipped over his eyes walked up to Ella and Bridgette holding a pair of pet carriers; whatever was inside was snarling angrily enough for the two competitors to exchanges a wary look. "Team Rat gets a mutant rat," Chris announced as the intern thrust a large, squealing, six-legged hairless rat into Ella's arms, and the princess smiled which seemed to calm it down. "And Team Maggot gets," the host continued, "a mutant maggot," a large, slimy green maggot was thrust into Bridgette's arms. "Oh. Wow," she said in surprise.

"Aaaand," Chris said as he prepared an airhorn, "go!"

At the sound of the horn the giant boot swung down on the two campers. With a yelp Bridgette managed to duck out of the way, but Ella was not so lucky and got sent flying with a musical scream. She landed in the mud between platforms, but kept the rat held high. It burped as Chris said "And Ella gets the boot! "

"Nice and easy," Bridgette said to herself as she hopped across the gap between platforms with the maggot in her arms.

"Bridgette takes the early lead," the host continued, and the surfer ran up to Beardo.

Beardo made the sound of a service bell as he took the rat from her, then turned and ran off down the course.

"Hey I didn't trip once," Bridgette said, putting her hands in her hoodie pockets as she walked back the opposite way...and blindly fell into the gap between platforms, landing with a squelch of mud.

The shot cut to Beardo as he ran along his part of the platform. He slammed face-first into a post, then made the sound of a cymbal crash as he recoiled a few steps. He vigorously shook his head - complete with the cartoonish sound effect - and sidestepped around the post. He only got another two steps before a sudden cannon volley through the floor in front of him forced him to a stop with a yelp.

"Oh my," Ella groaned to herself, now covered in mud as she ran along the first part of the platform with her rat held out in front of her. She jumped the gap, and soon reached an impatient Gary. "We're not too far behind, are we?" the princess asked as she held out their team's mascot in what wasn't quite the right direction and missing a shoe.

"No worries, I got this!" Gary said, grabbing the rat and running off.

"The Rats take the lead!" Chris called out as Gary caught up to Beardo at the start of the cannonball run. Another cannon fired towards them, forcing both boys to dart and duck out of the way.

"Okay," Gary said with a hint of nervousness, "this ain't hard! All I gotsta do is dodge a bunch of cannons I can't see is all!" He gulped and charged forward, leaving Beardo to make a hollow metallic sound and chase after him.

The scene moved to Natasha and Jo waiting at the start of the next leg, listening to the sound of cannonfire behind them. The jock-ette turned to her opponent and said "So you really don't talk much do you?"

Natasha just shrugged in response.

"Okay then," Jo shrugged. She stopped there as she and Natasha heard someone coming, then looked back at each other. "Of course it's for you," she said as Gary ran up and thrust the rat into Natasha's arms.

"Move, it yo!" Gary commanded.

The mastermind sent a mocking smile Jo's way as he ran off and he tried to quickly slide along the rolling log, but with his blurry vision directed at his feet he missed the wrecking ball swinging down at him. It caught him in the slide and sent him flying, all the way to a shocked and startled Angel and Lily.

The shot briefly cut away to Chris and Chef sitting in green armchairs watching the challenge feed on a wide screen television set up nearby; they laughed uproariously as they watched Natasha get hit and land.

"Hurry up, _Beardo_! Let's go!" Jo yelled as Beardo ran up to her and handed over their maggot, making sure to say his name wrong then heading for the rolling logs.

Natasha weakly passed the rat to Lily as the shot cut back to him.

"About time," Lily told him before jumping on to the first precariously isolated platform. It immediately started to wobble and sink, and Lily cried out in alarm as the camera quick-panned to the base revealing the two mutant beavers making quick work of the pole. The focus moved back to the top as Lily tried to jump to the next platform, only for the one she was standing on to wobble in just the right way to cause her to fall down into the mud. "Great...," she said as she recovered and saw the two ferocious-looking beavers she had landed between.

"And Lily takes a dive!" Chris announced as the shot moved back to Jo crossing the rolling logs. "Will the Maggots be able to retake the lead?"

"We better," Jo told herself, looking up and back just in time to see the wrecking ball swinging towards her. She steeled herself and jumped up, safely grabbing on to the ball and allowing it to carry her forward. With a "Yeah!" she jumped off at the extent of its swing, and sailed further on through the air.

The camera quick-panned over to the beavers as they chased Lily, who quickly made it to the supports of the next section of platform and started climbing up. "Guess I'm too fast for ya!" she taunted.

"Go go!" Jo told Angel as she handed the maggot over. She immediately nodded and turned, but paused when the jock-ette added "And do it fast!"

"Okay Jo," she said as she turned forward again and hopped to the first platform. It immediately wobbled, but she was tried to hop to the next one before she fell however she wasn't able to make the jump and landed in the mud. The camera then panned over to Lily who was about to hand the rat to Eva when she heard Angel cry out "Help!"

The shot cut back to Angel, who was now being held by one beaver while the other hungrily took out a bottle of ketchup. "Please, let me go!" the idealist struggled, the maggot held close to her body. The second beaver opened the bottle of ketchup and licked its lips, causing Angel to gasp. "Lily! Help me!" she cried out again.

Lily arrived almost immediately kicking first the ketchup-holding beaver and then the one holding her sister between their legs, causing each to squeal in pain and fall over onto their backs holding their groins.

"You okay?" Lily asked with genuine concern, to which Angel nodded happily

The sisters turned and ran off through the mud without another word, and Chris announced "And the game is tied!"

The shot cut to the top where Eva and Ezekiel were awaiting, the former looking very irritated.

"We wouldn't _be_ tied if Lily hadn't helped the other team," the hothead said gruffly.

"I don't think you can blame her for helpin' her sister eh," Ezekiel told her, distracted by the fact that Lily had gotten to the platform again.

"Here you go!" she greeted as Eva dashed over to her. "For real this time."

"Whatever," Eva said quickly, grabbing the mutant rat from her, "Now I have to regain the lead that _you_ blew!" She turned and dashed down the course, just as Angel finally climbed up to the top of the platform with her team's maggot.

"And Eva finally gets the Rats' lead back!" Chris announced as the camera followed the hothead up to the Double Trouble apparatus.

"Let's do this" Eva said as she tucked herself into a ball and threw herself on to the first butt-shaped thing, landed, and bounced off it without a word. She continued on in this way, bouncing from one to the next until eventually she reached the end. "Lightning, take it!" she yelled to her teammate, the uber-jock waiting with his back turned at the edge of the next platform, kissing his biceps.

Despite stretching her rat-holding arms out towards him as he fell, she was unable to make the pass-off in time before falling completely past her and landing in the mud. "Huh?" Lightning said as he finally turned around. "Did you say something?"

The shot cut to Eva face down in the mud, bubbles forming around her head as she vented a scream of frustration and the mutant rat scampered out of his grasp. With a growl Eva scrambled to her feet and chased after it screaming "Get back here!"

"Here you go Zeke," Angel told her teammate as the shot cut back to her holding the muddy and slimy maggot out to him.

"Got it eh!" Ezekiel said as he reached out for the mutated larva.

It promptly vomited onto his face.

It didn't seem to faze him, turning and running off down the course. The perspective briefly changed to show the blurry obstacle that Ezekiel was approaching, the changed back to his head-on close-up as he became visibly determined.

"It's just me and Cody, no way we can lose now!" Ezekiel told himself just as he jumped onto the first butt-shaped object; he landed on his chest with a pained yelp and bounced off, continuing on painfully from one bouncy apparatus to the next until eventually he landed on his chest on the far platform with a slam and a groan.

"Yes!" Cody said, eagerly taking the maggot from him.

"And Ezekiel takes _back_ the lead!" Chris announced, the camera cutting to him and Chef on their chairs. "Looks like the creepy prairie kid's the one to beat. I'd have bet money he'd be gone first."

"Who knew?" Chef chimed in with a shrug.

"Alright, let's do this!" Cody declared confidently, turning proudly towards the end of the course.

"Can you hurry it up eh?" Ezekiel told him, growing both anxious and irritated.

The camera panned back to the left, passing Ezekiel and reaching Lightning just as Eva forced their team's mascot into his arms. "Take it!" she commanded.

"What took you so long?" Lightning accused.

"Are you kidding me?" Eva asked in utter disbelief, "just RUN!" She raised his arms as she shouted, and the gesture seemed to startle Lightning into action.

"Calm down Angry Girl, Lightning's got this!" he said in a wide-eyed near-panic as he turned and ran off down the course. The camera followed him, zooming in as his expression settled into it's usual smug grin, then back out as he raced by a shocked Cody. The camera panned further to the right to show the oversized baseball bats and mitt, and with a cry of "Sha- _Lightning_!" the uber-jock leaped skidded to the end of the platform, grabbed one of the ropes that had been loosely tied there, and swung off with an cry of "Sha- _bam_!"

He passed between the first two baseball bats, then slammed straight into the third.

Back at the edge of the platform, Cody cringed as a squelch signaled that Lightning had landed in the mud below. "Well, I guess it's my turn," he said nervously as he grabbed the end of the other rope. He unleashed his own terrified cry as he swung blindly through the Grand Slam, and almost made it to the mitt – but slammed into one of the last bats with his legs spread wide. His pained groans as he slid down into the mud had a noticeably higher pitch.

The footage skipped ahead to show a muddy Lightning running up for his second go, the ropes once again tied to a post on the side of the platform. "Dang ropes, trying to make Lightning look bad!"

"Just land in the stupid mitt!" Lily called out to him irritably, the shot cutting to show him and the other Rats standing on a nearby platform without the glasses that had been forced on them.

"And double time it yo!" Gary chimed in.

"Lightning knows that!" he shot back at them in annoyance. "Watch him earn his team a win!" he said, grabbing one of the ropes again and jumping off. He chose to forgo the cry this time, sticking his legs out in front of him and passing by each bat in turn. However, his muddy hands caused him to fall from the rope just before he reached the mitt and he fell into the mud.

Ella, Gary, Natasha, Lily, and Eva all groaned.

The camera panned past them and on to Cody, who had grabbed his own rope again and was sizing up his next swing. "I just need to get the angle and timing right," he told himself, tucking the maggot under his arm as he used his fingers to frame his target. "Got it," he nodded after a few seconds.

The music turned triumphant as he ran forward and swung off with a cry of "Woohoo!" He quickly passed all the bats, and the peak of his swing put him just about over the mitt. It was then that he let go of the rope and fell down towards the goal, landing perfectly on his feet as he held the maggot in the air.

"The Maggots win!" Chris announced, and the maggot mascot vomited down onto Cody's face. The geek groaned in disgust.

Bridgette, Beardo, Jo, Angel, and Ezekiel cheered, having also discarded their glasses, while the five nearby members of the Toxic Rats groaned once more.

"To the Maggots, the spoils," Chris announced as Chef walked over to the winning team holding some kind of gift basket. "McLean Brand Soap, Shampoo, and Conditioner. Guaranteed to wash off the stink!" the host listed over a close-up of the gift basket, showing off its contents against a radiant yellow background.

"How wonderful," Angel said with a smile, picking a bottle out of the basket and looking at it closely. "Thank you Cody!" she called out to her off-screen teammate.

"Rats, see you at the elimination ceremony!' Chris added with his usual smile.

The five members of the Rats groaned for a third time. "Lightning may have lost," Eva said in an accusitory tone while looking at Lily. "But _someone_ betrayed the team by helping one of the other players!"

"I'm sorry," Lily said with a tone of her own. "Are you saying I should've let my sister die so _you_ could win some soap?"

Before she could answer the cynic walked off.

"We can't trust her," Eva was heard saying over a close-up of Lily's scowling face. "She should go home tonight."

The shot returned to a shot of Ella watching uncertainly as the rest of the Rats separated. Beardo walked up to her with a pink slipper and shyly handed it to her. She took it with a soft "Thank you," and the two teens walked away from each other with blushes on their faces.

XXX

"That was a _true_ fairytale moment," Ella gushed in the confessional. "I have found my prince!"

XXX

"Ella?" Beardo asked shyly. "Yeah, she's cool. Really cute too."

XXX

"Eva's made it on my hit list," Lily told the outhouse with a scowl. "But I can't ask people to vote for her since she's the strongest player on the team. It sets a bad reputation. But I can make sure _I'm_ not the one in the catapult tonight."

XXX

The footage flashed ahead to Lightning about to walk up the steps leading up to his cabin. The camera focused in on him, and he stopped when he heard a familiar voice say "Rudy!"

He turned around with a smile on his face. "Hey Hot Twin," he said, causing her to turn her face away from him. "You ready to get rid of Angry Girl?"

"About that," she told him, pulling him close and looking in his eyes. "Eva's our strongest player and-"

"Sha- _what_?!" Lighting cried indignantly.

"I mean second strongest!" Lily interjected. "Anyway, I think that instead we should..." Her words degenerated into indecipherable mumbles as the camera panned over to Natasha standing at the side of the cabin with a smirk on his face.

XXX

"Interesting move Lily," he said in the confessional. "I think I'll offer my assistance this time."

XXX

The footage flashed ahead again to show the Toxic Rats at the campfire pit, Chef and Chris standing before them with their respective marshmallows.

"Ready?" the host asked. "Everyone gets a marshmallow, even the loser!" The shot cut to a close-up of the strongbox in Chef's mitted hands. "But that's one marshmallow you do _not_ wanna eat," Chris added as his assistant flipped the lid up and revealed the bright glowing thing inside.

"To the votes! The following people are safe," the host said, picking up the first normal marshmallow off his tray. "Lightning." The uber-jock caught his prize with a smile.

"Ella." The princess sitting next to him was next, still eager as she caught her marshmallow.

"Natasha." Next came the mastermind, slumped forward with his head on his hand and his elbow on his leg. He raised his free left hand and caught his prize without a second glance.

"And Lily." She sighed in relief as her marshmallow fell into her open hands.

"Which leaves, Eva and Gary," Chris announced, earning a nervous look from the rapper and a shocked look from the hothead.

" _WHAT_?!" Eva asked in outrage.

"And the Marshmallow of Loserdom goes to," Chris said, trailing off as the camera slowly zoomed in on the faces of the bottom two campers, Eva breathing heavily and Gary pulling the collar of his shirt.

"Gary," the host finished

"This can't be right yo!" The Rap Star Wannabe yelled in outrage as Eva caught, and crushed, her marshmallow in her left hand. "How am I supposed to hit the mainstream if I don't get that money?! Screw this," he said before storming off to the dock.

The camera cut back to the remaining members of the Toxic Rats and panned across their relieved faces.

\

The footage cut over to the Dock of Shame, the camera zoomed in on Chris and Gary in the catapult's bucket.

"Any last words before we give you the Hurl of Shame Gary?" the host asked the rapper.

"Yeah," the rapper said before Chris unflinchingly launched him into the air. "CHECK ME OUT ON CLIPTUBE!" Gary finished with a scream as he disappeared into the night.

Chris laughed. "It was a rhetorical question. Two hurls down, eleven to go! Who will be eliminated _next_?" he asked the camera. "Tune in, and find out, on Total! Drama! Revenge! Of! The Island!"

(Roll the Credits)

* * *

 **Author's Note Post Script:** Not much to say here this week. As the first episode was all about introducing the new cast, this week starts setting up some of the interactions, friendships, rivalries, subplots, and so on that'll develop throughout the season.

Gary is, I think, a natural choice for second boot. I knew it was going to be Lily that set it up, thinking that she was being sent home. And with Ella and Gary voting for Eva and Eva voting for Lily, it was easy for Lily's voting bloc to send the rapper home. I'm sorry to his fans, but this doesn't mean it's all we'll see of him. After all the seven that don't make All-Stars are set to come back in Redemption...

And as always I'm sure I'm forgetting to mention something.

I hope you all enjoyed the episode, or some part of it.

With that I'm signing off

-TotalDramaFan14

* * *

 **RDRotI ELIMINATION TABLE:**

 **13th Place:** Sam

 **12th Place:** Gary


	3. Ice Ice Baby

**Author's Note:** So, you realize this is the end of the first quarter? These short seasons go by so fast.

 **Disclaimer:** I don't own Total Drama, the shuffled concept or the (most of) the characters.

And to answer some reviews:

 _ **Guest:**_ That was the original plan, but Beardella seems like a better fit. I get what you mean, both with the face and wanting your favorite to go far; why do you think Noah won first season and kept his money? Lilning won't be as cutesy as Bridgel, but that's all I'm saying. Well I read somewhere that he was supposed to cameo that season but it was cut. I can only assume that's where it was supposed to be. Don't worry, no one from this season's getting mutated.

 _ **johnathen:**_ Both are possible.

 _ **Gucci Mane LaFlare:**_ Isn't that the way with all the gimmick characters? Thanks for spotting those errors. I can explain the last one, I was reading rumors about why Gwen's voice actress has been replaced.

 _ **StarHeart Specials:**_ Yeah, apparently Gwen's voice actress has been replaced and that was on my mind. It'll admittedly be difficult to get their moments in, but I'm hoping it will live up to people's expectations. Lilning is clearly different from any other ship I've done, so anything could happen. But I will say Lily's not your standard villain. And to be fair, the same could be said about a good portion of this cast if canon is to be used as a prediction. And don't worry, this verion of Sierra's much more sane.

 _ **That British Guy:**_ My thoughts exactly.

 _ **Derick Lindsey:**_ Yep, every Friday before I head out for work. Glad you liked the minor things about the episode. I'm a little confused about why you thought anyone other than Zeke would get Fang's ire when I teased it in the opening sequence. Honestly, Ella was supposed to end up with Gary, but I like this couple better. I am curious as to how you'll keep viewing Lily as the season progresses. All I'll say is that she's not your typical villain. Natasha's strategy is one of my favorite parts of this season, plus it makes him one of the _many_ contenders for the finale. He did make his 'debut' finale in canon. Interesting thoughts on Sky, Eva, and Jo. Don't worry, no double elimination this time. It'd take too much set up to get the elimination order right. I did _briefly_ consider Samella, but decided against it for reasons that it's _way_ too early to discuss. I'm glad you like Cody's role and that little canon reference to Zeke. Don't apologize for the long reviews, I like hearing people's thoughts however they come out.

 _ **TheChrisanthemum:**_ I expect minds to change a fair bit as the season progresses. So before I talk about the season line-up I wanna say I made a mistake. It's _six_ campers who return for Redemption. And the line up for this series is Island, Action, World Tour, Revenge of the Island, All-Stars, Pahkitew Island, Danger Island, All-Stars 2, Redemption, and The Finale.

 _ **Pastatoxic:**_ Whoa, Gary's still alive. Chris hasn't reached _that_ level of sadistic. Beardella is so obvious that I don't really see how it never happened in canon. A way better love story than Skave. And as far as Lily's concerned, she's not your standard villain, and that's all I'll say on the matter.

 _ **Piecesxoxo:**_ Thanks for the answer. And I certainly think so.

 _ **Remaining Campers:**_

 **Toxic Rats:** Ella, Eva, Lightning, Lily, Natasha

 **Mutant Maggots:** Angel, Beardo, Bridgette, Cody, Ezekiel, Jo

But one unlucky guy or gal's about to be iced out of the game.

* * *

 **Episode 03: Ice Ice Baby**

"Previously on Total Drama Revenge of the Island!" Chris opened on the now-typical shot of the somewhat decrepit Camp. "We learned that although our campers are here to win," the recap montage began with the two recently-awoken team assembled before the host, "they're all losers in one way or another," Natasha was shown fleeing in terror from a mutant woolly beaver during the flashback of his Chris Head hunt. "Really, really big losers," Chris added over shots of Fang chomping off the corner of the Maggots' stand, and Lightning admitting what his real name is.

"It was a psychological butt-kicking that quickly turned _literal_ ," Chris continued as Cody was shown sizing up the angle of his final swing into the Grand Slam, and Ella got kicked forward by the Kick Start. "Then comical," the host added as Ezekiel was shown painfully bouncing from one butt-shaped apparatus to the next, "then _hysterical_!" Chris finished with a laugh as Cody's first try at the Grand Slam was shown, ending with the geek hitting a giant bat with his groin.

"In the end, Gary got the biggest boot of all," Gary was shown in the bucket of the catapult. " _Bye-bye_ ," Chris added mockingly as the rapper was flung into the night.

"I love my job," he said as the scene cut to him on the Dock of Shame, "Stay tuned as more things _blow up_! More contestants _throw up_ ," he clutched his throat loosely, "and some even try to _hook up_ ," he made a heart shape with his fingers. Right here, on Total! Drama! Revenge of the Island!"

 **XXXXX**

[The sequence begins much as it did three seasons ago, with an open into letterbox format as the camera focuses on the tops of a few distant pine trees. A rusty stage light rotates up and turns on; then the shot changes to a cobwebby spotlight swinging down and turning on as well; then a small security camera popping out of one of several leaky toxic waste barrels; then another camera bursting out of a tree hollow, held by an octopus tentacle and dislodging a few bones; then a pair of fair-skinned arms clapping a film slate in front of the camera which switches to a shot of the island, briefly showing a giant octopus looking out of the lake to the right, then flying forward down the dock and past the buildings, passing under a totem pole that Chris was sitting on and which was being carried by a trio of male interns of mismatched heights.]

 _Dear Mom and Dad, I'm doin' fine;_

[The camera rapidly flies through the trees as the lyrics begin, quickly reaching the top of the thousand-foot-high cliff.]

 _You guys are on my mind!_

[It looks down at the ring of buoys in the water below and dives, immediately cutting to an underwater view as the bubbles disperse to reveal Cody gagging with several vicious-looking fish watching him hungrily.]

 _Ya asked me what I wanted to be,_

 _And now I think the answer is plain to see!_

[Cody frantically swims up and away from an approaching tentacle, passing another fish wearing a gas mask. The camera pans up to reveal Bridgette on one side of her surfboard; Cody surfaces and slumps against the other side, then flashes her a flirtatious smile. The tentacle surfaces and slams into the middle of the board...and in doing so, sends Bridgette into the water and Cody high into the sky.]

 _I wanna be...famous!_

[The scene lingers on Cody in front of the sun for a moment, then quick-pans down to Jo working out with a punching bag in the middle of the woods; a falling Cody abruptly falls into her arms. Cody tries one of his flirty smiles on the jock-ette, who just scowls and drops him before going back to her workout. The camera pans right to Ella, happily singing to a number of hairless squirrels and three-eyed birds.]

 _I wanna live close to the sun!_

[At the top of a waterfall, Angel and Lily float downriver in a canoe. Angel appears to be gushing about something to her sister, and the cynic is clearly only pretending to listen for a second before turning around and spotting the fall. Both scream as they go over the edge.]

 _Well pack your bags, 'cause I've already won!_

[The camera pans down to Lightning, deadlifting a large log while standing on another log suspended across the rocks at the bottom of the falls. the twins and their canoe land on his makeshift weight, breaking the log supporting him and sending all three into the water.]

 _Everythin' to prove, nothin' in my way;_

[Ezekiel walks up to the outhouse confessional and a monstrous shark with arms and legs bursts out of the outhouse with a toothy grin, causing the homeschooler to scream and run away as the shark chases after him.]

 _I'll get there one day_

[The camera pans to the Main Lodge, Chef's silhouette visible in the window. Zooming in to the room shows him stirring a pot of some greenish slop with an annoyed frown, and the shot pans over to show Gary making various hand signs and rapping. A spoon flies from the right and hits him, knocking him out.]

 _'Cause I wanna be...famous!_

[Another pan to the left reveals Natasha looking Gary's way and sighing in relief, he turns to the camera and gives an all-knowing smirk. The scene zooms back out of the lodge to the beach, where Eva is alternating reps with a dumbell in each hand.]

 _Na-na nanananaa, nanana-nanaa, na-nananananaa_

[The camera pans away from Eva and on to Sam happily playing a handheld game. A furry hand taps him on the shoulder, distracting the gamer and allowing the arm to snatch away the console. Sam realizes what's happened, and rushes angrily at the large hairy ape-man now playing the game, and the camera moves on watch an odd, almost rattlesnake-like gull floating on the water. A bulbous-headed fish jumps out over it on the right and a shark jumps out of the left with its mouth wide open, but the first fish blasts the shark with some sort of laser, turning it into a skeleton which is swallowed by the first fish as it finishes its jump. A tentacle rises out of the water to grab the gull, but it quickly lashes out and bites it with its snake-like fangs.]

 _I wanna be! I wanna be! I wanna be famous! (Na-na nanananaa, nanana-nanaa, na-nananananaa)_

[The camera pans down to the end of the dock to show Beardo moonwalking to the edge of the dock. He brings his hands to his mouth and vigorously beatboxes, spit flying from his hands.]

 _I wanna be! I wanna be! I wanna be famous! (Na-na nanananaa, nanana-nanaa, na-nananananaa)_

[A sudden splash of water comes down on the hairy boy, interrupting his music and causing him to send a blank look upward – Chris is hovering above him in a jetpack and helmet, holding an empty bucket. He drops the bucket then flies off, the flames from his jetpack taking over the screen. It becomes night as they peter out, and the camera pans down across the stars and treetops and full moon to Angel and Bridgette, sitting at a campfire together. As they lean towards each other with expectant smiles they are interrupted and separated by Chef, wearing a hazmat suit and holding a glowing green marshmallow between them with a pair of heavy tongs.

The shot zooms out to show the rest of the cast looking shocked, whistling the last few notes of the song – Ezekiel, Cody, Natasha, Beardo, Lightning, and Lily on Angel's side; Ella, Sam, Eva, Jo, and Gary on Bridgette's side; and Chris standing next to Chef on Bridgette's side as well. The shot continued to zoom out until a signboard was shown marking the presumed entrance to the fire pit; it read 'TOTAL DRAMA REVENGE OF THE ISLAND' in block letters, the third word being the largest and the last word relegated to a board tacked on at the end.]

 **XXXXX**

The episode opened on Camp Wawanakwa's lodge and mess hall, the camera panning to the left to show the communal bathroom and, more importantly, a cluster of bushes. The shot zoomed in as one of them began to rustle, and a mouse with a bulging, veiny head scurried out into the open. It paused as the shadow of a bird of prey fell over it, and looked up to see a bald eagle diving towards it with its talons out.

The mutant mouse's eyes glowed green, and a beam shot out of them and hit the approaching eagle. The bird froze in mid-air, then slammed back and forth as though in the grasp of some unseen hand. It was finally tossed off-camera with a squawk, and the mutant mouse scurried onward. It climbed the steps of the main lodge and crawled through a hole in the door, and the scene cut inside.

The camera, situated high on the right wall relative to the entrance, showed the two teams eating and the lodge itself in a state of near disrepair. The floor had become a patchwork of different colors and styles; one of the front windows had been broken and halfheartedly boarded up; there was a gaping hole in the roof over the other front window; a few planks were missing from the far left wall around the fireplace; and a bit of wallpaper was peeling on the partition dividing the kitchen from the rest of the lodge.

The five members of the Toxic Rats sat at the forward table, to the left of the camera, while the six Mutant Maggots sat closer to the kitchen; and although the former team's table had a grimy and tattered table cloth, both teams had only logs to sit on.

Lightning, with Angel and Cody just visible over his shoulder, hesitantly stuck a spoonful of the grayish food they'd been served into his mouth, cringed, and spat it back into his bowl. "This is rank!" he complained, picking up the bowl and peering at it more closely. "At this rate Lightning's gonna run outta protein powder!" He tried to eat another spoonful, and quickly spat it back out again.

The perspective inverting to show Natasha's face covered in the uber-jock's food. "Sorry Quiet Dude," Lightning said from off screen.

XXX

Natasha started his confessional with a heavy sigh. "I'd say the food tastes like dirt, but honestly dirt might taste better."

XXX

The shot cut to Ezekiel and Beardo at the right end of the Maggots' table, their backs to the kitchen. "What is this stuff eh?" the homeschooler asked, picking a hair out of his spoonful.

Beardo audibly shrugged in response before looking up from his own breakfast, noticing something just off-camera, and nudging Ezekiel with his elbow. "They're at it again," he said in a low voice, discretely pointing down the table.

The camera panned to the left to show Cody and Jo in what looked like an eating contest. Jo's bowl was almost empty and Cody picked his up and stuffed his face into it. A moment later he threw down the empty bowl and said "I win!"

"So what?" Jo said irately. "It doesn't prove anything."

"You're the one who challenged _me_!" Cody retorted.

The perspective changed, now showing Angel and Bridgette eating across from Cody and Jo, Lightning and Natasha and Lily visible just over the surfer's shoulder. "I never understood how Amy could be so mean to her sister," the idealist told her crush. "Lily's my best friend. I don't think I would've been able to come out as bi if it wasn't for her."

"I think it's awesome how close you two are," Bridgette said sweetly. "It must be hard being on different teams."

"It is," Angel admitted. "But it's better now that I have the chance to get to know you," she added almost slyly causing both girls to blush.

XXX

"Was she flirting with me?" Bridgette asked the confessional camera almost hopefully. "I don't want to be that girl that assumes every non-straight girl is into her but..."

"I kinda hope she was," she admitted while bashfully tucking a strand of hair behind her ear.

XXX

"Was that too forward?" Angel asked in a slight panic. "I hope it wasn't. I'm absolutely _terrible_ at flirting."

XXX

The footage resumed to the Rats' table as Lily scooped up a spoonful of gruel with two little antenna poking out of it. She didn't notice, but when she put it in her mouth, she began to choke. Clutching her throat, she got to her feet, and stood away from the table, gagging.

"Hang on!" Eva called out, rushing up behind Lily and giving her a hefty whack on the back. The force was enough to make her spit out whatever she was choking on. A little beetle flew out among bits of gruel, and bounced onto the floor.

Lily awkwardly rubbed her arm. "Thanks for the save," she said.

"I may not like you," the iron woman replied, "but we _are_ still teammates." As the two were talking Ella walked over to the beetle that Lily had coughed up, and picked it up in her hands.

"Poor little beetle, did you end up in Lily's breakfast by accident?" She cooed to the insect, soothingly running her finger across its back.

"Man that girl is weird," Lightning said to himself, stuffing another spoonful of gruel into his mouth and shuddering.

The shot cut back to Beardo, who was looking down to the bulbous-headed mouse now sitting on their own table. "This is gonna take some getting used to," he remarked. Without warning the mouse's eyes began to glow green again, and to the horror of the beatboxer it levitated into the air.

The scene moved outside the lodge as crashes and screams of terror filled the air. All the campers except Ezekiel fled out the front door and a refrigerator was flung out after them. They paused to catch their breath, and it was then that Ezekiel was finally tossed out to them with a scream of his own.

The whine of the intercom turning on caught their attention, and the camera cut to an upward shot of the loudspeaker. "Attention, players!" Chris announced. "Please head to the looming tragedy that is Mount Looming Tragedy!" The shot switched to a tall, craggy spire of rock in the distance, it's broad and flat peak seen only in silhouette thanks to a ring of ominous clouds. "Your race begins, _NOW_!"

He punctuated his broadcast with his blowhorn, and Jo immediately turned to her teammates. "Maggots ho!" she declared, and all eleven campers raced off – with Beardo noticeably behind.

\

A flash ahead showed the two teams arriving at the base of the mountain, all of them out of breath except Jo, Eva, and Lightning.

"We _better_ get something for this," Lily panted, doubled over with her hands on her knees.

Beardo arrived last just then, clutching his stomach and groaning. He walked over to a bush, fell to his knees, and threw up.

"If we were hamsters, I would've eaten you by now," Jo told the beatboxer as he stood back up and wiped the bile from his lips.

A sudden whistle interrupted any reply that may have come, drawing the campers' attention to the side. "Okay, mutant food," Chris greeted, standing with Chef next to a muddy jeep, "on with the challenge! Part one is an uphill battle," he explained, the shot moving to and upward pan of the rocky tower before them – it was covered with barbed wire, toxic waste barrels, and what looked like pipes of some kind. "You have to climb all the way up to that cliff," Chris explained, the camera coming to a rest at the broad, flat rock that topped the mountain; a dead tree and another toxic waste barrel were the only things to be seen on top. "First team to reach the top gets an advantage in part two."

"You can climb with your hands," the host continued as the shot returned to him, "or use whatever you find in the pile." He motioned over his shoulder, and the camera cut to a large mound of junk – appliances, furniture, pipes, tires, and other abandoned pieces of scrap. "But don't worry," Chris added, growing more and more excited, "this junkyard doesn't have a dog. It has a giant mutant _beetle_!"

On cue, a gigantic beetle similar to the one Lily had found in her gruel popped out of the junk pile and hissed at the humans; Jo, Bridgette, Angel, Natasha, and Ella all gasped in shock.

"Hahaha, big guy's a bit of a hoarder," Chris laughed. "His estate is full of useful crud," the beetle was shown picking up a paintball gun and a sewing machine from the pile and casually tossing them away, "aaaand disgusting crud." The beetle picked out a toilet next, and threw it at the humans with a hissing roar; Jo, Bridgette, Angel, Natasha, and Ella quickly ducked, and it crashed to the ground behind them. "That is, if you can get near it," Chris told them with an impish smile. He turned towards the mountain and gave a thumbs-up, and Chef – now on top of the cliff – blew on an alphorn, shaking the area.

"It is _on_!" Chris declared, as he pumped his fist.

"Let's hustle Maggots! Double time!" Jo said, once again at the head of the pack with Lightning and Eva as the campers started running.

\

The Maggots' logo appeared in the corner as Beardo was shown struggling to pull himself up to a ledge while making a lot of exaggerated grunts. He fell off completely, and made the sad trombone noise as he laid on the ground.

"Don't give up Beardo," Angel called out to him while hanging from a dead tree that was jutting out of the rock. "You can do it!" The branch broke and she started to fall with a scream, until a white hand pulled her up to a higher ledge.

The camera panned up to show that Bridgette had once again saved her. "Thank you," she said shyly.

"Don't mention it," Bridgette replied with a hint of shyness herself. The two looked into each other's eyes and smiled.

"Move it Maggots!" Jo yelled as the shot cut to her and Ezekiel climbing the mountain. "Parents made me a climbing wall playpen," she bragged to the homeschooler.

"Okay?" Ezekiel said as the two climbed up a few more steps, "I don't really get why that's important eh."

"Here's the thing Homeschool," the jock-ette said. "When you're better than someone you gotta let'em know, for whatever reason."

"That don't sound right," Ezekiel said in confusion.

"Sha- _zoom_!" Lighting called out as the shot cut to him and Eva climbing another part of the mountain, the Rats' logo in the top-left corner of the screen. "Sha-boom!" Eva started to look annoyed. "Sha-"

"Sha- _shut up_ already!" the iron woman yelled at him.

"Get ready to lose to a _girl_!" Jo called to Lightning as she climbed up at an even faster pace.

"What girl?" Lightning asked Eva. "Who's he talkin' about?"

The shot cut next to Ella, still on the ground looking at the cliff uncertainly. "And will the _lady_ be participating?" Chris asked in a mocking prim tone as he walked over.

"Yes," Ella replied. "But first I would like to help that poor beetle feel less distressed."

"I see," Chris said blankly.

The camera panned over to the right, where Lily – also on the ground – was tapping her chin and narrowing her eyes as she looked off further to the right.

Natasha suddenly fell to the ground with a pained grunt and glared back up at the mountain.

"I think it might be time for you to use that brain of yours," Lily told him.

Natasha sighed and nodded his head.

\

The scene cut back to Eva and Lightning, the iron woman climbing on ahead while the uber-jock lingered at a ledge with a few small, loose stones on it. He misstepped as he climbed, and accidentally kicked them off – they tumbled down the mountainside, catching Angel and Bridgette and knocking them off. The two girls crashed into Cody, who was making his own slow progress up the mountain, and all three landed on the ground in a heap.

"Uh-oh," Lightning said in shock and guilt as he watched the scene unfold.

"Apologize _after_ we win!" Eva called out to him, and Lightning continued his climb.

Back down at the bottom, The non-climbing Rats - Ella, Lily, and Natasha - ran past the non-climbing Maggots - Beardo, Cody, Angel, and Bridgette. Ella stopped at the three that had fallen, who had still not made any move to get up.

"Are you all okay?" the princess asked.

"We're fine," Cody said. "Thanks for asking."

"Yeah, thanks" Beardo said shyly, and the camera briefly panned over to show the mutant beetle perched on its pile. It clacked its pincers and turned around, and the camera panned over to Natasha and Lily.

The two nodded and ran up to the pile, which gained the beetle's attention and caused it to turn back around. Natasha reached for something in the pile and it breathed a jet of fire at him, causing him to flee.

"Seriously?!" Lily exclaimed in disbelief as she and Natasha ran to the rest of the teens on the ground. "I mean, seriously?! It breathes _fire_?!"

"Well that was rude," Ella said sternly with her hands on her hips.

"If you wanna tell him so then go ahead," Lily said sarcastically only to look on in shock as Ella walked over to the beetle. Lily lifted a hand up to stop her, but the act failed. "Ella, don't!"

Running over to the junk pile, Ella cast a disapproving scowl the beetle's way. "Excuse me, but that was very rude. I know you're supposed to guard the pile, but that's no excuse to spit fire at people." She waved a scolding finger at the beetle.

The beetle hissed warningly.

"I'm sure there's another way you can keep us from your things without resorting to violence," the princess continued and the beetle seemed to look ashamed.

Lily showed up and tried to drag her teammate away, and the beetle quickly made its displeasure known by breathing out another jet of fire, then curling up into a ball and rolling towards the cynic.

"Why is it chasing _me_?!" Lily exclaimed as she ran from the mutant, Ella and Natasha watching from the junk pile. " _I_ didn't scold the thing!"

Cody, Beardo, Angel, and Bridgette were shown woozily getting back to their feet and looking over at their opponents. "We have to help her!" Ella told Natasha as she tried to run off, but the mastermind grabbed her arm and pointed to the pile. "Oh, you want me to help?" she asked and he nodded his agreement.

"Hey," Cody told his teammates, "I think they have the right idea."

"It's worth a shot" Bridgette said, she and the other two following after as their geeky teammate began to walk off to the right. The shot cut to the curled-up guard beetle bouncing up and down on a face-down Lily, then the camera panned left to show Ella and Natasha pushing a waste barrel away from the pile and the Maggots running up to it.

"That's the spirit," Cody told his teammate as they began to search as well, quickly tossing aside a recorder.

\

The shot cut to the top of the mountain, where Chef was waiting with several large blocks of ice. Lightning was almost there, causing Chef to scowl – though he brightened up when his walkie talkie beeped. "You know what to do," Chris told him over it.

" _Ice_ 'em," Chef replied with a dark grin.

"Chef," Lightning said confidently, "make way for the _Lightning_!" The shot cut up to Chef, listening to the uber-jock's cries of "sha-bam!" and "sha-zip!" as he held out an ice block with a vicious grin. He let it fall, and Lightning looked up just in time to see it hit him. It knocked him off the cliff face, and he fell and knocked Eva off as well. The two fell past Jo, who watched in shock as they landed with a pained thud and groan.

She scowled upwards, and Chef was shown throwing more and more ice blocks down towards her. With a smirk she dodged each one in turn. "Gotta get up _pretty_ early Chef!" she taunted up at the man.

Chef snorted in contempt, then turned his gaze to the side – Ezekiel had just grabbed on to a thick pipe jutting out of the rock, and was pulling himself up from it to the next small ledge. He almost made it, too, but another ice block crashed down on the ledge just as he was about to grab it, forcing him to recoil with a yelp of fear. "That was close eh," he said in shock.

XXX

"Homeschool's got some skills," Jo remarked. "And as team leader it's _my_ responsibility to manipulate him into a loyal underling."

XXX

Angel, Beardo, and Bridgette all crowded around Cody and watched him wind a long rope with a grappling hook attached to it around a short wooden rod with several other pieces of wood scattered around him.

"Can you get us all back up top with whatever it is you're building?" Beardo asked warily.

"I think so," Cody answered, "but I'm still gonna need a few more parts from the pile."

The shot cut to Ella and Natasha by the toxic waste barrel they'd grabbed as well as a ramshackle old couch and several other bits and bobs, the mastermind busy scratching calculations into the dirt. "What's Quiet Dude workin' on?" Lightning asked as he and Eva arrived on the scene.

"I don't know," Ella answered, Natasha not looking up from his equations. "But we need to get Lily away from the beetle."

Lightning and Eva looked up and to the side, where their teammate had been caught in a headlock by the guard mutant and was being punched in the face over and over by a boxing glove-wearing leg. "Any time you'd like to help, guys!" Lily called out in pained annoyance.

"Hmm," Ella said, the shot cutting back to her close-up as she thought. "Angry beetle, lost baby beetle," she murmured to herself. Her eyes widened in realization and she held out the beetle that Lily had chocked on earlier.

"Is this your baby?" she asked as the younger beetle hissed and screeched. This attracted the attention of the larger one, who promptly dropped Lily. She hit the ground with a groan.

The smaller beetle jumped from Ella's hand and scurried over to its parent, who picked it up with its forelegs, looked at it lovingly, and gave it a quick tap on the back so that it burped out a small jet of flame. Satisfied, the guard beetle scurried away and disappeared behind its horde.

"That was beautiful," Ella remarked from in front of the pile, unaware of Angel, Beardo, and Bridgette hurriedly grabbing things from it behind her.

"Maybe from where _you_ were standing," Lily countered from off-screen.

\

The shot cut to a close-up of what looked like a makeshift grappling gun with the inner coil of rope still exposed. The Maggots' logo appeared in the top right corner of the screen as several pieces of metal, mostly springs, were dropped down around the contraption.

"Here you go," Angel said, the shot zooming out to show her, Bridgette, and Beardo standing nervously around Cody. "Is this what you needed?"

"Yep," Cody smiled, picking up one of the springs and testing it with his fingers. "This is perfect."

"Cool," Beardo said nervously, "but can you put it together in time?"

"Yeah, I think the Rats are almost done," Bridgette added, the shot briefly cutting to show Eva and Lightning lifting the old couch.

Cody shrugged. The camera focused on his face as he started grabbing pieces just out-of-sight, and the footage quickly cycled between a few other shots – the Rats getting the couch into place on top of the waste barrel; Angel, Bridgette, and Beardo's nervous looks; and finally Cody again who grinned.

"Finished!" he announced, holding up his finished, and rather bulky, grappling gun. "It's just like Owl Man's grappling hook," he added, aiming the gun up at the top of the cliff and firing. The recoil was enough to knock him to the ground, but he quickly recovered and grabbed the gun. "It's uh, got a bit of a kickback," he explained with a bashful chuckle.

The shot briefly cut to the top of the mountain, where Jo had just about finished her climb. The grappling hook suddenly shot past, startling her.

"Okay," Cody said as the shot cut back to the Maggots on the ground, the gun's rope still moving, "now grab on before it starts retracting."

"Huh?" Beardo said in confusion before the grappling rope suddenly became taut. Cody grabbed Beardo's shirt, the girls each grabbed Cody just before the gun's box started to whir, and with a startled scream the four of them were pulled into the air at high speed.

They zoomed past Jo, and the camera zoomed in on the jock-ette as she yelped and shifted to the side to dodge. "Hey, you could've hit me!" she called out in annoyance.

They continued to fly upward and their momentum shot them up into the air, the grappling hook becoming unhooked from a rock on the mountaintop. Chef, who had been about to throw another ice block down, gaped in shock just before the four Maggots landed on him.

"Looks like we made it," Bridgette said weakly to the teammates piled on top of her, who groaned out a cheer.

The camera quick-panned back down to the Rats. Several bottles and bags and electronic bits had been tied to the waste barrel, with two long wires leading out from them.

Natasha climbed onto the couch and grabbed the uninsulated ends of the two wires.

The camera cut to Lily as she joined Eva and Lightning. "This better work," Eva said as the three walked off screen. The shot cut to the couch - Natasha in the middle of it as Ella and Lightning sat on either side of him, Eva sitting on the back, and Lily sitting on the arm next to Lightning.

"Here goes!" Ella said as Natasha touched the two wires together. The whole apparatus shook for a second, then the couch took off quite like a rocket – suddenly, and with a bit of fire coming out of the bottom.

The five teens screamed, and their couch soon caught up to a wide-eyed Ezekiel...who quickly turned around and grabbed onto it as it passed. It reached the top soon afterward with all six teens screaming for their lives, rocketing past the edge of the cliff and the shocked faces of their teammates.

Jo reached to top and hauled herself up with a triumphant laugh... just before the couch crashed down on top of her, Ezekiel nowhere to be seen.

"You did it Natasha," Ella said happily. "We won the challenge!"

It was then that Ezekiel finally landed on the mountain with a thud, the five Rats looked at him in shock and he just let out an "Ow."

XXX

"I take back what I said about Homeschool," Jo confessed bitterly.

XXX

Chris arrived just as Jo pulled herself from under the couch. The host was hovering in the air a few yards away with his jetpack, and sporting a wide grin.

"And thanks to Natasha the winners are the Toxic Rats!" he announced, earning a triumphant cheer from the five winners and a groan from the losers.

"We lost!" Jo raged. "This is all _your_ fault Zeke!"

"Well it's not like you've been doing much to help us win," Cody shot at her.

Jo scowled at him. "I'm the _only_ reason we've been winning!" she shot back.

"Not really," Cody countered. "Our first win was a fluke and _I_ was the one who finished the challenge last time!"

Jo growled angrily, but Angel quickly put herself between the two. "Please, stop fighting!" she told them.

Before any of them could react, Chris landed between them and the camera. "Will the Maggots keep it together?" he asked. "Or will they all go tumbling down? Find out, after the break."

\

(Commercial Break)

\

The episode resumed on a shot of a large patch of ice and snow, a snow machine blowing in the background next to a snowy slope. The camera panned left onto the two shivering teams, with Bridgette and Natasha clinging to their respective team flags.

"Greetings, ice teens!" Chris greeted as he and Chef rode up on the back of a snowmobile wearing thick parkas. "Cold enough for ya?" He chuckled as the shot cut in closer and panned back across the freezing campers, Chris adding "I'll take that as a yes," when it reached the end of the line.

"Time for part two of today's challenge!" the host announced. "'Capture the Snow Fort.' To win, you either have to demo the enemy's fort," he directed their attention to his left, the shot cutting over to a rather poorly constructed snow castle, "or capture their flag and bring it back to your own fort." He directed their attention in the opposite direction, to a much nicer-looking snow fortress. "Rats won the first part, so they get first dibs on the forts," Chris explained.

"Sh-sh-sh-sha-peasy," Lightning opened as the camera zoomed in on the Rats, four of them looking at each other while Lily continued to look over them from one fort to the other. "C-c-c-c-castle."

"No way," Lily shivered. "With Chris there's s-s-some sort of trick" she explained, "N-nice on the outside and _rotten_ on the inside. W-w-we'll take the shack," she announced, dashing off to the left without further discussion and forcing her shivering teammates to follow nervously.

\

A clock wipe transitioned the scene to inside the Rats' new fort, which was shown to be just as bad-looking on the inside and rather bare. Aside from the campers and their flag, all that was inside was a pile of snowballs and a shovel stuck into the ground.

"Way to go, Lily," Eva spat at the cynic, the rest of the Rats now glaring at the sheepish looking girl.

XXX

"So I have a few trust issues," Lily explained. "Usually it's worked out pretty well for me."

XXX

The scene cut to the castle, which was just as nice on the inside as it was out. It was as bare otherwise as the Rats' fort, though, with only a shovel and pile of snowballs.

"I hope Lily's team isn't mad at her for giving us such a nice fort," Angel said as the rest of her team cheered.

"Forget about her," Jo said jovially. "We're taking home another challenge!"

"Go Mutant Maggots!" Ezekiel cheered while Beardo made a party horn sound.

\

"Listen up, players," Chris called over a megaphone as the scene cut to Chef carrying a lawn chair past a blazing fire pit. The host was already seated in a chair of his own, and his assistant soon joined him. "Here's how it works! Use the shovel in each fort to fire your collection of Mystery Snowballs," the eyes of the five Rats immediately turned to their embedded shovel, and Lightning grabbed the handle, "which you can fire at each other's forts."

"Sha-score!" he said to himself as he drew the shovel's handle back an inch and released it with a twang.

"Why are they called Mystery Balls?" Bridgette called out from the Maggots' castle while Jo tested how stable their shovel was.

"Because they all inflict major damage!" Chris answered. "Thanks to the _secret weapon_ hidden inside each ball." The Maggots were shown looking at their pile of snowballs, the shot zooming in as one of them made an odd noise and shook. "Some, will damage _you_ ," the host added, "so choose wisely."

"Each team has to elect a Captain to command, and conquer," Chris continued. "Starting... _now_!"

"Listen up Maggots! I'm Team Captain," Jo immediately said back at the Maggots' base. "Any objections?"

"Uh, _yeah_ ," Cody said with a scowl.

"You don't have the best track record," Beardo added shortly after.

"I'd feel better if Cody was in charge eh," Ezekiel finished.

"Fine," Jo conceded to everyone's shock. "What's the plan Shortstuff?"

He brought his hand to his chin for a moment, then smirked. "Well," he said, "I was thinking that maybe we should keep some of the muscle back here in case we need it to fight off the Rats. Also," he smiled and chuckled lightly, "we _definitely_ need to make use of Beardo's talents."

The camera zoomed in on Jo's impatient face. "And the plan is?" she asked.

"Jo, Beardo, and Bridgette go try and take their flag," Cody declared. "Angel, Zeke and I will hold them off and try to hit their fort with the mystery balls."

Jo raised an eyebrow and smirked. "Not a bad idea," she said. "Let's do that then. Okay Let's go Maggots," she said, as she and Beardo ran off out of the castle, leaving Angel, Ezekiel, Bridgette, and Cody behind.

"Good luck out there," Angel said with a smile.

"Thanks," Bridgette said with a smile of her own. "Don't let Cody work you too hard," she added as a bad attempt at a joke. The two girls giggled, then the surfer smiled and jogged out of the fort.

XXX

"Okay, I have a crush on Angel," Bridgette announced. "Which sucks because aside from that comment at breakfast, she hasn't shown _any_ interest in me." She sighed.

XXX

"I'm Team Captain," Lily declared as the footage cut to her and the Rats. "Ella, Natasha, and I will stay back and guard the fort. Eva and Rudy, capture their flag."

"Why should we listen to you when you're the reason we're stuck here?" Eva countered with a glower.

"Aaand, _GO_!" Chris suddenly called from off-screen.

"That's why," Lily said smugly.

\

The scene flashed outside as Lightning and Eva ran out on to the ice. "Let's book it!" Lightning called as he ran ahead.

"Those Maggots are going down!" Eva declared.

The shot cut up to the bright and sizzling sun, then down to Chef and Chris – who had changed back into their normal clothing, with the addition of a straw hat for Chef. Both were drinking some kind of coconut drink. "Hurry up," Chris warned the unseen campers, "my ice is melting! And your forts will too if the sun gets much higher!"

"Get ready for Lightning to _strike_!" The uber-jock declared as the shot cut back to him and Eva racing along the ice.

"Wait," Eva said, "we need a-whoaaah!" She suddenly slipped on the ice and quickly grabbed Lightning's arm for balance, but only succeeded in knocking the uber-jock off-balance as well; the two teens continued to slide forward on their butts.

The camera quick-panned back to the snow shack, where Natasha was watching out of the misshapen window-like entrance, one eyebrow raised as he watched his teammates. He snorted in contempt, then turned around and headed back into the center of the fort.

\

The scene cut to Jo racing across the ice at top speed, Beardo and Bridgette following a little ways behind her. She blew past Lightning and Eva, the two Rats still sliding forward on their butts, and Beardo and Bridgette soon ran by them as well.

The scene cut to a dramatic shot of Beardo running slowly against an orange background then back to normal as Bridgette said "Why are you running like that?" the surfer with her hands on her hips and the beatboxer in the middle of his dramatic gait. The ice beneath them began to crack, and soon broke entirely plunging the two Maggots into frigid water. They promptly bobbed back to the surface, still in their poses and frozen in a block of ice.

Chef started cackling hysterically, and the shot cut back to him and Chris watching from the sidelines. "Forgot to tell ya!" the host called out. "No Man's Land is more like No Man's _Water_!"

"What?!" Jo said in shock, looking back and sliding to a stop. "Seriously?!" she said, keeping forward and ignoring her frozen teammates. A sudden snowball flew over her head and crashed off-screen.

"You missed!" Lily called back into the Rats' fort as the shot cut to her looking out its window.

The shot cut back to Eva and Lightning as they finally stopped sliding and quickly scrambled back onto their feet. "That was a fluke," Lightning said. "Let's do this for real!" he declared as he ran off again, Eva following and muttering something under her breath.

\

"I think we need to aim higher eh!" Ezekiel called out as the shot returned to the Maggots' castle, the homeschooler looking out their front gate. "With Beardo frozen we gotta hit their shack or we'll lose!"

"Working on it," Cody smirked as the camera panned to him bending the shovel back as Angel cautiously loaded a snowball into the loop of the handle. The geek let it go, and the snowball was launched into the air with a twang. The camera followed it over the castle wall, then zoomed out to show it flying over No Man's Land – Eva and Lightning still racing towards the Maggots' base; Jo racing toward the Rats' base; and Beardo and Bridgette still frozen. The snowball struck a part of the Rat shack that may have been a misshapen tower, causing part of it to crumble down.

"You hit it eh!" Ezekiel announced with cheer from the Maggots' base.

"Thanks Zeke," Cody told him with a smile. "Now let's keep 'em coming!"

"On it!" Angel said chipperly, picking up another snowball off their pile.

\

The shot cut back to the Rats again, all three working together to load a particularly large snowball onto their shovel before an even bigger one landed on the snow next to them...and burst open to reveal the junkyard guard beetle. It hissed menacingly at them, causing Lily and Ella to scream and duck behind Natasha.

"Whoa there, big guy," Lily told the beetle, "you don't wanna hurt the one who babysat your kid, right?" The camera focused on Ella, who smiled politely and waved at the beetle.

The larger one paused, and its tiny child hopped out onto its head and waved back at Ella.

" _We're_ not your enemies," Lily told it quickly, " _they_ are!" The scene cut back outside as she pointed out the window towards the Maggots' base, and the angry beetle hopped out next to her and scurried back along the ice.

Lily wiped her brow in relief and moved back inside. "Okay guys," she told Natasha and Ella, "time to get launching again." The princess and mastermind nodded and complied, both readying another snowball while Lily went back to her lookout spot.

\

A flash moved the camera to Lightning and Eva rather close to the Maggots' castle... and the puddle of water holding two of its frozen members. Lightning was as usual, quite a bit ahead of his teammate and running with his eyes closed and his face in a smug grin. As such, he didn't realize what he was running into until it was too late - he fell into the frigid water himself, and was encased in ice in between Bridgette and Beardo.

"Crap," the iron woman muttered, "Now what?"

\

The scene cut back to Jo on her way to the Rat base only for the giant guard beetle to scuttle up to her.

"No...," she gasped, quickly holding her arms out to stop it from running her down. She slid back a few feet as she slowed it to a stop, then gasped again as the beetle stood on its hind legs with a menacing hiss. "Outta the way!" she said, her frustration quickly turning to fear as she ducked and rolled out of the way of a jet of fire.

"Too slow!" she taunted. The beetle screeched and turned towards her, unleashing quick jets of fire at her feet. "Try and catch me!" Jo cried out as she ran to the Rats' shack with the beetle, quite literally, hot on her feet.

\

The scene flashed back to the Maggots' base and Eva suddenly ran in screaming at the top of her lungs, knocking over Ezekiel who had been keeping watch just inside the entrance.

"Quick, guard the flag eh!" the homeschooler called back to his teammates before scrambling to his feet as well.

Angel and Cody managed to get in front of the flag before Eva reached them, but iron woman simply lifted the two by their clothes and tossed them out of the way and grabbed the Maggots' flag.

"No!" Ezekiel cried out, running towards the iron woman to intercept but tripped and fell on the ice. He gasped in pain as he hit the ground, and Eva left the fort.

\

The footage skipped ahead to show Eva racing along the ice before skidding to a stop in horror. The camera panned ahead of her to Jo, who had gotten the giant to chase her all the way to the Rats' base - the beetle was still unleashing its fire at the jock-ette and was now dangerously close to the shack.

"NO!" Eva cried out, the camera showing the flame hit the edge of the shack and instantly turn it into a puddle with a flash.

"That's what I'm talkin' about!" Jo cheered, and the shot cut to the inside of the castle as Cody and Ezekiel laughed and high-fived.

"HOW DID THIS HAPPEN?!" Eva raged, and the camera cut to Natasha and Ella giving displeased looks to a sheepish Lily.

"Maggots win!" Chris declared as he and Chef arrived outside, both back in their winter wear and Chef holding a tray of several steaming mugs. The four unfrozen winning campers crowding around Chris with smiles on their faces.

"And here's your reward," the host added, motioning to the tray in his smiling assistant's hands. "McLean Brand Hot Chocolate", he said, "scald your senses with chocolatey goodness."

The Maggots cheered, and the shot cut to the three frozen campers that had aparently melted in all the excitement. "What happened?" Bridgette said in a daze

"Did we win?" Beardo added a moment later.

XXX

"I achieved two things today," Jo confessed proudly. "I won the challenge for our team _and_ managed to show my team that they need me."

XXX

"I can't believe she didn't try and help us!" Bridgette declared almost angrily. "What's her _deal_?"

XXX

The footage skipped ahead to Lily about to lay down in her bed, until she noticed something was off.

"What the?" she asked as she reached under her pillow and pulled out an mp3 player that looked suspiciously similar to Eva's. "How did _you_ get here?" she asked.

\

The footage skipped ahead again, now showing dusk over three of the five Rats relaxing on the steps of their cabin, Lightning with a blanket around his shoulders and Eva standing in front of them.

"I'm telling you," Eva said, "She can't be trusted. This is the second time she's screwed us over. I'd bet that she's _purposely_ losing."

"Lightning refuses to believe that," the uber-jock declared.

"Really?" Eva questioned. "Because you've got a crush on her?"

Suddenly the girl in question walked on screen. "Hey Eva," she said, ignoring the annoyed grunt she got in response. "I found this and I thought-" she said as she held out the music player she found earlier, but Eva interrupted her.

"Likely story," Eva said as she snatched the device out of the cynics hands. "You _obviously_ stole it."

"What?" Lily asked in offended confusion. "I didn't-"

"You're a traitor _and_ a thief," Eva accused. "Admit it!" Lily opened her mouth to say something. "ADMIT IT!"

To everyone's surprise, Lily started to cry. "I was just bringing it back because I know how much you like it. Why are you being so mean to me? What did I ever do to you?!" she asked as she ran away covering her face.

"You better run!" Eva called out to her, unaware of the three very displeased looks she was getting from her team.

XXX

Lily continued to cry in the confessional, then took a deep breath and said "Aaaand scene. If Eva thinks she can set _me_ up that easily, she's gotta another thing coming."

XXX

"Bravo Lily," Natasha congratulated in his own confessional. "That was an amazing performance. I _almost_ believed it. In fact, had _I_ not been the one to plant the mp3 player in the first place I actually might have."

He chuckled. "Let the games begin."

XXX

The scene cut to a shot of the island at night, the camera zooming in then cutting to the six Mutant Maggots at the campfire pit – Natasha and Ella in the front row; Eva, Lightning, and Lily in the back.

"After another jam-packed day of losing," Chris began as Chef walked up in his hazmat suit carrying the box containing the Toxic Marshmallow, "it all comes down to this."

"The following Rats are safe," Chris said, holding up the first marshmallow. "Ella."

The princess caught her prize with a smile.

"Lightning." The uber-jock caught his treat and winked at Lily.

"And Natasha," Chris finished, the mastermind catching his marshmallow as it flew over his head.

"Which leaves, Eva and Lily," Chris announced, the shot pulling back to show the cynic gulping nervously and the iron woman sitting up straighter. "And the loser is...," he said with an impish smile, pausing for effect. The camera alternated between close-ups of Lily and Eva, the latter still looking sterner than usual, until finally...

" _Eva_."

The Hothead blinked in surprise, then backed away from the toxic marshmallow Chef was handing her. "Nice," she said sarcastically. "Real nice." She stood up and asked "Who needs this _stupid_ TV show anyway?!"

"Eva," Chris said seriously. "It's time for the Hurl of Shame."

\

The shot cut to Chris standing by the Hurl of Shame, Eva glaring sitting bitterly in the catapult's bucket."Any final words Eva?" the host asked.

"Lily," she said seriously, causing the shot to cut briefly to the nervous looking cynic then back to the iron woman, "I know what you did. And you better _hope_ we never meet off this island. I'm not done with YOOOOUUUUUUUUUU" she was interrupted by Chris pulling the lever and launching her screaming into the night sky.

Chris laughed and turned to face the camera the series's capstone theme began to play. The four remaining Rats stood behind him; Ella and Lightning gazing off into the distance where Eva was flung, Lily still looking nervous and terrified, and Natasha looking away with a smug and unnoticed smile. "Come back for more mutants, mayhem, and manipulation," he said excitedly, "next time, on Total! Drama! Revenge, of the Island!"

(Roll the Credits)

* * *

 **Author's Note Post Script:** First off, I'm sorry to all the Eva fans and the people who were expecting her to make it far. But with two manipulative players on the team she would seriously screw up what I'm going for with the Rat dynamic.

I hope the progression of events make it easy to follow. But a quick recap. Natasha tried to send Lily home by framing her for theft. Lily decided to do the right thing and give Eva back her mp3 player, but Eva's distrust of Lily on top of her anger issues and frustration at losing again pushed her over the edge.

And as always I'm sure I'm forgetting to mention something.

I hope you all enjoyed the episode, or some part of it.

With that I'm signing off

-TotalDramaFan14

* * *

 **RDRotI ELIMINATION TABLE:**

 **13th Place:** Sam

 **12th Place:** Gary

 **11th Place:** Eva


	4. Finders Creepers

**Author's Note:** Hello everyone! I hope you all had a happy 4th (or Wednesday if you're an international reader). Today, we're doing the obligatory horror challenge.

 **Disclaimer:** I don't own Total Drama, the shuffled concept or the (most of) the characters.

And to answer some reviews:

 _ **That British Guy:**_ I'm glad you think so.

 _ **Guest:**_ It's very interesting that you say that, because I'm not really changing her canon lines that much aside from fitting the new cast. Also keep in mind I don't consider who's won how much until the merge. So the Rats could just suck at challenges.

 _ **StarHeart Specials:**_ The canon Maggots do to, it's just an episode earlier here. And you noticed that change with Lightning :). No comment. I hope the rest of the season lives up to your expectations, and that you had a good weekend.

 _ **Derick Lindsey:**_ I can't answer that, I don't really think about a team's win-loss ratio when decided pre-merge eliminations. Natasha did make a mistake, he's not perfect. But the thing is what he does with that mistake. And for the first time this season, 'wait and see'.

 _ **Gucci Mane LaFlare:**_ Fixed, thanks. It sucks that she had to go, but I didn't really have anything for her this time. Yeah, it's weird to think that I'm almost halfway done right now.

 _ **Pastatoxic:**_ It's other's reactions to Jo that make her hard to write sometimes. But she won't have an easy a time here as she did in canon. Natasha's fun to write both before and after he drops the act. The guy's just naturally in control of everything. But whether people assume B is the same depends on who he debuts with. That's a good thing about me doing this expanded universe, I don't feel as bad eliminating characters in these shorter seasons.

 _ **TheChrisanthemum:**_ If I could have swung it, she would have. I hope you like what he does next.

 _ **Piecesxoxo:**_ I know, even I'm surprised and I'm writing it.

 _ **Remaining Campers:**_

 **Toxic Rats:** Ella, Lightning, Lily, Natasha

 **Mutant Maggots:** Angel, Beardo, Bridgette, Cody, Ezekiel, Jo

I hope no one's scared of spiders, or the dark. mwahahaha.

* * *

 **Episode 04: Finders Creepers**

"Last time, on Total Drama Revenge of the Island!" Chris opened over a stock shot of the camp, the recap montage starting off with a clip of the contestants racing off towards the side of Mt. Looming Tragedy. "Eleven _erratic_ easy marks engaged in an _explosive extravaganza_ ," Chef was shown gleefully dropping ice blocks on the climbing campers, catching Lightning and Eva but narrowly missing Jo and Ezekiel; Lily was shown getting punched by the mutant beetle; and Cody was shown completing his high-powered grappling gun. "Why all the 'E' words?," Eva was shown protesting after Lily named herself team captain in the ice shack, "Because _Eva_ elected to _earn_ her team a win," the iron woman was shown grabbing the Maggots' flag.

"However, she was _enraged_ when her team's fort was _eradicated_ ," Jo was shown being chased back to the Rats' base by the mutant beetle. "Meanwhile, errant evil-doer Natasha tried to frame her enemy Lily as a thief," Lily was shown finding Eva's mp3 player, then Natasha was shown admitting to planting it in the confessional. "But Lily _exploited_ Eva's _enmity_ to make herself seem the victim," the host finished over the cynic running away crying and her later confessional. "Which meant that _Eva_ was _eliminated_ ," the iron woman was shown being flung into the night.

"And now," Chris said, popping up in front of a shot of the full moon in a cloudy sky with a lit candle in his hand, marking the end of the recap montage, " _tonight's_ challenge is about _fear_." He made a devilish look and clenched his fingers menacingly. "And everyone knows fear is a dish best served, _in the dark_!" he said in an exaggeratedly spooky manner, an eerie sound playing as he laughed evilly. "Huh?" he stopped suddenly, the camera pulling back to reveal Chef standing next to him...dressed like a showgirl with lots of peacock feathers. "Chef!" the host said in annoyance.

"Wardrobe was all out of vampire costumes," Chef explained as the series's capstone then began to play.

"It's all scary!" Chris said, walking off to the left. "Other than that," he scowled and gestured back toward his off-screen assistant. "Right here! Right now!" he resumed his usual demeanor. "On Total! Drama! Revenge, of the Island!" He adopted his spooky tone as he finished the title, and ended with another evil laugh.

 **XXXXX**

[The sequence begins much as it did three seasons ago, with an open into letterbox format as the camera focuses on the tops of a few distant pine trees. A rusty stage light rotates up and turns on; then the shot changes to a cobwebby spotlight swinging down and turning on as well; then a small security camera popping out of one of several leaky toxic waste barrels; then another camera bursting out of a tree hollow, held by an octopus tentacle and dislodging a few bones; then a pair of fair-skinned arms clapping a film slate in front of the camera which switches to a shot of the island, briefly showing a giant octopus looking out of the lake to the right, then flying forward down the dock and past the buildings, passing under a totem pole that Chris was sitting on and which was being carried by a trio of male interns of mismatched heights.]

 _Dear Mom and Dad, I'm doin' fine;_

[The camera rapidly flies through the trees as the lyrics begin, quickly reaching the top of the thousand-foot-high cliff.]

 _You guys are on my mind!_

[It looks down at the ring of buoys in the water below and dives, immediately cutting to an underwater view as the bubbles disperse to reveal Cody gagging with several vicious-looking fish watching him hungrily.]

 _Ya asked me what I wanted to be,_

 _And now I think the answer is plain to see!_

[Cody frantically swims up and away from an approaching tentacle, passing another fish wearing a gas mask. The camera pans up to reveal Bridgette on one side of her surfboard; Cody surfaces and slumps against the other side, then flashes her a flirtatious smile. The tentacle surfaces and slams into the middle of the board...and in doing so, sends Bridgette into the water and Cody high into the sky.]

 _I wanna be...famous!_

[The scene lingers on Cody in front of the sun for a moment, then quick-pans down to Jo working out with a punching bag in the middle of the woods; a falling Cody abruptly falls into her arms. Cody tries one of his flirty smiles on the jock-ette, who just scowls and drops him before going back to her workout. The camera pans right to Ella, happily singing to a number of hairless squirrels and three-eyed birds.]

 _I wanna live close to the sun!_

[At the top of a waterfall, Angel and Lily float downriver in a canoe. Angel appears to be gushing about something to her sister, and the cynic is clearly only pretending to listen for a second before turning around and spotting the fall. Both scream as they go over the edge.]

 _Well pack your bags, 'cause I've already won!_

[The camera pans down to Lightning, deadlifting a large log while standing on another log suspended across the rocks at the bottom of the falls. the twins and their canoe land on his makeshift weight, breaking the log supporting him and sending all three into the water.]

 _Everythin' to prove, nothin' in my way;_

[Ezekiel walks up to the outhouse confessional and a monstrous shark with arms and legs bursts out of the outhouse with a toothy grin, causing the homeschooler to scream and run away as the shark chases after him.]

 _I'll get there one day_

[The camera pans to the Main Lodge, Chef's silhouette visible in the window. Zooming in to the room shows him stirring a pot of some greenish slop with an annoyed frown, and the shot pans over to show Gary making various hand signs and rapping. A spoon flies from the right and hits him, knocking him out.]

 _'Cause I wanna be...famous!_

[Another pan to the left reveals Natasha looking Gary's way and sighing in relief, he turns to the camera and gives an all-knowing smirk. The scene zooms back out of the lodge to the beach, where Eva is alternating reps with a dumbell in each hand.]

 _Na-na nanananaa, nanana-nanaa, na-nananananaa_

[The camera pans away from Eva and on to Sam happily playing a handheld game. A furry hand taps him on the shoulder, distracting the gamer and allowing the arm to snatch away the console. Sam realizes what's happened, and rushes angrily at the large hairy ape-man now playing the game, and the camera moves on watch an odd, almost rattlesnake-like gull floating on the water. A bulbous-headed fish jumps out over it on the right and a shark jumps out of the left with its mouth wide open, but the first fish blasts the shark with some sort of laser, turning it into a skeleton which is swallowed by the first fish as it finishes its jump. A tentacle rises out of the water to grab the gull, but it quickly lashes out and bites it with its snake-like fangs.]

 _I wanna be! I wanna be! I wanna be famous! (Na-na nanananaa, nanana-nanaa, na-nananananaa)_

[The camera pans down to the end of the dock to show Beardo moonwalking to the edge of the dock. He brings his hands to his mouth and vigorously beatboxes, spit flying from his hands.]

 _I wanna be! I wanna be! I wanna be famous! (Na-na nanananaa, nanana-nanaa, na-nananananaa)_

[A sudden splash of water comes down on the hairy boy, interrupting his music and causing him to send a blank look upward – Chris is hovering above him in a jetpack and helmet, holding an empty bucket. He drops the bucket then flies off, the flames from his jetpack taking over the screen. It becomes night as they peter out, and the camera pans down across the stars and treetops and full moon to Angel and Bridgette, sitting at a campfire together. As they lean towards each other with expectant smiles they are interrupted and separated by Chef, wearing a hazmat suit and holding a glowing green marshmallow between them with a pair of heavy tongs.

The shot zooms out to show the rest of the cast looking shocked, whistling the last few notes of the song – Ezekiel, Cody, Natasha, Beardo, Lightning, and Lily on Angel's side; Ella, Sam, Eva, Jo, and Gary on Bridgette's side; and Chris standing next to Chef on Bridgette's side as well. The shot continued to zoom out until a signboard was shown marking the presumed entrance to the fire pit; it read 'TOTAL DRAMA REVENGE OF THE ISLAND' in block letters, the third word being the largest and the last word relegated to a board tacked on at the end.]

 **XXXXX**

Frogs and crickets chirped and croaked, joined by an owl's hoots as the episode opened on a shot of the full moon. The camera panned down to the cabins as the sound of snoring was added to the nighttime mix, and the scene cut inside to the girls' side of the Maggots' cabin where Bridgette and Angel were sleeping peacefully in the bunk they shared. Cody and Ezekiel were also shown sound asleep on the boys' side, and the scene cut to the Rat girls to show Ella and Lily also sound asleep.

The camera cut next to show Lightning sleeping, almost falling out of his bunk and without a doubt the source of the snoring. Cutting to the other side of the room showed Natasha, his eyes open and slightly bloodshot as he tossed and turned.

He groaned in annoyance and pushed his pillow over his ears, and after a moment he seemed to have gotten to rest...until the sudden shrill wail of a blowhorn pierced the air.

"RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!" Chris hollered from off-screen as the scene cut back outside, the blowhorn continuing even over the panicked shouts of the campers.

The camera briefly cut to a close-up of the blowhorn still blowing, then over to the Maggots' cabin as they ran outside fully dressed – first Bridgette screaming "What's going on?!"; then Angel just screaming; then Cody calling out "What's happening?!"; then Ezekiel just hollering; then Beardo making an alarm sound; and then finally Jo jogging out more annoyed than afraid, calling out "Move it or lose it!"

The Rats were shown next, Natasha looking in wide-eyed panic as he slid down the railing; Lightning quickly running after him; and Ella and Lily coming out last at around the same time – Lily shouting "What now?!" while Ella just screamed.

They assembled nervously in the common area between cabins, where Chris – wearing a pair of heavy earmuffs – finally eased up on the blowhorn. "Glad you all could make it," he grinned as he took off his headgear. The camera focused in on Beardo as he blearily looked around and soon met the gaze of Ella; the princess waved in a childish but flirtatious way, and the beatboxer blushed and returned the gestures.

XXX

"Okay," Beardo said to himself confidently. "Today, you're gonna ask Ella out." He suddenly looked nervous and added "Y'know, if she reads that note I left her. And likes it"

XXX

"I hope you're all ready," Chris continued, "'cause it's _challenge time_!" He stepped to the side as Chef rolled up a large widescreen television on a wheeled cart. It was currently displaying an aerial map of the island with several additional colored icons – six bright green skulls scattered around the island; three yellowish envelopes over the campfire pit, the western edge of the campgrounds, and deeper into the forest; and a large purple spider in the middle of it all.

"Really?" Lily spoke up in annoyance. "We're having a challenge _now_?!" As she voiced her grievances the camera panned away from her and on to Ella, who was rooting around in her pocket with a confused look on her face. She eventually pulled out what appeared to be a wadded-up napkin, unfolded it, and smiled brightly.

XXX

"It's a love poem from _my prince_!" she gushed. "He is just as skilled with words as he is with his music." She sighed dreamily. "I must tell him that I feel the same way."

XXX

"Your challenge," Chris continued as though there'd been no interruption, "a scavenger hunt for three creepy souvenirs. Your locations? A haunted forest," he walked across to the other side of the television, "a _scaaary_ pet cemetery, and an extra spooktastic cave. First team to each location gets a special clue," he said, the camera zooming in as he pointed towards the westernmost letter icon on the screen. "But watch out for booby traps," he added jovially as he moved his finger to one of the skulls, "I _really_ went to town with them, heheh." The campers were shown watching warily.

"So move fast," the host added, "and _stick together_. You'll be penalized for each player you lose!"

"Umm, what's with the giant spider?" Cody asked nervously.

"Oh yeah," Chris answered as the shot zoomed in on the icon in question, "there's some kinda gigantic mutated spider sorta running around loose on the island."

The cast immediately started to voice there fears and protests, the shot zooming on on Bridgette in particular as she shivered and looked around, moaning "Oh no..." in terror.

XXX

"I get really freaked out by the woods," she admitted nervously. "At least on the beach you can tell what sounds are normal and which ones you need to run from. And there some things in the woods that running from is a bad idea and... I just don't like it."

XXX

"Now remember, there's nothing to fear but _mortal terror_ itself! Talk soon," he added impishly, sounding his blowhorn once again.

The ten campers ran off towards the woods.

\

The footage flashed ahead to another shot of the full moon over the forested hills of Wawanakwa, an owl hooting as the scene cut down to ground level. The logo of the Toxic Rats appeared in the corner of the screen just before the team itself did, running up and stopping in front of a tree with a loudspeaker set up in its branches.

"First place! _That's right~_ ," Lightning cheered just before the loudspeaker whined into activity.

"Welcome to the Haunted Forest!" Chris announced over it, the shot panning downward to show the four Rats gathering around a small crack in the ground. "Your clue can be found at the base of this tree!" Lightning reached into the hole...and screamed in pain as something metallic snapped inside the hole.

"Inside a bear trap," Chris finished his announcement with a laugh as the uber-jock glared at the loudspeaker.

Lightning withdrew his hand from the hole, the trap clamped down firmly on his arm – though he was at least clutching a note in his hand. "Here Singer Girl! Read the clue," he said, passing it to a mildly shocked Ella. Just as the princess was about to read it, the sound of approaching footsteps distracted her and her teammates.

"Well well well," Jo commented from the front of the six Maggots. "Look what we have here."

"Hey!" Lightning shot at her. "Find your own piece of paper!"

"Let the runts have their clue," Jo said, looking back towards her teammates. " _I've_ got a plan," she said, running ahead and waving for her teammates to follow.

\

The shot cut to the Maggots as they stopped at a clearing further along the trail. "So, what's the plan?" Cody asked the girl in front.

"Find a place to hide so we can follow the Rats _and_ their clue to _our_ first souvenir," she answered. "Into that bush!" She said as she dived and painfully tried to hide in a thorn bush.

The rest of the Maggots looked at each other, then ran off to their own hiding spots. Ezekiel jumped up and started climbing a tree; Beardo hid behind another one, his hair still very visible; and Bridgette and Angel hid behind the thorn bush.

"Shh," Jo hissed, "They're coming."

"Inside a knot is a nest," Ella read as the scene cut to the Rats. "Your souvenir lives with a pest. Find Polaris to travel northwest? Polaris is the North Star."

Natasha pointed up at the sky, then toward the right.

"That way's northwest?" Lily asked to which the mastermind nodded.

"Sha-look!" Lightning declared. "A path!" He ran off eagerly, the rest of his teammates following suit.

"They're getting away!" Jo hissed as the rest of her teammates came out of their hiding spots.

\

The Rats' logo reappeared as the footage skipped ahead again to them running along through the woods; Ella in back then Lily, Lightning, and Natasha in front.

"Inside a knot is a nest...a souvenir...then something...," Lily muttered to herself as the shot zoomed in on her. "Hey Ella, what was the rest of that poem again?" she called back without taking her eyes off the path ahead.

When she didn't get an answer she immediately skidded to a stop. "Ella?!" she yelled in rising panic, and looked back to see nobody behind her.

The shot cut back to show that the rest of the Rats had stopped in their tracks as Natasha raised an eyebrow.

Lily gulped. "We get a penalty for each player we lose right?" she asked nervously.

"And there's some kinda wacked out spider crawlin' around right?!" Lightning said, gripping the sides of his head in panic. The shot cut outward as he did so, showing a large purple spider crawling down through the shadows of the forest trees.

Natasha snapped his fingers in front of their faces and pointed off to the right; the camera quick-panned over to a large tree with a noticeable hollow knot in the trunk with the hints of a nest inside; a few green and red marks had been spray-painted on the bark under it.

"There it is!" Lightning said, immediately rushing towards it, "Sha-score! We'll look for Singer Girl after we get the souvenir." He started climbing up the trunk as the rest of his team ran up to join him, and soon began to root through the tree hollow with one arm.

Suddenly, a large eye opened up inside the hollow and stared directly at him. He screamed, and several squid-like tentacles reached out of the tree's other hollows. One quickly grabbed him around the neck and held him up, while another gave him a few wet slaps then poked him in the eye.

"Ow! Ow! My eye!" he yelped in pain and terror. In response the tentacle tightened its grip, and Lightning began to choke.

"Aaahh! What do we do!?" Lily yelled, gripping her head in panic.

Natasha looked around, then bent down and picked up a handful of small stones. He then nudged Lily with his elbow and mimed throwing one of the rocks.

"Got it!" Lily said as she picked up a rock of her own and both began throwing them at the creature, but they seemed to be hitting Lightning more than the mutant squid-tree monster. Eventually, the thing just raised its captive up even higher, then slammed him down onto the ground and hissed at the others.

"RUN!" Lily shouted, turning to flee as a tentacle shot towards the two villains, forcing them to scatter. Unfortunately, Lily was unable to get away in time and was lifted up by the leg.

"Why is it always _me_?!" Lily cried in pain as the mutant began to punch her in the stomach with a curled-up tentacle.

The sounds of pain and wet punches caused Lightning to stir...and quickly become angry. "No calamari does _that_ to the Lightning _or_ his girl!" he declared, getting back on his feet and climbing up the tree-squid's trunk while it was distracted. "Sha- _bam_!" he cried as he punched the mutant in the eye.

The beast bellowed in pain, dropping Lily and retracting into its tree.

Lightning reached into the knot once again, quickly and triumphantly pulling out a brass key. "Aw yeah! The key!" he called down to his teammates...just before a strand of spider's webbing shot down from above, sticking on to his head and pulling him away into the treetops.

The key dropped down to the forest floor, and landed in front of Lily who grinned when she saw it, unaware of what had just happened. "Score! We got the key! Great job Rudy." Once again she received no response as Natasha rejoined her.

"Rudy?!" she yelled out in concern. "RUDY?!"

As she panic the shot changed to a perspective further away, and the footage switched to an infrared shot of the two Rats.

Natasha grabbed the key from her and waved it in her face, then frantically pointed off into the distance.

"We've lost two players!" Lily retorted. "One of them was our strongest! We need to look for them."

Natasha waved her off dismissively, then patted himself on the chest.

"You want me to trust you?" Lily said nervously as the scene returned to normal, "You're trying to convince me to ditch our teammates!" Just then, the six Maggots arrived on the scene.

Lily quickly stopped panicking and stepped to the front of the group. "No luck here," she said with disappointment, "You wanna see if Ella and Rudy had better luck?" she looked back and asked the mastermind.

He nodded his agreement, backing up with Lily before turning and running off.

"Ooh! Ooh! I see something!" Angel piped up excitedly, pointing off to the camera's right – the direction of the squid-tree. "I think it has our colors on it!" The camera briefly cut over to the knot in question, with a focus on the marks below it in the two teams' colors.

"Could be a trap," Jo told the team. "We should send in our most expendable player."

"No one's expendable!" Cody shot at her in outrage as Beardo walked off screen.

"Do you wanna play _nice_?" she asked the geek as she got in his face. "Or do you wanna _win_?"

A two-note whistle got their attention, and the camera cut to Beardo who was in the tree's hollow and holding out a key. He made a move to climb down, but misstepped and fell from the tree. The key flew out of his hands and landed in front of Angel and Bridgette.

"Awesome!" Bridgette said. "Great job Beardo!"

XXX

"The boys are kinda the only reason we've been on our winning streak," Bridgette confessed. "But because they're not athletic Jo treats them like crap." She sighed. "Why does Chris always have to accept horrible people for this show?"

XXX

"I don't think Jo's a _bad_ person," Angel confessed. "Maybe all she needs is someone to be nice to her!"

XXX

The static cut back to Angel. "Jo, do you think-" she began to say, but stopped when she noticed Jo wasn't paying attention to her. Before she could say anything, however, a line of spider silk shot down from the treetops, wrapped around her mouth, and pulled her up out of sight.

The camera cut over to Jo, Bridgette, Cody, and Ezekiel, who had just regrouped with Beardo. "Well there was something there, so either the Rats wanted to throw us off or-" he paused and furrowed his brow, looking behind his teammates. "Wait, where's Angel?"

The other four looked behind them and everyone aside from Jo gasped. "Oh no, Angel!" Bridgette cried out. "Angel!" she called out, beginning to run around the area. "Angel, where are you?!"

Jo rolled her eyes. "Aaand we call off the search and forge ahead. Let's go."

"We can't just leave her behind!" Cody retorted in anger.

"Angel!" Bridgette cried out from off-screen.

" _We're_ not leaving _her_ ," Jo shot back. " _She_ left _us_. Now let's go!"

XXX

"Besides, with all her constant flirting with Bridgette, she would've just slowed us down anyway," Jo added in the confessional.

XXX

"I've been thinking," Lily said as the scene moved back to her and Natasha running through the forest. "If this is a challenge, then Rudy and Ella _have_ to be at the last souvenir. What do you think?" she asked causing him to look back.

Natasha nodded his agreement.

XXX

"Admittedly, trying to send Lily home was a mistake," he confessed. "But while any other strategist would continue focusing on the one goal, _I_ prefer to adapt to the situation and learn from my mistakes."

"And what I've learned is Lily is now in control of the team and has noticeable trust issues. Which means all I have to do is agitate those issues to get _her_ to eliminate the player of _my_ choice, and then _she'll_ take the blame for my actions."

XXX

"Okay, enough with the chatter," Lily said, snatching the key from Natasha and jogging ahead. "Let's win this thing!" The mastermind followed her, but the camera kept its focus on Lily as she passed a tree stump, then a rock; then stepped on a mysterious clump of dirt...which exploded and sent her flying.

Natasha stopped immediately, the shot showing only the shock and occasional glow on his face as he watched Lily get launched from one land mine to the next off-screen.

The camera finally cut back to her, singed and groaning on the ground in an awkward but still holding the Rats' key. The Maggots approached her moments later - Jo in front, then Beardo, Cody, Ezekiel, and Bridgette bringing up the rear. "Thanks for clearing the way!" Jo taunted as she ran past the cynic.

"Angel! Angel!" Bridgette yelled out.

With a pained groan, Lily's body collapsed into a flatter position.

\

The scene cut to the lantern-lit cemetery. The camera panned left across its headstones and crosses, several of which were pet-themed, to the entrance as the five remaining Mutant Maggots arrived, huffing and puffing from their run.

"Welcome to the Wawanakwa Pet Cemetery!" Chris greeted them over the loudspeaker.

"See Shortstuff, we're first," Jo said with the key in her hand as she wrapped an arm around Cody's shoulder. "Now go get the clue!" she added as she pushed the geek away.

The camera cut in close as he opened the lid to a small coffin in an open grave, revealing a ragged piece of paper within bearing a list of numbers: 5 in the first row; 5 in the second; 5 in the third. Notably, while most of the numbers were plain black there were three 6s and the 18 were all an eye-catching red. "That's not good," Cody said with a nervous chuckle.

"Let's fan out and look for numbers!" Jo said as the perspective cut back to its usual sideview.

"By ourselves?" Bridgette asked nervously.

\

"Okay, you can handle this. You're only in a creepy cemetery in the middle of the night looking for three 6s, it's no big deal," Beardo said warily as he backed through the graveyard. "Good news is, no spider monsters. I think I'm safe," he told himself, pausing to smile. "Now, lets see if I can find any numbers..."

He turned around and started examining the nearest headstone, and the shot cut to a view from afar, the footage switching back to infrared. The monster serving as the camera's viewpoint blinked, and when it opened its eyes it had gotten much closer to the beatboxer, and had extended four sharp limbs with tiny claws on the end towards him...

Beardo's scream echoed through the cemetery, quickly catching the attention of Cody, Jo, Bridgette, and Ezekiel as they looked up in shock. "Beardo?" the geek asked out in concern, the footage quickly skipping ahead to show all four arriving at the location the hairy young man had been snatched from.

"I could've sworn he was just here," Cody said in confusion.

He, Ezekiel and Bridgette gasped. "Where'd he go eh?" Ezekiel asked in mild terror.

"Oh well," Jo said plainly. "Two words: Dead. Weight."

"Beardo might be a little weird," Ezekiel said in mild anger, "but he's still a person eh."

"Yeah, I'm getting real tired of your attitude," Bridgette told her.

"It's called a _winning_ attitude," Jo told her as her three teammates crossed their arms and glared at her. "Get used to it, or get out of the way."

\

The scene flashed to the Rats, who were walking through the pet cemetery, stopping to check the headstones as they passed by. The camera focused on Natasha as he squinted and looked around, quickly spotting something and smiling. He nudged something off-screen, the camera zooming out to show the cynic giving him her attention. He pointed off to the right, the camera panning over to show Ezekiel next a large, grimy coffin propped upright against a couple statues.

"Hey!" Lily called out as she and Natasha approached, "You're that homeschooled guy from my sister's team right? Where's the rest of you guys?"

"Well Jo, Cody and Bridgette went off to find the rest of the clues," the homeschooler told her. "But Angel and Beardo were captured by the spider."

"Angel was _WHAT?!_ " Lily screeched in shock, but any reply Ezekiel had was interrupted by Fang bursting out of the coffin with a menacing grin.

"AAAAHHHHH!" The homeschooler ran away screaming.

Fang moved to chase after him. The camera followed Ezekiel as he ran past two open graves, one of which with a mound of dirt in front of it.

The mutant shark followed his quarry, but where Ezekiel ran past the mound of dirt Fang tripped over it. The shark fell into the open grave and growled, and Ezekiel walked over to it and wiped the sweat from his brow.

A line of webbing shot in from the left, wrapped around Ezekiel's head, and dragged him off with a muffled cry for help.

\

The scene cut to Chris, who was watching feeds of both teams on a trio of monitors and laughing hysterically. "Will _anyone_ make it to the spooky cave?" he turned and asked the camera, holding a covered cup with a straw in it. "And if so, how can they _possibly_ make it all the way to the finish line? Less brain, more pain, when we return!" he said, finishing with a sip of his drink.

\

(Commercial Break)

\

The episode resumed with a shot panning down from yet another shot of the moon onto Jo, Cody, and Bridgette walking through the pet cemetery, the latter two keeping their backs towards each other.

"Don't you think Zeke should've been back by now?" Cody asked.

"He's the one that went off on his own," Jo said dismissively. "Whatever happens is his fault."

"Hey guys," Bridgette called out, gaining the attention of both, "I think I found something over there!" The shot cut to a large headstone. "See?" the surfer said as the shot came in for a close-up, detailing both a skull mark and a date engraved below it. "June 06, 1806," Bridgette read. "That's 6, 6, 18, 6, right?"

"Yeah!" Cody said with a smile. "Good eye, and look," the camera cut back to the headstone's close-up as the geek pointed a finger at the skull mark's oddly-shaped nose hole, "there's a keyhole too."

The shot cut back out to show the whole group as Jo inserted the key, turned it, and was promptly flung backward out of sight by a large, spring-loaded coffin bursting out of a trap door in the ground.

Cody laughed while Bridgette asked "You okay?"

"Very funny," Jo said bitterly. "Just check the stupid coffin."

"Check it out!" Cody called out. "We got flashlights!" The camera cut to the inside of the now-opened coffin, revealing several flashlights standing on a shelf in it.

"Awesome," Bridgette smiled, as Jo rejoined them. "Let's grab them."

Cody smiled and scooped up the flashlights, then ran off with Bridgette. Jo lingered long enough to close the coffin and shove it back into its hole, then ran off to join them.

The camera panned in the opposite direction, eventually stopping on a large tree. After a moment Lily leaned out from behind it, followed by Natasha stooped over her. The two Rats met eyes and nodded, then ran out into the open and to the grave they'd just seen their rivals make use of.

"Okay," Lily said as she slowly reached out to put their key into the keyhole, "we have to do this carefully so we don't get flung."

Natasha nodded and moved to the other side of the headstone.

Lily bent over, turned the key, and was flung off-screen when the spring-loaded coffin caught her in the chin. Natasha winced at the sound of her crash, and Lily moaned "Why do these things always happen to _me_?!"

\

The footage flashed to Jo and Cody standing before the entrance to a cave, the mouth flanked on either side by flags bearing the team logos.

"Welcome to your final destination!" Chris announced over an unseen loudspeaker, laughing evilly before adding "The clue is just inside the entrance...aaand down the tunnel...into total darkness. Good luck! Yooouuu'll _neeeeed_ iiit!"

Cody gulped and Jo snatched a flashlight from him. "Follow my lead Pencil Neck," she told him as she turned it on and walked into the cave.

"Wait," Cody said with a hint of anxiousness, "Where's Bridgette?"

"Who cares?" Jo answered back, her words echoing from inside the cave.

Cody lingered for a second, before running off and calling "Bridgette?!"

\

The scene flashed inside and Jo peered around with her flashlight. "It's so hard to find good help these days," she said as she noticed what appeared to be the skeleton of an intern suspended in a web, a note taped to its tattered plaid shirt. "And there's the clue," Jo remarked, looking closely at the note then reaching out and lightly touching the web. "By hook or by crook the end is near if you look," she read.

"Ugh, who wrote these?" she asked, "William Shakespea-gah!" She was interrupted by a line of webbing shooting down from the ceiling and wrapping around her body and head, and she struggled to break free. "Hey! How dare you?" she asked before she was pulled up and away with a "Noooo!"

\

The scene cut to a close-up of Cody's sneakers as he ran through the graveyard. The camera cut outward as he ran up to Bridgette, who were wandering the area with flashlights in her hand, and said "Hey, Jo and I found the cave. Let's go!"

"What about Angel?" Bridgette asked warily.

"Well if video games can be believed," Cody told her, "then that cave is where the spider is. And if the spider took our teammates, that's where we'll find them."

"R-r-right," Bridgette said, trying to seem determined but coming across as scared.

\

The scene flashed back to the cave entrance. "Jo!" Cody called out as the shot cut to him, and Bridgette standing just inside, flashlights already turned on. "Jo, where are you?"

"Uh, Cody," Bridgette said as she pointed out the jock-ette's discarded flashlight.

"Well that's not good," Cody said nervously.

XXX

"I don't really like Jo, but with her _and_ Zeke gone I was kinda starting to question how we were gonna win this challenge," the geek admitted. "Bridgette and me aren't exactly capable of fighting off a giant spider."

XXX

"Look over there!" Bridgette piped up as the static cut away to the two Maggots walking through the cave. The camera panned ahead along their beams of light to show a creepy skull-like rock with several metal hooks sticking out of it, and the two smiled.

"Those must be the last souvenirs," Cody said with a hint of determination, rushing over to the skull-shaped rock. "We must still be in the lead."

"Wait, Cody, watch out!" Bridgette cried out in sudden panic.

"Huh?" the geek said, looking back nervously just as a line of web shot down from the ceiling and quickly wrapped him up, encasing just about everything but his head. "Oh no," he moaned before getting hauled up by the spider. It hissed at him menacingly and he screamed in terror, and with a hiss the spider tossed him to the side.

He landed on a larger web suspended in the ceiling, and the shot zoomed out to reveal that the others who'd been captured were within – Ella, Lightning, Angel, Beardo, Ezekiel, and Jo.

"Who's landed in the web now?" Jo asked. "Malibu? Silent Treatment? Dye Job? Come on, don't leave me hanging."

"Just me," Cody said, more annoyed than before. "Shortstuff."

"Wow," the jock-ette said, clearly impressed. "You lasted longer than I expected."

XXX

"You know what's sad?" Cody asked. "That's the nicest thing she's said all season."

XXX

The shot cut back down to the cave floor, Bridgette still looking up nervously just as Lily and Natasha finally arrived on the scene.

"Well, I guess we've found the right place," Lily commented in a dry shock, moving her flashlight to the hook-bearing skull-rock.

Natasha nodded, then pointed up at the ceiling. The camera followed his gaze to the web full of captives. "Angel! Rudy!" Lily cried out in relief. "You're okay!"

"Lily! Look out!" Angel called out in concern.

Lily looked up at the giant hissing spider, "Man that's one ugly spider."

The spider seemed to take offense to that, narrowing its eyes and shrieking. It turned around and shot a line of silk out of its abdomen toward the three campers; all of them shrieked, but only Natasha and Bridgette were able to duck away in time. The webbing hit Lily and quickly wrapped her up, and seconds later the spider pulled her up to the ceiling and threw her screaming into the web without a further gesture.

"Oh crap, what do we do?!" Bridgette asked in a panic, her hands gripping her head and her legs separated.

Natasha smirked and ran off to the clue, only to trip on the surfer's outstretched feet and fall on the ground. Moments later a string of web wrapped around him; he gave an utterly unamused look to the camera.

"Oh no," Bridgette said in a panic. "Oh no, oh no, oh no."

"Bridgette!" Angel called out in concern

"Worry about us first, sis," Lily spoke up nervously. " Because we're trapped by a giant SPIDERRRR!" she screamed, the shot cutting outward to show the giant mutant arachnid crawling towards them, its fangs dripping green venom.

"Somebody do something!" Ella shouted, snapping Bridgette out of her panic.

The spider was hissing right at Angel, and the shot cut in for for a close-up of the girl's sweating, trembling, and utterly terrified face. "Bridgette help me!" she yelled out as the camera panned over to Lily's twitchy, trembling, and utterly angry face.

And then, with a yell of "Don't. Touch. My. _SISTER_!", Lily burst free of her silken cocoon - causing her sister to fall from the web in the process - and tackled the giant spider clear off the web. They swung away on a line of silk attaching the spider to the ceiling, and the cynic began to pound furiously on the back of the mutant's abdomen.

XXX

"I will do _anything_ to protect my sister," she explained calmly.

XXX

Angel fell screaming into Bridgette's arms. "Oh," she said shyly as the surfer gently set her down. "Nice catch."

"Yeah," the surfer said softly. "You are." The two girls blushed and started to lean in.

"Hey Lovebirds!" Jo called out from off screen, causing the two to snap out of their trance. "The challenge!"

"But what about you and the boys?" Angel called back. "We can't just leave you!"

"Go Quiet Dude, go!" Lightning called out suddenly, and the camera panned to the skull-rock, revealing that Natasha had managed to get himself upright, walk over to the rock, and pull a hook from it. He smirked, then started - rather slowly - to the left.

"Hurry up!" Jo yelled out again.

"Wait, no, stop!" Ezekiel hurriedly called out from the web as he and the others watched Angel and Bridgette pull a hook from the stone and run off while Natasha trudged on. "You're gonna make us lose eh!" Ezekiel finished his objection.

Jo huffed in annoyance. "No they're not," she countered.

The two Maggot girls quickly looked around, spotting a zipline tied to a nearby stalagmite that led down over an underground cliff. They smiled and ran towards it while; and after a few moments Natasha smirked and continued his progress.

The two managed to reach the start of the line at about the same time. Bridgette hooked herself onto the line and took off with Angel holding on to her back just as Ezekiel cried out "NO!"

Natasha finally reached the zipline and took off, but the shot quickly cut to Lily and the spider, the redheaded twin now jumping up and down on the mutant's back.

"You wanna be a bully?" she asked it. "Let's see how you like it when someone fights back!" The shot cut to the stalactite the spider's line was attached to, the rock beginning to crack. "Yeah," Lily continued, "not so fun is it?!"

With one final jump the silk line snapped, sending her and the spider to the floor and causing rocks to fall from the ceiling. Those stuck in the web screamed as dust filled the air, and there was an ominous snap followed by thuds and grunts. The dust dissipated to reveal that all the captives – as well as the web itself – had fallen to the cave floor.

Several groans filled the air as everyone tried to recover, the silken prisons beginning to unravel.

\

The scene cut to near-complete darkness, lit only by the eyes of some unknown creatures – and two known ones, based on their screams. Angel and Bridgette zipped through the darkness screaming, with Natasha silently zipping past a few seconds later, and soon enough made it to the other side – a smaller tunnel in the side of a cliff face, with the zip line tied to the end of a small stalactite on an overhang just outside. The girls arrived first and dropped when their hook slammed into the end of the line; Natasha arrived moments later, and landed on top of the blondes when his hook slammed to a stop as well.

The shot panned down to them as they quickly shook away the effects of the impact and started to get to their feet. "We made it!" Bridgette said, dusting off her clothes.

"Looks like both teams made it out," Chris chimed in, walking up from the left and looking the three over. "Mostly, anyway. Today's winning team iiiiss," he announced, pausing for effect, "the Rats!"

Natasha immediately sighed in relief, but the blondes just looked dumbfounded. "What?" Bridgette asked. "But me and Angel got here first!"

"True," the host admitted, "but remember when I said stick together, 'cause there'd be a penalty for each team member you lost?" He placed a hand on Bridgette shoulder, and said "Yeah, you guys lost four. Natasha only lost three. So, the Rats totally win!"

The two girls hung their heads in depressed defeat.

\

The scene cut back to the cave as Lily approached the camera coughing. She looked down and gasped. "What the?" The perspective inverted and the camera panned across what looked like a canister of artificial webbing, nuts and bolts and the tattered remains of a spider costume, and the all-too-familiar legs and torso and arms and groaning head of Kitsune.

"Ow...," the goofball groaned, holding her head as she got to her feet. "I _so_ didn't get paid enough for this," she said, glaring at Lily before walking off into the caves.

The other teens just watched her go with wide eyes and gaping mouths.

"...huh," Lily said after a moment.

XXX

"Turns out Chris brought back a classic competitor to mess with us," she explained in the confessional. "I feel kinda bad now," she admitted sheepishly.

XXX

The footage flashed ahead to all of the Mutant Maggots except Jo assembled at the steps leading up to their cabin. The camera focused on Cody, who was standing on the ground in front of the others. "So we're obviously voting out Jo right? I mean she's a horrible person."

"I don't know," Angel replied. "I know she's a little abrasive but if we just give her another chance I'm sure she'll change!"

"You didn't hear what she said after you were captured," Bridgette said bitterly.

"It makes sense that we lost eh," Ezekiel spoke up. "We have more girls than they do."

Cody gasped, Beardo imitated a record scratch, and the two blonde girls turned their angry gazes upon him. "What's _that_ supposed to mean?" Bridgette asked.

Beardo made a warning alarm sound.

"Well, guys are much stronger an' better at sports than girls are." Ezekiel explained, oblivious to his teammates' growing anger.

"Zeke, stop talking." Cody said nervously.

"My Dad told me to look out for the girls here eh, and to help 'em if they can't keep up." Ezekiel continued, digging himself deeper.

Angel gasped. "How could you believe such a thing?"

"I don't agree with him." Cody interrupted moving to separate Ezekiel from the two blondes. "But he grew up on a farm in the middle of nowhere! It's probably all he's seen. It's not like he thinks guys are smarter than girls, right?"

"But they are!" Ezekiel said. Cody and Beardo palmed their faces.

XXX

"I tried to help him," Cody told the confessional.

XXX

The scene cut to a shot of the island at night, the camera zooming in then cutting to the six Mutant Maggots at the campfire pit – Cody and Jo together on the left side of the back row with their arms crossed; Angel and Bridgette on the front left; Beardo on the back right; and Ezekiel on the front right.

"Team Maggot, welcome to your first elimination ceremony," Chris began as Chef walked up in his hazmat suit carrying the box containing the Toxic Marshmallow. "And I gotta say, given some of the less than useful players on your team I'm surprised it took this long." The shot cut in close to Jo and Cody as the jock-ette nodded her agreement. "But who the useless ones are depends on who you ask! Right Zeke?"

The homeschooler looked down in shame.

"Maybe it's Angel or Bridgette," Chris added with an almost taunting tone as the shot cut to the girls, who promptly stiffened and looked down. "They _did_ cost you guys the challenge after all," the host laughed.

"The following players are safe," Chris said, holding up the first marshmallow from his own platter. "Cody."

The geek caught his prize with a smile, and stuck his tongue out at Jo.

"Bridgette." The surfer raised her head and caught her marshmallow with a scowl.

"Beardo," the host continued, the beatboxer smiling in delight before getting hit in the forehead with his treat.

"And Angel," Chris finished, the blonde seeming almost shocked as she caught her marshmallow in open hands.

"Which leaves, Ezekiel and Jo," Chris announced, the shot pulling back to show the homeschooler gulping nervously and the jock-ette sitting up straighter. "And the loser is...," he said with an impish smile, pausing for effect.

"Ezekiel."

Ezekiel, thoroughly dejected, got up and started to trudge to the exit. "Looks like old-school values and reality TV just don't mix!" Chris commented happily.

Ezekiel stopped, looked back at the faces of his former teammates, and opened his mouth. "I guess I was wrong about...a bunch a' stuff, I guess. Sorry, eh."

The point-of-view shifted to the front of Ezekiel as he walked off, only for Chris to grab his arm and stop him. "Oh, I guess I forgot the Marshmallow."

Chris and Chef looked at one another and shared a mischievous smile, and the cook walked forward with his strongbox still shut tight. He presented it to Ezekiel, who cringed in anticipation as it was slowly opened...revealing nothing inside.

"What?" Ezekiel said in confusion.

"Hah!" Chris laughed. "You see, _tonight's_ eliminated Maggot is _tomorrow's_ new Rat."

"So, I'm not taking the Hurl of Shame?" Ezekiel asked.

"Nope," Chris answered with a smug grin. "From now on, you and the people who just voted you out will be on opposing teams," the host added.

"Thanks eh!" the homeschooler said happily. "I won't let this happen again!"

"Whatever," Chris said, rolling his eyes. "Kinda disappointing no one's going for a catapult ride, though." He looked over at Chef, who'd returned to his side and taken off his protective helmet.

\

The scene flashed to the Dock of Shame, Chef in the catapult's bucket with Chris standing nearby.

"Chris, man, why am I up here again?" the cook asked nervously, an inflatable duck-shaped inner tube around his waist.

"Because _somebody_ needs to get hurled tonight," Chris explained as he walked over to the catapult's lever. "Plus, I'm giving you a flotation device so you can swim back."

The duck-shaped float suddenly deflated, startling the cook. "Yo Chris! I need a new-" he tried to say, interrupted by Chris pulling the lever and launching him screaming "DUUUUUUUUUCK!" into the night sky.

"Wanna know who I'm gonna catapult off the island next?" he turned and asked the camera as the capstone theme began to play. "You'll have to come back and find out, right here on Total! Drama! _Revenge_ , of the _Island_!"

* * *

 **Author's Note Post Script:** And thus we come to the team swap. Why Zeke and not Jo? Tow reasons. First, The Rats have enough antagonists to deal with. And second, think back to Dodgebrawl all the way back in season one. Like with Noah there are plenty of fics where Zeke doesn't get eliminated on his canon episode. However it's always the same thing, he says something along the lines to someone before they get to the main lodge and that person tells him how the world really works.

I knew I wanted to keep Zeke around for longer than a couple of episodes, and the team swap gave me the perfect opportunity. Now I can keep him in the game, and he still says all the crap that got him eliminated. Plus, I can give some character development with him dealing with the girls on his new team. One of which won't trust him.

Also I get to keep the main source of conflict within the Maggots. Jo and Cody's rivalry is fun to write because this is a side of Cody we very rarely got to see in canon, and I can drown out his more creepy aspects. Angel and Bridgette continue to grow closer, and Beardo's trying to work up the courage to ask out Ella.

As far as the Rats, it's pretty much all centered around Natasha and Lily. Those are some dynamics I'm really excited to work with in the coming weeks.

Kitsune being the spider here just seemed to be so obvious a choice to me, and it gave me a chance to show Lily's more caring side. Something else we'll be seeing as the season progresses.

And as always I'm sure I'm forgetting to mention something.

I hope you all enjoyed the episode, or some part of it.

With that I'm signing off

-TotalDramaFan14

* * *

 **RDRotI ELIMINATION TABLE:**

 **13th Place:** Sam

 **12th Place:** Gary

 **11th Place:** Eva


	5. Backstabbers Ahoy!

**Author's Note:** We're into the second third now. The game's starting to heat up at this point/ Also, according to rumor, Bridgette will be a character in Total Dramarama. I didn't know that was something I wanted to see until I read it.

 **Disclaimer:** I don't own Total Drama, the shuffled concept or the (most of) the characters.

And to answer some reviews:

 _ **StarHeart Specials:**_ I know, can you believe I almost didn't do that? Yea they do, but it won't be an easy road for them. So I didn't let's just say he hid off-camera. I am too, I almost had Angel and Cody be the 'main' couple this season. It wouldn't have worked as well though. I did consider that, but I just thought Chef getting catapulted was funnier. And thanks for the Zeke idea.

 _ **Guest:**_ Yep Zeke's a Rat. Please don't apologize for bad jokes, I make enough of them myself. My only guess for your question is that writers want to show him as useful to the team. I've been guilty of it so far this season. Yeah, I never really liked Freakzekiel and continually hope he's returned to normal. Well, normal for Zeke. I'm glad you like Beardella and that moment of sisterly protection from Lily. She really does care for her sister.

 _ **That British Guy:**_ Not really. I mean people ship Dott. No pairing will be weirder than that.

 _ **Derick Lindsey:**_ It's kinda a big scene for him, there was no cutting it. Although I did give little hints all season so it didn't come out of the blue like in canon. The lack of tiebreaker is simply because the boys votes were split between Jo (who they all dislike) and Angel (who's the less useful of the two that cost them the challenge) I'm glad you like that scene, and there probably was some off-screen thanking but it just wouldn't fit in the episode y'know? As far as the lack of Kitsune Hurl, I just thought the duck scene with Chef would be funnier. As for everything else, 'wait and see'.

 _ **Pastatoxic2:**_ Something about a bunch of semi-scared teens just has great comedy potential. I don't get it either. I know, it's just so obvious in hindsight. Zeke's not out of the woods yet, one of his new teammates is the twin sister of one of his old ones.

 _ **Gucci Mane LaFlare:**_ It was the perfect episode for her. Glad you like the Cody/Jo rivalry and Natasha. I'm really enjoying having him be the main threat rather than a mild one.

 _ **Remaining Campers:**_

 **Toxic Rats:** Ella, Ezekiel, Lightning, Lily, Natasha

 **Mutant Maggots:** Angel, Beardo, Bridgette, Cody, Jo

I ski, you ski, we all ski for water-skis!

* * *

 **Episode 05: Backstabbers Ahoy**

"Last time, on Total Drama Revenge of the Island!" Chris opened, the standard shot of the island quickly cutting to a clip of the campers hurriedly assembling in the common area between cabins as the recap montage began. "Ten campers went on a scavenger hunt," a close-up of the screen that showed the scavenger hunt locations was next, "that was _spoo~ky~_!" he said in an appropriate tone, several scary eyes opening up in the hollow of a tree. "And very, very, _painful_ ," he added with a laugh as Lightning was shown getting choked by the squid-tree while some of his teammates threw rocks at both him and the tentacle, and Lily ran right into a minefield and got blown up.

"And just to make things more fun for me," the host continued over shots of the contestants complaining, then the sudden abductions of Lightning, Angel, and Beardo, "we brought back veteran goofball Kitsune to have some fun with the campers," the goofball's reveal was shown as was her subsequent departure. "Which turned out to be _not_ so fun for her," Lily was shown pounding on the spider's abdomen.

"In the end, Ezekiel ticked off _all_ his female teammates with his sexist comments about women," the homeschooler was shown talking, "and got himself eliminated," Chef was shown handing him the strongbox. "Or at least he _would_ have if I hadn't swapped him to the _Rats_ instead." Chris laughed as Chef opened his strongbox to reveal the lack of Toxic Marshmallow of Loserdom.

"Hey it's my show. I can do what I want," the host said as the montage ended to show him standing on the Dock of Shame. "Who will ride the Hurl of Shame next? How many times can I laugh at _them_ , before _then_? Find out right now, on Total! Drama! Revenge of the Island!"

 **XXXXX**

[The sequence begins much as it did three seasons ago, with an open into letterbox format as the camera focuses on the tops of a few distant pine trees. A rusty stage light rotates up and turns on; then the shot changes to a cobwebby spotlight swinging down and turning on as well; then a small security camera popping out of one of several leaky toxic waste barrels; then another camera bursting out of a tree hollow, held by an octopus tentacle and dislodging a few bones; then a pair of fair-skinned arms clapping a film slate in front of the camera which switches to a shot of the island, briefly showing a giant octopus looking out of the lake to the right, then flying forward down the dock and past the buildings, passing under a totem pole that Chris was sitting on and which was being carried by a trio of male interns of mismatched heights.]

 _Dear Mom and Dad, I'm doin' fine;_

[The camera rapidly flies through the trees as the lyrics begin, quickly reaching the top of the thousand-foot-high cliff.]

 _You guys are on my mind!_

[It looks down at the ring of buoys in the water below and dives, immediately cutting to an underwater view as the bubbles disperse to reveal Cody gagging with several vicious-looking fish watching him hungrily.]

 _Ya asked me what I wanted to be,_

 _And now I think the answer is plain to see!_

[Cody frantically swims up and away from an approaching tentacle, passing another fish wearing a gas mask. The camera pans up to reveal Bridgette on one side of her surfboard; Cody surfaces and slumps against the other side, then flashes her a flirtatious smile. The tentacle surfaces and slams into the middle of the board...and in doing so, sends Bridgette into the water and Cody high into the sky.]

 _I wanna be...famous!_

[The scene lingers on Cody in front of the sun for a moment, then quick-pans down to Jo working out with a punching bag in the middle of the woods; a falling Cody abruptly falls into her arms. Cody tries one of his flirty smiles on the jock-ette, who just scowls and drops him before going back to her workout. The camera pans right to Ella, happily singing to a number of hairless squirrels and three-eyed birds.]

 _I wanna live close to the sun!_

[At the top of a waterfall, Angel and Lily float downriver in a canoe. Angel appears to be gushing about something to her sister, and the cynic is clearly only pretending to listen for a second before turning around and spotting the fall. Both scream as they go over the edge.]

 _Well pack your bags, 'cause I've already won!_

[The camera pans down to Lightning, deadlifting a large log while standing on another log suspended across the rocks at the bottom of the falls. the twins and their canoe land on his makeshift weight, breaking the log supporting him and sending all three into the water.]

 _Everythin' to prove, nothin' in my way;_

[Ezekiel walks up to the outhouse confessional and a monstrous shark with arms and legs bursts out of the outhouse with a toothy grin, causing the homeschooler to scream and run away as the shark chases after him.]

 _I'll get there one day_

[The camera pans to the Main Lodge, Chef's silhouette visible in the window. Zooming in to the room shows him stirring a pot of some greenish slop with an annoyed frown, and the shot pans over to show Gary making various hand signs and rapping. A spoon flies from the right and hits him, knocking him out.]

 _'Cause I wanna be...famous!_

[Another pan to the left reveals Natasha looking Gary's way and sighing in relief, he turns to the camera and gives an all-knowing smirk. The scene zooms back out of the lodge to the beach, where Eva is alternating reps with a dumbell in each hand.]

 _Na-na nanananaa, nanana-nanaa, na-nananananaa_

[The camera pans away from Eva and on to Sam happily playing a handheld game. A furry hand taps him on the shoulder, distracting the gamer and allowing the arm to snatch away the console. Sam realizes what's happened, and rushes angrily at the large hairy ape-man now playing the game, and the camera moves on watch an odd, almost rattlesnake-like gull floating on the water. A bulbous-headed fish jumps out over it on the right and a shark jumps out of the left with its mouth wide open, but the first fish blasts the shark with some sort of laser, turning it into a skeleton which is swallowed by the first fish as it finishes its jump. A tentacle rises out of the water to grab the gull, but it quickly lashes out and bites it with its snake-like fangs.]

 _I wanna be! I wanna be! I wanna be famous! (Na-na nanananaa, nanana-nanaa, na-nananananaa)_

[The camera pans down to the end of the dock to show Beardo moonwalking to the edge of the dock. He brings his hands to his mouth and vigorously beatboxes, spit flying from his hands.]

 _I wanna be! I wanna be! I wanna be famous! (Na-na nanananaa, nanana-nanaa, na-nananananaa)_

[A sudden splash of water comes down on the hairy boy, interrupting his music and causing him to send a blank look upward – Chris is hovering above him in a jetpack and helmet, holding an empty bucket. He drops the bucket then flies off, the flames from his jetpack taking over the screen. It becomes night as they peter out, and the camera pans down across the stars and treetops and full moon to Angel and Bridgette, sitting at a campfire together. As they lean towards each other with expectant smiles they are interrupted and separated by Chef, wearing a hazmat suit and holding a glowing green marshmallow between them with a pair of heavy tongs.

The shot zooms out to show the rest of the cast looking shocked, whistling the last few notes of the song – Ezekiel, Cody, Natasha, Beardo, Lightning, and Lily on Angel's side; Ella, Sam, Eva, Jo, and Gary on Bridgette's side; and Chris standing next to Chef on Bridgette's side as well. The shot continued to zoom out until a signboard was shown marking the presumed entrance to the fire pit; it read 'TOTAL DRAMA REVENGE OF THE ISLAND' in block letters, the third word being the largest and the last word relegated to a board tacked on at the end.]

 **XXXXX**

A shot of the morning sun opened the episode, a flock of geese flying across the sky in formation in the distance. The scene cut to the boys of the Rat cabin, the camera angled to show all three sound asleep in their beds – Lightning and Ezekiel on top, and Natasha sleeping below Ezekiel.

The shot cut in close to Ezekiel as he began to murmur in his sleep. "I know I won us the challenge eh," he began happily before suddenly stiffening up. "Wait, is that Fang?...wait...why...no! No! NO!" Ezekiel bolted awake with a start, screaming and flailing and tumbling off his bed with his sheet and landing on the floor with a thud.

"Sha-what was _that_?" Lightning asked groggily, putting a hand on his head as he sat up.

Natasha, seemingly already wide awake, waved to get Lightning's attention then pointed to the floor where Ezekiel had fallen.

"This better not be an every mornin' thing," the uber-jock warned. "Lightning was just about to win the Super Bowl!"

"Sorry, guys," Ezekiel told them, now on his feet but somewhat tangled up in his bedding. "I'm just really freaked out about that shark eh. It's like got it out for me for some reason."

"Dude, that ain't nothin' to worry about," Lightning replied, now sitting on the edge of his bed. "You just gotta show that shark who's boss!" He hopped off to the floor, then started getting dressed.

Natasha watched the two boys converse, then rolled his eyes in contempt.

XXX

"These new guys are even weirder than Cody and Beardo eh," Ezekiel told the outhouse camera. "Why does Lightning put 'sha' in front of everything?"

XXX

"Man, Lightning's not used to having roommates actually talk," the uber-jock confessed. "Homeschool's alright, but he's gonna get struck by _Lightning_ if he doesn't get rid of those nightmares."

XXX

"So Chris decided to move Ezekiel to our team?" Natasha mused in the confessional. "Interesting, but not a setback. I'm sure he'll prove himself useful for Lily's plans, and _mine_ by extension."

XXX

The scene cut outside the Maggots' cabin, the voice of Beardo rising up over it as he said "So I figured that if the whole love poem thing worked for Harold first season, it'd work for me here." As he spoke, the shot cut inside to show Beardo trying to put his shirt on while Cody fussed with his hair. "But now even though I'm pretty sure she's flirting with me I'm still too shy to go and actually talk to her. So what should I do?"

"You and Ella," Cody said slyly, waggling his eyebrows. "Good job dude, she's hot."

Beardo blushed, then started fastening his suspenders. "She is really cute, but I still don't know what to do."

"Just tell her you like her," Cody said with a shrug. "It's obvious she likes you back."

Beardo stared at him blankly for a moment. "But what if she says no?"

Cody shrugged again. "Just ask out another girl."

XXX

"It's what I would do," he explained, running his hand through his hair and trying to give a cool look to the camera.

XXX

The scene moved to a shot of the lake, a few red birds flying and tweeting past the camera. The perspective inverted to show Ella sitting on one of the stump seats of the bonfire pit, spreading breadcrumbs around the ground to some more birds and humming to herself.

"Just go over there and tell her you were the one who wrote the note," Cody said, the camera panning to the right and showing him and Beardo watching her. The geek had an arm around the nervous beatboxer and was trying to push him ahead.

"She seems busy," Beardo told him. "Maybe we should come back later."

"Come on dude," Cody implored. "It's now or never. Don't you want to date her?"

"I'm just nervous," the beatboxer confessed. "And shy. I can't really talk to people at first without making sounds."

"So...why don't you do that?" Cody asked with a raised eyebrow. Beardo faltered for a second, and Cody used that moment of distraction to push the beatboxer over to his crush.

"Oh, hi Ella...," Beardo said bashfully, causing the princess to look up and smile at him. "W-what're you doing?"

"Nothing really," Ella smiled. "I just woke up early and decided to spend some time feeding the birds."

"That's nice of you," Beardo told her.

"I suppose," Ella said. "Well, Lily must be awake by now," she said while standing up. "I would like to see how she is doing from all the excitement over the last challenge."

"Yeah," Beardo laughed. "That was wild. Are _you_ okay though? I heard you were taken first."

"I'm fine, thank you for asking," the princess said sweetly as she walked off. She suddenly stopped and placed a kiss on Beardo's cheek. "And I loved your poem by the way," she smiled before skipping off to the right.

Beardo just stood there with his hand on his cheek and a dumbfounded look on his face, and Cody ran up to him and patted him on the back. "Dude! Nice job!"

\

The scene flashed to Lily in the girls' side of the Rat cabin stretching her arms and yawning, giving the impression that she had just woken up. She perked up at the sound of pleased humming, and the camera cut to Ella walking into the room with a beaming smile.

"What's got _you_ so chipper this morning?" Lily asked. "Well more chipper than usual."

"I just had the most _wonderful_ conversation with my prince!" Ella gushed. "He's so kind and sweet. and I _may_ have kissed his cheek."

"How adorable," the cynic told her roommate in a genuine yet still mocking tone. "So who _is_ this guy anyway? Natasha? I could see him as a strong silent type that you'd be into."

"Oh, he's not on our team," the princess admitted, causing Lily's brow to shoot up. "So you don't have anything to worry about."

"What do you mean 'I don't have anything to worry about'?" Lily asked with a growing blush. "If you're talking about Rudy I-"

"Funny," Ella said slyly. "I never mentioned _who_ I was talking about specifically."

Lily blushed harder and groaned. "I'm _not_ into him like that!" she protested.

Ella giggled in response. "I think you and Lightning would make a lovely couple," the princess said. "You both have an admirable determination for winning."

"You sound like my sister," Lily grumbled.

"I don't know what that's like," Ella admitted. "I'm an only child."

"That sucks," Lily frowned. "Angel's a bit annoying at times but she's my best friend. I don't really know what I'd do without her." She noticed Ella's now dejected look and rubbed the back of her neck awkwardly. "Hey, how about I be your sister too?" she suggested. "Y'know for as long as we're in the game together?"

"You really want that?" Ella asked hopefully.

"Well, yeah," Lily admitted. "You helped me vote off Eva," the princess's face looked unusually hate-filled for a second at the mention of the iron woman, "and you're the closest thing to a friend I have on this team so-"

Ella quickly wrapped the cynic in a crushing hug. "I would _love_ to be your spirit sister!"

"Not a hugger," Lily said as the camera cut to Natasha listening in on the conversation from outside with a scowl on his face.

XXX

"That cannot be left alone," he declared. "Her hold on Lightning is bad enough, but unfiltered access to Ella could be very dangerous to me if we start losing again."

XXX

A loon called as the scene moved to the Mess Hall, cutting inside to Jo, Cody, Angel, Bridgette, and Beardo who were seated at the forward table this time around, while four of the five Rats had been forced to claim the table closer to the kitchen. All of them were eating what appeared to be trays of mostly meat – bacon and roast chicken and some kind of intestines, with a bit of mashed potatoes and an apple on the side.

Lightning walked up to the meal counter with his tray ready and asked "There's protein in this right?" to Chef as the cook scooped a bit of breakfast onto his tray.

Lily giggled to herself at the scene, but quickly turned to a scowl as soon as she caught Ella's knowing gaze. Natasha looked between the two girls and smirked to himself before starting to take another forkful of meat into his mouth. However before he could he was interrupted by the whine of the intercom and the voice of Chris McLean.

"Attention campers!" the host announced. "Breakfast is cutting in to precious time that you could spend getting injured!" The shot cut to the loudspeaker outside as Chris laughed. "Grab your swimsuits and meet me at the dock, pronto!"

The campers, who'd already gathered in the middle of the lodge aside from Lightning, began to groan and complain. "You have ten seconds to exit the Mess Hall," Chris added, "before I release... _The Raccoon_!"

"The _raccoon_?" Cody repeated in disbelief, and the nine teens started to laugh as the camera pulled back and a large crate was lowered down from the ceiling on chains. It stopped just before it hit the floor, and the campers immediately looked at it with dread.

The front face of it was punched off, revealing the giant mutant raccoon inside. It roared, and with a shriek the two teams fled the building.

The camera cut to the entrance to the kitchen, where Lightning was wheeling in a service cart full of the morning meal and whistling to himself. "Hey," he asked, apparently not hearing the warning. "Where y'all goin'? Oh well," he shrugged. "More for _Lightning_!"

He started ravenously eating, unaware of the menacing shadow creeping toward him.

\

The scene cut outside to the campers catching their breaths, Chris watching them nearby with an impish smile.

"What's the matter with you?" Jo asked him. "That thing could've _killed_ us!"

Chris just laughed. "Nah, only if you got between him and food." he sent a pensive look off-screen and said "Team Rat, looks like you're still missing a player."

The camera cut to the main lodge, where Lightning was tossed out of a window with a scream.

"Nevermind," Chris said jovially.

\

The footage flashed ahead to the two teams assembled on the Dock of Shame in their swimsuits – On the left: Jo in a dark gray one-piece, Cody in a pair of yellow and blue swim trunks, Beardo in a light gray speedo, Bridgette in a wetsuit, and Angel in a white bikini; On the right: Ella in a pink short dress-like one piece, Natasha in a red speedo, Ezekiel in a pair of khaki cargo shorts and still wearing his toque, Lily in a black bikini, and Lightning in a pair of dark blue swim trunks with gold trim; Chris was in the middle. Each team also had an old-fashioned diving suit connected by hose to a hand pump lying between them and the host.

"Alright," Chris began, "here to help us get today's competition underway, say hello to our classic competitors, _Sierra_ and _Scarlett_!"

He motioned to the side and the camera zoomed out as the purple-haired super fan and the redheaded brainiac arrived at the dock in a patched-up red canoe.

"Oh my gosh," Sierra said happily. "Total Drama Newbies!"

"Let's get this over with," Scarlett chimed in irritably. "Remember," she told her friend, "our contracts said demonstration only."

"Relax," Chris smiled, "no demo needed! Just chum the water and try not to get eaten."

Scarlett narrowed her eyes in suspicion, and Sierra reached into the canoe and picked up a bucket of green slop. She took one whiff of it and retched. "What is this stuff?" she asked in disgust.

"Leftovers," the host grinned. "From last season."

The two girls shuddered, and in doing so Sierra slopped a bit of chum onto the edge of the canoe. "Well, I can see your standards are as low as ever," Scarlett commented.

"Hey, my standards are high," Chris countered, taking offense.

It was then that Fang rose out of the water and chomped down on the end of the boat, devouring the bit of chum that had been spilled on it and forcing Sierra to yelp and dart over to Scarlett.

"See? Fang likes it," Chris said.

" _How_ is this legal?" Scarlett asked in shock.

"Challenge, part one!" the host moved on. "Each team must get a pair of water-skis in an _underwater mission_." The shot cut underwater as he spoke, showing two sets of water skis tied to a pair of rocks on the lake bed. A school of vicious, spiny fish swam past from the right to the left, and a second later a school of eels passed through from the opposite direction. "Or drown trying," the host added as the camera zoomed in on the skis.

"One victim-I mean _camper_ ," Chris continued with a sly look, "will snag the skis in an old-school diving suit," he held up the Rats' suit, "and float them to the surface while the rest of their team pumps them oxygen," he held up the Maggots' pump. "First team to surface their skis wins, and gets an advantage in part two."

\

The focus moved to the Maggots, Jo standing before her teammates and holding the diving suit's helmet. "Listen up Maggots. _I'm_ diving."

"I could do it," Bridgette suggested. "I'm a surfer."

In response Jo dropped the helmet onto Bridgette. The surprise causing her to gasp and back up, which in turn caused her to trip on the oxegen hose and fall on her butt.

"Like I said, I'm diving," Jo said with a small smile. "Chicken Legs is in charge while I'm down there. All you runts have to do is pump me air and not make me use my whistle."

The focus moved to the Rats, Ezekiel at the center of their attention. "How're we gonna see who dives eh?"

"Simple," Lily said with a smirk and the diving helmet in hand. " _You're_ gonna prove your loyalty by getting us our skis," she said dropping the helmet onto her new teammate.

XXX

"Angel told me all about how Homeschool's elimination went down," Lily explained to the confessional camera while idly filing her fingernails. "Needless to say I'm not a fan. All he can do now is prove his worth or give the team an easy target, it's pretty much a win-win for me."

XXX

"Ready?" Chris asked, now standing between Jo and Ezekiel, the two now fully dressed in their diving suits. Jo smirked confidently at her opponent, while Ezekiel gulped nervously, and with a sharp "GO!" from the host, the two were off.

The shot immediately cut underwater as the two splashed down and sank to the lake bed. The perspective moved behind them as they looked ahead to the tied-up skis in the distance, and after sharing a brief glance the two raced off...rather slowly through the water, thanks to the heavy suits and water pressure. They kicked up air bubbles and small clouds of sand with each step they took through the rock-and-trash-littered landscape, and the camera focused in on Ezekiel as he suddenly stopped as though his hose had been caught on something.

He looked back and the camera panned to follow, revealing Fang holding back the homeschooler's hose with a single hand. He grinned toothily, and Ezekiel screamed.

The scene moved back above the water, focusing on the Rats. Natasha was currently pumping with Lightning and Lily flanking him, and Ella leaning off the edge of the dock to watch Ezekiel's progress.

"Hey, you're not getting tired already, are you?" Lily asked the mastermind in an almost condescending voice as his breathing became heavier.

Natasha glared at her, and was quickly knocked aside by Lightning. "Stand aside," the uber jock said. " _This_ is how you pump air!" He pumped so furiously that the hose started bulging as air pockets moved down it.

The scene cut back to Fang swimming viciously at Ezekiel; the homeschooler turned around and screamed just as the bulging air pocket moved through the hose towards him...blowing up his suit like a balloon, causing Fang to ram into him and bounce off.

"Goooooo Jo!" Angel cheered excitedly as the camera cut back above the water, the blonde kneeling at the edge of the Maggots' half of the dock.

"Yeah, don't mess up...," Cody added halfheartedly behind her.

The camera panned away from them and on to Beardo and Bridgette, the latter operating the pump while the former talked to her...absentmindedly standing on the hose while doing so.

"Hey Bridgette, can I ask you something?" the beatboxer said.

"Sure thing," Bridgette replied, looking up at her teammate. "What's on your mind?"

"Okay," Beardo rubbed his arm awkwardly. "Say you were crushin' on a girl on the island-"

"What do you mean by that?" Bridgette asked in shock, to which Beardo raised an eyebrow. "Am I that obvious?"

"Well yeah," Beardo said. "But I was talking about me."

"Oh," Bridgette said with a blush. "Well who's the lucky girl?"

"It's Ella but-" Beardo tried to say before Bridgette 'aw'ed and cut him off.

"That's so cute," she said. "Are you the secret admirer I've heard her talking about?" As she spoke, the camera focused down on the slowly-growing bulge in the hose, trapped from moving onward by Beardo's weight.

The shot cut back underwater, Jo eagerly approaching the water skis...until she suddenly gasped, stopped, and held her breath with a look of shock. She frantically started tugging on her hose, and the scene returned to the edge of the dock as the other end of the hose began to yank and twang.

Bridgette quickly noticed it, and moved her wide gaze up the hose to Beardo's feet. "Wait, have you been standing on the hose this whole time?" she asked.

"Huh?" Beardo asked, looking down in confusion.

"Get off! Jo's probably choking!" Bridgette shouted, causing the beatboxer to jump back off the hose, allowing the air pocket to finally rush down the hose.

Back underwater Jo's face had started to lose a bit of color as she kept on tugging at the hose. The air bubble finally reached her, and she let out a sigh of relief.

XXX

"Man," Beardo said nervously. "I may not like Jo, but I don't want her to die."

XXX

The static cut away to the Rats, Lightning continuing to pump air at a fast pace.

"So what do you think of the new guy?" Lily asked her teammates. "Personally I'm not a fan."

Natasha shrugged.

"Yeah I know you don't care," Lily said with an eye-roll. "What about you Ella?"

"Well," the princess said seriously. "I'm a little apprehensive about his... _conservative_ views, but I think he's perfectly nice."

"Well I don't trust him," she said before widening her eyes and adding "yet. This'll show us whose side he's _really_ on."

Unseen by the Rats, Natasha raised an eyebrow.

\

The scene flashed back underwater where Fang had gotten a hold of Ezekiel's air hose and was using him as a punching bag. The hose snapped from the unintended stress and the homeschooler was sent flying through the water.

Ezekiel quickly, and completely on accident, capitalized by getting to the Rats' skis first. His diving suit knocked Jo down and smacked into the rock holding the skis, the force was enough to dislodge them; seconds later the two skis floated up to the surface.

A ship's horn was blown, and Chris called out "The Rats win the first challenge!" over the shot of Ezekiel flying out of the water between the skis with a scream.

The camera zoomed out and Jo burst out of the water with Fang following slightly after. The mutant shark quickly grabbed the jock-ette's air hose and used it to pull himself up before he could sink back down, then with a vicious grin he twirled the suited girl around in the air like a bolas until the hose snapped and Jo was sent flying.

She landed on the edge of the docks with a groan.

"Way to get us the skis Jo!" Cody spoke up, standing with Beardo in front of the pump. "Wait! We _lost_."

"Can it Shortstuff," the jock-ette replied as she took off her diving helmet and cast a suspicious look at the air hose – the camera panned down and zoomed in, revealing that Cody was now standing on it.

XXX

"That little-" she griped before growling and punching the wall of the outhouse. "Pipsqueak's going down!"

XXX

The scene moved to the Rats, Ella and Natasha and Lily all helping to haul Ezekiel up out of the water.

"Good job Homeschool," Lily said with a smirk as she pulled off his helmet.

"Yeah," Lightning said, stepping away from the pump with a small smile. "Team Lightning's goin' all the _way_ now!"

"The Rats are the first to grab water skis," Chris announced over a shot of everyone assembled on the dock, "and their reward?" he said as a light-skinned female intern with a black ponytail drove a speedboat up to the Rats' side of the dock. "A McLean Brand Speedboat to use in part two of the challenge."

"Yes!" Lily said, pumping her fist in excitement.

"Sha- _score_!" Lightning chimed in, the rest of their teammates smiling.

"And for the Maggots," Chris turned to the losers, a spluttering engine attracting their attention to the lake as well as the southeast Asian male intern drove up an inflatable boat to the left side of the dock. "A totally leaky dinghy!"

The five Maggots groaned and hung their heads in disappointment.

"This challenge is so ours," Lily said to Ella.

"Part two of the challenge," Chris continued, briefly holding up two fingers as he continued his exposition, "a death-defying water ski race! The goal? Be the first to ring four bells on these four totally _harmless_ buoys."

As he spoke, the shot cut first to one of the bells, then zoomed out to show it – and the others floating nearby – were attached to the top of what were very obviously sea mines. Sierra and Scarlett arrived just then, the super-fan frantically bailing out water while the brainiac nervously paddled their canoe up to one of the mines. They bumped into it just as Chris proclaimed its harmlessness, and both cameos and canoe were blown away by the resulting explosion.

Sierra, singed and screaming, crashed head-first into an actual buoy but quickly grabbed onto it. "I can't believe my mom's still in love with him," she said with shell-shocked awe.

Chris laughed. "Make that _three_ bells," he corrected as a screaming Scarlett landed on the dock beside him. "See?" he told the slightly-charred young woman. "You _totally_ got to demo the challenge."

Scarlett coughed out a bit of soot and glared at him.

The host laughed again, then looked at the camera. "Who will cry for their mommy? And who's cries will be drowned out by explosions?" he asked with a wide smile. "Find out when we return." He looked down at Scarlett, who coughed out a little more soot.

\

(Commercial Break)

\

"Before the break," Chris said over a shot of the speedboat, the perspective a rare side-view of the end of the dock, "the Rats got dibs on a sweet speedboat. Which, they'll need." The camera panned on to the winning team standing confidently in their bathing suits, and Lightning and Ella shared a quick fist bump.

"Meanwhile," the camera panned to the left past the host and onto the other team, "the Maggots are stuck dodging water mines," the shot kept panning from the glum-looking losers onto their vessel, "in a leaky dinghy that couldn't float in a kiddie pool." True to the host's word, the inflatable boat appeared to have already taken on a little bit of water.

"Sha- _burn_!" Lightning mocked.

"Choose three campers to water ski, one to drive, and one to operate your gull cannon," Chris continued.

"Wait, did you say gull cannon?" Lily asked in disbelief.

"Yeah, you heard me," Chris said with a mischievous grin, taking out a remote control, pointing it at the boats, and pressing its single button. With a mechanical whir two identical turrets rose up from the two vessels; multi-barreled things with small sights and a large glass tank on top containing three noticably snake-like gulls.

"Sam would've _loved_ this," Ella commented from off-screen.

"Each team gets three chances to shoot the bells," Chris explained. "Or the other team. _Especially_ the other team," he grinned darkly.

"This seagull looks kinda weird," Cody said, kneeling down at the edge of the dock to get a closer look at his team's cannon.

"Ohhh, that's not a seagull," the host said. "These babies are half seagull, half rattlesnake, all with paralyzing venom."

Cody turned his attention back to the glass tank and tapped on the side of it until one of the birds screeched at him, baring its fangs and causing the geek to recoil with fright.

Chris laughed. "Whichever team rings the most bells, wins!"

"Ooh, I'll drive!" Angel quickly suggested, looking at Jo next to her. "If that's okay with everybody."

"Whatever," the jock-ette said. " _I'm_ gunning."

The two girls walked forward past their teammates, Beardo looking toward the Rats while Cody and Bridgette smiled.

"Well boys," the blonde said, grabbing the arms of the boy on either side of her, "looks like we're skiing. Which is great, because the water is the one place I'm not a klutz."

"So Bridgette's on one ski," Cody said. "You got the other Beardo?"

The beatboxer turned his attention back to his team, then gave a thumbs-up accompanied by a ding.

"Cool," Cody said with a grin. "Then I'm on top."

The focus cut over to the Rats as Lightning sat down in the driver's seat. "Lightning's drivin'," he said confidently, pulling a lever and turning on the engine with a "Sha- _boom_!"

"And I'll take the cannon," Lily said, the camera panning over to her taking control of the boat's weapon. "I do have the high score on Loon Hunter back home."

"So I guess we're skiin' eh," Ezekiel said as Natasha shrugged and picked up the tow line's handle.

"Wonderful," Ella smiled and nodded. "I've always wanted to do something like this."

Chris smiled, then blew an airhorn to signal the start of the challenge. The Rats' speedboat immediately started moving, causing Natasha to silently gasp as he was suddenly yanked along for the ride – and Ezekiel and Ella as well as they were frantically grabbed and pulled along as well.

The camera zoomed out the Maggots got their start as well, the dinghy moving away from the dock at a much slower pace, enough to drag Bridgette, Beardo, and Cody off the dock but not quite enough to keep them afloat on their skis.

\

The focus flashed back to the Rats' boat. "Sha- _zoom_ baby!" Lightning cheered. "We got this in the bag! Those Maggots will _never_ catch up!"

Lily giggled at the uber-jock's antics, then said "Great," with a small blush.

The camera cut from them to a trail of bubbles behind the Maggots' accelerating dinghy, which soon revealed themselves to be Bridgette and Beardo on one ski each while Cody sat on the beatboxer's shoulders.

Also rising up from the water was Fang, who snapped his jaws at the Maggot trio earning a startled cry from Cody. "Hey, we need to go faster!" he called up to his other teammates.

"It doesn't go any faster!" Angel called back to them with an almost apologetic anxiousness.

"Well keep trying!" Bridgette called out. "Fang's gonna eat us!"

"Wait! I have an idea!" Cody called out suddenly, then whispered something in Beardo's ear.

"Huh?" Bridgette said, looking over at him in confusion – a sentiment that quickly turned into a scream as Fang surged up behind them again. Cody joined in, but just before the mutant shark could chomp down on them he was distracted by the cry of an injured seal. The shark looked behind him, then at the skiing campers, then swam off in search of the seal.

"Beardo that was awesome!" Cody said.

The focus cut to the open water as the speedboat sped in and out of view, then the Maggots' dinghy. "Let's see if we can slow down those Rats," she called out to Angel as she readied the canon. "Eat gull, losers!"

"Be careful!" Angel replied. "We only have one gull to spare!"

"And it's all we'll need," Jo said smugly and darkly, firing off her cannon. The gull shot past Ella and Ezekiel and Natasha, who had gotten into a pyramid formation with the princess on the shoulders of the mastermind and homeschooler– and hit Lightning in the back, and he immediately felt its effects.

"Lightning's been hit!" he cried out in alarm, standing up and grabbing the side of his head. "Lightning's...been...hiiittt..." he slurred, finally toppling over onto the boat's windshield and Lily immediately ran to his side.

"Rudy!" the cynic said, struggling to move her teammate. "Guys, we lost steering!" The shot zoomed out to show the speedboat swerving off-course and plowing into a stand of reeds.

The focus moved ahead back to the Maggots, where Jo was looking back and smiling. "Aw _rats_ ," she said with a chuckle before turning back to the course.

The perspective moved to show through her cannon's aiming sight as the cross-hairs aligned with the bell. She readied her canon but was distracted by another gull, whizzing through and ringing the bell. The mine exploded as the Maggots passed by it, and the five half-cheered, half-screamed.

"Great shot Jo!" Angel called back to the gunner.

"That _wasn't_ me," Jo replied bitterly.

Just then the Rats sped by; Lightning still slumped over the windshield while the skiers cheered and congratulated Lily on her shot. "Great shot Lily!" Ella in particular was heard saying.

"Not a victory yet," the cynic said to herself as the Maggots passed them. "We still need some way to steer this thing."

The focus cut back to the Maggots as they approached the second mine, and with a darkly eager grin Jo cocked her cannon and fired. Another gull shot past her and her teammates but the one she fired hit the bell. The Maggots cried out as the mine exploded right by them, and Jo grinned in relief.

"Dang it," Lily swore.

"Watch out eh!" Ezekiel called out in sudden panic, pointing ahead of their boat. Lily looked from him to the direction he was pointing, then cried out in shock. They sped past the buoy that Sierra was on - the super-fan was using the chum bucket to bat away Fang screaming "I'm not a seal!" - and Lightning snagged his head on the bucket.

A slurp was heard from within the bucket and Lightning woozily said "Protein..." then fell on the throtle to the boat.

Moments later, the speedboat slowed to a stop, causing the waterskiing Rats to crash and fall into the boat.

"The Maggots are ahead eh!" Ezekiel cried out in alarm as the skiers got to their feet.

"And we lost our skis," Ella added.

"Yeah, well our driver's got his head stuck in a bucket," Lily replied, the camera cutting to the sleeping uber-jock.

Natasha whistled to get their attention and the camera cut to him in the driver's seat. He pointed to Lightning, Ezekiel and Ella and then to the tow line.

"But how are they supposed to ski without skis?" Lily asked.

Natasha smirked in response.

\

The footage skipped ahead to the Rats back in motion, the members in position according to Natasha's plan – Natasha driving, Lily at the cannon, and Ella and Ezekiel using Lightning as a ski.

"Great plan, Natasha!" Lily called to the mastermind. "I think we might be back in this!"

\

Another flash took the scene to the Maggots, their boat moving to the right with Jo looking down her cannon's sights.

"The Rats are back in it!" Angel called back.

"Not for long," Jo said as she readied another shot... only for the cannon to explode presumably by a jammed gull.

"Are you okay?" Angel asked. Jo coughed up a few feathers in response.

"Look out!" the jock-ette yelled. Angel looked from her to the direction she was pointing, then cried out in shock.

Moments later, the dinghy crashed in to a tall rock jutting out of the lake, knocking the girls off their feet and causing their waterskiing teammates to crash and fall into the boat in turn.

The Rats sped past them, all cheering. "There's the last mine eh!" Ezekiel called out as the camera quick panned to the bell on the mine.

XXX

"It didn't take a genius to turn that situation around," Natasha bragged. "It helps though."

XXX

A featherless gull fell from the sky and stung Natasha's left shoulder. His eyes widened briefly, then glazed over as he passed out.

"We lost another one!" Lily yelled out.

The camera cut back to the Maggots as Jo glared up at Angel. "Nice driving," she shot.

"Sorry," Angel said to the team. "But we're not that far from the last bell." The camera once again cut to the lone mine in the water.

"Time to take one for the team Shortstuff!" Jo said to the geek.

"Wait!" Cody yelled. "What do you mean by tHAAAAAAT?!" Jo picked him up and threw him at the buoy.

Meanwhile, the Rats sped along uncontrolably until they hit a particularly ramped-shaped rock. The boat, and Lily and Natasha were sent into another rock while Ella and Ezekiel fell into the water and Lightning was sent flying through the air.

The camera cut to a shot of Cody screaming through the air, then Lightning screaming through the air, then to the two boys crashing into each other. They fell onto the mine and plunged it underwater, with Cody being the one who actually touched the bell.

The camera backed away, becoming the view through a pair of binoculars.

"No explosion?" Chris said from the dock, the camera cutting to his side as he lowered the binoculars. "Not cool," he turned and told Chef.

Moments later, an explosion from off-screen lit up the area, and the camera moved behind the two adults just in time to catch the plume of smoke and water rising up from the lake and dissipating just as quickly.

"Sha- _boom_!" the host laughed.

\

"And the Maggots win!" Chris announced as the footage skipped ahead to the winning team assembled on the beach around a bandaged Cody on a stretcher next to an ambulance. They cheered, and Beardo and Bridgette high-fived.

"That was amazing Cody!" Angel told the geek.

"You really came through for us Shortstuff," Jo said with a smirk.

Cody said something through his bandages, but the reply was too muffled to understand.

The focus cut over to the Rats as they washed up on the beach, and Lily and Ezekiel dragged their gulled teammates to shore.

"What happened?" Lightning asked in a slightly dazed tone.

"You and Natasha got gulled and we lost," Lily answered with a pout.

"Maybe we lost again," Ella said sweetly. "But that doesn't mean we can't do better in the future!" While most of her teammates smiled and nodded, Natasha merely pursed his lips.

XXX

"Ella's good for morale," Natasha told the outhouse. "But since she's the easiest person to sic Lily on, she must go."

XXX

A flash took the scene back to the Rats' cabin as Lily walked up its steps. She opened the door, and the camera followed her inside.

"Huh," she mused, "Ella must be out trying to flirt with Beardo again."

She noticed a loose piece of paper on the floor and frowned. "You'd think a cartoon princess would be better about cleaning up after herself. I wonder," she said, looking around the cabin before reading the paper. Her eyes shot up in shock, then narrowed in anger.

"Why that little!"

XXX

" _This_ ," she said in the confessional while holding up the paper, "is a page from Ella's diary. Aside from her _real_ thoughts about me which aren't exactly kind, it also has her plan to send _me_ home next time we lost! This is what happens when you let your guard down and start trusting people!"

XXX

"Conformation bias is a peculiar thing," Natasha mused. "You see when people believe something, they'll take any evidence that confirms that belief as fact, no matter how much evidence there is to the contrary." He finished his confessional with a dark chuckle.

XXX

A chorus of crickets and frogs was heard as the camera followed Lily outside the cabin. She closed the door and slumped against it, muttering under her breath.

The sound of footsteps on creaking wood caught her attention, and she looked up and smiled.

"Hey, Hot Twin," Lightning said, the perspective inverting to show him smiling down at Lily with the dusk sky behind him, extending a hand to the young woman. The shot moved back to a sideways view as Lily accepted the hand up, and Lightnting's smile faltered. "What's wrong?"

"It's Ella," she answered with a broken voice. "She's convincing the boys to vote me off tonight. I know I've been messing up," she said with tears in her eyes, "but I really thought she liked me. But she doesn't! Nobody does!" she said, finally breaking down.

"I like you!" Lightning blurted out, causing both to freeze and blush. "Let me take care of it, Singer Girl's not gonna try and boot you and get away with it!" he declared, running off.

Lily just stood there stunned, asking herself "He likes me?" in a small voice.

XXX

"He really likes me?" she asked again with a smile that quickly turned into a scowl. "No! He's just playing me like Ella. I'll deal with him later, but first Ella goes home."

XXX

The crackle of a campfire rose over the night's chorus as the camera cut to the moon high in the sky. The scene panned down to a bush rustling just at the edge of the clearing, then zoomed out to show the five Rats – Lightning on the left, then Natasha, Lily, Ezekiel, and Ella on the far right end – seated all in a line in the front row of stump seats around the fire pit. Their eyes were a mixture of sadness and disappointment as they looked towards the just-off-screen host, and the ceremony began.

"After an episode filled with questions of friendship and loyalty, it's the Rats whose bonds must be tested," Chris began, Chef already standing by with his hazmat suit and strongbox. "The following campers are momentarily safe," the host continued, holding up his tray of four ordinary marshmallows.

"Natasha," he threw the first treat to the mastermind, who caught it with a smirk.

"Lily," the camera panned over to the cynic next as she caught her confection with a suspicious frown.

"And the artist formally known as Buckethead," the host said next, tossing the scowling Lightning the penultimate marshmallow from the tray.

Lily gasped in shock, then narrowed her eyes.

"And, the Toxic Marshmallow of Loserdom goes to...," Chris said as Chef plucked the glowing thing from the box and held it in his tongs.

"Ella."

"Oh…" Ella sighed softly, lowering her head. Without knowing it, she unintentionally ducked under her marshmallow. "I thought I was doing so well."

Lily quietly ducked away from the ceremony.

Ella stood up, and turned to face her former team. "So long, everyone. I'll treasure our time together. And, if you don't mind, I have a song I'd like to sing. I didn't get to do much of that here."

"Uh, what?" Chris interrupted, his eyebrows shooting up in surprise.

/\/\/\

[A light fairlylike tune began to play as Chris looked around in confusion. "Hey I didn't okay a musical bit," he said in protest.]

 _My time on the show is finished and done, but that's not to say I didn't have fuuuun_

[Ella sang as she clasped her hands together and leaned toward a shocked Natasha.]

 _I'll do my best not to cry. But, now I have to say goodbye_

[Various laser squirrels ran over to the clearing to hear her sing while Chris yelled "No! Knock it off!"]

 _I came on Total Drama and survived it just fine, with only minor damage to the base of my spine._

[She sang with a proud look on her face before pointing to the anatomy in question.]

 _I gave it my best try, but now I have to say goodbye._

[She sang as she started walking to the dock, only to stop when she heard a familiar voice call out "Ella!"

She turned around with a smile on her face and saw Beardo standing next to Lily and looking shocked. The princess quickly jogged over to him.]

 _Farewell my prince, I'll miss you most of all_

[She said as she put a hand on his cheek and gazed into his eyes.]

 _Here's my phone number, when this is over please call_

[She added as she stuck a slip of paper in his hands with her free one then kissed him on the lips.]

 _I lost the game and now I'm paying the price, and soon will be launched from this catapult device_

[She walked to the edge of the dock and got into the catapult's bucket.]

 _I'll do my best not to die! 'Cause now I have to say goodbyeeeeeee!_

[She finished the song with a flourish and long note.]

\/\/\/

The last syllable was about an octave higher as she was flung into the night, and the camera cut to Chris standing next to the catapult's lever. "Aaand that's enough of that," he told the camera as the series's capstone theme began to play. "Man, now I'm really starting to regret the whole 'musical season' thing. Anyway, what kinds of danger will I have for the campers next time? Find out, on Total! Drama! Revenge, of the Island!"

The camera jumped outwards with each part of the title as usual, but the scene lingered there even as the capstone theme faded.

XXX

"So Ella was shocked to be eliminated," Lily confessed. " _Too_ shocked. She clearly had no idea what was happening which meant that _someone_ wanted me to think that she did. And I intend to find out _who_ it is, and give them the same treatment."

XXX

"Oh no," Natasha said in concern. "Lily's realized someone's messing with her and the others. That wasn't a part of my plan..." he smirked, then laughed. "Oh wait, yes it was. Now she'll be so paranoid that she won't exercise her control over the team. And maybe make a few mistakes along the way?"

XXX

(Roll the Credits)

* * *

 **Author's Note Post Script:** Sadly, it was time for Ella to leave. She just had too many things going against her. I've always considered the core of the Rats to be Lily and Natasha, bith villains vying to control the game in their own way. Lightning is half comedic relief and half important to strategy, after all he's the one Lily goes to when she wants someone gone. That leaves Ella and Zeke. I still have some plans for the homeschooler so Ella lost by default. And even if she hadn't, her being in the next episode would make it very hard to drag out the yeti confrontation as long as it needs to be. This was simply the farthest I could have taken her.

Of course that isn't to say that she ended up in as bad a position as Dawn. She _was_ backstabbed, but Lily's now trying to avenge it. And she finally gave her phone number to Beardo. The song may be a bit wonky so I apologize for that, but I hope you like her exit nonetheless.

Not much to say about the Maggots, but that makes sense. Last chapter was theirs it was time for the Rats to shine.

And as always I'm sure I'm forgetting to mention something.

I hope you all enjoyed the episode, or some part of it.

With that I'm signing off

-TotalDramaFan14

* * *

 **RDRotI ELIMINATION TABLE:**

 **13th Place:** Sam

 **12th Place:** Gary

 **11th Place:** Eva

 **10th Place:** Ella


	6. Runaway Model

**Author's Note:** So I'm early. I'm not entirely sure I'll have a laptop come Friday so I decided to post early to make sure you're not kept waiting. If I _do_ have one, then you might get two chapters this week! We're halfway through the season, or almost halfway depending on how you look at it. Either way it's amazing how fast these short seasons go. Also worth noting, **A TVTropes page has been created for the series!** and I ask that all of you with accounts add any one you think I'm guilty of to the page. I'd do it myself, but that's kinda... preachy.

 **Disclaimer:** I don't own Total Drama, the shuffled concept or the (most of) the characters.

And to answer some reviews:

 _ **That British Guy:**_ That depends on what team the person I want/need to eliminate is on.

 _ **Guest:**_ It's so odd I didn't notice how similar B and Natasha are. This season really has given me a better appreciation of Ella, and others I found annoying in canon. Yep, Beardella has begun. I've never considered Zeke a _complete_ failure this season. I mean he made it past the first elimination. It was interesting to see a villain in your list of hopeful winners. I can't comment on her placing relative to Natasha though.

 _ **StarHeart Specials:**_ The primary goal with Ella was to make her elimination a lot less B.S. than canon. Her and Beardo was an added bonus. I won't ask, I've been there too. Natasha's the worst kind of villain, so you're kinda supposed to hate him. All I can say for Lilning is, they've got a ways to go.

 _ **Pastatoxic2:**_ Glad you like Beardella, you'll definitely see more of Ella when I get to Random Drama Redemption. The thing that really ties Lilning together for me is how they're both driven by winning, but yeah her trust issues are a big problem for them right now. Is it really Total Drama is a villain _doesn't_ send home someone who doesn't deserve it? Also, I don't think Natasha's going to let himself be by himself on a team with a couple.

 _ **Gucci Mane LaFlare:**_ It sucks what happened to her, but villainous intervention is the only way people like her can go home.

 _ **Derick Lindsey:**_ I did briefly consider swapping her elimination with this chapter's, but last time just seemed better to boot Ella. Chris's annoyance at her singing felt like it needed to be added at the time. I can't explain what went through my mind when I chose Sierra and Scarlett as the cameo. But for everything else, 'wait and see'.

 _ **Remaining Campers:**_

 **Toxic Rats:** Ezekiel, Lightning, Lily, Natasha

 **Mutant Maggots:** Angel, Beardo, Bridgette, Cody, Jo

Ready to say goodbye to another camper yeti?

* * *

 **Episode 06: Runaway Model**

"Previously, on Total Drama Revenge of the Island!" Chris opened over a stock shot of Wawanakwa, the capstone theme starting up in the background. "The campers went deep," the recap montage opened with Jo and Ezekiel sinking to the lake bed in their antique diving suits, the homeschooler quickly getting held back by Fang, "in an underwater scavenger hunt."

"Lily and Ella formed an unofficial alliance," the cynic was shown talking to the princess in their cabin before the challenge. "Which forced Natasha to act," the mastermind was shown listening in on the girls' conversation, then complaining in the confessional.

"And when the Rats lost the water skiing challenge," Cody and Lightning were shown falling on the last mine, "Natasha tricked Lily into thinking Ella was planning on betraying her, which caused Lily to trick Lightning into convincing Ezekiel and Natasha into voting Ella off." The cynic was shown reading a sheet of paper, then talking to the uber-jock outside of the cabin, then Natasha was shown in the confessional. "I know. It's hard to follow, _but_ it worked because Ella was tossed," Chris added as Ella was shown getting Hurled.

"It's now Team Maggot versus Team Rat," the host said, the Maggots' logo appearing on-screen against a radiant golden background. The logo rotated around into the Rats' logo, and a four-way split-screen of the Rats' remaining members rose up from the background – Lily in the upper left against a brownish-red backdrop; Ezekiel in the upper right against dark blue; Lightning in the bottom left against turquoise; and Natasha in the bottom right against yellow. "Will the Rats man up before they're another man down? Let's hope not," Chris said as the scene cut to him standing at the end of the dock with Chef, "there's nothing more entertaining than a man down."

As if on cue the wood under Chef started to creak and crack, breaking away and sending Chef plunging into the lake with a startled scream. Chris laughed. "More where that came from, right now," he pointed at the camera, "on Total! Drama! Revenge of the Island!"

 **XXXXX**

[The sequence begins much as it did three seasons ago, with an open into letterbox format as the camera focuses on the tops of a few distant pine trees. A rusty stage light rotates up and turns on; then the shot changes to a cobwebby spotlight swinging down and turning on as well; then a small security camera popping out of one of several leaky toxic waste barrels; then another camera bursting out of a tree hollow, held by an octopus tentacle and dislodging a few bones; then a pair of fair-skinned arms clapping a film slate in front of the camera which switches to a shot of the island, briefly showing a giant octopus looking out of the lake to the right, then flying forward down the dock and past the buildings, passing under a totem pole that Chris was sitting on and which was being carried by a trio of male interns of mismatched heights.]

 _Dear Mom and Dad, I'm doin' fine;_

[The camera rapidly flies through the trees as the lyrics begin, quickly reaching the top of the thousand-foot-high cliff.]

 _You guys are on my mind!_

[It looks down at the ring of buoys in the water below and dives, immediately cutting to an underwater view as the bubbles disperse to reveal Cody gagging with several vicious-looking fish watching him hungrily.]

 _Ya asked me what I wanted to be,_

 _And now I think the answer is plain to see!_

[Cody frantically swims up and away from an approaching tentacle, passing another fish wearing a gas mask. The camera pans up to reveal Bridgette on one side of her surfboard; Cody surfaces and slumps against the other side, then flashes her a flirtatious smile. The tentacle surfaces and slams into the middle of the board...and in doing so, sends Bridgette into the water and Cody high into the sky.]

 _I wanna be...famous!_

[The scene lingers on Cody in front of the sun for a moment, then quick-pans down to Jo working out with a punching bag in the middle of the woods; a falling Cody abruptly falls into her arms. Cody tries one of his flirty smiles on the jock-ette, who just scowls and drops him before going back to her workout. The camera pans right to Ella, happily singing to a number of hairless squirrels and three-eyed birds.]

 _I wanna live close to the sun!_

[At the top of a waterfall, Angel and Lily float downriver in a canoe. Angel appears to be gushing about something to her sister, and the cynic is clearly only pretending to listen for a second before turning around and spotting the fall. Both scream as they go over the edge.]

 _Well pack your bags, 'cause I've already won!_

[The camera pans down to Lightning, deadlifting a large log while standing on another log suspended across the rocks at the bottom of the falls. the twins and their canoe land on his makeshift weight, breaking the log supporting him and sending all three into the water.]

 _Everythin' to prove, nothin' in my way;_

[Ezekiel walks up to the outhouse confessional and a monstrous shark with arms and legs bursts out of the outhouse with a toothy grin, causing the homeschooler to scream and run away as the shark chases after him.]

 _I'll get there one day_

[The camera pans to the Main Lodge, Chef's silhouette visible in the window. Zooming in to the room shows him stirring a pot of some greenish slop with an annoyed frown, and the shot pans over to show Gary making various hand signs and rapping. A spoon flies from the right and hits him, knocking him out.]

 _'Cause I wanna be...famous!_

[Another pan to the left reveals Natasha looking Gary's way and sighing in relief, he turns to the camera and gives an all-knowing smirk. The scene zooms back out of the lodge to the beach, where Eva is alternating reps with a dumbell in each hand.]

 _Na-na nanananaa, nanana-nanaa, na-nananananaa_

[The camera pans away from Eva and on to Sam happily playing a handheld game. A furry hand taps him on the shoulder, distracting the gamer and allowing the arm to snatch away the console. Sam realizes what's happened, and rushes angrily at the large hairy ape-man now playing the game, and the camera moves on watch an odd, almost rattlesnake-like gull floating on the water. A bulbous-headed fish jumps out over it on the right and a shark jumps out of the left with its mouth wide open, but the first fish blasts the shark with some sort of laser, turning it into a skeleton which is swallowed by the first fish as it finishes its jump. A tentacle rises out of the water to grab the gull, but it quickly lashes out and bites it with its snake-like fangs.]

 _I wanna be! I wanna be! I wanna be famous! (Na-na nanananaa, nanana-nanaa, na-nananananaa)_

[The camera pans down to the end of the dock to show Beardo moonwalking to the edge of the dock. He brings his hands to his mouth and vigorously beatboxes, spit flying from his hands.]

 _I wanna be! I wanna be! I wanna be famous! (Na-na nanananaa, nanana-nanaa, na-nananananaa)_

[A sudden splash of water comes down on the hairy boy, interrupting his music and causing him to send a blank look upward – Chris is hovering above him in a jetpack and helmet, holding an empty bucket. He drops the bucket then flies off, the flames from his jetpack taking over the screen. It becomes night as they peter out, and the camera pans down across the stars and treetops and full moon to Angel and Bridgette, sitting at a campfire together. As they lean towards each other with expectant smiles they are interrupted and separated by Chef, wearing a hazmat suit and holding a glowing green marshmallow between them with a pair of heavy tongs.

The shot zooms out to show the rest of the cast looking shocked, whistling the last few notes of the song – Ezekiel, Cody, Natasha, Beardo, Lightning, and Lily on Angel's side; Ella, Sam, Eva, Jo, and Gary on Bridgette's side; and Chris standing next to Chef on Bridgette's side as well. The shot continued to zoom out until a signboard was shown marking the presumed entrance to the fire pit; it read 'TOTAL DRAMA REVENGE OF THE ISLAND' in block letters, the third word being the largest and the last word relegated to a board tacked on at the end.]

 **XXXXX**

The sun was already high in the sky as the episode opened, and a loon cried out in the distance as the camera panned down onto Cody and Beardo looking rather distressed outside the communal bathroom. The geek knocked on the door and asked "Are you ladies finished yet?"

"Just about done!" Angel called out as the camera cut to the inside of the bathroom. The mirror on the back wall was too cracked and smudged to use, the trash can was grimy, and the strip of fly paper hanging in the corner was in need of a change, but nevertheless Jo, Angel, and Bridgette were still gathered along the countertop – the jock-ette sitting on the far left; the surfer putting her hair into her trademark ponytail; and the platinum blonde happily brushing her hair.

"Bridgette?" Angel said, her crush smiling back at her. "Could I borrow some blush from you? I left my make-up bag at the cabin."

"I would but I don't wear make-up," Bridgette answered. "I like the natural look."

XXX

"I wish _I_ looked that good without make-up," Angel pouted as she examined a strand of her hair.

XXX

"You two can have your frilly girly hair care," Jo told her teammates holding up an electric razor.

The camera cut to Angel and Bridgette looking on in shock at the sound of the razor doing its job.

\

The scene flashed to the Rat's cabin as Lily said "Listen up guys. I don't care how, but this time the person going home _won't_ be from our team." The shot cut inside to show her addressing her male teammates, the boys sanding in front of a bunk as Lily paced back and forth. "Next challenge, we are going to stomp those puny Maggots into the ground!"

"Wait, isn't your sister on the Maggots?" Ezekiel asked in confusion just before sticking a finger up his nose.

Lily gave him a look of pure disgust, then shook it it off and told him "It's a figure of speech Homeschool. All I mean is that our losing streak ends now."

"Why didn't you just say that eh?" Ezekiel asked, causing Lightning to palm his face and Natasha to roll his eyes.

"Just be quiet fool," Lightning interjected. "And be ready to give the next challenge all we got. To Team Rat!" he declared, putting his hand down in front of him.

"Team Rat," the rest of his team, save for Natasha, said as they put their hands on top of his.

"Cool," Lily smiled. "I'm gonna go take a swim. You guys do... whatever it is that guys do."

"Lightning wants to swim too!" the uber jock declared, running out of the room.

Lily looked dumbfounded, then stormed off after him. "Hey you could've asked me first y'know!"

Ezekiel moved to leave the cabin, but was stopped by Natasha. "What's wrong eh?" he asked.

Natasha handed his teammate a note, and the homeschooler read it.

"You want to be in an alliance with me?" Ezekiel asked.

Natasha nodded his agreement, then pointed the direction that Lightning and Lily had left in.

"Yeah I guess that makes sense," Ezekiel replied.

XXX

"That should give me _some_ wiggle room in the highly likely event that we lose again," the mastermind explained. "I'm still not sure how to get Lightning on my side and honestly trying anything more than that alliance will put more attention on me than I'm ready to deal with."

XXX

The whining ring as the scene cut to a shot of one of the island's loudspeakers heralded a broadcast from the host. "Iiiit's _challenge_ time!" he began. "Campers~! Meet me on the other side of the island~!" he announced in an almost sing-song voice.

\

The footage immediately skipped ahead to the nine teams already nearly assembled on two sets of low bleachers in a clearing lined with a handful of stage and spot lights. The four Rats were seated on the stands to the right of the camera, while Jo were just now filing in with her teammates on the left.

"Jo," Cody curtly greeted.

"Shortstuff," the jock-ette replied in kind as she took her seat next to Beardo. "Any sign of Chris yet? I wanna know what he expects us to do so I can figure out our winning strategy."

"Not yet," Angel smiled before a sudden and rather trendy tune caught their attention.

The perspective inverted to reveal that the two teams had gathered before a large stage and runway, complete with a short catwalk and a large curtained-off backstage area. Chef was already waiting in the pink dress he'd worn to ceremonies back in season two, and Chris shortly joined him by way of descending from above with his jetpack. The host was wearing a sharp gray suit and fashionable glasses with tinted lens, but more noticeable were the changes to his hair – it was now pure white and long enough for him to sport a short ponytail.

Chef walked up as he landed and took the jetpack of his back, then walked away as Chris spread his arms and smiled. "Welcome to your challenge," he opened, "the Weird and Wild Fashion Spectacular!" He took a paper fan out of his breast pocket and waved it a bit as he spread his arms even wider.

"Ooh, I love fashion!" Angel squealed, clapping eagerly. "This is so my challenge."

"Fashion is a complete waste of time if you ask me," Jo said.

"Which explains why you're dressed in mens' prison sweats," Cody snarked.

"Hey, no one needs to be reminded that I'm a girl," Jo shot back at him.

"Sorry," Lightning said, gaining the camera's attention. " _Who's_ a girl?"

A sudden airhorn caused the Rats to cringe in irritation, and the camera cut to an annoyed-looking Chris. "Zip it!" he commanded as the airhorn petered out. "You won't be walking the catwalk," he started to fan himself, "no-no-no-no. No amount of fashion can help _you_ people."

"Here's how it's gonna work," the host continued. "Each team gets a wardrobe of clothes," the camera cut to a dresser, clothes rack, and several pieces of luggage on the side of the stage, "a make-up kit, and ten minutes to dress and make up a model." Chef held up an hourglass and glared mutely at the camera. "Which, you'll send down the runway," the shot zoomed in on the host's fan as he walked his fingers across it, "to be judged by myself, Chef, and today's Total Drama classic competitor, _Zoey_!"

The shot cut back to the wardrobe pile as the smallest case lying on the stage opened up and the indie chick rose up out of it. "Thanks! it was getting stuffy in there," Zoey said, waving to the camera as she stepped out of the suitcase. "It's so great to be here, I can't wait to see what you guys come up with."

"Cool!" Cody exclaimed. "We get to meet a _real_ model!"

"Uh-huh," Chris said, scraping some white powder off his shoulder with his fan. "Right after you _catch_ one."

"Catch a model? Child's play," Jo said. "The way they eat they'll pass out after three steps."

"Did I say _human_ models?" Chris corrected, fanning himself again as he walked across the stage. "Don't think so! No, your models are in _there_!" He thrust his finger off to the right, forcing Zoey to duck under his arm. The camera quick-panned to the woods just as an earth-shattering roar shook the area.

"They're wild! They're mutated!" Chris told the campers, the camera moving behind his back. "And like me, they despise teenagers." The four Rats were shown looking shocked and concerned.

"Okay fashionistas," the host said in a campy accent, "go!" He blew his airhorn again, and the campers ran off.

\

The footage flashed ahead to a trail in the woods, Beardo searching behind a rock in the background while Lightning and Natasha walked by in the foreground. The camera panned to the right and stopped on Lily, who was warily looking upwards.

Something croaked above them and the shot cut to a small frog, seemingly normal aside from an eye stalk on the top of its head, sitting on a branch. With a grunt of effort Ezekiel pounced on it from the right, and smiled when he opened his hands and saw he'd caught it. Unfortunately for him, the mutant frog produced an odd noise and flash of light, blinking out of sight but quickly reappearing on top of the confused young man's head. With another noise and flash of light it disappeared, this time bringing Ezekiel with it, and they blinked back into existence in mid-air a few yards away. Ezekiel screamed as he started to fall, and the mutant frog teleported away to presumed safety before its failed assailant landed with a crash on the forest floor.

\

In another part of the forest, Angel was looking around absentmindedly while approaching what appeared to be a gigantic turtle shell, a short and spiky tail poking out of one end. The girl sat down on the shell and started pursing her lips and tapping her chin in thought, but gasped and wailed when the tail suddenly wrapped around her leg and pulled her inside the shell. The beast inside growled and stood up, its stout legs and turtle head popping out of the shell's holes...along with Angel. With another growl the mutant punched her away, and she landed in a heap with a pained groan.

\

The camera cut next to what appeared to be an ordinary beaver sitting perfectly still just at the edge of a bush. Lightning rose grinning from another bush in the background, then pounced upon it. "Sha- _bam_!" he cheered, his jubilation quickly fading into confusion as the unmoving beaver was somehow lifted up by its tail, taking Lightning with it...

The shot cut outward to reveal the beaver has no more than a lure of a large bipedal anglerfish-like monster, which promptly roared. Natasha, who was standing nearby, promptly gasped and ran away, and was soon followed by Lightning and the angler mutant.

\

Another flash moved the focus to a close-up of a slice of pepperoni pizza, lying on the ground in the middle of a loop of rope that led of to the left. "What the heck...?" Ezekiel said, the camera zooming out to show him looking down at it and scratching his head. He looked up and tilted his head, and the shot cut over to none other than Fang not quite hidden behind a tree, an axe in one hand and the anchored rope of his snare trap in the other.

Ezekiel's eyes widened briefly. "Shame that has pepperoni on it eh," he said loud enough for the shark to hear. The camera cut to Fang, then back to the homeschooler as he walked away. "Because I would've eaten that otherwise."

Fang palmed his face, then ran over to the slice and started picking the toppings off of it. Meanwhile, Ezekiel hastily used his shark tooth to cut the rope of the snare.

The effect was instant. Fang was hoisted up in the air by his wrist, and Ezekiel ran over to where the pizza was. "Sorry eh," he called up to Fang, "I just don't want you to try an' kill me!" He darted off without another word and Fang growled in anger.

\

The scene cut abruptly to a massive mutant brawl between a massive two-headed rabbit, two spiny woolly beavers, and a hairless squirrel zapping them with its eye-lasers from a nearby branch. The camera panned left as a giant hermit crab scuttled up and snapped its claws, with Lightning, Natasha, and Lily watching from behind a bush in the background with wide eyes.

"So...which one should we use?" Lightning asked.

"Definitely _not_ the rabbit," Lily replied with a slight whimper.

A whine signaled the loudspeaker turning on once again, and soon enough Chris's announcement rang through the air. "Five minutes, people!"

"Hey guys!" Ezekiel quickly followed, directing his teammates' attention to their right. "Why don't we use that giant rat?" he asked, the shot cutting to close-up of a small green caterpillar happily chewing on a leaf atop a fallen log. A large hairless rat jump onto the log, quickly stuffed the caterpillar into its mouth, then chittered and looked around.

"Perfect," Lily said with a sly grin.

"Great idea Homeschool," Lightning added.

\

"Okay, did anybody find _anything_ we can catch?" Cody asked his teammates, the Maggots now hunkering down behind a bush.

"Not really," Angel said. "But honestly, I don't think any of the animals out here would look that good in human clothes to begin with. Y'know since they're not human."

"So...if we want something that's human-like," Beardo said thoughtfully with a brief look around, "then what about him?" He stood up and pointed over the bush, and the shot cut to none other than Sasquatchanakwa walking into a cave, oblivious to the teens watching him.

"Maybe, but how are we gonna catch him?" Bridgette asked.

Jo smirked. "Leave it to me," she told her teammates.

\

"It's simple," Jo said, the scene flashing back to the stage as the jock-ette started looking through the various dressers and trunks that made up the wardrobe Chris had provided. "We lure the sasquatch out into the open, then we overpower it and get it dressed. Got it?"

The camera cut to the rather blank faces of her teammates. "Uhh, I guess so," Bridgette said warily. "But how do you plan to get its attention?"

"I could do it," Beardo suggested. "I'm pretty sure I could imitate a girl yeti and get it out of there without tickin' it off."

"This isn't a cartoon!" Jo countered. "There's no way that would work."

"Well I'm willing to try it," Cody said, Angel and Bridgette nodding behind him. "So let's grab some clothes and get back to that cave."

\

The scene immediately flashed away, but to the Rats rather than the sasquatch cave.

"Alright, just to make things clear," Lily addressed her teammates, their mutant rat of a model firmly in Lightning's grip, "none of you are gonna object to me dressing the rat, right? I mean I'm not exactly fashion forward, but you all looked like your outfits were picked out by _dudes_."

"Well, we _are_ dudes," Lightning replied in mild offense, and the camera panned to the other boys – Natasha and Ezekiel giving bored or blank but ultimately silent looks.

A sudden ringing got the team's attention, and Chris announced "Three minutes remaining!" over an unseen loudspeaker.

"I didn't mean any offense by it," Lily said defensively. "But if you _really_ think you have what it takes to win a fashion challenge..."

Lightning started to open his mouth, thought for a moment, and nodded.

"Perfect," the cynic said, hands on her hips and a smug smile on her lips. She cracked her knuckles, then grinned darkly at the mutant rat they'd captured. "Alright, time to work my magic," she said, and the hairless rodent squirmed uncomfortably in Lightning's arms.

\

The scene cut back to outside the cave, the five Maggots hiding behind a rock with a couple duffel bags on the ground.

"Alright," Jo whispered, "Do your thing Beatbox."

Beardo nodded, and the scene cut inside the cave. Sasquatchanakwa was sitting in a wooden armchair, drinking a can of soda and watching some jaunty-themed show on an old television set when a few grunts that sounded like they came from a feminine yeti from outside caught his attention. With a curious grunt he stood up and walked to the cave entrance.

"Get him!" came the call, startling Sasquatchanakwa – and startling him even more when Cody, Bridgette, and Beardo jumped out from behind the rock. Jo quickly tackled him to the ground while her teammates, looking far less certain, pinned down his arms.

"Angel, quick! The clothes!" Bridgette called back over her shoulder, she, Cody, and Beardo struggling to keep his arms away from Jo while the jock-ette punched the thrashing ape-man in his head and chest.

The shot cut over to Angel still by the rocks. She frantically bent over and started sorting through the bags of clothes they'd brought, but stopped when Cody flew screaming over her head. Angel winced as Cody crashed painfully off-screen, then blindly tossed the duffel bag over to the struggle.

"RUN!" she yelled out just as Beardo and Bridgette were tossed over her head and those not currently fighting an ape-man followed her as she ran off.

The shot cut back to the cave as Sasquatchanakwa tossing Jo to the right just as the duffel bag landed in front of him. Jo snatched the bag before he could, and it chased after her with a growl.

\

The scene flashed back to the Rats, the camera positioned close to Lily's face but focused on her three teammates behind her. The camera zoomed out as they watched her look at a pair of sunglasses, then their unseen model, before shrugging and tossing the eyewear over her shoulder.

"There," she said, letting out a satisfied breath and brushing her hands together. "This should guarantee us a win."

"It kinda looks like-" Ezekiel started to say.

"It's supposed to," Lily interrupted.

Another ringing got their attention, and they looked up towards an unseen loudspeaker as Chris announced "One minute!"

"It's good enough," Lightning declared. "Let's just get back to Chris."

\

"Why'd you do that Jo?" Bridgette asked as the scene flashed to the Maggots running through the woods, dropping clothing from the duffel bags they were carrying.

"Because we don't have time to find another model," the jock-ette replied. "And it was already mad at us, so this way we can get it back to Chris."

"She has a point," Cody said.

"But what are we going to do if it catches us?" Angel asked.

She was answered by an earth-shattering roar.

"Keep running and we won't have to find out," Beardo said.

\

The scene cut to a spotlight as it turned on; then a couple stage lights turning on as well; then a mutant squirrel hopping up next to a book-reading bear which lowered its book to reveal its three eyes, both animals looking at something curiously; then the stage and catwalk, Chris front and center with Chef and Zoey – the former in sort of rapper-ish outfit with a red tracksuit and hat, earphones, and gold chains – sitting at the judge's table.

"It's freaky forest fashion time!" the host announced. "Rat-istas," he turned and pointed his fan backstage, "show me somethin' fierce." The four Rats walked out on stage, Lily and Lightning on the left with Natasha and Ezekiel on the right. None of the four looked exceptionally confident.

"Chef, drop that needle!" Chris commanded next, the shot cutting to a close-up of a record turntable as the needle was dropped onto the spinning disc and a trendy tune began to play. The camera zoomed out, and Chef gave the host and campers a thumbs-up.

"This dashing rodent is sporting look befitting television's greatest stars," Lily began smoothly, motioning to the gap between her and Natasha as their model reluctantly scurried out on all fours but continued down the runway on its hind legs. It was wearing a replica of Chris McLean's usual outfit that fit surprisingly well. The camera followed it as it walked along looking both nervous and awkward, Lily continuing her piece all the while. "His basic shirt-and-pants combo is perfect for jetpack flying, being camera-ready at all times, and even hosting a show or two." She finished up with a haughty look, and the camera panned right to show Natasha rolling his eyes.

"Not loving the insinuation that I'm a rat," Chris said as the rat reached the end of the catwalk. The camera briefly cut back to the rat as it chittered nervously, still looking around. "I give it an 2.0," the host announced as he held up a placard with his score.

"What?!" Lily complained, her three teammates also looking unhappy.

"I like it," Chef said from the leftmost seat, holding up an 8.1.

"Hmm," Zoey said in between the two grown men, pursing her lips and holding up a 7.3 to the immediate cheering of the Rats. "It looks surprisingly good on him," Zoey explained as the two men looked at her.

"Fair enough," Chris said tersely, looking back towards the catwalk. "Show me what you've got, Maggots!" he called out, the trendy music resuming as the shot cut back to the stage, showing it utterly empty. The camera zoomed in and the music kept playing, but for several more seconds there was still no movement backstage. "...Maggots?" Chris called out again and finally Angel and Bridgette ran out, out of both breath and clothing-filled duffel bags.

"As you can see, the yeti is wearing an ensemble of several different styles," Angel said as the two blondes reached the end of the catwalk, the rest of their team quickly running out to join them.

All five motioned towards the backstage curtain, and an angry sasquatch chased after them. His outfit consisted, as Angel said, of several different styles – a red and black plaid kilt; a yellow-and-orange dashiki; a brown trenchcoat; pink high-top sneakers; and a lime green Kangol hat.

"The garments were carefully and artfully selected by the yeti himself," Angel said, cringing in terror as her team's model quickly tossed Jo, Cody, and Beardo away again, "in a stylish display of wild instinct." The ape-man moved to grab her as she finished, but Bridgette quickly grabbed her and jumped off the catwalk.

The music stopped, and Sasquatchanakwa finally noticed the three judges just as the first one spoke up. "That's... different." Zoey said, cringing at the sight of the model before her. He paused and looked down at his clothes, grunting in confusion. "It's, not very good though. Maybe stick to one theme at a time?"

"True," Chris admitted, fanning himself again, "it doesn't exactly compliment Sasquatchanakwa's monstrous visage."

Another trendy tune started playing and was soon joined by the flashing of cameras, the shot cutting back to the catwalk to show a group of men taking pictures of the poorly-dressed model.

"Mr. McLean?" the southeast Asian male intern said as he walked up to the judges table. "The photographers from 'Host Weekly' are here for your shoot."

"Was that _today?_ the host asked in shock. "I thought that was _tomorrow_! Guys!" he whined. "Cut it out!"

The paparazzi continued unabated, and soon the constant flashes began to irritate the subject of their attention. Sasquatchanakwa rubbed his eyes and growled in ever-increasing anger, then tore off his clothing as the shot cut away to the judges. "Um," Zoey asked Chef, "should we give our scores or-"

She was cut off when the yeti suddenly reached forward and grabbed her by the head, yanking her out of her seat with a startled yelp of "Whoa!" The shot zoomed out as an engine whirred to life, revealing that Sasquatchanakwa had also commandeered Chris's jetpack. With the captive indie chick in his arms, he took off into the air.

"Hey, he took my jetpack!" the host quickly and angrily protested. The shot cut back to the ape-man and indie chick as Zoey screamed, and Saquatchanakwa flew off to the foggy and ominous crags of Boney Island.

"Uh-huh...," Chris said blankly, still fanning himself. "Will Zoey survive?" he asked the camera, lifting up his shades. "And am I legally liable if she doesn't? Find out, after the break."

\

(Commercial Break)

\

"What do you mean I'm liable if the yeti eats Zoey?" Chris asked frantically, his cellphone now against his ear while he continued to fan himself. "It's not _my_ fault she's delicious!" The camera zoomed out to show the host on the Dock of Shame, the two teams watching him intently a few feet away. "Gotta go," he quickly told the person he was talking to, quickly transitioning into a laugh as he turned his attention back to the campers.

"He-he-hey! For our _next_ challenge, the two teams will...," he paused to think, "compete to _rescue_ Zoey!" he announced, causing the campers to scratch their heads and share confused and disbelieving looks with one another. "Yup, that's it! Everyone grab a canoe and head to Boney Island!" The campers promptly ran off down the dock, leaving Chris to laugh nervously. "It's all good!" he reassured himself.

\

The scene flashed ahead to the two teams rowing across the lake, the Maggots in a red canoe in the background with the Rats in green in the fore.

"Uggh, I can't believe the Maggots thought using a _sasquatch_ as their model was a good idea," Lily griped from the middle of their canoe.

"Hey, lay off of 'em," Ezekiel said, sitting behind her. "I mean, it's not like they were _expecting_ the sasquatch to kidnap Zoey."

"It's a giant rampaging ape-man," Lily shot back. "There was no way that would've ended well."

"Maybe they just couldn't find anything small enough," Lightning suggested, rowing directly in front of his crush.

Lily narrowed her eyes. "Nice loyalty there Rudy."

Natasha smirked to himself as they entered into a fog bank.

The fog moved away as the shot cut to the island they were approaching, the skull-shaped mountain looming ominously as hollow, whooping cries echoed across the water.

\

A seamless cut ahead took the scene to Jo, Angel, and Lily running through the slightly-barren woods of Boney Island one right after the other. "Zoey! Where are you?" the idealist called, and the camera zoomed in on Lily's rather blank but thoughtful look.

XXX

"Chris should be merging the teams any day now," Lily mused in the confessional. "So it's time to find out exactly what's going on with the Maggots. Luckily," she smirked. "I have an inside man. Well, an inside woman," she amended with a chuckle. "I just have to be careful how I ask if I wanna avoid one of her lectures."

XXX

Angel was shown panting as she ran along with worry in her eyes, and the camera panned back to Lily as she sharply cleared her throat. Angel didn't shown any reaction, so Lily frowned then made a louder "A-hem!"

Hearing that one, Angel looked back and promptly slowed down as Lily ran up closer to her. "Lily!" the idealist said happily. "I'm so glad you're here! We never get to talk being on separate teams."

"About that," the cynic said. "How does your team feel about you and Bridgette? Better yet, do you even plan on telling her how you feel?"

"Do you plan on telling Lightning how _you_ feel?" Angel shot back.

"Not if I want him to keep voting with me," Lily answered with a scoff. "He's nothing but a dumb jock who's gonna get me to the finals."

"Oh Lily," Angel said, shaking her head as she walked ahead. "You and I both know that's not true."

"How about you get _your_ love life settled before butting into _mine_?" Lily called after her in anger.

XXX

"Who does she think she is butting into _my_ life like that?" Lily asked indignantly. "If it wasn't for _me_ , _she'd_ be in the closet right now!" She crossed her arms and huffed.

XXX

"My sister is not as heartless as she likes to pretend," Angel told the confessional. "I just hope she drops the act before it's too late."

XXX

The scene skipped ahead again, showing Cody coming to a halt with Jo, Angel, and Lily right behind him. "Guys!" he called out panting, pointing up and ahead. "The sasquatch!" The camera panned up and ahead to a cliff with scaffolding set up on its face and Sasquatachanakwa sitting with Zoey at the top.

"So the mixed look didn't work for you," the indie chick said, patting the sulking ape-man on the back. "That doesn't mean you're hideous! You just have to keep trying until you find what _does_ fit. I mean, you wouldn't believe how long it took me to find _my_ look." As she spoke, the yeti rubbed the tears from his eyes and looked at her.

"So what's with the scaffolding?" Lily asked, the camera cutting back to ground-level to show that the rest of the cast had arrived.

"I'm turning Boney Island into my personal resort," Chris explained as he and Chef arrived. "The Health Department said it was unfit for human life, but, I sent in workers anyway," he continued, the cast giving each other incredulous looks. "Hmm...wonder where they went?" the host asked with an oddly sly smile.

\

A flash took the focus to a gruesome scene of human bones and workers' clothes scattered around some rocks in the forest. The camera panned to the right along gnawing sounds, and a trio of woolly beavers coming into view chewing on bones and wearing hard hats and pouring out a cup of hot coffee from a thermos.

\

"Don't hurt him!" Zoey called down to the campers. "He just some big hairy body issues he's working through!"

"I hear that," Jo nodded to herself before noticing the others staring at her. She quickly cleared her throat, then looked up at the clifftop. "I mean, did you hear that?! He's got issues! We gotta take that psycho yeti out!" she declared.

"Leave it to _Lightning_!" the uber-jock declared, darting forward and picking up a sledgehammer off the ground. He spun it around, then let it go and watched as it flew up and hit Sasquatchanakwa in the eye. The yeti quickly rubbed where he'd been hit, then lowered his hand and growled revealing the black eye he now sported.

"Hah! You just got struck by _Lightning_!" Lightning taunted up at him. This only angered the sasquatch even more, causing him to jump up and down in such a rage that the uber-jock was shocked.

XXX

"Why on _earth_ does Lily keep that dunderhead around?" Natasha asked.

XXX

The raging ape-man jumped across the clifftop, his landings shaking through the stone and causing parts of the scaffolding to come lose – the right side of the top level, then the left side of the next, then right side of the level below that, and the left side of the very bottom level providing a convenient series of ramps up the side of the cliff. He then picked up the sledgehammer that had hit him, snapped its handle like a twig, and roared.

"Way to go, _Jockstrap_ ," Jo said as the rest of her team gasped.

The camera panned over to the Rats, its three boys huddled together. "Men, we're gonna make a three-pronged run against the yeti," Lightning told them. "One player on the left," he point to Ezekiel on his left, "one on the right," he pointed to his right at Natahsa, "and one straight down the middle," he finished by pointing to himself.

"What about Lily?" Ezekiel asked. "I think she could really help us out eh."

"Don't mind me boys," she told them as she entered their huddle. "I've got a plan of my own. Just keep the yeti busy long enough for me to work."

"Team Rat go!" Lightning declared, the three boys running off and leaving Lily to shake her head and walk off to the left.

\

"How are we gonna rescue Zoey before they do?" Beardo asked as the focus cut over to the Maggots watching their rivals put their plan into action.

"Why don't we use someone prettier than Zoey to lure the yeti away?" Cody suggested.

"In that case, we should use Angel," Bridgette declared. "She's the prettiest girl on the island."

"Wait what?" Angel asked. "I was gonna suggest we use _you_ ," she said causing the surfer to gasp and blush. "Because _you're_ the prettiest girl here."

The two blondes smiled and stared at each other, and Jo once again broke the trance by clearing her throat.

"Break out the beauty supplies Maggots," she commanded. "I'm going in."

Cody and Beardo shared a wary look.

XXX

"I do this _only_ for the good of the team," Jo confessed. "It's not make-up. It's war paint." She tried to emphasize her point by flipping her hair haughtily, but it just came across as awkwardly flirtatious.

XXX

"Go Team Rat!" Lightning called as he, Natasha, and Ezekiel were shown beginning their ascent, the uber-jock and homeschooler climbing up the scaffolding's support beams while their 'silent' teammate took the scaffolding itself. Sasquatchanakwa quickly noticed the boys and picked up a barrel from a nearby pile, then tossed a barrel at Lightning, then Natasha. Both boys let out pained grunts and the camera cut to the sasquatch as he thew a third barrel, the homeschooler letting out a grunt of his own. The camera cut to Ezekiel as he landed on top of his other male teammates.

The camera focused on Lily as she watched on without an ounce of surprise on her face. "Saw that comin'," she mused to herself. "Alright, time to see what the Maggots are doing."

\

"Okay, you're sure this make me look _good_ , right?" Jo asked with a hint of skepticism in her voice as the scene cut to the Maggots, the jock-ette's back to the camera as Angel got to work with a powder puff in one hand and a make-up brush in the other. Cody, Bridgette, and Beardo watched with variable interest behind the idealist. "Because I don't wanna get all made-up like this only to have it not work," Jo added.

"Relax, it'll be fine," Angel reassured her. "I mean, not that you look bad now, you just need a little boost here or there."

"That really doesn't make me feel better," Jo said, her skepticism rising.

Angel paused and blushed sheepishly. "Oh, hehe, right, sorry," she said.

"That's not gonna work," Cody spoke up with an oddly chipper tone. "If you wanna know what a guy likes then ask a guy!"

Bridgette and Beardo shared a wary look. "Maybe you should let Angel-" Bridgette started to say.

"Shortstuff is right," Jo declared. "Move aside Blondie and let him work."

"But-" Angel said.

"Relax," Cody told his teammate as he quickly applied make-up to Jo. "I'll make sure you knock that yeti's socks off! Done."

"Finally!" Jo said in relief. Angel gasped in shock and Ezekiel who was merely passing by took a look at her and ran away screaming in terror.

Jo puffed up proudly. "Wow, I must look _good_. Oh yeti!" she called out as the camera showed her from the neck down walking away. "Your _princess_ is here!"

"Jo, I really think you need to-" Bridgette tried to tell her but was ignored.

"Relax," Jo told her. "That poor yeti won't know what hit him."

"Why'd you do that Cody?" Beardo asked after Jo had left.

"Because she deserved it," the geek answered plainly.

\

A flash took the focus back to the top just as Jo ran on to the scene, finally revealing the new look Cody had given her – which amounted to large amounts of blue crayon as eye shadow and the bottom half of her face a swirl of red and green lipstick.

"Uhh...hey there...hairball...," she said awkwardly, striking a fairly seductive pose with one hand on her hips and one on her head. "Feel like a tall glass of... _gorgeous_?"

Zoey and Sasquatchanakwa stared at the made-up jock-ette. "Okay, I think that's just... wow." the redhead said to the ape-man. "You see, you're not the only one who doesn't know what fits them yet."

Sasquatchanakwa pointed at Jo and laughed.

"What're you laughing at ya big ape?" Jo scowled, clenching her first in irritation and storming forward to the surprise of the two non-competitors. She suddenly and swiftly kneed Sasquatchanakwa between the legs and shoved him over into the pile of barrels.

It was then that Lily arrived, grabbing Zoey by the wrist and saying "Thanks for the distraction!" before laughing.

"Congrats Lily," Chris announced as he flew up with his jetpack, "you just rescued Zoey. Which means, Team Rat wins immunity!" Lily smiled, and her teammates on the ground cheered.

"Sha-finally!" Lightning cheered as the camera panned to the disappointed faces of Angel, Bridgette, Cody, and Beardo.

"You might wanna look at this," Zoey sheepishly told Jo while holding out a compact mirror.

Jo snatched the mirror from the indie chick's hands and looked into it. She gasped, and then glared down at Cody. "'I'll knock the yeti's socks off' huh?" she yelled while grabbing a barrel. "Here's a makeover for _you_!"

"Totally worth it!" Cody yelled while running away from barrels being thrown at him.

"Welp, as fun as it would be to let this go on," Chris said, "it's time to head back to camp. Maggots," the shot cut down to Angel, Beardo, and Bridgette as they shared a nervous look, "you've got some voting to do."

\

The scene flashed to of all things, Jo - without her 'make-up' - huddled with Angel and Cody behind the main lodge. "Look," she told her teammates."The three of us are in danger of being voted off tonight."

"What do you mean?" Angel gasped.

"He cost us the challenge," Jo replied while pointing to Cody. "And _you're_ our most useless player." Angel hung her head at the remark. "And I know I'm not exactly popular, so the three of us need to work together to vote out the _real_ person at fault."

Cody and Angel shared an inquisitive look.

"Beardo," Jo answered. "Using the yeti was _his_ idea, so everything that happened, including us losing today, was his fault."

"Beardo's my friend," Cody declared angrily. "Do you really expect me to vote him out?"

"You really wanna take the chance that he _won't_ vote for you tonight?" Jo asked him. The camera cut to Cody's indesicive face.

\

An owl hooted as the footage flashed ahead to a shot of the island at night then zooming in to the campfire pit. Unusually, both teams were present – the Rats on the left, and the Maggots on the right.

"Well _that_ was a complete fiasco!" Chris opened, him and Chef standing ready with their respective marshmallows. "Beardo, your choice of models left a _lot_ to be desired," he said, the beatboxer in the front row frowning and looking down in shame. "And Cody," the camera moved behind Beardo, "you dropped the barrel on this one by thinking more of your rivalry than your team." He, too, hung his head in shame.

"Of course, Jo _could_ have salvaged the whole thing had she not let Lily get the drop on her," the host continued, the camera moving to the jock-ette sitting in front as she narrowed her eyes and scowled. "And finally, Angel and Bridgette," Chris said, the camera moving to the back again as the two blondes straightened up nervously. "I'm afraid you two didn't do much of anything, but I don't expect that to be of much help right now. All of you messed up today, and because of it one of you is about to go home." The shot zoomed out to show the entire cast, the Rats watching their depressed rivals expectantly. "However," the host continued, picking up two marshmallows from his tray as the camera cut to his close-up, "it won't be Bridgette or Angel."

"You're both safe," he told the girls as they caught their treats with smiles. "Also safe, is Cody."

The geek smiled as he caught his prize, then looked down in shame.

"Now then, the Toxic Marshmallow of Loserdom goes to," Chris said as Chef took out the toxic marshmallow. As the tension built, the camera cut to close-ups of Beardo's wide-eyed gaze, then to Jo closing her eyes and whispering something uder her breath, and finally to Chris's impish smile as he announced...

"Beardo."

The Human Soundboard looked down and made the 'Pac-Man death' sound. The toxic marshmallow bounced off his head and he winced.

"I'm really gonna miss you buddy," Cody told him apologetically. "And sorry."

"Nah, it's cool," Beardo said. "I'm the one who suggested usin' the yeti so everything's on me. Plus, I get to see Ella again," he added as Chef led him to the docks.

"Now that that's out of the way," Chris said with a smile, "now for something even _more_ special. Toxic Rats, you're probably wondering why I asked you to sit in on this elimination." The shot cut to the team of four, all of them watching the host with anxious suspicion. "I'll need a _strong_ volunteer from each team," he told them.

"Right here," Jo said, standing up proudly from the Maggots' front row.

"Sha-volunteer!" Lightning added from his front row seat next to Lily.

"Pack your baa~ags!" Chris told them impishly.

Lily gasped. "You're hurling _them_ , too?!" she asked in shock and horror.

"Nah," the host waved dismissively, "I don't give people time to pack before they get hurled! These two are switching teams!"

Everyone gasped but the two jocks in question, who just smiled and walked towards their 'new' teammates, exchanging a quick glare as they passed each other. Lightning sat next to Angel, who giggled lightly. "Welcome to the team, Lightning," she said happily.

The shot cut to Jo as she stood in front of her new team. "Listen up Rats. _I'm_ in charge now."

The perspective switched to show the rest of the Rats; Lily had crossed her arms and was glaring at Jo, Natasha had a devilish smirk on his face, and Ezekiel just looked scared.

\

The scene flashed to the docks, Beardo sitting sadly in the bucket of the Hurl of Shame as Chris approached him. "Any last words before your ride to _loserdom_?" he asked in a taunting manner.

"Yeah," he nodded, the perspective moving behind him as he looked up and saw Cody, Bridgette, Angel, and Ezekiel standing behind the host. "IT WAS REALLY NICE TO MEET ALL OF YOU!" he yelled as he was catapulted off into the night.

Chris laughed. "And on that note, we say goodbye to our most talented player," he turned and told the camera as the series's capstone theme began to play. "Who will be the next loser hurled? How much can we humiliate them first? And how will Lily fare now that her boyfriend is on another team?

"I _don't_ like him like that!" the cynic was heard protesting.

Chris ignored her and finished his outro. "Find out next time, on Total! Drama! Rrrrevenge, of the Island!"

XXX

"Look, Beardo was my friend," Cody confessed. "But I _do_ still wanna win, so I voted for him. But I told him I was gonna! And he said he was okay with it!" the geek defended.

"But that doesn't stop me from feeling like a total shmuck." He sighed.

XXX

(Roll the Credits)

* * *

 **Author's Note Post Script:** As some of you have guessed, Beardo was the one to be eliminated. It's worth noting that despite the immense popularity of Beardella, it almost didn't happen and neither did the Jo/Cody rivalry. You see, the majority of Beardo's development was supposed to be centered around him slowly becoming less shy and more sure of himself... which would lead to him blowing this challenge and getting sent home for it. But when I decided to ship him with the princess I needed a new scenario. So Beardo is the one who decides to use the yeti and Jo, Cody, and Angel who are in danger for their own reasons band together to vote him out because of all the trouble it caused. It also gave me a good plot point for Cody and an excuse to cut the grim scene in canon.

Swapping Jo to the Rats here was obvious, she was the canon swap and she'd have the most interesting dynamics with the Lily and Natasha. Swapping Lightning to the Maggots, however, may seem odder considering his relationship with Lily. Well I did it for two reasons: first, it makes Lily's position worse and forces her to search for the real threat and second, it radically improves Natasha's position now that he doesn't have to deal with a practical couple.

Also, no mind games from Natasha this week. I figured it would be best to take a bit of a break from it, especially since I knew going in that Natasha wasn't gonna be in danger of elimination or even being on the losing team. Plus, he'd just gotten someone on his trail on purpose, it's best not to rock the boat. The alliance with Ezekiel will come into play later though, and this was the best episode to form it.

And as always I'm sure I'm forgetting to mention something.

I hope you all enjoyed the episode, or some part of it.

With that I'm signing off

-TotalDramaFan14

* * *

 **RDRotI ELIMINATION TABLE:**

 **13th Place:** Sam

 **12th Place:** Gary

 **11th Place:** Eva

 **10th Place:** Ella

 **9th Place:** Beardo


	7. A Mine is a Terrible Thing to Waste

**Author's Note:** Still have a laptop! That might change over the weekend but if it does, I'll have a loner with no means of entertainment other than writing. And that means more than one chapter a week. Anyway, I did make the page (but not the recommendation) a link should be on my profile so feel free to add the ones you think apply!

 **Disclaimer:** I don't own Total Drama, the shuffled concept or the (most of) the characters.

And to answer some reviews:

 _ **Gucci Mane LaFlare:**_ Fixed the mistakes. And I think Beardo had a pretty good run too.

 _ **Guest:**_ I will too, Beardo was my favorite of the Pahkitew Island cast. Natasha is... a lot smarter than Scott, so I don't see him doing anything Scott would. I was hoping people would like Cody screwing up the make-up. If I didn't boot Sam first episode, it would have happened here. Sorry, but I don't see Victor appearing this season.

 _ **That British Guy:**_ I have no fashion knowledge either. Why do you think the Rats dressed their model up like Chris?

 _ **Johnathen:**_ A link should be in my profile. And if not just search for Random Drama

 _ **StarHeart Specials:**_ There's always an upside I guess. I'm really glad I had Jo and Cody be rivals. It really added something to the Maggot dynamics. And there will not be a double elimination this season.

 _ **Pastatoxic2:**_ It's not about how far it'l get Zeke. It's about how Natasha can use it to his advantage. And he will. It wasn't quite time for Jo to go just yet. Natasha wasn't going to swap because I had Chris emphasize 'strong' players, and Natasha is not an athletic individual.

 _ **Derick Lindsey:**_ Well Beardo was the obvious choice, and you were the reason I use Zoey because I was at a loss before then. I chose Lightning because it was the least obvious choice, and for other reasons. And for the majority of your review, 'wait and see'.

 _ **Remaining Campers:**_

 **Toxic Rats:** Ezekiel, Jo, Lily, Natasha

 **Mutant Maggots:** Angel, Bridgette, Cody, Lightning

If the feds would mine their own business, this challenge wouldn't happen.

* * *

 **Episode 07: A Mine is a Terrible Thing to Waste**

"Last time, on Total Drama Revenge of the Island!" the unseen host opened on a stock shot of the island before the recap montage began. "We saw how _clueless_ our players are when it comes to fashion," he said over a clip of the Maggots' disastrous attempt to bring a self-dressed Sasquatchanakwa out on to the runway. "And how _useless_ they are when it comes to rescues!" he added over the male Rats getting knocked off the scaffolding by barrels thrown by Sasquatchanakwa and Jo's ultimately failed attempt to seduce him.

"In the end, it was Beardo who got the toss-a-roo." Beardo stood up after getting the Toxic Marshmallow, and then was escorted away by Chef. "And after that, Jo and Lightning got tossed on to opposite teams," Chris added over clips of the two jocks volunteering, then glaring at each other as they walked over to their new teams.

"Who will thrive, and who won't survive?" Chris asked the camera, the recap footage ending to show him standing at the end of the Dock of Shame. Before he could finish, however, a sudden strong wind and the sound of a rotor signaled the arrival of a helicopter.

"This is the Department of Environmental Protection!" a voice called out, the camera zooming out to show a RCMP helicopter hovering a few feet away from the host. "You're busted, McLean!"

"Aww, man!" the host griped. " _Meddling tree-huggers_..." With a scowl on his face he reached into his pocket, and pulled out a walkie-talkie. "Launch Operation _Doomsday_!" he ordered. "Repeat, Operation _Doomsday_! Over!" A short hiss of static ended the message, and he turned a smile to the camera. "What is Operation Doomsday, you ask? Find out right here, right now, on Total! Drama! Revenge, of the Island!" As the shot cut outward as usual, another pair of RCMP helicopters swooped down to join the first over the dock.

 **XXXXX**

[The sequence begins much as it did three seasons ago, with an open into letterbox format as the camera focuses on the tops of a few distant pine trees. A rusty stage light rotates up and turns on; then the shot changes to a cobwebby spotlight swinging down and turning on as well; then a small security camera popping out of one of several leaky toxic waste barrels; then another camera bursting out of a tree hollow, held by an octopus tentacle and dislodging a few bones; then a pair of fair-skinned arms clapping a film slate in front of the camera which switches to a shot of the island, briefly showing a giant octopus looking out of the lake to the right, then flying forward down the dock and past the buildings, passing under a totem pole that Chris was sitting on and which was being carried by a trio of male interns of mismatched heights.]

 _Dear Mom and Dad, I'm doin' fine;_

[The camera rapidly flies through the trees as the lyrics begin, quickly reaching the top of the thousand-foot-high cliff.]

 _You guys are on my mind!_

[It looks down at the ring of buoys in the water below and dives, immediately cutting to an underwater view as the bubbles disperse to reveal Cody gagging with several vicious-looking fish watching him hungrily.]

 _Ya asked me what I wanted to be,_

 _And now I think the answer is plain to see!_

[Cody frantically swims up and away from an approaching tentacle, passing another fish wearing a gas mask. The camera pans up to reveal Bridgette on one side of her surfboard; Cody surfaces and slumps against the other side, then flashes her a flirtatious smile. The tentacle surfaces and slams into the middle of the board...and in doing so, sends Bridgette into the water and Cody high into the sky.]

 _I wanna be...famous!_

[The scene lingers on Cody in front of the sun for a moment, then quick-pans down to Jo working out with a punching bag in the middle of the woods; a falling Cody abruptly falls into her arms. Cody tries one of his flirty smiles on the jock-ette, who just scowls and drops him before going back to her workout. The camera pans right to Ella, happily singing to a number of hairless squirrels and three-eyed birds.]

 _I wanna live close to the sun!_

[At the top of a waterfall, Angel and Lily float downriver in a canoe. Angel appears to be gushing about something to her sister, and the cynic is clearly only pretending to listen for a second before turning around and spotting the fall. Both scream as they go over the edge.]

 _Well pack your bags, 'cause I've already won!_

[The camera pans down to Lightning, deadlifting a large log while standing on another log suspended across the rocks at the bottom of the falls. the twins and their canoe land on his makeshift weight, breaking the log supporting him and sending all three into the water.]

 _Everythin' to prove, nothin' in my way;_

[Ezekiel walks up to the outhouse confessional and a monstrous shark with arms and legs bursts out of the outhouse with a toothy grin, causing the homeschooler to scream and run away as the shark chases after him.]

 _I'll get there one day_

[The camera pans to the Main Lodge, Chef's silhouette visible in the window. Zooming in to the room shows him stirring a pot of some greenish slop with an annoyed frown, and the shot pans over to show Gary making various hand signs and rapping. A spoon flies from the right and hits him, knocking him out.]

 _'Cause I wanna be...famous!_

[Another pan to the left reveals Natasha looking Gary's way and sighing in relief, he turns to the camera and gives an all-knowing smirk. The scene zooms back out of the lodge to the beach, where Eva is alternating reps with a dumbell in each hand.]

 _Na-na nanananaa, nanana-nanaa, na-nananananaa_

[The camera pans away from Eva and on to Sam happily playing a handheld game. A furry hand taps him on the shoulder, distracting the gamer and allowing the arm to snatch away the console. Sam realizes what's happened, and rushes angrily at the large hairy ape-man now playing the game, and the camera moves on watch an odd, almost rattlesnake-like gull floating on the water. A bulbous-headed fish jumps out over it on the right and a shark jumps out of the left with its mouth wide open, but the first fish blasts the shark with some sort of laser, turning it into a skeleton which is swallowed by the first fish as it finishes its jump. A tentacle rises out of the water to grab the gull, but it quickly lashes out and bites it with its snake-like fangs.]

 _I wanna be! I wanna be! I wanna be famous! (Na-na nanananaa, nanana-nanaa, na-nananananaa)_

[The camera pans down to the end of the dock to show Beardo moonwalking to the edge of the dock. He brings his hands to his mouth and vigorously beatboxes, spit flying from his hands.]

 _I wanna be! I wanna be! I wanna be famous! (Na-na nanananaa, nanana-nanaa, na-nananananaa)_

[A sudden splash of water comes down on the hairy boy, interrupting his music and causing him to send a blank look upward – Chris is hovering above him in a jetpack and helmet, holding an empty bucket. He drops the bucket then flies off, the flames from his jetpack taking over the screen. It becomes night as they peter out, and the camera pans down across the stars and treetops and full moon to Angel and Bridgette, sitting at a campfire together. As they lean towards each other with expectant smiles they are interrupted and separated by Chef, wearing a hazmat suit and holding a glowing green marshmallow between them with a pair of heavy tongs.

The shot zooms out to show the rest of the cast looking shocked, whistling the last few notes of the song – Ezekiel, Cody, Natasha, Beardo, Lightning, and Lily on Angel's side; Ella, Sam, Eva, Jo, and Gary on Bridgette's side; and Chris standing next to Chef on Bridgette's side as well. The shot continued to zoom out until a signboard was shown marking the presumed entrance to the fire pit; it read 'TOTAL DRAMA REVENGE OF THE ISLAND' in block letters, the third word being the largest and the last word relegated to a board tacked on at the end.]

 **XXXXX**

The scene opened in the girls' side of the Rats' cabin as Lily smiled and giggled in her sleep.

"RISE AND SHINE DYE JOB!" Jo was heard shouting, scaring the cynic awake with a scream and causing her to bump her head on the bunk above her.

"Ow," Lily groaned while rubbing her head. "What's the matter with you?"

"You've had enough beauty sleep," Jo told her, doing jumping jacks in the middle of their shared room. "I'm taking charge and _my_ team doesn't sleep in."

The cynic gave her a displeased look. "Good thing you're _not_ in charge then. Don't know if you noticed, but these boys flock to _my_ banner."

"Which is why you've only won _two_ challenges since you've been here," Jo taunted, now doing squat thrusts uncomfortably close to Lily's face. "But I don't plan on losing so we're gonna do things my way from now on."

"Ew, do you _have_ to do that in my face?" Lily asked, cringing and not looking her new roommate's way. "Look, you wanna do... whatever that is in the mornings? Super for you, but _I_ like to have a full night's sleep before challenges." She laid back down and pulled the cover over her head. "So I'm going back to sleep."

Jo smiled. "You do that," she said before walking out of the cabin.

Once she was gone, Lily peeked her head out of the covers and muttered "Psycho (BLEEP)."

Jo stepped outside onto the cabin's porch, took a deep breath, and smiled.

XXX

"Hey Chris Mc _Lame_ ," she taunted in the confessional. "You can swap me to another team, but you'll never break me. I'll take control of this team, then I'll get rid of the vampire wannabe. Mark my words."

XXX

The scene cut outside the Rats' cabin as a helicopter flew by overhead. The shot panned down to Jo as she stepped off the cabin porch, then the camera zoomed out to show Natasha reading a book on the cabin's steps. "What's up Silent Treatment?" Jo asked as she stood over Natasha.

He lifted a single finger as acknowledgement.

"You see where Homeschool went?" the jock-ette asked.

The mastermind pointed in the direction of the main lodge and after a moment Jo went off in that direction as well. The focus lingered on Natasha, however, as he closed his book and smirked.

XXX

"Let's see now," Natasha began his confessional, tapping his chin and looking thoughtful in a rather exaggerated fashion. "With Jo and Lightning swapping teams that puts Lily _and_ Jo at a disadvantage. Both girls are more than likely going to try and form alliances to keep themselves out of the bottom. Jo's intimidating Ezekiel as I speak and Lily will try and 'manipulate' me," he said with air-quotes, "by giving me some spiel about how the original Rats should stick together." He chuckled. "Of course thanks to _my_ alliance with Ezekiel that puts me in control of the team. I may not even _need_ to trick Lily into taking herself out anymore."

XXX

Lily, fully dressed, sat down on the cabin steps next to Natasha. "Hey we gotta talk," she told him.

He raised an eyebrow at her and frowned.

"You know what I mean," she snipped at him. "We have a problem. With Jo _and_ Zeke on our team we have to stick together or we'll be voted out."

Natasha flashed an 'I told you so' look at the camera that went unnoticed by Lily

"So I think we should form an alliance," she finished holding out her hand. "You in?"

Natasha seemed thoughtful for a moment, then accepted the handshake.

"Perfect," Lily smirked and the camera cut to Jo catching up with Ezekiel on his way to breakfast.

"Hey Homeschool," Jo called as they walked past a pair of white interns, one male and one female, frantically dragging luggage from the opposite direction.

"Jo?!" Ezekiel asked in a mixture of surprise and terror. "Look about al that stuff I said-"

"Water under the bridge," she cut him off. "I'm letting it go because I don't even wanna _think_ about whatever weak frilly girls gave you those thoughts. Anyway, we were the strongest members on Team Maggot. In fact, I'd go so far as to say we're the strongest players in the game. Agree to work together until the merge?"

"Uh," the homeschooler said nervously until he noticed Jo's withering glare. "Sure!"

\

"Alright, let's get this disgusting _joke_ we call breakfast over with!" Jo said as she and Ezekiel walked into the hall, the four Maggots standing around looking confused at the table closest to the meal counter.

"We can't," Cody replied. "Chef's not here, and neither is breakfast!"

"And Lightning needs meat," the uber-jock declared. "M E... uh.." he scratched his head and started to think, "E... Whatever!" he said forgetting the spelling. "We'll make our own breakfast!"

He walked into the kitchen, and the perspective changed to show the inside of a refrigerator as Bridgette opened the door and looked inside. "Well, there's no food in the fridge," she called out after looking over the bare shelves.

"Nothing in the cupboards, either!" Angel added after opening a cupboard door.

"We should check in the walk-in freezer!" Chef suggested through a small open window, quickly hurrying away as the camera zoomed out to reveal Lightning standing nearby.

"Hey, yeah, the _freezer_!" the dweeb said brightly, raising a finger in realization. He hurried across the room and threw open the freezer door, stepping inside as a cold mist poured out. "Sha- _bingo_!," he called out after a second, "meatcicles!"

The others promptly ran in to join him...and a shutter door slid down behind them. They gasped, and the camera cut outside to show a truck driven by Chef starting up and moving away from a hole in the side of the mess hall.

"Challenge time, suckas!" he cackled, sliding open a small view slot and grinning at the camera and campers inside the cargo hold.

"This is insane!" Cody complained, grabbing hold of a swinging piece of meat as most of the others tried to keep their balance in the moving vehicle.

"Where are you taking us?" Angel asked Chef.

"You'll see," Chef answered with a devilish smile and snicker, sliding the viewing slot shut...and jamming his finger in the process, causing him to yelp in pain.

\

A flash took the scene to what appeared to be the entrance of a mineshaft. On a ledge to the right was a bulldozer and some other pieces of machinery, while to the left was not only a pile of toxic waste barrels, but also a widescreen television showing what seemed like a live feed of the host. The Chef-driven truck backed up to the entrance and with a grin the driver pushed a button that caused the hold to lift, dumping the campers out onto the dirt.

"Good. You're here. _Finally_ ," Chris said, giving them a quick look of annoyance before shifting into his typical smile. "Today's challenge is to find a Golden Chris statue in your team color," he raised his left hand and a statuette with a green base appeared with a flash and a chime, then did the same with a red-based statuette on his right, "hidden _somewhere_ in this old abandoned mine." He motioned to the mine entrance, and the two statuettes disappeared with another flash. "First team to get theirs back, wins!"

"Sha-done and _done_!" Lightning cheered earning a grin from Bridgette and Cody. "Go Team Rat!" The smiles quickly turned into looks of confusion.

"Um Lightning?" Angel started. "You're not on Team Rat any-oof!"

She was cut off when heavy orange backpack was tossed on her, forcefully knocking her to the ground. Bridgette gasped and looked towards the truck with the others, the shot cutting over to show Chef – now in his hazmat suit – tossing the backpacks out of the back of the truck.

"Don't worry," Chris told them, "there are enough packs for everyone."

The shot cut outward just as Natasha was tossed his, revealing that all the others had received packs as well. Most were lifting them with little trouble, though Lily and Cody were struggling and Angel was still lying on the ground.

"What'd you put in them? Rocks?" Jo griped, reaching to open the pack's main flap.

"Up-up-up, no peeking!" Chris admonished with a wag of his finger. "Those 50 lb bags are purely for your torment," he explained, "and my amusement. Enjoy."

Cody was shown crouched down on the ground, having given up trying to lift the pack in order to root through a side pocket and pull out a small metal armband with a bright green triangular patch on front. "Chemical badges?" he asked in concern. "Why do we need to measure our exposure to toxic waste?"

"No reason," the host said with an impish shrug. "Except that I rented the mine out to store hazardous material." The campers all gasped.

"Are you crazy?!" Bridgette asked in utter shock.

"No," Chris answered smugly, "which is why _I'm_ in a studio right now!" Both teams immediately protested. "Relax," the devilish host told them, "it's _perfectly_ safe. For thirty minutes," he clarified as an inset of a timer reading 30:00 appeared on the screen next to him. "When your badge turns orange," he pointed at the inset as it showed the green triangle that was on the armbands turning orange, "you have fifteen minutes left. Red is your five minute warning," the triangle turned red, "and, if you see a skull and crossbones," the entire triangle was replaced by a flashing skull and crossbones, "we'll dedicate this episode to you! But no way is it gonna come to that. I sent one of the interns down there for forty minutes," he pointed at his wristwatch as the entire on-screen inset disappeared, "and they're gonna be fine!...ish..."

"Now move it, peeps!" he told the cast, the camera cutting back outward to show them all standing with their packs.

"Where _are_ these statues anyway?" Lily asked with a raised eyebrow.

"About that," Chris said with an impish smile and sideways glance, "the statues have gone missing! Someone, or _something_ down there must've taken them."

"And I take it that the mine's lighting system's busted also?" Cody asked.

"Correctamundo," Chris answered, his smile almost mocking. "Pitch black all the way." Both Angel and Bridgette shared anxious looks. "There are flashlights and fireflies inside," he added, "first come, first serve. Anywho, time's a-wasting, and so are your healthy blood cells. So go!"

\

The scene cut inside the mine entrance as the Maggots ran in with Lightning in the lead.

"Yeah! Lightning comes in first!" he cheered, stopping right before a small elevator with an open front. "Sha-BAM!" His words echoed as Cody, Angel, and Bridgette joined him, and the four sent worried looks up just as the mine began to rumble and rocks fell down from the ceiling, burying him and his teammates.

Jo, Ezekiel, Natasha, and Lily ran past them. "Thanks for giving us the lead _Bright_ ning!" the jock-ette taunted as Lightning and her former teammates poked their heads out of the rubble.

"Let's not do that again," Cody told the uber-jock.

"I don't know how you put up with her," Lily told them as she followed her team into the elevator with her teammates, Jo pursing her lips and closing the short gate as soon as she could.

"We got the flashlights eh!" Ezekiel said, picking up a pair of the devices from the elevator floor. An ominous creaking cut off any possible celebration, however, and moments later a cable snapped, dropping the elevator down its shaft. All four of the Rats screamed.

They landed with a resounding crash, and the scene cut down to the total darkness at the bottom of the shaft. A few pained groans rose up, followed by Lily saying "Is everyone okay?"

"I think so," Ezekiel replied first.

"Yeah I'm fine," Jo said next.

Someone, presumably Natasha, snapped their fingers shortly after.

"The flashlights!" Ezekiel exclaimed, turning one on and revealing the broken elevator and scores of waste barrels scattered around the five fallen teens.

Lily quickly picked up the second flashlight, turned it on, and looked around. "Looks like a tunnel," she said, the camera panning left to show both a normal mineshaft and a more natural-looking tunnel next to it. "Do we take it?"

She was answered by a high-pitched squealing that echoed through the tunnels and caves, lasting long enough for all four Rats to look around in terror.

"Looks good to me eh," Ezekiel answered, getting up and making a dash towards the more natural-looking tunnel. His teammates followed shortly after him.

\

The squeal faded away as the scene cut back to the top of the elevator shaft, where the three Maggots had managed to get themselves free of the rubble.

"I don't think that elevator's coming back up," Bridgette commented, looking down the shaft.

"I can't lose again," Lightning started to panic. "I _can't_!"

"Why don't we just shimmy down the line?" Angel asked.

"Could that work?" Lightning asked hopefully.

Cody bent down and picked up the firefly jar. "I'll go ahead and light the way," he told his team. "Then the girls should come next, and then Lightning, you bring up the rear to make sure the girls get down okay."

"On it," the uber-jock agreed.

"Great plan Cody," Angel said happily.

"Right," Bridgette echoed with a smile. "Good thinking, Cody. Let's...hurry and get this over with."

"The Codster is on it," Cody said in a confident tone, holding the cable with his left hand and the firefly jar under his right arm. "Woo-Hoo-Hoo-AAHHHHHH!" he cried as he jumped into the shaft and slid down that cable, his declaration quickly turned into a pained shout. "Cable burn!"

The rest of the Maggots shared a nervous look. "Well...I'm sure he's okay," the idealist said tentatively before the sound of a crash made the three of them wince.

"My chestnuts," Cody's pained whimper echoed up through the shaft, causing his female teammates to share another wary look and Lightning to wince and cover his crotch.

\

A flash took the scene back down to the bottom of the shaft, Cody now lying on top of the broken elevator with his hands covering his groin. The rest of the Maggots hesitantly - or quickly in Lightning's case - slid down above him, then hopped off – the girls to Cody's side, and the uber-jock to the floor of the shaft.

"You alright?" Bridgette asked, bending over her fallen friend and offering her hand.

"Uh-huh," he said pitifully, taking her hand and allowing himself to be pulled to his feet.

"That's good. But where are the fireflies?" Angel followed up.

"Over there," Cody answered, pointing to the ground. The camera panned down and zoomed in on the upturned jar, then zoomed out as Bridgette picked it up.

"Okay, looks like we all made it down in one piece. Right, Lightning?" she said, looking expectantly to her right.

"Yeah I'm okay," the boy in question answered a little too quickly as the shot quick-panned over to him impatiently standing near one of the tunnels. "Now can we get goin' so the other team doesn't win?"

Angel and Bridgette shared an uncertain look, then the surfer walked forward. "It's okay, we'll be fine," Bridgette said calmly. "How about you and me scout ahead, and Angel stay with Cody until he can move?"

"That sounds alright," Lightning said. "But ya'll gotta hurry up." He grabbed Bridgette's wrist and dragged her off to the left, the surfer only letting out a startled 'Whoa!' in response.

\

The Rats, aside from Jo, were huffing and panting as the scene cut back to them entering a slightly wider portion of the tunnels. Ezekiel and Lily were still in front with the flashlights, Jo was right behind them, and Natasha brought up the rear.

The camera zoomed in on Ezekiel and Lily, who were inspecting another pair of tunnels – a normal-looking mineshaft on the left, and a jagged-edged hole on the right.

"Hey, who said you could stop?" Jo protested.

"We hit a fork in the road eh," Ezekiel said, turning around to face her.

"So now we gotta choose between potential deathtraps," Lily muttered, earning an annoyed look from Jo and Natasha.

"The tunnels are different," she explained. "The left one has minecart tracks and looks to be just another shaft, and the right one looks like it was carved by something with giant teeth."

"So that means this mine's probably home to like, a nest of mutants eh," Ezekiel finished.

"Then just go left!" Jo exclaimed. "What was the point of stopping?!"

"I thought we weren't s'posed to make a choice with you eh," the homeschooler said, "on account o' you bein' the team leader an' stuff."

Lily gasped in indignation.

"Good call Homeschool," the jock-ette smiled, she and Ezekiel and Natasha heading for the minshaft while Lily grit her teeth.

\

"So you wanna explain why you're acting like such a jerk?" Bridgette asked as she followed Lightning, the uber-jock holding the jar of fireflies.

"Look, Lightning's not as dumb as people think he is," Lightning said. "I know I'm the one goin' home if we lose, so _I'm_ plannin' on _not_ losin'." The camera zoomed out as he spoke, showing a pair of glowing eyes looking out at the two from a crack in the wall.

"Oh," Bridgette said blankly, looking down awkwardly. "I guess you were kinda screwed by that team swap." As the two moved on, the glowing-eyed figure emerged from the wall, and a familiar silhouette darted off in the direction the two Maggots had came from with the distinct pattering of feet.

"Hey, did you hear that?" Lightning asked, eyes darting around suspiciously.

Bridgette stopped in her tracks to look around.

\

A flash took the focus to a pair of minecarts linked together on a downward slope as the beam of a flashlight approached.

"Yes! No way will those Maggots catch up now!" Jo said excitedly as she led the rest of the Rats to the carts.

"I don't know," Lily said warily with her arms crossed, "these seem a little too 'death trap' for my tastes."

"This whole place is a death trap," Jo countered, earning a nervous gulp from Ezekiel. "What we need now is speed, so we can cover as much ground as possible, find our statue, and get out of here."

Just then Lily's badge turned from green to orange, earning a gasp from her and the others. "Oh no, your badge just changed colors eh!" Ezekiel cried out. "We're gonna die down here!"

"No we won't," Jo said dismissively. "We still have fifteen minutes. All the more reason to take the cart!"

"Not like I'm in a position to argue," Lily shrugged.

The shot focused in on Natasha as his badge suddenly turned orange as well. His eyes widened before running over and diving headfirst into the front cart.

"Closest to death first!" Lily called out as she hopped in the front cart with him.

"I...guess we're in the back," Ezekiel said hesitantly to Jo.

"Then come on!" Jo said, grabbing his arms and pulling him to the carts. The shot cut to a close-up of the front wheel as Natasha reached down and pulled away a rock that was holding them in place, and the camera pulled back out to show all four Rats in their chosen cart.

"Pull the lever Kronk!" Lily said excitedly as Natasha pulled a lever and the carts started moving downhill. The three vocal Rats cheered as they rolled off-screen, but the cynic quickly added "Wrong lever!" with a hint of terror in her voice.

\

"So...see any good movies lately?" Cody asked as the scene moved to him and Angel in complete darkness, only their eyes visible. "Also, could you get your knee out of my back?"

"Nothing recent," Angel said with a hint of a giggle in her voice before suddenly sounding concerned. "And I don't feel anything on my knee."

"Oh...," Cody said with an audible frown. "Then...what is-? Oh! it's a flashlight."

The device clicked, and suddenly the two teens were visible... as well as a group of giant hairless - and presumably mutated - gohpers standing on their hindlegs and screeching menacingly at them.

Angel and Cody clung to each other and screamed.

\

"Look, I don't think it's right that you go home if we lose," Bridgette said, smiling at her teammate. "So I won't vote for you if we do. But if you lose the tiebreaker..."

Lightning looked taken aback by the statement, then adopted his normal smug persona. "Lose?" Lightning _never_ loses!"

"Then it looks like we'll be teammates for a while," Bridgette said with a slightly amused smile, and the two continued on with a decent amount of comfort for a few seconds more...before the badge on Bridgette's arm beeped and turned orange.

Lightning gasped. "Your badge! It's orange!" the uber-jock said. "You've only got fifteen minutes to live!"

Another beep drew their attention to Lightning's badge as it changed as well. "You do too!" Bridgette cried out in panic.

"No! This ain't right!" Lightning declared, dropping to his knees with an anguished look on his face. "I've never kissed a Super Bowl ring!"

"And I never told Angel that I liked her!" Bridgette cried.

Lightning blinked, and quickly stood up. "Uh," the surfer said awkwardly. "I meant-"

"No need to explain girl," Lightning waved her off. "It's cool. Lightning don't judge. Looks like we both got trapped by those twins."

"Wait!" Bridgette smiled. "You and Lily?"

"Yeah," he said dopily before blinking. "Hey we gotta hurry!"

"Right," the surfer nodded, and the two darted off.

\

"Okay guys," Lily told her teammates as the scene cut back to them rolling down the slope and the camera zooming in on the pair in the front cart, "just keep your eyes open for that statue. It has to be around here somewhere."

Natasha tapped the cynic on the shoulder and she perked up and looked back. The shot cut outward to show that the two carts were now on different tracks, with him and Lily in the foreground and Jo and Ezekiel in the back.

"Seriously?! How did that even happen?!" Lily exclaimed in disbelief. Ezekiel just shrugged with helpless nervousness while Jo rolled her eyes.

The two carts exited from the tunnel into a much more open cave, with the former front carts's track curving downward while the other track sloped upward. Lily screamed and Natasha covered his eyes as their cart dipped off-screen and promptly crashed, kicking up a bit of dust and causing the camera to shake.

The shot cut to Jo and Ezekiel as horror dawned on their faces as they looked ahead. "Oh no, the track's broken!" the homeschooler cried out, the perspective moving to the front of the cart to reveal the mangled piece of track they were approaching.

"Brace for impact!" the jock-ette screamed, the camera moving back to a distant side-view as the second cart launched off the track, and fell straight down with its passengers screaming all the way. They quickly passed the rocky ledge where Natasha and Lily lay seemingly unconscious, and landed with a splash far below.

The scene receded into a set of monitors, the leftmost one showing only static while the middle showed the Bridgette and Lightning running through the mine and the rightmost one showed an underground lake.

"Looks like our players are doomed," Chris said, the camera zooming out to reveal him and Chef standing in a control room of sorts. "Will any of them survive? I have my doubts," the host laughed. "But find out for sure when we return with more, Total! Drama! Revenge of the Island!"

\

(Commercial Break)

\

The episode resumed on a shot of the dark and dank and craggy underground cave, water drips echoing in the background as the camera panned to the left. It stopped on a small and sudden burst of bubbles, then cut in closer as Jo broke the surface with a spluttering cough. Ezekiel joined her a moment later, and the two quickly locked eyes before he looked around in panic and confusion.

"Where are we eh?" the goth asked. "And where 're Lily an' Natasha?"

"Don't know and don't care," the jock-ette replied, "As far as we know, that was a trick by Lily to make us lose." As she spoke, a pair of glowing eyes figure appeared behind a rock formation in the background, before ducking back down out of sight.

"I don't think that's what happened eh," Ezekiel said... just before something suddenly dragged him underwater.

"So long Homeschool," Jo said giving the space Ezekiel was just in a mocking salute before swimming to shore.

\

The scene flashed to the wrecked mine cart still on dry land, which had crashed against a thick and massive stalagmite. A human groan rose up as the howl faded away, and the camera panned to the left onto the fallen bodies of Lily and Natasha. The cynic got to her feet with an active flashlight still in her hands, rubbed her head with a pained "Owww...," and looked around.

She immediately spotted the mastermind nearby and gasped. "Crap. Natasha!" she exclaimed, running over to him. "Come on, wake up!" she added, tapping Natasha on the side of the head with the flashlight and groaning when she didn't get a response.

With a swift cry of "Wake up already!" she whacked the boy on the head, who immediately groaned in pain and got to his feet.

Natasha opened his eyes and saw the cynic, then glared at her and rubbed the spot he'd been hit.

"Sorry about that," Lily told him, "it was the only way I could think of to wake you up. Now come on," she said, Natasha's eyes widening as she unknowingly rose about a foot into the air, "we have to find the others and the statue!" It was then that she noticed her sudden height change, and along with Natasha she looked at his feet.

The camera zoomed out a step, revealing that Lily was now standing on the head of a giant hairless gopher that had just popped out of the ground. Lily screamed, and she and Natasha ran away in fear as the gopher rose up even more and roared at them.

\

"Are those gophers still chasing us?" Cody asked as the scene cut to him and Angel running through another mine shaft.

The camera focused in on Angel as she looked back over his shoulder, then zoomed out as she saw the naked gophers that were running behind her. "Yes!" she looked back at the geek and screamed.

"Wait, I have an idea!" Cody said, skidding to a stop and causing Angel to do so in curiosity. He pulled a can of spray deodorant from his pocket and held it up triumphantly.

"Saw body spray?" Angel asked. "Cody I don't think this is the time for personal hygiene."

"That's not why I got it," the geek said with a smile before spraying a cloud of the stuff in the air. Angel started coughing and gagging, and the gophers stopped in their tracks. They squealed and hurriedly dug straight down into the earth.

"Cody!" Angel said in between coughs. "That was amazing!"

"It was nothing," Cody replied, blushing as Angel pulled him into a hug. "I figured that if they live in these mines that they must be blind. If that was the case then they'd have heightened senses and the body spray would make a great repellent, and I was right! But with that kind of burrowing ability, they could pop back up at any moment."

"Good to know," Angel said with a frantic smile. "Let's just...keep going." Cody nodded, and they turned as one and resumed running down the tunnel.

\

The camera panned across another cave, from an entrance tunnel on the right, past a large pile of toxic waste barrels, and on to Ezekiel lying on the ground with a small puddle of water near his face, next to some steps carved into a higher level of stone.

He coughed up a bit of water then looked up. "Where am I eh?" he asked while scratching his head.

The shot rather ominously panned up to a familiar figure sitting on what looked like a cobbled-together set of bunk beds atop the plateau. A few mutant gophers were on the platform with her, but they seemed to be milling around and grooming themselves peacefully.

"Uhm nice... gophers?" Ezekiel said warily, backing up.

One of the gophers came over to him, then sniffed him as he stood frozen in wide-eyed fright.

"Okay Vincent, that's enough," the figure said, stepping out to reveal herself as Staci - with slightly more tattered clothes and a greenish tint to her skin.

"Who are you?" Ezekiel asked.

The chatterbox looked annoyed. "Like what do you mean by that?" she asked, the gophers picking up on her mood and the one apparently named Vincent growling.

\

A flash took the scene back to Bridgette and Lightning running through the mine. "Man, what's takin' those guys so long to catch up?" Lightning asked.

"I guess Cody was more hurt than we thought?" Bridgette suggested. "Maybe we shouldn't have left them behind." She looked around the shaft and added "And maybe we should've marked where we came from. I think we might be lost!"

"Sha- _WHAT_?!" the uber jock exclaimed, turning to face Bridgette but still running and completely unaware of two figure coming from the opposite direction.

"Lightning! Watch out!" the surfer shouted a second too late. The uber jock crashed into the figures and Bridgette's face turned pensive at the familiar groans she heard, holding up the jar of fireflies illuminate the area and reveal...

"Cody?! Angel?!" she asked in relieved shock. "You're okay!"

"Bridgette!" the idealist replied with an matching enthusiasm, quickly getting up from the human pile she found herself in and wrapping her arms around Bridgette in a hug. "I'm so glad we found you! This place has some kind of giant mutant gophers running around!"

"How'd you guys get away?" Lightning asked, skeptically eyeing his less than athletic teammates as he and Cody got up.

"Oh, haha, well," Cody laughed, dusting himself off, "I had a can of body spray that works pretty good as mutant gopher repellent."

"Wait, really?" Bridgette asked with a dumbfounded look. "How?"

"I don't know," Cody shrugged. "But anyway, now that we found you guys and have a way to avoid those gophers we can totally win this challenge!"

Suddenly four pair of mutant gopher hands shot up out of the ground under the Maggots, grabbed them by their ankles. "Unless they do that," Cody sighed just before the gophers pulled them screaming in to the earth.

Another familiar figure came onto the screen a moment later, and jumped into the hole the Maggots had just disappeared to.

\

"How can you not know who I am?!" Staci asked angrily as the scene cut back to her and Ezekiel. "I'm like, all over Sierra's Total Drama blogs! 'The Girl who Fell for an Alien'?"

Ezekiel scratched his head in confusion. "I don't know what that means eh."

It was then that the second figure landed in the middle of the room. Ezekiel screamed and Staci squealed and said "Clone!"

"Staci," Clone replied, the two embracing each other as Ezekiel just stood there looking even more confused.

\

The scene cut to a drop of water landing in a small puddle, soon followed by two sets of feet that ran through it. The camera zoomed out to show them belonging to Lily and Natasha, the two Rats panting as they ran down the tunnel. A low and familiar cry of terror echoed down the tunnel, and the two looked at each other - Was that Zeke?" Lily asked.

Seconds later, Lily's arm badge beeped and turned red, earning a surprised look from both teens. "Five minutes left," Lily said with renewed determination, "let's make 'em count." Natasha's badge changed soon after, but they ignored it – but a second yell, much angrier and of a different tone than Ezekiel's, could not be.

"Looks like we found Jo," Lily said flatly. "Yay for us."

Natasha tugged on Lily's arm and pointed to the same direction Ezekiel's yell came from.

The camera quick-panned right over to Jo running towards both of them with her badge red. "Silent Treatment? Dye Job? That you?" Jo called out.

"You could call us by our names y'know," Lily said as the three Rats met in the middle. "Was that Zeke we heard just now?"

"Yeah, Homeschool got captured by some cave monster or something," Jo answered. "We can worry about him after we get our statue."

"First we gotta find Zeke in case Chris slaps us with another 'lost player' penalty," Lily said. "And we should ditch these stupid packs before they slow us down even more," she added, moving to take the straps off her shoulders.

The sudden crackle and whine of a loudspeaker turning on gave her pause, however. "Those packs of pain stay on until I tell you _otherwise_!" Chris told them. "Or your whole team is disqualified! Dis-qual-i- _fied_!"

"YOU'D BETTER NOT LET US US DIE IN HERE!" Lily screamed the moment the message ended.

"Uhh, I'm more of a watcher, not a saver," Chris replied. "So, that's really on _you_." The loudspeaker shut off again, and the three Rats shared an annoyed look.

Natasha made a hand gesture toward the loudspeaker that had to be pixelated.

"You said it," Lily told him. "Anyway, I think Zeke's cry came from over there," she said, pointing back the way Jo had come from. "Let's get going." She took off first, and her teammates quickly followed after.

\

The scene flashed back to the entrance to the cave that Staci, Clone, and Ezekiel were in as the three remaining Rats ran in as well.

"Oh no! Zeke!" Lily immediately gasped.

"What did you freaks _do_ to him?" Jo added, the camera panning left to show the homeschooler lying unconscious on his backpack next to Clone, a few mutant gophers standing nearby immediately turning their attention towards the newcomers.

The chatterbox shrugged. "I think he got like overstimulated or something. But more importantly," she grinned, "you guys are all here!"

"Uhh, and what do you mean by that?" Lily asked warily.

"I think she means us," the voice of Bridgette explained, causing the camera to quick-pan over to her. Though her team's jar of fireflies was still in her hands, the shot zoomed out to reveal that she was dangling with her heavy pack in the jaws of a mutant gopher standing on its haunches on a pile of barrels; another outward zoom revealed the rest of her team in a similar state next to her.

"Right, anyway," Staci said, "are you guys here for some golden statues?"

"Well yeah," Lily said. "How'd you know about that?"

"And why didn't you give us _our_ statue before they got here?" Lightning asked in mild anger.

Staci sighed, "Because then whatever crazy challenge Chris is putting you guys through wouldn't be fair. That's like the whole reason I had Clone take them. Because being down here's like really dangerous if the gophers haven't accepted you as one of their own."

"Yeah, I'm sure the deadly levels of toxic air make this place a breeze," Lily deadpanned.

"What do you mean 'toxic air'?" Staci asked in confusion before perking up. "Oh! Emily, Lady, Henry, Jessica, you guys can like totally drop those guys now." The gophers holding the Maggots squealed lightly then dropped them, the four campers landing in little more than a heap. Cody and Bridgette quickly helped Angel back to her feet as Lightning got up on his own, their fireflies forgotten on the ground, and the shot cut back over to Clone as Staci left for the makeshift bunk beds and the other Rats rushed over to Ezekiel.

"Come on Homeschool, wake up," Lily said with great concern as she knelt down and propped her fallen teammate up on her lap.

Natasha moaned pitifully, swaying unsteadily and putting a hand to his forehead. "I think Silent Treatment's running out of time," Jo said as he nearly fell over, but she managed to grab him just in time.

"Urrgh, me too," Angel groaned, drooping a little – startling Bridgette and Cody, who were still propping her up.

"Hey," Staci called from off-screen, earning the Maggots' attention and causing the camera to cut outward, showing the full cavern with all the teens and gophers. "Yah, these are what you wanted, right?" The greenish speaker was standing at the edge of the stairway up to the elevated bunkbeds, and was holding the two Golden Chris statuettes that the teams had been tasked with retrieving. The camera zoomed in on them as a radiant golden background appeared behind them.

Those campers who were still conscious gasped. "Dye Job, watch the boys," Jo commanded, shoving Natasha into the cynic's startled arms. Without another word the jock-ette charged forward, and the shot cut to the Maggots as Lightning gasped and did the same.

The two jocks reached the edge of the steps at around the same time, and immediately started trying to push past one another to get to their team's statue first.

"Get out of the way!" Jo demanded through clenched teeth as she shoved against Lightning's shoulder.

"Not happenin'!" Lightning retorted as she struggled to both pry Jo's hands away and squeeze onto the steps.

Ezekiel chose that moment to wake up and blink a couple of times before Lily pushed him off her lap.

Moments later, a crackling through the air indicated the start of a message over the loudspeaker. "If you can hear this," Chris called out as Lightning and Jo paused in their still-fruitless struggle to look up and around along with Staci, "congrats! You're not dead yet!" Ezekiel and Lily dragged Natasha by his arms, while Cody and Bridgette paused in carrying Angel forward a step at a time. "Wherever you are, immediately discard your bombs-," panic immediately covered faces of the geek, the surfer, and the idealist, "I mean, backpacks, and run!"

Ezekiel gasped and looked down at the discard pack he was holding. The shot cut back to Jo and Lightning, who had stopped their fruitless effort to grab the statues in order to take off their own packs..

" _Bombs_?!" Jo exclaimed, lifting the largest flap to see what looked like several sticks of dynamite and a detonator as Lightning _very_ quickly removed his backpack. "Too far McLean! Too far!"

"There's some mine carts over there we can use," Staci suggested, the camera cutting back to her and the statues she was still holding, then over to the left where a trio of mine carts sat on a rail. "Yah, it leads right out of the mine."

"Good," Lightning said forcefully, finally just leaping right onto the rocky platform and grabbing the red-based statuette from Staci. "Guys, I got the statue! Let's get out of here!" He ran off to the left, and the shot cut to Cody following in the same direction.

Jo gasped as the focus moved back to her and Staci, and the two girls locked eyes. "Gimme that," the jock-ette said as she grabbed the green-based statue.

"Like I care," Staci told her with panic rising in her voice, "I'm getting out of here!" she shouted before running off towards the carts.

The shot cut to the carts just as Jo reached them and Lightning started pulling Cody into the front car with him. Cody suddenly stopped, and looked around in concern. "Wait, where's...?" he murmured, and the camera quick-panned back to the main part of the room to show Lily and Bridgette packless but struggling with their respective teammates while a few growling mutant gophers closed in on them.

"Oh no!" Cody gasped, quickly dropping from the side of the cart and running back towards the others.

"No," Lightning muttered while Staci and Clone jumped into the second cart. "Lily!" He hopped out of the cart and ran back into the main part of the room himself.

The shot cut back to the stragglers as they slowly but frantically tried to move away from a pair of increasingly aggressive gophers. A third circled in front of them with a fierce squeal, and Lily and Bridgette screamed. They closed their eyes and braced themselves, but with a noticeable thud the gopher in front of them toppled over, revealing Lightning behind it with his team's statue raised to use the base as a bludgeon.

Lily and Bridgette breathed a sigh of relief that only lasted until the two gophers behind them squealed menacingly and reared up on their hind legs. Lightning quickly darted forward and grabbed Natasha with his left arm, allowing Lily to carry groaning Ezekiel away. Bridgette, however, could only gasp and try to hurry up with Angel in her arms bridal style, the idealist barely conscious. Her relief came moments later, however, as Cody ran past her, sprayed enough body spray to send the gophers scurrying away, then quickly turned around.

"C'mon, they won't be gone for long," he said, grabbing Angel's legs and allowing the two to carry her away much easier.

The footage flashed ahead to them arriving as the Maggots got settled into the rearmost mine cart. Lightning helped Cody and Bridgette up into the front, then the former two pulled up Angel. Lily pushed the carts from the side until they started moving forward, then hopped up into the middle cart with Clone and Staci.

Most of those still conscious screamed as the carts rolled down a slope into a tunnel, then down even more into a slightly more open cave. The rails bent upward, and the carts followed them out of sight...

\

The shot cut outside to Chris and Chef waiting at what appeared to be a dilapidated mine entrance – a wooden platform and scaffolding that had been outside the elevated shaft had crumbled, and the cart track's end was twisted and bent. Both men were wearing hazmat suits, and interestingly Chef was also holding the massive tongs he normally reserved for elimination ceremonies.

"They're really cuttin' it close," the host said.

"Mmm-hmm," Chef replied.

Seconds later the camera panned up to focus on the entrance, and the trio of mine carts and their screaming passengers flew out into the air, then crashed just past the two adults.

When the resulting cloud of dust began to settle the camera was focused on Staci and Clone, the two girls coughing and hacking. The sudden clamping of the tongs around them caused them to stop, and the camera zoomed out to show Chef lifting them out of the rubble as Chris watched. "I'll deal with you two trespassers later," he said irritably before turning his focus towards the campers, just now groaning and getting to their feet. He walked forward, and picked the green-based statue up off the ground.

"And the Rats win! Again!"

Jo, Lily, and Ezekiel cheered weakly.

"All clear?" Chris turned and asked Chef, the hulking man still holding on to Staci and Clone. Chef nodded, and the host took out a remote control. "EXECUTING OPERATION DOOMSDAY!" Chris shouted, pressing the button on the remote.

An explosion billowed out of the mine entrance, and when the smoke and dust cleared it had been entirely blocked by rocks. Chris and Chef shared a happy nod.

"Wait a minute, this wasn't about the statues at all!" Cody said accusingly, walking over to the two men.

"Sure it was!" Chris told him. "And as an added bonus," he motioned back to the blocked mine entrance, "you just helped me seal off the toxic waste forever! And get the feds off my back. It's win-win," he gave the camera a thumbs-up as Chef walked by behind him, "for me."

"That's low McLean. Even for _you_ ," Jo told him, the shot zooming out to show the entire cast back on their feet.

Chris just shrugged and put his hands behind his back. "I know, I _just_ keep getting better. Maggots, hope you're hungry for marshmallows. But first," Chef walked back up behind him, having traded in his captives for a fire hose, "before there's permanent genetic damage..." He walked away, and with a chuckle Chef turned on the hose and doused the campers with a spray of water powerful enough to push them off-screen in a matter of seconds.

\

The footage skipped ahead to dusk, as Angel walked calmly into the girls' side of the Maggots' cabin. The camera followed him inside, showing Bridgette waxing her surfboard in the middle of the room. "Angel! I wanted to talk to you," the surfer greeted.

"That sounds... ominous," Angel said warily before sighing. "I think I know what this is about." She took another deep breath. "Bridgette I-"

"I told Lightning that I'd make sure tonight's vote was a tie!" Bridgette said quickly.

Angel looked at her and blinked a couple of times. "Um, what?"

It was Bridgette's turn to sigh. "You should have seen him Angel! He was so upset about the idea of us losing, and I always hated watching this show and seeing people get screwed by team swaps and I didn't want the same thing to happen to Lightning but I don't wanna vote for you and that only leaves Cody but he's been such a good friend and-"

Angel's eyes widened at the word vomit coming from her crush's mouth. "Bridgette!" she yelled, cutting the surfer off. "I understand. You have to live up to your promise, but-"

"I don't wanna vote for Cody," Bridgette finished.

"Well one of us will have to vote for him if you want to keep your promise," Angel told her.

Bridgette sighed again. "I know."

\

The footage cut ahead to the ceremonial campfire.

"The votes, are in," Chris opened, the camera cutting outward to show him at his podium, Chef with the toxic marshmallow in a smaller pair of tongs, and the four members of the Mutant Maggots sitting nervously in a row. "Who will received the marshmallow of loserdom and leave the game forever?" the host asked idly, the camera zooming in on the radioactive treat in question before panning back to Chris. "The following players, are safe." He picked up the first of three normal marshmallows. "Angel and Bridgette," he said, tossing bits of white to each person called. Though the girls smiled and accepted their prizes with a silent nod, the two boys shared an anxious look.

"Aaaand...Lightning," Chris finished, the uber-jock letting out his breath just enough to allow the marshmallow to enter his mouth and become lodged in his throat. "Cody, I'm afraid it's back to the Geek Squad with you."

"Me?" Cody asked in shock, getting on his feet but quickly ducking as the toxic marshmallow was tossed overhead, landing with a sizzle off-camera. "But why? I...I thought we were friends!"

"I don't know," Bridgette said, an equal amount of shock. "It was supposed to be a tie so I voted for you."

"Wait," Angel said. "I thought you wanted _me_ to vote for Cody."

"So we both thought...," Bridgette said slowly before suddenly looking upset. "Cody I'm so sorry!"

"Nothing we can do now," the geek said as he hung his head.

\

The scene flashed to the Dock of Shame, where Cody was already seated in the bucket of the season's catapult. Chris laughed, and asked "Any last words, Codmeister?"

Before Cody could reply, however, the squeak of wheels caught the host's attention. "Hold that thought," he told the geek, and the camera cut to a close-up of the wheels of a large hand truck. The shot zoomed out to reveal Clone and Staci inside a cage being wheeled down the dock by Chef.

"Right, it's time for the two of you to get your butts of my island," Chris told the two captives.

"Aww," Staci said sadly.

"Chibi chunga," Clone growled angrily.

"Still don't know what that means," Chris said with a look of amusement.

"It's probably for the best," Staci lamented as Chef opened the door of the cage and grabbed her by the arm. "I didn't really like living in the mine anyway."

The footage flashed ahead a little, Staci and Clone now sitting next to Cody in the Hurl of Shame. The two humans sighed, and the camera zoomed out to show Chris and Chef at the end of the dock with them, then the rest of the cast watching from dry ground.

"Hey," Cody spoke up. "Is it safe for all of us to be in HEEEEERRRREEEEE!"

"Guess you're about to find out," Chris pointlessly answered out and the series's capstone theme began to play. "Join us next time," the host said as he turned to the camera and spread his arms, "for more danger, treachery, and incredibly _hilarious_ misunderstandings," Chris said with a quick look at the remaining Maggots, all of whom looking sad and/or guilty.

Chris huffed, then turned his usual smile back towards the camera. "On Total! Drama! _Rrrrevenge_ , of the _Island_!"

(Roll the Credits)

* * *

 **Author's Note Post Script:** Yes, I eliminated Cody. I know quite a few of you were expecting him to make it to the finale, and I honestly _did_ plan on him being the canon winner, but that was too obvious to soon. So the person who was supposed to get booted this week is moved to next week and the person who was supposed to get booted next week is in the merge.

Plus after Jo left the team, I was afraid if he lasted any longer he'd turn into the creepy perve he was in canon and I wanted to take away any chance I had to do that. He had a good run though, he was the main rival to a seriously strong player and saved his team's bacon more than once.

Strategy-wise, well, nothing to comment on regarding the Maggots, but the Rats seemed to have shifted a bit. There are now three less than moral characters on the team, and all of them will vie for control in their own way. Poor Zeke's stuck in the middle, but probably the safest person in the game at this point.

And as always I'm sure I'm forgetting to mention something.

I hope you all enjoyed the episode, or some part of it.

With that I'm signing off

-TotalDramaFan14

* * *

 **RDRotI ELIMINATION TABLE:**

 **13th Place:** Sam

 **12th Place:** Gary

 **11th Place:** Eva

 **10th Place:** Ella

 **9th Place:** Beardo

 **8th Place:** Cody


	8. The Treasure Island of Dr McLean

**Author's Note:** So the laptop is gone for now. I'll get it back in a couple of weeks, but in the meantime my writing time has doubled if not tripled. Expect at least two chapters a week for at least two weeks.

 **Disclaimer:** I don't own Total Drama, the shuffled concept or the (most of) the characters.

And to answer some reviews:

 _ **That British Guy:**_ We may never know.

 _ **Guest:**_ Well at least your first choice is still here right? Maybe because the twins haven't exactly been relevant these past couple of chapters. Staci isn't exactly the gopher queen. She's actually mutated and has a measure of control over the other mutants, and possibly regular animals.

 _ **StarHeart Specials:**_ Sorry, but Cody was pretty obvious to the 'underdog winning' plot of canon season four. I will say that there's another classic competitor stuck in that chest, but it's not Trent. And thanks.

 _ **Derick Lindsey:**_ Thanks ad thanks again! I'm actually going back to my double chapter week schedule for the time being. Also thanks again for helping with that Zoey cameo, and this one too. Don't feel bad, I came to the conclusion about Cody on my own. And of course for who makes the merge, 'wait and see.'

 _ **Pastatoxic2:**_ It's one of my favorite Lightning scenes, no way was I gonna drop it. And the dumb jock does still have his single-minded focus, but any idiot could see that the other three Maggots were as close as close could get. And Staci's mutated, not feral.

 _ **Gucci Mane LaFlare:**_ Sadly with this loaner laptop, the mistakes will take a while to fix. It doesn't handle the internet all that well. Anyway, I'm glad you caught and liked that referance.

Remaining Campers:

 **Toxic Rats:** Ezekiel, Jo, Lily, Natasha

 **Mutant Maggots:** Angel, Bridgette, Lightning

First they have to find a treasure, then someone will lose a chance at it.

* * *

 **Episode 08: The Treasure Island of Dr. McLean**

"Last time, on Total Drama Revenge of the Island!" The recap montage opened with several RCMP helicopters flying around before cutting to the Toxic Rats entering the mining elevator. "The players went on an impromptu environmental coveru-uh, clean-up challenge," Lightning and Bridgette was shown running down a mineshaft, then Cody was shown spraying body spray at the gophers that were chasing him and Angel, "and tried _not_ to get a toxic make-over like everything down there." Lily was shown struggling with Ezekiel and Natasha, both looking sickly, and a few shots followed of various mutant gophers running and squealing and dragging the Maggots into the earth.

"Staci showed up," the host continued over clips of the chatterbox watching revealing herself to Ezekiel, and showing off the two statues the teams had come into the mine to find, "which meant that Clone wasn't far behind," the alien was shown watching Jo and Ezekiel from afar, and then hugging Staci in front of a bewildered Ezekiel, "and thanks to a _hilarious_ misunderstanding," Chris paused to laugh as Cody was shown standing in shock and Bridgette apologized, "It was _Cody_ who got the old heave-ho," the geek was shown getting hurled along with Staci and Clone.

"Makes you wanna reflect, don't it?" Chris asked as the last clips finished up. "Maybe...with a cup of Chris McLean Instant Coffee," he said as the scene cut to him standing on the docks holding a mug with his face on the side. He took a sip, his eyes went wide, and he spat it out. "Bitter... _better_!" he quickly corrected with a forced smile. "Better than the rest." He dumped the mug out into the lake, and a fish promptly surfaced where the drink had landed and vomited in disgust.

Chris held his awkward smile for a second before regaining his composure and walking to the side. "Who will survive? Who will wish they _didn't_? Find out right now, on Total! Drama! Revenge, of the Island!"

 **XXXXX**

[The sequence begins much as it did three seasons ago, with an open into letterbox format as the camera focuses on the tops of a few distant pine trees. A rusty stage light rotates up and turns on; then the shot changes to a cobwebby spotlight swinging down and turning on as well; then a small security camera popping out of one of several leaky toxic waste barrels; then another camera bursting out of a tree hollow, held by an octopus tentacle and dislodging a few bones; then a pair of fair-skinned arms clapping a film slate in front of the camera which switches to a shot of the island, briefly showing a giant octopus looking out of the lake to the right, then flying forward down the dock and past the buildings, passing under a totem pole that Chris was sitting on and which was being carried by a trio of male interns of mismatched heights.]

Dear Mom and Dad, I'm doin' fine;

[The camera rapidly flies through the trees as the lyrics begin, quickly reaching the top of the thousand-foot-high cliff.]

You guys are on my mind!

[It looks down at the ring of buoys in the water below and dives, immediately cutting to an underwater view as the bubbles disperse to reveal Cody gagging with several vicious-looking fish watching him hungrily.]

Ya asked me what I wanted to be,

And now I think the answer is plain to see!

[Cody frantically swims up and away from an approaching tentacle, passing another fish wearing a gas mask. The camera pans up to reveal Bridgette on one side of her surfboard; Cody surfaces and slumps against the other side, then flashes her a flirtatious smile. The tentacle surfaces and slams into the middle of the board...and in doing so, sends Bridgette into the water and Cody high into the sky.]

I wanna be...famous!

[The scene lingers on Cody in front of the sun for a moment, then quick-pans down to Jo working out with a punching bag in the middle of the woods; a falling Cody abruptly falls into her arms. Cody tries one of his flirty smiles on the jock-ette, who just scowls and drops him before going back to her workout. The camera pans right to Ella, happily singing to a number of hairless squirrels and three-eyed birds.]

I wanna live close to the sun!

[At the top of a waterfall, Angel and Lily float downriver in a canoe. Angel appears to be gushing about something to her sister, and the cynic is clearly only pretending to listen for a second before turning around and spotting the fall. Both scream as they go over the edge.]

Well pack your bags, 'cause I've already won!

[The camera pans down to Lightning, deadlifting a large log while standing on another log suspended across the rocks at the bottom of the falls. the twins and their canoe land on his makeshift weight, breaking the log supporting him and sending all three into the water.]

Everythin' to prove, nothin' in my way;

[Ezekiel walks up to the outhouse confessional and a monstrous shark with arms and legs bursts out of the outhouse with a toothy grin, causing the homeschooler to scream and run away as the shark chases after him.]

I'll get there one day

[The camera pans to the Main Lodge, Chef's silhouette visible in the window. Zooming in to the room shows him stirring a pot of some greenish slop with an annoyed frown, and the shot pans over to show Gary making various hand signs and rapping. A spoon flies from the right and hits him, knocking him out.]

'Cause I wanna be...famous!

[Another pan to the left reveals Natasha looking Gary's way and sighing in relief, he turns to the camera and gives an all-knowing smirk. The scene zooms back out of the lodge to the beach, where Eva is alternating reps with a dumbell in each hand.]

Na-na nanananaa, nanana-nanaa, na-nananananaa

[The camera pans away from Eva and on to Sam happily playing a handheld game. A furry hand taps him on the shoulder, distracting the gamer and allowing the arm to snatch away the console. Sam realizes what's happened, and rushes angrily at the large hairy ape-man now playing the game, and the camera moves on watch an odd, almost rattlesnake-like gull floating on the water. A bulbous-headed fish jumps out over it on the right and a shark jumps out of the left with its mouth wide open, but the first fish blasts the shark with some sort of laser, turning it into a skeleton which is swallowed by the first fish as it finishes its jump. A tentacle rises out of the water to grab the gull, but it quickly lashes out and bites it with its snake-like fangs.]

I wanna be! I wanna be! I wanna be famous! (Na-na nanananaa, nanana-nanaa, na-nananananaa)

[The camera pans down to the end of the dock to show Beardo moonwalking to the edge of the dock. He brings his hands to his mouth and vigorously beatboxes, spit flying from his hands.]

I wanna be! I wanna be! I wanna be famous! (Na-na nanananaa, nanana-nanaa, na-nananananaa)

[A sudden splash of water comes down on the hairy boy, interrupting his music and causing him to send a blank look upward – Chris is hovering above him in a jetpack and helmet, holding an empty bucket. He drops the bucket then flies off, the flames from his jetpack taking over the screen. It becomes night as they peter out, and the camera pans down across the stars and treetops and full moon to Angel and Bridgette, sitting at a campfire together. As they lean towards each other with expectant smiles they are interrupted and separated by Chef, wearing a hazmat suit and holding a glowing green marshmallow between them with a pair of heavy tongs.

The shot zooms out to show the rest of the cast looking shocked, whistling the last few notes of the song – Ezekiel, Cody, Natasha, Beardo, Lightning, and Lily on Angel's side; Ella, Sam, Eva, Jo, and Gary on Bridgette's side; and Chris standing next to Chef on Bridgette's side as well. The shot continued to zoom out until a signboard was shown marking the presumed entrance to the fire pit; it read 'TOTAL DRAMA REVENGE OF THE ISLAND' in block letters, the third word being the largest and the last word relegated to a board tacked on at the end.]

 **XXXXX**

The episode opened to a shot of the sun rising over the lake, a few seagulls calling in the distance. The camera slowly cut from close-up to close-up of the sleeping campers – Lightning, Bridgette and Angel, Jo and Ezekiel, and Natasha and Lily. All seven of them were sleeping on wooden rafts in their usual clothes, until the shot cut to an alarm clock tied to a buoy with large acoustic horns next to the bell. The hands struck approximately 7 o'clock, and a loud ringing sang through the morning air.

Lightning bolted awake with a gasping start, and so did the Rats a few seconds later.

"Hold on, what are we doin' out here?" Lightning asked in confusion, the camera cutting outward to show the two rafts floating next to each other and the buoy-alarm amid a mass of debris mostly consisting of wood, furniture, and waste barrels. Each raft had a signpost with their respective team logo on it – the Rats on the left; the Maggots on the right.

"Chris!" Jo griped, the camera coming out even further. "He must've set us adrift after we went to sleep!"

"Typical Chris," Lily said, crossing her arms as the camera moved behind the her and Natasha, showing the island of Wawanakwa off in the distance. "By the way, does anyone even _remember_ anything after dinner?"

Natasha's eyes widened in realization.

\

The footage flashed to a close-up of a meal tray, held by Natasha as he collected his dinner. The meal was a slimy pile of spaghetti, tomato sauce, butt-shaped meatballs, and feathers, plopped down onto the tray without ceremony.

The shot zoomed out to show him eyeing Chef with mild disgust.

"Turkey buttolini," Chef explained with a grin. "Enjoy your na~ap!" he said before realizing his slip-up. "Err, _meal_..."

Natasha just raised narrowed his eyes and pursed his lips at the man as he laughed darkly to himself.

\

The scene flashed back to the Rats. "It makes sense eh," Ezekiel mused. "If turkey makes you sleepy, then mutant turkey can easily knock us all out."

"I guess so," Lily replied uncertainly.

The focus moved to Angel and Bridgette, still sleeping peacefully on the raft. They were facing one another, and as they shifted and murmured their hands reached out and touched, then closed around each other.

"They look so peaceful," Lightning said as the camera moved to show him looking down on his teammates. "But I gotta wake 'em up! Come on guys," he said as he bent down between his teammates.

The camera cut to Lily watching the Maggots with a pensive look, then to Natasha watching Lily with a look of his own.

XXX

"Just because Lily's my primary target doesn't mean I haven't been watching the others," the mastermind confessed. "You see, Angel and Bridgette grow closer with each day. And even though Lightning has befriended the surfer, he still doesn't stand a chance if they lose."

He brought a hand to his chin. "That does mean that Lily's best case scenario is us losing. So I can either thwart her inevitable sabotage and boot Lightning, or help her and send her packing. Decisions, decisions..."

XXX

"Okay, so I'm a little annoyed by the fact that we haven't merged teams yet," Lily confessed. "I mean how much longer can Chris drag this out? I hate to say it, but right now it's better for me if my team starts losing."

"Despite our argument the other day Angel's still my best ally here," she said as the confessional footage cut away to a scene of her sitting at a meal table across from Angel, saying something while pointing her fork at the idealist and making her laugh. "And she and Bridgette are still in their 'will-they-won't-they' stage," the scene shifted to Angel and Bridgette sitting in the common area outside the cabins, the surfer animatedly describing something while the idealist listened with a huge smile, "that makes Surfer Girl my ally by default."

"Then of course there's Rudy," the scene panned away from the two lovers to show Lightning deadlifting a large log and winking at something off screen. The camera cut to Lily watching from the porch of the Rats' cabin for a moment before blushing and going inside. "The meathead's still head over heels for me and I don't see that changing anytime soon."

"So yeah," Lily said thoughtfully as the scene cut back to her in the outhouse, "The best thing for me right now is to tank my team and keep all the Maggots in the game. That might land me in some hot water, though," she conceded, "but it shouldn't take much to convince the boys to send Jo packing." She smirked.

XXX

The scene finally cut back to the rafts as Lightning shook his teammates awake. The two mumbled groggily as they sat up, then looked around in bleary-eyed confusion.

"Wait, where are we?" Angel asked.

"Let me guess," Bridgette said, "Chris did this?"

"Sha-good guess," Lightning answered dryly as the two got to their feet.

The shot cut over to Lily, who was pulling Natasha aside. The mastermind raised an inquisitive eyebrow and she leaned in close and whispered "Hey, I'm thinking winning this challenge might not be a good idea."

Natasha motioned her her to continue.

"It's Jo," the cynic explained. "The girl's seriously putting the 'itch' in witch if you catch my drift and she's the biggest threat in the game. If we don't take her out now we might not even be able to."

Natasha brought a hand to his chin.

"Look," she told him seriously. "I'm not asking you to help me. Just, don't rat me out. This is the best long-term move. So..." she offered a hand to the mastermind.

Natasha accepted the hand and the two shook.

XXX

"I won't rat her out," the mastermind confessed. "But only because I haven't decided if I want to eliminate her yet." He chuckled darkly.

XXX

The static cut away to a shot of the rafts from a perspective a little higher, a little further away, and at a right angle to where the camera had been before. The roar of engines and the honk of a horn heralded the arrival of Chris and Chef from the right, the two men riding jetskis and wearing life jackets.

"Morning, suckers!" the host greeted with an exuberant grin. "How'd you enjoy your turkey buttolini?"

"Ehh, I've had better," Lily shrugged nonchalantly before looking irritated. "It tasted good _and_ didn't knock people out cold enough to kidnap them."

"Yeah, I'm sure you have," Chris replied with an annoyed look. "Anyway-"

"And what's with all the kidnapping anyway?" Lily continued unabated. "Why can't you just ask us to meet you somewhere like a normal person?" she looked toward Chef " _or_ cook decent food?"

"Be- _cause_ ," the host answered, both he and Chef looking extremely irritated with the girl. "that wouldn't good for ratings."

"And I _can_ cook decent food," the cook said gruffly.

Lily just laughed. "I'll believe it when I see it."

Jo narrowed her eyes.

XXX

"What's Dye Job thinking egging Chris on like that?" Jo asked.

XXX

"First step to losing a challenge?" Lily said in the confessional. "Tick off the host."

XXX

"Anyway," Chris said forcefully before regaining his usual demeanor, "first thing's first: If any of you are still trying to find that McLean Brand Invincibility Sculpture I hid at the beginning of the season," he announced, taking out a photograph of the head in question, "you can stop now. Somebody's already found it," he said, dropping the picture into the lake.

Ezekiel silently looked around at his teammates with worry in his gaze. "And speaking of digging things up," Chris continued as the Maggots were shown watching him more than each other, "today's challenge is all about winning the _ultimate_ reward: _Life_ , _itself_!" His tone became deeper and more dramatic as he made his declaration, spreading his arms wide for emphasis. "Your first challenge is to race to the shore, by any means possible." He pointed a thumb over his shoulder, and the camera panned over to the island in the distance. "First team wins a handy reward. _Last_ team gets a heinous penalty, before you embark on a quest for _buried treasure_."

"First you have us blow up a mine, now you want us to dig up buried treasure?" Jo asked. "What, are all the challenges from now on just things to make your life easier?"

"No," Chris said irritably, "and while there _was_ treasure here once, I found it years ago. How do you think I bought the island?"

"Through all those crappy movies and songs you put out before becoming a host," Lily smirked. "But I guess those were never successful, were they?"

Chris' brow shot up in shock, and Chef casually snickered behind him. "J-just get moving already, will ya?" the host demanded, backing up his jetski then speeding away with Chef.

"Why's Lily messing with Chris today?" Bridgette asked Angel as the focus moved to the Maggots.

"I don't know," Angel said warily. "But I definitely don't like it."

"Hey, are you two just gonna stand there or are you gonna come help me with this?" Lightning asked, the shot cutting to him trying to break the rigid signpost.

"Huh? Oh, yeah, great idea Lightning," the idealist said, quickly turning around and moving to help him with Bridgette following right behind. All of them grabbed on to the sign and pulled, and after a moment of effort the post snapped at the bottom.

"Cool," Bridgette said as she held the broken sign, "we can use this to paddle ourselves to shore."

"I'll do it," Lightning quickly volunteered, taking the broken sign from her. "Just sit back and let _Lightning_ kick this raft into high gear!"

"Hey, fine with me," Bridgette smiled. "Just watch out for sharks."

"Right..." Lightning said with an uncertain look.

The focus shifted over to the Rats, who were watching their rivals with interest. "Let's just do what they're doing," Jo suggested, putting one hand on the top of their sign, bending it slightly, then snapping it with a swift kick. "Get rowing Homeschool," she commanded, handing the sign to a startled Ezekiel.

"Great idea Jo," Lily said with a smile that gave the jock-ette pause.

"Uhh, thank, you, I guess," Jo said warily.

XXX

"Looks like Dye Job's finally accepted me as team leader," Jo said smugly.

XXX

"The challenge involves open water and she puts _Zeke_ in charge?" Lily asked with a grin. "I may not even _need_ to sabotage us!"

XXX

The focus cut back to the Rats heralded the start of challenge music, and Lightning began to row with his sign-paddle. "Okay, time to put some distance between us and the Rats!"

The camera cut outward, revealing that Ezekiel's own paddling was keeping the Rats about neck-and-neck with the Maggots, and the shot focused in on Angel and Bridgette. "Crap, I hate to say it, but I think we might need more than just Lightning on this," the surfer said.

"But what can we gonna do?" Angel asked. "We have no oars."

"I...guess we could always just get behind the raft and kick?" Bridgette hesitantly suggested. "Although I wasn't kidding when I told Lightning to watch out for sharks..."

"Well, the faster we get to shore, the less chance we have of being eaten," Angel said, walking to the back of the raft and jumping in to the lake. Bridgette let out a deep breath, then dived in as well.

\

The scene cut to the Rats, Jo and Lily and Natasha standing impatiently - or anxiously in Lily's case - near the back of their raft as Ezekiel continued to paddle them forward. A whoop of excitement caught their attention, and the shot zoomed out to show the Maggots' raft moving ahead quickly in the foreground. With the girls kicking in the back, Lightning was able to pause his paddling long enough to give his former team a short but taunting wave.

"Alright," Jo said with a scowl, "if Jockstrap and the Blondes can do it, we can do it better. Into the water!" Natasha immediately nodded and dived into the lake, while Lily lingered with Jo. The jock-ette tapped her foot and glared at Lily, saying "That means you too Dye Job."

"Actually," the cynic said plainly, "I was thinking maybe Zeke should be in the back with you guys since he's a bit more athletic than I am."

The shot cut to Ezekiel as he suddenly paused his paddling to blankly say "Wait? What?"

Jo's brow furrowed and her eyes narrowed in suspicion, but she shook it off and dived into the water. Ezekiel handed Lily the sign post and dived in shortly after and the camera lingered on Lily's smirk.

\

Another flash took the focus back to the Maggots, but the camera quickly zoomed out as they noticed the Rats coming up beside them again.

"Hey," Lightning complained as he noticed their three kickers, "are those guys just gonna copy all our ideas from now on?"

"Hey, whatever gets us in the lead," Jo replied with a smirk. Lightning frowned and began even faster, and soon the Maggots had significantly widened their lead.

"Sha- _BAM_!" Lightning cheered as the girls were heard laughing giddily. He closed his eyes and started laughing with them, but stopped abruptly along with his team's raft as it smacked into something that sounded pink and fleshy. He opened his eyes and looked warily ahead, the camera panning on to his reflection in the massive yellow eye of a truly gigantic octopus that was resting just below the surface with only the top of its head in view.

It shuddered, then bellowed deeply and angrily and lifted its tentacles out of the water. Lightning and his teammates screamed in terror.

The shot cut to then sky above, where Chris and Chef were watching the challenge unfold in their helicopter. "Awww, it's _playing_ with them," the host laughed.

\

The focus moved back to the Maggots, all three now on the raft with Angel cowering in the back while Bridgette held their sign post and Lightning was held captive in one of the octopus's many tentacles. The shot cut to Bridgette as she screamed "Let go of my teammate!" and swung at the tentacle several times, only to repeatedly hit Lightning in the face.

The camera focused on the captive uber-jock, and his face looking more bruised with each whack. "Hey," he complained before getting whacked again. "You're hitting the Lightning." Another whack. "Bridgette!" Whack. "Stop!" Two whacks.

"Giant squid dead ahead!" Lily yelled as the focus cut over to the Rats' raft floating a little ways away.

"Keep it down," Jo hissed, her eyes still locked forward. "With any luck the Maggots will distract it long enough for us to get away before it sees us."

Natasha tapped her on the shoulder and fearfully pointed a circling shark fin.

Lily gasped as the shark circled around to the front and jumped onto the raft, revealing itself as Fang. As the mutant grinned menacingly at the young woman, she held up her sign-paddle in front of her. Fang simply took the sign post from her, tossed it behind him, then pushed her out of the way. The camera briefly cut to Ezekiel seemingly frozen in fear.

Fang grinned darkly, then jumped into the water. Ezekiel screamed and swam around the raft in a circle screaming "Shark! Shark!"

As this went on, Natasha became increasingly frustrated. He grabbed Ezekiel's shark tooth as the homeschooler swam by, then pretended to throw it at the octopus. Fang glared at the mastermind, then swam off.

"Thanks eh," Ezekiel said as Natasha handed him the tooth back.

The shot cut to the Maggots, Bridgette still beating the octopus - actually Lightning - with the sign post while Angel cowered behind her. Then, to the shock of the blondes, Fang quickly and blindly swam into the octopus's head. It shuddered and bellowed in pain, then dropped its captive and sunk into the lake with the dazed mutant shark.

"Let's get outta here while we can!" Bridgette shouted, diving into the water with Angel following shortly after. "Hurry!" She and Angel hastily swam off towards the right, with Lightning quickly joining them.

\

The scene flashed back to the Rats, slowly rafting along while looking warily around them.

"Okay," Lily whispered back to her kicking teammates, "I think we're in the clear now."

Their raft promptly rammed in to something. She turned around, and yelped as the shot zoomed out to reveal the angered giant octopus surfacing in front of them.

"That doesn't look to clear eh," Ezekiel told her fearfully.

"Way to go Dye Job," Jo scolded, looking back over her shoulder and gasping as a couple tentacles rose up out of the lake. She, Ezekiel, and Natasha scrambled back on to the raft, and huddled together with Lily.

Natasha looked unamused before suddenly realizing something. He rubbed his chin in thought before stepping towards the octopus' head and motioning for his teammates to stand back.

He whistled to bring the mutant's attention soley on himself, then blew it a raspberry, turned around, and pulled his pants down to his ankle. He then bent over and danced a bit, his pixelated butt directly in the octopus's face.

The octopus growled, glared, and drew closer, raising a tentacle high and curling it almost into a fist. Natasha pulled his pants up, crossed his arms, and smirked haughtily while his teammates gasped.

"Natasha, what are you doing?!" Lily cried out.

"That thing's gonna kill us!" Ezekiel added.

The curled-up tentacle suddenly sprouted several large spikes, and the three Rats at the back of the raft screamed...

And then the footage and music ground to a halt, a 'pause' symbol appearing over the slightly-faded scene. "Will Natasha's brain outsmart the octopus's brawn?" Chris asked, standing up in front of the paused screen wearing a hat shaped like an octopus head and tentacles. "And will Lily's sabotage cost the Rats a win? Find out, after the break," he finished, crossing his arms coolly.

\

(Commercial Break)

\

The episode resumed on the giant octopus with its spiked tentacle held menacingly over the Rats. It growled and reared the appendage back, prompting Natasha to quickly jump to the back with his teammates just before the front was slammed down upon, launching all four into the air.

They flew screaming across the lake, their shadows passing over the swimming Maggots, and finally they crashed down onto the rocky beach of Wawanakwa. They groaned in pain, and Jo was the first to lift her head and look around.

"Wait a minute," she said, "We're in first place!"

"Yay," Ezekiel weakly groaned.

"How am I supposed to get rid of Jo if we never lose?" Lily groaned to herself.

"The Rats win," Chris called down from above, leaning out the open door of the helicopter, "and get these as an reward!"

He dropped down two objects, which Lily quickly caught – one was a compass, and the other fell open to reveal a map of the island. "A map and compass," the cynic said flatly as her teammates looked at their reward, "yay."

"I'll take those," Jo said, swiping the objects away from Lily to her annoyance. "I _am_ team captain after all."

"Weellll, look who just washed up!" Chris said, turning his attention to the edge of the water as Angel, Bridgette, and Lightning finally swam ashore.

"That could've gone better," Angel said before coughing up a small amount of water.

"You're telling me," Bridgette said, patting her on the back.

"Put a sock in it!" Chris called down to them. "Now, the second part of today's challenge started off as a practical joke involving a couple of our Total Drama classic competitors. Buuuut, it's turned into more of a rescue mission," he said, pointing a remote down at the beach and pressing the button.

The shot cut to the Rats as they turned and looked at a television cart that had just been wheeled over by a long-haired white male intern. The screen cut from static to none other than Gwen, the former Total Drama Aftermath host, trapped inside what appeared to be a somewhat spacious wooden coffin. She awoke on her belly and tried to push herself onto her hands and knees, but only bumped her head on the lid. "What? Wh-where am I?" she asked, rubbing her head and looking around in confusion. "I'm _buried alive_? _AGAIN_?!" she exclaimed and pounded on the low ceiling with her fist in a rather panicked fashion. "CHRIS?!"

"Burying some alive is crazy dangerous," Lily scolded. "Even by _your_ standards."

"Relax," Chris told them. "I used the buddy system. And since he still owes me a bunch of camera time for skipping out on season three, I brought back Total Drama's first winner, _Noah_!"

The cast's direction moved back to live feed of Gwen as the panicking goth suddenly heard the sound of snoring coming from within her prison. "Noah?" she said, looking around and the camera zoomed out to show the lazy bookworm curled up asleep in the coffin with her. "Noah wake up!" Gwen shouted. "We gotta find a way outta here!"

"Yeah, dude ate a lot of Chef's buttolini," Chris explained as the focus cut back to the beach, "so he's still gonna be out for a couple more minutes. But once he wakes up and realizes he's stuck with a girl who's too panicked to think straight, man is it gonna be funny," he laughed.

"Not to them!" Lily told him.

Chris just shrugged. "So what? Anywho, Rats! You've got your compass and map to the general vicinity of the chests at the other side of the island. First team to rescue one of the classic competitors wins the challenge, so go!"

Jo, Ezekiel, Natasha, and Lily ran off into the woods without another word, but as the Maggots moved to follow Chris landed his helicopter on the sand in front of them. "Uh-tu-tut-tut," he said, "not so fast. To the losers go the penalty belts. Chef," he turned to his grinning assistant, "lock 'em in!"

The cook stepped out of the pilot's seat and walked over to the three Maggots, and the footage skipped ahead to him locking a metal belt around Lightning's waist, with handcuffs attached to each side to keep his arms in place. The camera zoomed out and revealed that identical belts had already been locked onto his teammates.

"These things must weigh a hundred pounds!" the uber-jock complained, struggling under the weight of the belt.

"120 pounds to be exact," Chris replied before slotting a metal detector onto his back.

"Wait, how is a metal detector supposed to help us find a wooden chest?" Bridgette asked in confusion.

"It's not," the host smiled, taking out a red megaphone and shouting "Now GO! GO-GO-GO-GO!"

The Maggots promptly ran off into the woods.

\

The camera moved to a nondescript patch of ground somewhere, a muffled pounding sound coming from below it. Gwen was then heard grunting in annoyance, and the scene cut inside his chest as she frantically pulled out a cellphone. "Lousy Chris and his stupid game on his crummy show," she complained as she started dialing.

A ringing came over the phone, and the screen split down the middle to show Chris answering on the left. "Hello~?" he opened with an almost mocking singsong voice.

"You've gone too far McLean," Gwen said, "you can't just-"

She was interrupted by a sleepy "Wha...?" coming from within the coffin.

"Noah?" she asked.

"Uhh..." Chris said over the cellphone.

"Wait, is that Chris?" Noah asked drowsily as Gwen's side of the screen zoomed out to show him waking up. "And _Gwen_?!" he added, becoming more awake and more confused with each passing moment.

"Noah!" Gwen said happily, grabbing his neck into a crushing hug complete with the sounds of bones cracking.

"I... can't... breathe!" Noah complained with a strained voice.

He sighed happily as he stowed his phone back in his pocket. "Yeah, they'll be fine," he said to himself.

\

The scene moved to the Rats, the four of them arriving at the edge of what the camera soon panned over to show was a massive swamp with smelly, bubbling green water dotted with toxic waste barrels.

Immediately the four began to cough. "This place smells like one of our cows back home got an infection eh," Ezekiel pinched his nose and griped.

"According to the map there's a path around the swamp," Jo said, looking at the map in her hands, "but it'll take too long, though."

"Guess we'll just have to brave the stink," Lily shrugged. "Good thing the Maggots don't know."

Ezekiel, Jo, and Natasha ran int the swamp. "But _I'll_ make sure they do," Lily said, drawing an arrow pointing to the swamp with her foot before smirking and running off after her teammates.

\

A large purple dragonfly landed atop a stump in another part of the swamp. A pale purple frog sitting on a lilypad nearby promptly shot its tongue out at the dragonfly, only to yelp as the insect caught the tongue in its mouth and bit down hard.

The camera panned to the left, showing the edge of the swamp again as the Mutant Maggots arrived.

"Aw man," Lightning immediately complained, his face scrunched up in disgust. "That smell is _rank_!"

"Look!" Angel spoke up, pointing at the arrow Lily drew. "An arrow pointing into the swamp! That must be the right way!"

"No way!" Lightning replied. "I am _not_ goin' in that!"

"But we don't have time to look for another path," Bridgette told him. "Do you wanna lose again?"

"Good point. Let's get moving," he said before running into the swamp. Angel and Bridgette shared a smile, then followed after him.

The camera lingered after they left, just long enough to catch the the dragonfly from earlier buzzing out of the swamp still carrying the frog by its tongue.

\

The scene moved back to the Rats, Lily still trailing behind her teammates.

"Well, we haven't gotten stuck in the mud or anything yet," Lily said. "It's still disgusting, but at least we're making progress."

"And we haven't met any mutants, so that's good," Ezekiel added

"Yo Jo?" the cynic said. "How close are we anyway?"

"Well McLean's crap at drawing maps...," Jo said, looking back at her map...and unwittingly walking up onto something rough and green and scaly. "But we shouldn't be much-"

She was cut off by an ominous growling below her, and looked down and ahead just as the small, beady eyes of an alligator rose above the surface of the swamp.

The mutant beast promptly reared up, revealing its long tusks, spines, and tentacle-like forelimbs and tossing both Courtney and the map into the water. She, Natasha and Ezekiel quickly went back and regrouped with Lily, and all four screamed and ran forward just before the mutant alligator pounced onto the spot they'd just been standing in.

"Quick, get in that tree!" Lily exclaimed, the camera following her point forward to a large tree in the swamp ahead of them. The four quickly ran over to it, Jo giving Natasha a boost into it before scrambling into the branches himself.

"Hurry up, it's coming back!" Jo told them as the boys pulled Lily up into the tree next. The cynic looked back over her shoulder and bit her lip in fear as the shot quickly cut to the massive mutant swimming towards them, then roaring and pouncing. Lily gasped in fear, but was pulled up just in time and the alligator slammed head-first into the tree's protruding roots. The whole tree shook, but the camera panned up to show that the Rats had managed to hang on – Lily between Natasha and Ezekiel on the left; Jo alone on the right.

"Thanks," Lily told the two who'd pulled her up, smiling awkwardly.

XXX

"That was incredibly lucky," Lily confessed. "Hopefully the Maggots didn't think my little clue was a trap and they can catch up while we're stuck in that tree."

XXX

"Hey, can we leave before that thing wakes up?" Lily asked, the camera panning up from a shot of the stunned mutant alligator lying at the base of the tree.

"Good idea eh," Ezekiel told her before dropping back down into the water. His teammates joined him, and the shot quickly focused in on Jo as she pulled out the tattered remains of the map.

"Crap, the map's gone," she swore.

"No big deal," Lily told her. "You still have the compass right?" the jock-ette started patting her pockets with growing dread, "so as long as you know which direction we had to go we should be okay."

"Right," Jo said warily.

"You lost the compass didn't you?" Lily accused.

XXX

"Actually," she confessed holding up the compass, " _I_ stole it."

XXX

The static cut to the three Maggots watching the Rats argue from behind a tree.

"Okay," Bridgette said, "if we circle around a bit we can avoid the alligator."

"Uhh, we won't avoid _all_ of them," Angel spoke up nervously, drawing the surfer's attention behind the group to a pair of smaller, paler alligators that were swimming towards.

Lightning turned around and smiled confidently. "No worries, I'll take care of them," he said. "You two go get that chest!"

"But-" Bridgette said.

"No buts," the uber-jock cut her off. "Now go!" he bumped into the surfer, prompting her and Angel to leave.

The two smaller alligators hissed menacingly while Lightning hesitantly stood his ground and said "Uh.. sha-friends?" The two alligators pounced on him as he let out a somewhat feminine scream.

"So you lost our map _and_ compass?" Lily accused Jo. "Way to put us last place, team captain," she added with a smirk that went unnoticed by all but Natasha.

He smirked himself, then whistled to get his team's attention. When everyone's eyes were on him, he pointed to the sun, then to the right.

The camera cut to the outskirts of a massive forest of thorn bushes. "We gotta go through a thorn bush forest?" Ezekiel asked in shock and horror.

Natasha palmed his face, then pointed to a route closer to the camera and around the thorns.

The Rats shared a look of wide-eyed shock. "Yyyyeah," Lily said dully, "that's great."

She, Natasha, Jo, and Ezekiel quickly ran off to the right.

\

A flash took the scene to the edge of a clearing with the thick thorn bush forest visible a little ways in the background. Lily, Natasha, Ezekiel, and Jo arrived from the left, and immediately looked around.

"Is this the place?" the cynic asked as the group moved further into the clearing.

Natasha shrugged.

"Get me out of here!" the muffled-yet-distinct voice of Gwen called from underground, immediately attracting the Rats' attention.

"There!" Jo pointed and the four ran to start digging, Lily noticeably slower.

The plea was followed up by the arrival of the Maggots. "Oh no, the Rats are already digging," Angel complained.

"And where's Lightning?" Angel asked.

As if of cue, the uber jock -now sporting a black eye and tattered jersey - arrived. "I told you I could fend 'em off," he woozily bragged. "They totally gave up once I lost most of my blood." He then passed out and fell near a rock that caused his metal detector to go off. Bridgette smiled and kicked to rock away to reveal a ring with two keys.

"Two keys?" Angel mused. "The small one must be for the cuffs!"

\

The footage skipped ahead to an unlocked penalty belt falling around Angel's feet. The camera panned up to show her and Bridgette examining the other key.

"I guess this one must be for the chest," the surfer said.

The shot cut to the Rats digging their hole with Ezekiel poking his head out. "The Maggots are here eh!" he called out in concern.

"It doesn't matter," Jo said from within. "'Cause we just found the chest!" The lid swung open and Gwen quickly hopped out and started kissing the ground while Noah just glared up at the sky.

"The Rats win," Chris called down to them all as he arrived in the helicopter, " _again_."

Angel, Bridgette, and Lightning groaned in disapointment, then the camera cut to the Rats where all but Lily cheered or smiled.

"Looks like it's time for Jockstrap to go for a hurl," Jo taunted.

"Actually," Chris said with an impish grin. "Since a vote between those three has such an obvious outcome," the Maggots were shown sharing worried looks," I've decided that the _Rats_ will decide which Maggot gets sent home."

"Not even giving them a chance to save themselves?" Noah asked. "Cold."

"I know," Chris smiled. "I'm so good at my job."

XXX

"Crap!" Lily swore. "Crap! Crap! Crap!" She sighed. "Looks like no matter _what_ I did I was bound to lose an ally. Jo's probably convincing Zeke and Natasha to boot Rudy right now and-" her eyes widened. "Maybe I should let her. I mean, he's way to big a threat to let him stay and there's no way _I_ can vote for him because..."

She sighed again. "I actually _do_ like him. So I'll just sit back, let him get booted, and play the part of the sad girlfriend to gain some sympathy points going forward."

XXX

Natasha began his confessional by chuckling darkly. "This is better than I could've imagined." He said. "No matter who goes home, I lose a threat, Lily loses an ally, _and_ I have a measure of control over who goes home. I already have a target planned, I just need to get the votes in my favor somehow..."

XXX

Ezekiel was walking past the outhouse. He stopped at the unfamiliar voice coming from within and gasped in shock when Natasha came out.

"Natasha!" the homeschooler gasped. "You can _talk_?"

The mastermind grabbed his male teammate and shoved him in the outhouse.

XXX

"Yes I can talk," he admitted to a shocked homeschooler. "But I don't want the others to know so can you keep it under wraps?"

"Why don't you want them to know eh?" Ezekiel asked.

"I like the privacy it gets me," Natasha explained. "Now, about tonight's vote..."

XXX

The scene flashed to a long-distance shot of the island. Another flash, and the camera cut to the campfire pit where the three Maggots were waiting nervously – Angel on the left, Bridgette in the middle, and Lightning on the right. Chris walked up to his oil drum podium bearing not a tray of marshmallows, but four slips of small, yellowed paper. Chef was by his side, and was without his hazmat suit or the strongbox containing the Toxic Marshmallow of Loserdom.

"Okay players," Chris opened, "the votes have been tallied."

"Hey," Bridgette interrupted. "Where are the marshmallows?"

"No can do," the host shook his head rather jovially. "Tonight I'm _reading_ them to reeeaaaaally draw out the drama." The three Maggots looked even more nervous than before.

"Anyway," the host continued. "The first goes to... Lightning."

The blondes gasped and looked toward a still more nervous uber-jock.

"Another vote for Bridgette," Chris said next, causing the surfer to gasp.

"And Angel gets the next vote." All three Maggots gasped.

"And the last vote, and therefore tonight's free ride off the island goes to..." He paused to raise the already unbearable tension.

" _Angel_."

"What?!" The Innocent Idealist said in shock standing up. "But why me?"

"I'd tell you to ask the Rats," Chris said impishly. "But they're not here. So it's time to for you to go."

Angel sighed and and walked to the dock, giving one last look to Bridgette who was frozen in shock. After she was gone, Lightning elbowed the surfer to bring her to her senses.

\

The scene cut to the docks, where Angel started climbing to the Hurl of Shame as Chris and Chef watched on.

"Wait," Bridgette said, causing the idealist to pause and look back as she ran up to her. "I need to tell you something before you go."

Angel dropped down to the dock and looked at Bridgette with a nervous but expectant expression. She said nothing, and the surfer took a breath and then her hands. "I really wish I told you this earlier," she began, looking downward. "But I really felt a connection with you when we first met. At first I thought it was a friends thing but it didn't take me long to realize... that I like you. Like, _really_ like you," she said raising her head and meeting Angel's gaze. They both smiled. "Will you...go out with me?" she asked.

"Yes!" Angel answered immediately and elatedly, darting forward into a deep embrace.

The two separated after Lily's voice cried out. "Angel!" The cynic ran to the edge of the dock and grabbed her sister into a hug of her own. "This wasn't supposed to happen."

"It's okay sister," Angel told her. "We both knew _one_ of us had to go first."

"Uhh, can you guys hurry this along?" Chris asked them impatiently.

"Oh, shove off McLean," Lily turned and told him, shoving him into the lake to the laughter of all who were present.

Angel then looked back at Bridgette and pulled her into a kiss.

"It's about time," Lily cooed next to Chef while the cook wiped away a few tears of his own.

The two lovers broke their kiss, and Angel smiled. "I'm rooting for you" she told her girlfriend. "And _you_ ," she added toward Lily, "don't you even _think_ about doing what I know you're thinking about doing. Some things are more important."

Angel reluctantly walked back and climbed up into the bucket of the Hurl of Shame. "Goodbye," she said sadly, waving down at Bridgette and Lily then moving her gaze over to the shore where Ezekiel, Jo, and Lightning were watching. She waved at them too, and they returned the gesture with sad smiles of their own - except for Jo who just huffed and crossed her arms. The shot panned over to Natasha, also waving, but with a mocking smirk.

Angel's eyes widened and then, without warning, she was sent flying into the night with a scream.

The camera panned down to Chris, dripping wet and holding the catapult's lever with a rather angry expression. He took a deep breath, stood up straight, then turned to face the camera with his usual smiling demeanor as the usual cymbal beats opened the series' capstone theme. "And that's another loser down. Come back for even more painful awesomeness, next time, on Total! Drama! Revenge, of the Island!"

(Roll the Credits)

* * *

 **Author's Note Post Script** : And there you have it, folks, the final elimination of the second third of the season - and given the state of the teams, Angel probably wasn't all that obvious. Well, I did know I wanted to eliminate her here since it would keep the genders balanced going in to the merge and give us two canon subversions - Bridgette lasting longer than her love interest and Angel being eliminated before Lily. But the exact method took some considerable figuring out and was the reason she was eliminated here rather than last episode like I had originally planned.

You see, once I had decided not to have Cody win I needed to find a place to rank him. The plan was to do here and have Angel be gone last chapter but that ran into several problems. First, I needed Bridgette and Lightning to be by themselves for the majority of that challenge so they could start becoming friends and bond over crushing on the twins. Which meant that Cody was gonna be the odd man out and there was no way Angel would be sent home unless she had gotten too much exposure to the mine. That was what was going to happen, but then I'd have to explain how only _she_ was too sick to compete _and_ how that level of radioactivity didn't mutate her. So I went with the easier option and booted Cody.

That left me trying to figure out how to get rid of her here. Like before there was no way Bridgette or Angel would ever vote for each other without some sort of falling out. And Lightning's not really the type of guy who would force that. And even then it wold be Bridgette who got the boot because there's no way he'd vote for his crush's twin sister. That left the possibility of the idol, but that's a bust also because I hated how it was only really brought up in this episode in canon and I didn't want to do that.

Then came the realization. Chris loves suspenseful elimination ceremonies. And unless one of them had the idol, which I'd already ruled out, the vote would be too easy to guess. So knowing how Natasha likes to set up votes in his favor, Chris pretty much gave him free run to pick his favorite loser. And since taking out Angel gets rid of a definite ally for his rival _and_ a possible one in Bridgette, she wound up being his biggest threat at the moment.

Which of course meant I had to find a way to set up the 2-1-1 set-up that sent her home. Jo voting for Lightning was obvious, I've made it pretty clear in their interactions so far that they don't like each other. Lily trying a betrayal by inaction was another given. She votes for Bridgette, then pretends to be surprised and upset when Lightning inevitably got the boot. That left only Ezekiel.

But I ran into _another_ problem. How was Natasha going to convince Ezekiel the boot her without talking or note-writing, which was something I ruled out because there's nothing that could make anybody on the Rats hate Angel enough to vote for her. Which is why Zeke now knows that Natasha can talk. So he can tell the truth. Letting Lily go to the merge - which will no doubt be the next challenge in the campers' minds - with _three_ close allies is dangerous, and by booting Angel, that leaves Bridgette more or less up for grabs.

It's a really long-winded note, but I hope it gets the job done.

And as always I'm sure I'm forgetting to mention something.

I hope you all enjoyed the episode, or some part of it.

And I'd also like to remind you guys that a TVTropes page for this series _does_ exist and needs you guys adding to it.

With that I'm signing off

-TotalDramaFan14

* * *

 **RDRotI ELIMINATION TABLE:**

 **13th Place:** Sam

 **12th Place:** Gary

 **11th Place:** Eva

 **10th Place:** Ella

 **9th Place:** Beardo

 **8th Place:** Cody

 **7th Place:** Angel


	9. Grand Chef Auto

**Author's Note:** Guys, we're at the merge. It's amazing how fast these short seasons go.

 **Disclaimer:** I don't own Total Drama, the shuffled concept or the (most of) the characters.

And to answer some reviews:

 _ **Guest:**_ It's a tad early to start sending home villains. It's not weird if you found Natasha's dance funny. And the idol will dome up soon, don't worry.

 _ **Gucci Mane LaFlare :**_ Those two finally hooking up is one of my favorite moments this season. And yeah, these shorter seasons are surprising with how fast they go by.

 _ **That British Guy:**_ Silver linings and all that..

 _ **Pastatoxic2:**_ It is a shame I couldn't have had Cody go further though. Interesting predictions.

 _ **StarHeart Specials:**_ I'm quite a fan of doing the unexpected. Thanks, luckily I'll get it back in a couple of weeks. I wish this was in video form also. And interesting predections.

 _ **Derick Lindsey:**_ It was a journey trying to come up with a way for Angel to get the boot. And while a great deal of your review deals with stuff I obviously can't talk about, I will say that the last chapter doesn't necessarily prove that the Maggots don't have the idol.

Remaining Campers:

 **Toxic Rats:** Ezekiel, Jo, Lily, Natasha

 **Mutant Maggots:** Bridgette, Lightning

Now it's time for some stunt kartin'!

* * *

 **Episode 09: Grand Chef Auto**

"Last time, on Total Drama Revenge of the Island!" Chris opened over the usual stock shot of the island. "Our players went on a hunt for buried treasure," the first clip of the recap montage showed the Rats reaching the edge of the swamp, while the second showed the Maggots finding the key that unlocked their belts, "aka, _Gwen_ and _Noah_." The goth was shown panicking to herself, then squeezing the bookworm.

"Angel continued to bond with Bridgette," the host added over shots of the two enjoying each other's company, "while Lily decided to throw the challenge." Lily was shown drawig an arrow pointing the other team to the swamp, then bragging about stealing the compass in the confessional. "Natasha accidentally revealed to Ezekiel that he could talk," Chris continued over a clip of the mastermind talking to the homeschooler in the confessional, "which made it easier to set up the votes in his favor and boot the _Maggot_ of his choice," the Maggots were shown reacting to the news that they wouldn't be voting for their own.

"Lily attempted a betrayal of inaction on Lightning," Chris said as the cynic admitted to her crush on the uber-jock.. as well as her plan to do nothing as he was eliminated. "But the Maggots were shocked when it was _Angel_ who got the boot," the idealist was shown looking shocked at the announcement of the votes, "thanks to her close relationship with Bridgette," the two's farewell kiss was shown, "and being the sister of Lily." Lily and Angel hugged and the idealist gave a cryptic warning to her sister. "Adios _Idealista_!" Chris added over a clip of Angel getting Hurled by the dripping wet host.

"Who will be the next Hurl?" Chris asked, the scene moving to the docks as the montage finally ended. "And how will we injure them beforehand?" He stepped closer to the camera, shielding the right side of his sly-smiling face with his left hand before stepping back. "Find out the answers to these questions and more, right now, right here, on Total! Drama! Revenge, of the Island!"

 **XXXXX**

[The sequence begins much as it did three seasons ago, with an open into letterbox format as the camera focuses on the tops of a few distant pine trees. A rusty stage light rotates up and turns on; then the shot changes to a cobwebby spotlight swinging down and turning on as well; then a small security camera popping out of one of several leaky toxic waste barrels; then another camera bursting out of a tree hollow, held by an octopus tentacle and dislodging a few bones; then a pair of fair-skinned arms clapping a film slate in front of the camera which switches to a shot of the island, briefly showing a giant octopus looking out of the lake to the right, then flying forward down the dock and past the buildings, passing under a totem pole that Chris was sitting on and which was being carried by a trio of male interns of mismatched heights.]

Dear Mom and Dad, I'm doin' fine;

[The camera rapidly flies through the trees as the lyrics begin, quickly reaching the top of the thousand-foot-high cliff.]

You guys are on my mind!

[It looks down at the ring of buoys in the water below and dives, immediately cutting to an underwater view as the bubbles disperse to reveal Cody gagging with several vicious-looking fish watching him hungrily.]

Ya asked me what I wanted to be,

And now I think the answer is plain to see!

[Cody frantically swims up and away from an approaching tentacle, passing another fish wearing a gas mask. The camera pans up to reveal Bridgette on one side of her surfboard; Cody surfaces and slumps against the other side, then flashes her a flirtatious smile. The tentacle surfaces and slams into the middle of the board...and in doing so, sends Bridgette into the water and Cody high into the sky.]

I wanna be...famous!

[The scene lingers on Cody in front of the sun for a moment, then quick-pans down to Jo working out with a punching bag in the middle of the woods; a falling Cody abruptly falls into her arms. Cody tries one of his flirty smiles on the jock-ette, who just scowls and drops him before going back to her workout. The camera pans right to Ella, happily singing to a number of hairless squirrels and three-eyed birds.]

I wanna live close to the sun!

[At the top of a waterfall, Angel and Lily float downriver in a canoe. Angel appears to be gushing about something to her sister, and the cynic is clearly only pretending to listen for a second before turning around and spotting the fall. Both scream as they go over the edge.]

Well pack your bags, 'cause I've already won!

[The camera pans down to Lightning, deadlifting a large log while standing on another log suspended across the rocks at the bottom of the falls. the twins and their canoe land on his makeshift weight, breaking the log supporting him and sending all three into the water.]

Everythin' to prove, nothin' in my way;

[Ezekiel walks up to the outhouse confessional and a monstrous shark with arms and legs bursts out of the outhouse with a toothy grin, causing the homeschooler to scream and run away as the shark chases after him.]

I'll get there one day

[The camera pans to the Main Lodge, Chef's silhouette visible in the window. Zooming in to the room shows him stirring a pot of some greenish slop with an annoyed frown, and the shot pans over to show Gary making various hand signs and rapping. A spoon flies from the right and hits him, knocking him out.]

'Cause I wanna be...famous!

[Another pan to the left reveals Natasha looking Gary's way and sighing in relief, he turns to the camera and gives an all-knowing smirk. The scene zooms back out of the lodge to the beach, where Eva is alternating reps with a dumbell in each hand.]

Na-na nanananaa, nanana-nanaa, na-nananananaa

[The camera pans away from Eva and on to Sam happily playing a handheld game. A furry hand taps him on the shoulder, distracting the gamer and allowing the arm to snatch away the console. Sam realizes what's happened, and rushes angrily at the large hairy ape-man now playing the game, and the camera moves on watch an odd, almost rattlesnake-like gull floating on the water. A bulbous-headed fish jumps out over it on the right and a shark jumps out of the left with its mouth wide open, but the first fish blasts the shark with some sort of laser, turning it into a skeleton which is swallowed by the first fish as it finishes its jump. A tentacle rises out of the water to grab the gull, but it quickly lashes out and bites it with its snake-like fangs.]

I wanna be! I wanna be! I wanna be famous! (Na-na nanananaa, nanana-nanaa, na-nananananaa)

[The camera pans down to the end of the dock to show Beardo moonwalking to the edge of the dock. He brings his hands to his mouth and vigorously beatboxes, spit flying from his hands.]

I wanna be! I wanna be! I wanna be famous! (Na-na nanananaa, nanana-nanaa, na-nananananaa)

[A sudden splash of water comes down on the hairy boy, interrupting his music and causing him to send a blank look upward – Chris is hovering above him in a jetpack and helmet, holding an empty bucket. He drops the bucket then flies off, the flames from his jetpack taking over the screen. It becomes night as they peter out, and the camera pans down across the stars and treetops and full moon to Angel and Bridgette, sitting at a campfire together. As they lean towards each other with expectant smiles they are interrupted and separated by Chef, wearing a hazmat suit and holding a glowing green marshmallow between them with a pair of heavy tongs.

The shot zooms out to show the rest of the cast looking shocked, whistling the last few notes of the song – Ezekiel, Cody, Natasha, Beardo, Lightning, and Lily on Angel's side; Ella, Sam, Eva, Jo, and Gary on Bridgette's side; and Chris standing next to Chef on Bridgette's side as well. The shot continued to zoom out until a signboard was shown marking the presumed entrance to the fire pit; it read 'TOTAL DRAMA REVENGE OF THE ISLAND' in block letters, the third word being the largest and the last word relegated to a board tacked on at the end.]

 **XXXXX**

The episode opened to a small pink bird sang happily on a tree branch...until a thick purple tentacle rose up and flicked it away. An air raid siren began to sound, the camera zooming out to show the squid-tree looking around in alarm.

The shot cut over to Chris on the roof of the Maggots' cabin, wearing an old war helmet and cranking the siren with a smile. The shot pulled back to show the six campers stepping out into the common area to investigate – Lily, Jo, Natasha, and Ezekiel from the Rats' cabin; and Lightning and Bridgette from the Maggots'.

"Gooooooood morning, campers!" the host greeted, allowing the siren's wail to peter off. "Today we have a _very_ special treat."

"Actual food?" Lily asked dryly.

"Fantasy football?" Lightning added with an excited gasp.

"Surf sesh?" Bridgette finished eagerly.

"Nope! It's _merge day_!" Chris told them. "No more Team Rat, no more Team Maggot!" He jumped off the roof, and landed with a grunt. "From now on," he said as he walked over to the former Toxic Rats, "it's every man, woman, and Ezekiel for themselves." Natasha raised an eyebrow and smirked, while Lily and Jo locked eyes and glared and Ezekiel looked rather nervous.

XXX

"The merge," Jo mused while sitting to the side of the confessional, " _finally_. All that _team_ hooey was really chafing my butt. Homeschool's not _completely_ useless though," she added as an aside. "I might just keep him around a little while longer."

XXX

"The merge," Natasha sighed happily. "It's only natural that I made it this far. I admittedly expected Cody to be here rather than Ezekiel but I'm not perfect. I only have five more campers to get rid of before I'm handed that million dollars."

XXX

"You see this?" Lily asked the camera while not looking very pleased. " _This_ is the face of a girl whose sister was just voted off. The second I find out the mastermind behind that little plot, they're gone."

XXX

The footage cut back to the steps of the former Rats' cabin, the host taking out a walkie talkie. "Chef!" he called into it, the scene cutting to a close-up the cook in the pilot's seat of what sound like a helicopter. "Drop it like it's _hot_!" the host ordered, prompting Chef to grin and press a button on the control stick.

The shot cut outward a ways to reveal that the helicopter was carrying a truly gigantic block of concrete, which was promptly dropped. Down below, Lightning and Bridgette screamed and ran away from their former home, and the four former Rats cringed and threw up their arms to shield themselves from the shower of splintered wood sent their way by the impact.

"Did you _seriously_ just crush our cabin with a block of solid concrete?!" Bridgette yelled angrily back at Chris, the shot cutting back to show her and Lightning lying on the ground in front of their ruined cabin and concrete block.

"I had a bunch left over from building a monument to myself," Chris explained with a cheeky smile. "I call it, 'Mount Chrismore'!" The camera cut over to, and slowly zoomed in towards, a massive fake mountain in the shape of Chris' head.

A small squeak of a fart accompanied a bit of bird poop landed on the edge of Mount Chrismore's left eye. The shot panned up to the culprits: a pair of rattle-gulls squawking with laughter on top the concrete head, high-winging each other with congratulatory glee.

"From now on," Chris told the cast now standing by the lone remaining building in shot, unaware of his project's defilement, "you'll all share one tiny, cruddy, cabin."

"But all our stuff was in there!" Bridgette protested.

"Yes," the host replied mirthfully, "and because I am nice, and _not_ heartless, I'll help you get it out." Lightning and Bridgette smiled hopefully, and the shot cut to a close-up of a pickaxe. "One McLean brand Pickaxe," Chris said as the pickaxe head gleamed, and the camera pulled back to show that the tool was about the size of a pencil. "Children's size." He flicked it over to the campers as the helicopter approached, and based on the high-pitched cry of pain that followed it had hit Lightning. Sure enough, the shot cut to Bridgette holding the minuscule tool while the uber-jock rubbed his sore forehead.

"Later, taters!" Chris told them, grabbing on to the helicopter's hanging rope ladder and laughing as he was lifted up and flown off. The helicopter was flying low enough, however, that he ended up slamming into the top of the block of concrete he'd had dropped, and yelped in pain. " _Chef_!" he yelled angrily as the helicopter flew off with him.

\

"Hah," Jo said as she and Lily watched from the sidelines the Maggots try and reclaim their belongings off-screen. "Good thing that wasn't _our_ cabin. Now we don't have to waste time and energy digging through rubble."

"Wow, it must get _real_ lonely on that pedestal you put yourself on," Lily told her, walking forward and leaving her former teammate to roll her eyes and walk off.

XXX

"The teams _just_ disbanded and the first thing she does is mock them?" Lily asked gleefully. "That's like _begging_ me to snipe their loyalty for myself!"

XXX

The scene moved to the broken roof of the destroyed cabin, where Bridgette was fruitlessly trying to break through the shingles with the pathetically small pickaxe she'd been given. "No, no no," she moaned after a few grunting swings, sitting back on her legs. "My board was in there!"

"Maybe you'd have better luck in another part of the rubble," Lily suggested, the shot pulling out to show her standing nearby...and that the section of roof Bridgette had been trying to break through was propped up against the concrete block with nothing but air below it.

"Oh...," Bridgette said, looking down with a faint blush of embarrassment. "That's, probably a good idea." She slid down off the roof next to her girlfriend's sister, who was now looking around.

"Hey, shouldn't Zeke and Jo be helping?" Lily asked. "They _did_ live here at one point."

"Well _Jo_ would rather rub our faces in the fact that we don't have a cabin, but Zeke's right over there," Bridgette said, pointing forward. The camera quick-panned over to the other side of the rubble, where Ezekiel was standing on the remains of the lower part of the roof. Though he was prying a part of the wall away from the concrete block with his hands, he was looking backward with a guilty look on his face.

XXX

"What am I gonna do when she finds out what I did eh?" he asked the confessional in a slight panic. "Wait, did that sound right?"

XXX

The focus moved back to Bridgette and Lily. "Uhh, does he seem a little...weirded out to you?" Bridgette asked.

"A little bit," Lily said to herself. "I'm sure he's fine," she said where the surfer could hear. "Hey, since my sister and your girlfriend just got booted do you wanna form an alliance?"

"What about Lightning?" Bridgette asked. "I thought you two were-"

"He hasn't asked me out yet, so that's not a thing," the cynic said, leading the surfer over to what had once been the side railing of the Maggot cabin. "But I was kinda hoping we could get him in on it too..."

"I'm cool with that," Bridgette shrugged. "Lightning's a surprisingly nice guy."

"Yeah," Lily said softly. "He is."

XXX

"I don't even know _how_ I'm gonna get rid of Rudy at this point," the cynic confessed sadly. "Maybe I'll get lucky and our secret mastermind will point me in Rudy's direction..."

"Unless it _is_ Rudy..." she added thoughtfully before bursting into laughter. "Nah, he's cute but there's a certain brain power in strategy that the guy just doesn't have."

XXX

The static cut away to Natasha and Lightning pulling a blanket out from under the ruined steps. "Thanks for helpin', Quiet Dude," the uber-jock said.

Natasha pointed to Lightning, then to himself, then to the former Rat cabin, then held out his fist.

"Sha- _yeah_!" Lightning cheered, sharing a quick bump with his former teammate. "The dudes of Team Rat!"

A shout drew their attention upwards, the camera pulling back to show Ezekiel falling down from the low section of the former roof. "I still can't believe I made it this far eh," he said, rubbing his head as he stood up.

"Don't be dude," Lightning told him. "You've got some serious game! With Lightning gone, you were like the Rat MVP!"

"Thanks," Ezekiel said brightly. Natasha raised an inquisitive eyebrow, but it went unnoticed as the other boys tried to tug the blanked from the steps.

XXX

"Getting our skis, climbing Mt. Looming Tragedy," Natasha listed, "fighting off Fang. Either I was wrong about Cody being our resident dark horse, or Zeke's got a horseshoe shoved up his butt. I'll need to observe him more..."

XXX

"Challenge tii~iime!" Chris announced as the scene moved to the space between the communal bathrooms and the main lodge, where the six campers had gathered before the host and a widescreen television cart. "Today, it's all about grabbin' 'em and taggin' 'em," Chris explained as the camera panned across Natasha, Ezekiel, Lightning, Jo, Lily, and Bridgette. "And to show you how it's done, I give you Total Drama's favorite juvenile delinquent, _Duncan_."

The punk, strapped to a hand truck with a mask covering the lower half of his face, was wheeled over by Chef. "Duncan raided the staff kitchen back in season one," Chris explained, "so, I saved an extra-painful challenge demo just for him."

"Eat dirt McLean," Duncan spat.

"No, that's _your_ job," Chris corrected with a grin. "First up, the 'Smash and Grab'." The shot cut over to the television as it switched from static to a feed of the kitchen. "Hidden somewhere in the mess hall kitchen are six keys to Chef's prized collection of vintage go-karts." The feed cut to the karts in question, sitting outdoors in an area walled off by wooden planks. A single chain link gate served as an entrance point, with a barbed wire-lined sign displaying an image of a go-kart above it. Another pile of the island's ever-present toxic waste barrels could be seen just beyond the wall.

"Some drive like well-oiled machines," the host continued as a kart was shown in close-up against a brilliant orange background, its engine whirring and its wheels spinning. "Others...," the go-kart's wheels suddenly broke off, "...not so much."

"Chris!" Chef interrupted angrily, moving the scene back to them and Duncan. "Don't let these clowns drive my karts! They're gonna smash 'em!"

"Yes," the host answered in a condescending manner, "and car crashes equals ratings. Demo time, Duncan! Chef," the hulking man reluctantly stepped towards the hand truck, "let this perp out on a day pass."

Chef untied the punk's bonds, and the moment they fell away he discard his mask and ran off with a cry of "Later losers!" He started cackling, and the two adults shared an awkward look.

"Okayyyy...probably shoulda seen that coming...," Chris admitted. Chef nodded.

Jo snorted in an unimpressed manner as the camera cut over to her and Lily. "Searching a kitchen? Go-kart racing? Aren't challenges supposed to be _challenging_?"

"Quick question," Lily looked over at her with a scowl. "Do you even _have_ a brain or is it all ego?"

"Hey," Jo replied with a hint of irritation. "I get straight A's back home, I'm just not the type of person who brags about it."

"Why brag about your smarts when you can boast about your strength?" Lily said, still scowling. "At least it's cute when _Rudy_ does it."

Her eyes widened as she realized what she said and the uber-jock in question darted over to her. "So you think I'm cute?" he asked, flexing his muscles and waggling his eyebrows.

"Maybe," Lily admitted with a deep blush.

"See dude?" Lightning bragged to an angry Jo. "That's another thing I'm better at than you," he kissed his bicep and winked at Lily, who giggled into her hand.

"Get your eyes checked Jockstrap!" Jo said, poking Lightning in the eyes and making him yelp in pain.

XXX

"Geez," Lightning complained. "What's _his_ problem?"

XXX

Chris was now standing on the mess hall's front porch, just to the side of the stairs, while the campers were lined up on the ground nearby. "Players!" the host said, raising his hand and prompting the six to get into running positions. "Commence smashing and/or grabbing...now!" He waved his hand down, and the footage flashed ahead.

\

"A key, a key...," Lightning told himself as he dashed over to a shelf near the walk-in freezer. "Where would Chris hide a key?" He lifted the lid of a jar only to find it empty, then checked a salt shaker by turning it over. The lid fell off, dumping a pile of salt onto the shelf, and Lightning gasped. "Maybe it's in the salt," he said, quickly throwing a bunch of salt over his right shoulder. The camera followed it as it hit an unsuspecting Natasha in the eye as he casually looked in Lightning's direction; he grunted in pain then glared at the uber-jock while rubbing his eye.

"Sorry, Quiet Dude," Lightning said bashfully, rubbing the back of his head.

The focus moved over to Ezekiel and Jo as they approached a tall cabinet. "Ready to find a key _Alliance Mate_?" the jock-ette asked.

"I guess," Ezekiel said, bending down and opening one of the bottom cupboards. He looked around a little, then frowned and stood up. "No keys in there eh."

"Oh well," Jo shrugged. "At least this challenge isn't dangerous."

She closed the cupboard door, revealing that a giant cockroach was now standing on her arm. "And I spoke too soon," she said nervously before the mutant launched itself onto Ezekiel's face, the homeschooler immediately screaming and flailing his arms.

Natasha grunted as the camera moved back to him and his reddened right eye, bending down and reaching under the room's central table. He pulled out a bag with a peanut on the side. He stared at it for a moment, then shrugged before ducking under the cloth head-first.

The camera cut under the cloth with him, showing him now face to face with another giant roach, this one sitting on top a pile of grubby pots and discarded soda cans. Natasha gulped as the roach licked its mandibles, dashed a bit of salt on the boy's face, then opened wide...

The shot cut back outside the tablecloth as Natasha grunted in pain.

Just to the right of the sink, Lightning was searching through some more shelves as Lily walked up to him. "key... key... key...," he muttered as he looked from one box or bag or bottle to the next.

"What's up Rudy?" Lily asked with an uncharacteristic shyness.

"Huh?" the uber-jock said, setting down a small pan and turning around to face her. "Oh, yeah, no problem here. Just tryin' to find that key. Lightning's been on a _serious_ losin' streak lately."

"I'm sure it'll get better," Lily said, briefly looking away with a hint of anxiousness. "Umm, have you thought about forming an alliance?" Lightning raised an eyebrow. "And if you had, maybe you'd like to join one with me...?" Lightning smiled. "And Bridgette!" she added quickly and loudly enough to startle him. "Like a Final Three deal?"

"Lightning's cool with that," Lightning said as he turned back and started searching the shelves again. "Is Bridgette in too?"

"Yeah that's awesome," Lily said happily. "I mean, Bridgette's in. Yeah I guess we have like a Final Three deal."

Lightning frowned, then turned towards a door next to the sink. "Uh," he said, "you said that already..."

As he opened the door, the camera cut inside to reveal it as a broom closet. As soon as he looked inside, however, yet another giant roach jumped out and latched onto his face, knocking him over with a grunt. "Rudy?" Lily winced, leaning over and looking down at the fallen young man.

The focus moved to Bridgette next as she crouched down in front of a bucket of water on the other side of the sink. "Well, I might as well check it," she said, reaching in but almost immediately yelping in pain and pulling her arm back out. A thin, insectile arm rose out of the water and grasped at her as she rubbed her hand. "Uh oh," she moaned just before her arm was pulled into the water.

Her grimace of pain quickly intensified as whatever lurked inside the bucket bit her. She screamed and tried to withdraw her hand again, but it was stuck and all she managed was to slop some water onto the floor.

The camera panned back over to Lightning and Lily, the latter of which was looking in the direction of Bridgette's screams while the former tossed the roach that had attacked him back into the broom closet and slammed the door. "Maybe you should help her," Lily suggested.

Lightning walked off to the right as she spoke, and returned shortly carrying a stained and fly-ridden bag of garbage. "All right And while I'm doin' that _you_ can search through _this_." He thrust the bag in her hands and dashed off to the left.

Lily opened the bag and immediately wretched. The cynic quickly held her breath and dove in.

XXX

"Did you see how I stumbled through there?" she asked the outhouse in exasperation. "I can even talk to the guy like a normal person anymore!"

XXX

The scene moved back to Jo and Ezekiel, the homeschooler flailing his arms and running around with a mutant cockroach latched to his face while the jock-ette looked on in contempt. Eventually she rolled her eyes, then held out her fist so that Ezekiel ran into it face-first; he fell onto his back, and the roach rolled off him with a pained hiss to accompany the homeschooler's pained groan.

"If you're done screwing around," Jo ordered as Ezekiel started to get back to his feet, "go back and see if you can find me a key."

"And you're gonna help me get a key after right?" Ezekiel asked seriously.

"Yeah yeah," Jo said dismissively.

Ezekiel stepped back over to the cabinet he'd been searching, and climbed to the top of it and felt around. After a second he smiled. "Got one!" he declared, pulling his arm back and holding up a key. He hopped down and ran off. "We're gonna win eh!" he shouted as Jo crossed her arms and scowled.

XXX

"It was kinda obvious that she wasn't gonna help me if I gave her the key eh," he told the camera.

XXX

"Doesn't Homeschool get it?" Jo asked the outhouse camera. "To the boss go the spoils. I'm the boss, ergo he should be spoiling me." She rubbed her chin in thought and said. "Looks like Zeke _has_ outlived his usefulness."

XXX

" _This_ is for trying to eat my arm!" Bridgette yelled at the bucket as she thrust a mop into it over and over. She relented after a second, withdrawing the mop so that a rather battered mutant cockroach could emerge and weakly spit up a key into her waiting hands. "Yes!" she said, excitedly pumping her fist.

The focus moved back to Jo as she rooted around in a garbage can. After a second she smiled and pulled her now-grimy arm out with a smile and held up a key of her own. "Finally!"

Another cut took the scene back to the central table, which rocked and shook before, finally, Natasha was tossed back out into the open looking rather the worse for wear. He grinned, and held up his own key.

"C'mon...," Lily muttered as the shot cut back to her rooting through the garbage bag, "I know you're in here somewhere...yes!" She exclaimed brightly, and laughed as she pulled a key out. "Haha, check it out, I finally found one!" she told Lightning, the camera panning over to show her searching through the same shelves he had been looking through earlier.

"Whoa, it's sha- _gold_!" the uber-jock said in awe as the shot zoomed in on Lily's key, a radiant background appearing to emphasize its color.

"I know. Just like my chances of winning," Lily said smugly.

"You forget girl, _Lightning's_ still in this," Lightning smiled, picking up the lid of a large cookie jar and sticking his hand in it. A second later he smiled and withdrew a key of his own, and grinned at Lily. "Sha-check it, I found one too! But it isn't gold...," he added with a frown.

"Guess my key really is unique," Lily said, looking at her gold key and grinning.

\

The scene flashed outside, where Chris and Chef were walking away from the mess hall. "You let them trash my _kitchen_?!" Chef asked the host in disbelief, both men stopping in their tracks. "Chris, man. Do you know how _long_ that's gonna take to clean up?"

"Buudddyyy," the host replied, his tone more condescending than placating, "brother from another mother! Relax, it's cool. See?" he ran over and thrust a mop into his assistant's arms. "I got you a new mop!"

As he walked away the shot lingered on Chef as he growled and snapped the mop.

\

Another flash took the scene outside the patchwork wall of Chef's go-kart pen, a flashing red neon light in the shape of the man's head affixed to the board above the chainlink entrance. "Say hello to challenge part deux!" Chris said over the zooming shot before the camera cut to him and the six campers just inside the compound, a light but tense score beginning in the background. Each contestant was holding some kind of yellow electronic tablet, as well as a can of spray pain – Lily with red, Natasha with green, Jo with black, Bridgette with pink, Ezekiel with purple, and Lightning with blue.

"Grand _Chef_ Auto!" the host continued. "You've each been given a can of spray pain and a GPS map of the island. Your mission?" he said with a sly look as the shot cut to Lily. "Race your go-karts around the island and be the first to graffiti tag _three_ landmarks," the host explained as the shot cut to a close-up of Lily's GPS, showing a topographic map with three blinking lights arranged in a wide triangle.

"The rock wall of Mount Looming Tragedy," Chris said as the shot cut to the looming tragedy they'd been forced to scale in the third episode. "The spooky tree in the haunted forest," the squid-tree was shown next, its eyeball and tentacles tucked away out of sight. "And, the tippy-top of a giant totem pole," the host finished as the camera panned up the camp's slightly goofy-looking totem pole.

"Oh, and the go-karts?" Chris added as the shot cut over to Chef standing in front of the go-karts and looking around irritably. "You'll have to _steal_ them. From _Chef_." The camera suddenly zoomed in on the hulking man, who growled.

Ezekiel gulped.

"The first player to completely tag all three landmarks wins immunity," Chris explained. " _And_ ," the shot began to zoom across the variously stubborn, determined, and nervous faces of the campers, "they get to choose who will be eliminated. Haha, alright," he said jovially as the camera reached the end of the line and cut back to him. "Aaaand, _go_!"

\

The scene flashed to a close-up of Chef as he looked from side to side as the perspective moved behind his shoulders to show the six campers standing their ground.

"Ooh, Chef's gonna _stare_ us to death," Jo said in an overly sarcastic tone. "Step aside, old man," she added with a harshness that caused Natasha and Lily to warily take a step away from her. As they did so the camera cut back to Chef's close-up as he narrowed his eyes.

"Nobody touches my stuff," he said softly. The shot cut to his mouth alone, as he repeated " _Nobody_."

With a snap of his fingers the angry chittering of a veritable army of hairless mutant squirrels rose up from behind, within, and in front of the go-karts. Bridgette gasped, as did Jo, and Ezekiel clutched the sides of his toque and cried "Laser squirrels!"

The eyes of three squirrels sitting on a single kart turned red and fired off their trademark eye lasers, and swept their gazes across the yard at the unseen, but screaming, campers.

The shot suddenly cut to Chris, lounging in a yard chair with his feet propped up on a stack of tires. "I _love_ it when Chef gets mad, don't you?" he asked the camera with a smile as the campers continued to scream. "Who will survive his wrath?" he asked. "Find out after the break, right here, on Total! Drama! Revenge of the Island!"

\

(Commercial Break)

\

The campers were still running and screaming under fire from the pack of laser squirrels as the episode resumed, the dramatic score resuming with it. Jo and Lightning soon found themselves running into a corner between the wall and a stack of tires, and Chef quickly came up behind them with a gleeful cackle. "Game over," he told them. "You're comin' with me."

Elsewhere, the rodent horde decided to abandon the safety of the go-karts to bring the assault to the humans.

"No! Leave me alone!" Bridgette exclaimed as she tried to pull a squirrel out oof her hair.

"Bridgette?" Ezekiel said, stopping in place upon hearing the surfer's cry.

"Nothing personal!" Lily back as she ran up. "But only one person can win and it's gonna be me!" She ran off, leaving Ezekiel to frown at her, then run after Bridgette. As he did he passed by Natasha, who was struggling with a squirrel biting each arm and leg.

He growled as he hopped forward on one foot, flailing his arms fruitlessly. He reached into the pocket of his shorts and producing the bag of peanuts he'd found in the kitchen earlier.

Immediately, a radiant background appeared behind the peanuts and the eyes of every squirrel turned to them – even the ones still gnawing on Bridgette's head. Natasha smirked, then threw the bag away as far as he could.

It hit Jo in the head as she and Lightning were forcibly escorted forward by Chef. "What the?" the jock-ette said in confusion as she caught the bag on the rebound, and the three looked behind them and gasped. "Run!" she yelled, Lightning and Chef joining her as they ran off, pursued by the naked swarm.

Natasha smirked and chuckled to himself, hopping into a kart as the shot cut back to him. He turned the key, revved the engine, and took off with an unexpected burst of speed. The camera followed him a little ways, but lingered on Lily as she watched the mastermind speed past from the seat of a golden go-kart.

"Time to hurry up," she said, taking the gold key out of her jeans. "Luckily for me, I have _this_ ," she said, putting it into the ignition with a smile. "This has to be the best one." She pressed down on the gas and the wheels began to spin and squeal, but for some reason she wasn't going anywhere. She frowned in confusion, then palmed her face as the shot zoomed out to reveal that her kart was missing its front wheels, the bare axles propped up on cinder blocks. "Or the crappiest," she berated herself. "How could I have been such an _idiot_?"

"Who knows," Chris answered, leaning in with an impish smile as Bridgette also arrived. "And before you ask," he quickly told the two, "no take-backs on the karts. _Especially_ the crappy ones." He leaned away, and the camera focused in on the cynic and the surfer.

"Do you wanna tow?" Bridgette offered before Ezekiel zoomed by in a kart of his own.

"You'd do that?" Lily asked, her face falling into open-mouth shock. "Even after I tried to leave you to the laser squirels?"

"Wait," Bridgette said. "You did what?"

"Nothing!" Lily answered quickly. "I accept your offer!" Bridgette gave her an odd look, and the scene flashed to Lily's kart tied to Bridgette's seat. The two girls drove off with excited cheers.

\

The scene cut to Jo and Lightning behind the iron-barred door of what looked like a wooden shed. Chef was standing outside, looking at his captives with a proud smile and crossed arms.

"You can't do this to us!" Jo told him.

"Yeah, Lightning can't be caged!" the uber-jock chimed in.

"Tell it to yo' prison guard," Chef told them as he gestured over his shoulder at Fang, who was chained to a thin stump sticking out of the mud. He growled viciously at them from the end of his leash, causing Lightning and Jo to gasp and Chef to walk away cackling.

\

The shot cut to a close-up of the GPS map, a red icon bearing Natasha's face now next to one of the flashing lights.

Natasha smirked as he shook his can of green paint. He chuckled as he tagged the rock with a simple N. The camera zoomed out as he turned and ran back to the left, garbbing Ezekiel as he ran by and said "I hope you haven't mentioned my little secret to anyone. It'd be a shame if Lily were to find out how easily you agreed to vote out her sister," in a low and threatening voice before darting off.

The homeschooler gasped, already shaking his can of purple paint as he stumbled to mountain. "Hmm...," he murmured, tapping his chin in thought as she paused in front of the wall. "What am I supposed to tag eh?" The sound of an approaching engine got his attention, and he shot a brief worried look off to the left. "I know!" he said to himself as she began to spray.

The shot cut to her parked go-kart as Bridgette and Lily arrived next to it, got out, and ran up to the wall. "Hey, Homeschool, I'm glad I caught you," Lily said while shaking her can of red paint.

"Yeah, it means we're not too far behind," Bridgette joked as she shook her pink paint.

"Yeah, well I gotta go now," Ezekiel replied as he finished his tag – a rough Z. He turned to run back to his kart, and Lily subtly stuck out her foot to trip him.

"Hey!" Bridgette cried as the girls finished their tags - a pink smiley face and a red X - "Why'd you do that?"

"So we can win the challenge!" Lily shot back before hopping into her kart waiting for the surfer. "Unless you wanna take the chance that _you'll_ be the vote. They've already gotten Angel."

Bridgette huffed as she got in her kart, then sped away. Ezekiel finally recovered from his fall, and the scene flashed away.

\

The scene cut to Fang, still growling at the end of his leash. The camera panned over to Jo and Lightning, still trapped inside the improvised jail cell.

"Way to go _Jockstrap_ ," Jo shot.

"Hey! You're the one that got Lightning captured," the uber-jock shot back.

"Well we can argue all day," Jo said. "But we're not getting out of here without working together. Truce?"

Lightnign rolled his eyes. "Fine. Truce."

"Good," Jo said. "Can you bend these bars?"

"Like straw," Lightning bragged, flexing his muscles. "But what about _him_?" he gestured to Fang, who growled and snapped his jaws at them.

"Leave Fin Face to me," Jo said with a smirk that made Lightning a little nervous.

\

Natasha chuckled - a tad maniacally - as he carefully walked back towards his kart. The shot zoomed out to show a green N on the bark of the currently-dormant squid-tree, and Natasha hopped into his kart and drove off just as Bridgette and Lily arrived.

"Great, we're still in second," Lily griped as she ran to the tree with Bridgette right behind her. "How am I suppose to avenge Angel like this?"

"I thought she didnt _want_ you avenging her," the surfer said as the tree's eye opened up and looked down at them.

"Like she wouldn't do the same for me," Lily told her before turning her attention to the tree. Before she could start tagging, however, a tentacle reached down and grabbed her around the waist, pulling her close and slamming her against the tree. Bridgette gasped in concern, but seemed to be frozen in fear.

\

The scene cut back to the makeshift jail cell as Lightning finally bent the bars open with a powerful grunt. "Sha-done!" he bragged.

"Nice," Jo said smugly. "Now for that shark." She shoved Lightning through the gap in the bars, and a bite and his yelp of pain was heard shortly after.

A quick shot of Fang biting and holding the uber-jock off the ground by his butt was shown, and with a call of "Later Sharkbait!" Jo ran to one of the karts and started it up.

"Driver's Ed, don't fail me now!" she said to her self before speeding off... and only going about three feet with a squeak from the tires, then speeding off again... and only inching forward another three feet, and then speeding off again leaving the screen but the tale-tell sign of her tires implying she'd once again only moved a laughably small distance.

"Jo!" Lightning yelled after the girl as the shot cut to his close-up. "You better get back here so I can punch your lights out!" He struggled to move before the camera pulled back as if to remind him of his current predicament. "Quit chewin' my butt man," he pleaded to Fang who just bt down harder. "I'll take you to Zeke..."

The scene flashed ahead to Fang driving the last kart with Lightning as a passenger. "Go Team Lightning!" he cheered as the unlikely team drove off.

A sudden buzz from his GPS got his attention, though, and the camera moved over his shoulder to show the screen flickering as the player icons moved between the landmarks – Lightning moving towards the first; Jo a little ways ahead of him; and the other four around the second. A small window popped up in the middle of the screen, showing what appeared to be a live feed of a rather odd-looking Chris McLean. "Listen- up-," he said in an oddly stilted voice. "Three- landmarks- wasn't- tough- enough- sooo- I- add-ed- a- _fourth_." Another blinking dot appeared on the map, the camera zooming out to show it roughly in the middle of the other three. "It's- a- doozy- a- mountainside- right- in- the- center- of- the- island." The grainy, flickering live feed reappeared, the shot zoomed in enough to show that 'Chris' looked suspiciously corpse-like, with grayed skin, closed eyes, and tongue lolling out of a drooping head. "Now- GET- tagging- and- don't- spare- the- paint. McLeeeeean, out."

The broadcast ended not as though its window had been closed, but as though a television had been turned off. The shot cut to a close-up of a tape recorder in the hand of Chef, who rewound it and replayed the phrase "McLeeeeean, out." The shot pulled back, revealing Chef to be holding a beaten-up dummy of the host in front of a television camera.

"Nobody touches my stuff," Chef told the camera filming him. "NOBODY!" he repeated as he descended into a mad cackle.

\

The scene flashed to Mount Looming Tragedy, where Jo had just finished her first tag – a black circle on the rock to the right of five other tags. She started to turn to her kart before she stopped and perked up.

Jo looked back at the mountain in suspicion, then gasped and growled.

Sure enough, in between the her tag and the first four was a blue lightning bolt.

\

The scene moved next to another rocky peak, a slope cut into the side and several pines dotted around the landscape. A sharp panting filled the air as the camera panned up to the large totem pole standing at the summit, where Natasha was, with great difficulty, scaling the side.

"Okay," he mumbled himself as he struggled to get a foothold and haul himself up another couple inches, "that last-second extra landmark unwelcome, but I'm still in the lead. Just a little bit more and I'm actually gonna win this."

The sound of engines drew his attention downward along with the camera. Lily and Bridgette had arrived at the base of the pole, quickly jumping out of their karts and dashing over to start their climb.

Natasha waved at them mockingly, then continued his climb.

"Why don't you go back to the convenience store ya 'Clerks' reject!" Lily yelled up at him as the two girls began to climb.

"Whoa, take it easy!" Bridgette told her. "I know it's a competition, but there's no need to be so mean about it. Can't you just keep being friends?"

"Look, Natasha and I were never friends," the cynic told her. "We were aquantances at best. In fact the only two people in this game I care about are Rudy and you. And that second one's only because you make my sister happy."

Bridgette gasped in indignation. "So you'd pull a trick on me if I wasn't dating Angel?!"

"Yes," Lily replied plainly. "I know what I am, and I'm not gonna lie about it. To myself, or to others. Unlike some people who no one knows anything about," she added while pointing up at Natasha.

"And what did he do to you?" Bridgette asked in a scathing tone.

"Look, at least two people on my team voted Angel off," Lily replied. "Which means I can't trust them. As far as I know, _he's_ the one behind it!"

"I wanna get back at whoever sent her home too," Bridgette said. "But there's no point treating everyone like a suspect! Espescially if you don't really know who did it! What if you wind up taking out someone who's innocent?"

Natasha whistled as he finally reached the top of the totem, which was carved like an eagle's head. He waved mockingly at the girls.

Lily let out an indignant gasp as Natasha began to shake his can of spray paint. She narrowed her eyes and growled, then threw her own can of paint at the boy in a fit of rage. It hit him in the head just as he started spraying, knocking him off the pole and ricocheting onto the top of the eagle's head. Natasha knocked Bridgette off the totem pole on the way down, and they both landed with a groan in a heap on the ground, their cans of paint by his side.

"Hah!" Lily barked with laughter as she reached the top and quickly tagged her X over a small green dot, all that Natasha had been able to tag before his fall.

The camera lingered on Bridgette, growling in anger.

\

A flash took the scene to another part of the woods, where Jo - still driving like someone who had never been behind the wheel before - and Lightning and Fang were all racing one another with scowls on their faces. Lightning laughed triumphantly as Fang took the lead, only for Jo to quickly regain it with a smirk and a "See you later, Jockstrap!"

Lightning and Fang nodded at each other, then Fang drove off with a burst of speed that sent Jo spinning into the forest. "Take that!" the uber-jock taunted back at her.

\

"Come on," Lily told Bridgette in an impatient tone as the shot cut back to the two of them standing at the base of the pole, "we gotta go so we can beat Natasha."

Bridgette glared at the cynic. " _We_ aren't going anywhere," she said angrily. " _I'm_ going to the last landmark and you can find a new way there. And if this is how you're going to act, then you can count me out of your alliance!"

"Bridgette wait!" Lily tried to say, but the shot cut to the surfer driving off - without Lily's kart tied to the back.

Lily groaned in aggravation, and picked up the ropes that were used as a tow line and tried to drag her kart away.

XXX

"Okay," she said in the confessional. "Angel, you need to have a little chat with your girlfriend about loyalty."

XXX

The footage skipped ahead a little ways, now showing Fang in a kart parked at the base of the totem pole with Lightning climbing up it. Another engine approached, an open-roofed jeep driven by Chef with Chris riding shotgun.

"And the winner of Grand Chef Auto is...," he said, standing and smiling and spreading his arms before Lightning suddenly landed on the ground and got his attention. He looked around in blank confusion, then asked "Hey, where is everyone?"

"Going for that last landmark," Lightning told him, jumping into his kart and speeding off. "The extra one that you added."

Chris raised an eyebrow in confusion and scratched his head. "What last landmark?" he asked with growing worry as Chef whistled nonchalantly. The host picked up a GPS map of his own and gasped, the camera moving over his shoulder to show the screen: all six player icons were heading towards the fourth flashing point, with Natasha and Bridgette in front, Lily a little bit behind them, and the other three right behind him.

"Mount Chrismore!" Chris exclaimed in shock and growing rage, shaking his fist and uttering " _Duncan_!"

"That Duncan is one baaaaaad dude," Chef said.

" _Drive_!" the host demanded angrily. "We have to terminate this challenge with _extreme_ prejudice!"

Chef promptly pressed on the gas, accelerating the jeep so quickly that Chris lost his balance and fell backward into the jeep's cargo bed.

\

The scene moved to Mount Chrismore, the camera panning down to show Natasha with Bridgette right behind.

"Bridgette, wait!" another voice shouted, startling the surfer long enough for the master mind to gaina sizeble lead in the race towards the concrete face and the shot cut to an exhausted Lily dragging her kart to the base of the mountain. "Please! I just wanna...wanna..." She faltered as the other young woman crossed her arms.

"Wanna what," Bridgette asked sharply, glaring down at the redhead, "yell at me for not trying hard enough?"

"I'm sorry okay!" Lily yelled, throwing her can of spray paint to the ground and startling Bridgette. "You don't get how I feel right now!"

The surfer pursed her lips. "So why don't you try and explain it to me?"

Lily sighed, then dropped the ropes she was using to drag her kart. "Angel is my best, actually my only, friend. She's just so innocent and sweet and... my entire life I've done everything I could to make sure she _stays_ that way. And after the last elimination, I _failed_. Someone was out to get her and I. Didn't. Stop. Them." she explained with tears in her eyes. "Now all I can do is find who did this and make them pay. I know it won't make me popular, but I don't care about that! All I care about is Angel."

Bridgette stared at her for a second with her eyes wide and her mouth slightly agape. Then, at the sound of an approaching engine, her face snapped back to the cliff. "What was that?"

She was answered by the honking of a horn, and the camera zoomed out, then panned over to a slope on the right that Lightning and Fang was driving up with a wild and confident grin on his face. "Lightning Strikes!" he declared as his kart launched into the air. "Sha-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba- _BAM_!," he added as just before two piercing scream got his attention and he made his tag - a giant blue lightning bolt - across the monument's face.

The source of the first scream was Ezekiel, who had just gotten to the monument before seeing Fang flying at him.

The second scream was Chris. "My face!" he exclaimed when he arrived moments later, the shot cutting to the jeep squealing to a stop next to Lightning. "My beautiful fifty-foot concrete face! Did you have to stop at the drive-thru?" he scolded Chef, giving him a light slap on the back of the neck. The cook just took a long sip from the drink he was holding.

"Chris?" Lightning spoke up form behind the jeep, now on his feet and dusting himself off. "I'd like to make my vote _now_. Jo is outta here!" The shot cut to the jock-ette finally arriving.

"No, no vote for you," Chris told him while stepping off the jeep, putting a hand out to keep the uber-jock from getting too close.

"What?" Lightning asked in angry confusion.

"You fell for an obvious prank by Duncan," the host explained as he and Chef walked towards the vandalized landmark.

"Sorry bro. That wasn't me," the punk corrected to a shocked look from the two adults. The camera panned to the right as he rose up from behind the cover of some rocks at the base of the mountain, took out a remote control, and pressed the button with a smirk.

An explosion shook the area and dust swept over all that were present as the top half of Mount Chrismore was detonated, leaving it jagged and hollow above its smirk.

"Now _that_ ," Duncan said as debris rained down around him, "that was me."

"But _why_?" Chris asked in despair.

Duncan leveled a glare at him. "You set Foxy up to be beaten by your new batch of crazies," he explained. He descended into a cackling laughter that was quickly joined by Chef, the man even raising an arm and whooping in delight before noticing the glare that Chris was leveling at him. He crossed his arms and started to grumble, the host taking a deep and thoroughly annoyed breath before stepping forward.

"Anyway," he told the campers, Fang still chasing Ezekiel behind him, "the _real_ , final landmark was the totem pole. So, immunity and today's sole vote goes to the first person who completely tagged it: Lily."

"Yes!" the girl in question said, pumping her fist in excitement.

"You have until tonight's ceremony to think things through," Chris told her, "so use your time _wisely_."

XXX

"Lily has been exceptionally bold today," Natasha mused. "The logical assumption would be that she's confident in her inability to be voted off, presumably because she found the immunity idol." He smirked. " _That's_ something I can use to my advantage. However, that's a story for another day. For now I need to do something about Zeke."

XXX

The static cut away to what appeared to be the rear window of a cabin room. It was open, and slowly Natasha rose up from below it just enough to look inside with wide, wary eyes. Apparently seeing nothing, he slowly stood then looked from side to side. Apparently seeing nothing once more, took out a small piece of paper, crumpled it into a ball, and tossed it through the window. It landed on the floor next to a bed that looked like it had been used recently, and when the shot cut back to the window Natasha was already gone.

The camera turned around to show Lily calmly entering the cabin, and the perspective moved to the side to show her walk up to the far beds and notice the wad of paper on the floor. Raising a brow in suspicion and curiosity she warily looked around her, then bent down and picked up the discarded paper.

She unfolded it, read it, then growled and crumpled it in one fist. "Isn't that interesting?" she said to herself.

XXX

"It looks like whoever wanted Ella gone has plans for Zeke," Lily mused. "I was gonna have to take him out eventually, and expecting a trap is the first step to turning it to your advantage."

XXX

The footage skipped ahead to the bonfire ceremony, the six campers seated in the middle of the rows of stumps – Bridgette, Jo, and Lightning in front; Ezekiel, Lily, and Natasha in back – with host and toxic-marshmallow-bearing assistant standing nearby.

"Alright," Chris began, "now that she's had plenty of time to think about it, it's time for Lily to eliminate the player of her choice." He drew a finger across his throat, then put a hand to the side of his mouth and leaned in to the victor conspiratorially. "Choose Lightning," he stage-whispered.

"No!" Lightning immediately objected, standing up and pointing at the jock-ette. "Eliminate Jo! He's a rat!"

"Sorry Rudy," Lily said with a dark and sly smile, "But I've got someone else on my mind tonight. Someone like... Zeke."

Bridgette, Lightning, Jo, and especially Ezekiel gasped. "What? Why me?!"

Lily turned from the other campers to the homeschooler. "That's for me to know, and you to find out when you watch this season at home."

"And that means the Toxic Marshmallow of Loserdom," Chris interrupted, bringing the eyes of the campers back to him, "goes to Ezekiel."

The glowing thing was presented to Ezekiel, who hung his head and sighed sadly.

\

"Well Zeke, it was nice knowin' ya!" Chris told the boy as the scene flashed ahead to them and Chef at the Hurl of Shame, the homeschooler seated sadly in the catapult's bucket. "Well, not really," he smirked, "but you know how it is. I guess the real world wasn't as easy as you thought it would be. But, someone did come to see you off."

Just then, Natasha arrived at the end of the dock. "Sorry to see you go like this," the mastermind said.

"Thanks eh," Ezekiel told him with a small smile. "I just wish I knew what happened."

"That's easy," Natasha replied with a smirk. "I left Lily a little note explaining how you were the mastermind behind all the stuff this season."

Ezekiel's smile faded into a frown. "Wait? What? But.. why?"

"Because Homeschool," the mastermind said condesendingly. "This competition is like a chessboard. And I needed you gone so I could set up my endgame. Well not you specifically, just someone who could've belivably been my ally for a while."

Ezekiel's face scrunched into a scowl. "You're just a-" was all he could say before Chef pulled the lever, flinging him screaming into the night sky.

"Family show people. Family show," Chris smiled, watching him leave then turning back to the camera as the series's capstone theme began. "Who will be the next loser hurled?" he asked excitedly. "What humiliating challenges lie in store? And where will I build my next monument to me? Find out next time, on Total! Drama! Revenge, of the Island!"

XXX

"And now I know who the mastermind is," Lily smirked. " _Natasha_."

XXX

(Roll the credits)

* * *

 **Author's Note Post Script** : And there we have it, folks! The merge has happened, and the winner-takes-vote along with it. As I'm sure some of you were expecting, Lily grabbed the vote- but as only one reviewer guessed it was Ezekiel who was sent home thanks to a little help from Natasha.

I've personally always seen Zeke as a forgettable threat. He can make it pretty far in the game with his skills more than luck, but is never social or strategic enough to ping on anyone's radar. That's how I tried to write him this season, I hope I got it right considering just how little source material we have for him.

Things are taking a turn. Lily's got that same single-minded revenge that caused Angel's team to be fed up with her in canon, while Natasha's stil running things behind-the-scenes with a plan that only he knows, and Jo's just bullying her way through the game. Bridgette and Lightning are still pretty much the same as before - good friends caught in everyone else's drama. What will come of that however...

Next week we finally breach into double-digits...and for the first time, that actually means the season is approaching its conclusion! Holy crao, I hope you're all looking forward to what's ahead.

Let me know all your thoughts, reactions, hopes, and predictions, and I'll see you in a few days.

And as always I'm sure I'm forgetting to mention something.

I hope you all enjoyed the episode, or some part of it.

And I'd also like to remind you guys that a TVTropes page for this series _does_ exist and needs you guys adding to it.

With that I'm signing off

-TotalDramaFan14

 **XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

 **RDRotI ELIMINATION TABLE:**

 **13th Place:** Sam

 **12th Place:** Gary

 **11th Place:** Eva

 **10th Place:** Ella

 **9th Place:** Beardo

 **8th Place:** Cody

 **7th Place:** Angel

 **6th Place:** Ezekiel


	10. Up, Up, And Away In My Pitiful Balloon

**Author's Note: **Here we are, at episode 10...only four more episodes left in the season, and a little over two left for me to write. I hope you're all getting more and more excited about the coming finale!

 **Disclaimer:** I don't own Total Drama, the shuffled concept or the (most of) the characters.

And to answer some reviews:

 _ **That British Guy:**_ Not yet. He's gotten a new target.

 _ **Guest:**_ That's a bit of a catch 22 isn't it. I'm glad you like my portrayal of Ezekiel though, he's the one I was most worried about considering I didn't really have a plan for him at first besides, last a decent bit in the game. Yeah, canon Duncan was... a mess.

 _ **StarHeart Specials:**_ We've gotten glimpses of it, but last chapter was the first to prove that Lily really is a good person at heart. Which secret of Natasha's are you referring to?

 _ **Shrimpimp:**_ The name change confused me for a sec. Lily, Bridgette, and Lightning are strong contenders, assuming they don't find out about Lily's attempts to control the game behind the scenes. Natasha didn't go after Ezekiel for being a threat, he did it because it's all a part of his overall plan. Which I've purposefully kept him from discussing.

 _ **Derick Lindsey:**_ Okay, I may have explained things badly. Lily didn't listen in on Ezekiel's goodbye, she just watched everyone's reaction to see who wasn't surprised that she chose to vote him off, which was Natasha. Fang still has some use to me, so I won't catapult him just yet. I can see how you might think Lily would target Bridgette, and if it weren't for her wanting to find Natasha so much she probably would have. Glad you liked the Duncan cameo. Your thoughts on the idol may have been obvious to Chris, but no the audience which is what Chris really cared about. And about Ezekiel's original elimination place. I'm not proud of it considering all his more clever moves, but Natasha would've rigged the votes since he knew that Lily and Jo were only going vote for each other.

 _ **Gucci Mane LaFlare:**_ Natasha's plan is slowly coming to fruition. It makes sense that he seems like a better villain.

Remaining Campers:

 _Boys:_ Lightning, Natasha

 _Girls:_ Bridgette, Jo, Lily

Who's ready to fly?

* * *

 **Episode 10: Up, Up, And Away In My Pitiful Balloon**

"Last time, on Total Drama Revenge of the Island! The players went on a smash-and-grab graffiti race," Chris began, the opening shot of the island shifting to clips of Lily finding a key and showing it to Lightning, then Natasha getting thrown out from under the kitchen table with a key of his own.

"Jo found a new rival in Lightning when she decided to use him as shark bait," the uber-jock was shown bending the bars to their cage, then the jock-ette pushed him into Fang's mouth. "And Lily and Bridgette had it out over Lily's treatment of the other players," several short clips of Lily's attempt to slow down the other players was shown, as well as Bridgette growling after Natasha fell on her and her getting fed up and ditching the cynic. "But Lily managed to win the night's sole vote anyway," the cynic was shown tagging the totem ple with a red X.

"And after a bit of last-minute funny business from the still silent Natasha," the mastermind was shown planting his note, and Lily was found reading it then confessing that she knew it was a scheme, "it was Ezekiel who got voted off the island. Too bad, so sad," the host said over Ezekiel's last conversation with Natasha, and inevitable hurling.

The recap ended, putting the scene at the Hurl of Shame with the smiling host watching as a pair of interns – one southeast Asian male on the dock and one white female in the bucket itself – polished the siege weapon. "Missed a spot," he taunted them before facing the camera and raising his arms. "We're down to our Final Five competitors, and you'll never guess who's next to ride the Hurl of Shame." With a sly grin he pointed over to the side, the camera panning over to show Chef Hatchet standing by the catapult's lever. He pulled it, flinging the female intern into the air with a scream.

Chris laughed as the other intern glared at him. "Told ya," the host told Chef, the male intern walking off in disgust as the series' capstone theme began a reprise. "What?" Chef shrugged mischievously for the camera. "Catapults are expensive. I need to get my money's worth! But someone else will be flung before the day is over. Find out who, right here, on Total! Drama! Revenge, of the Island!"

 **XXXXX**

[The sequence begins much as it did three seasons ago, with an open into letterbox format as the camera focuses on the tops of a few distant pine trees. A rusty stage light rotates up and turns on; then the shot changes to a cobwebby spotlight swinging down and turning on as well; then a small security camera popping out of one of several leaky toxic waste barrels; then another camera bursting out of a tree hollow, held by an octopus tentacle and dislodging a few bones; then a pair of fair-skinned arms clapping a film slate in front of the camera which switches to a shot of the island, briefly showing a giant octopus looking out of the lake to the right, then flying forward down the dock and past the buildings, passing under a totem pole that Chris was sitting on and which was being carried by a trio of male interns of mismatched heights.]

Dear Mom and Dad, I'm doin' fine;

[The camera rapidly flies through the trees as the lyrics begin, quickly reaching the top of the thousand-foot-high cliff.]

You guys are on my mind!

[It looks down at the ring of buoys in the water below and dives, immediately cutting to an underwater view as the bubbles disperse to reveal Cody gagging with several vicious-looking fish watching him hungrily.]

Ya asked me what I wanted to be,

And now I think the answer is plain to see!

[Cody frantically swims up and away from an approaching tentacle, passing another fish wearing a gas mask. The camera pans up to reveal Bridgette on one side of her surfboard; Cody surfaces and slumps against the other side, then flashes her a flirtatious smile. The tentacle surfaces and slams into the middle of the board...and in doing so, sends Bridgette into the water and Cody high into the sky.]

I wanna be...famous!

[The scene lingers on Cody in front of the sun for a moment, then quick-pans down to Jo working out with a punching bag in the middle of the woods; a falling Cody abruptly falls into her arms. Cody tries one of his flirty smiles on the jock-ette, who just scowls and drops him before going back to her workout. The camera pans right to Ella, happily singing to a number of hairless squirrels and three-eyed birds.]

I wanna live close to the sun!

[At the top of a waterfall, Angel and Lily float downriver in a canoe. Angel appears to be gushing about something to her sister, and the cynic is clearly only pretending to listen for a second before turning around and spotting the fall. Both scream as they go over the edge.]

Well pack your bags, 'cause I've already won!

[The camera pans down to Lightning, deadlifting a large log while standing on another log suspended across the rocks at the bottom of the falls. the twins and their canoe land on his makeshift weight, breaking the log supporting him and sending all three into the water.]

Everythin' to prove, nothin' in my way;

[Ezekiel walks up to the outhouse confessional and a monstrous shark with arms and legs bursts out of the outhouse with a toothy grin, causing the homeschooler to scream and run away as the shark chases after him.]

I'll get there one day

[The camera pans to the Main Lodge, Chef's silhouette visible in the window. Zooming in to the room shows him stirring a pot of some greenish slop with an annoyed frown, and the shot pans over to show Gary making various hand signs and rapping. A spoon flies from the right and hits him, knocking him out.]

'Cause I wanna be...famous!

[Another pan to the left reveals Natasha looking Gary's way and sighing in relief, he turns to the camera and gives an all-knowing smirk. The scene zooms back out of the lodge to the beach, where Eva is alternating reps with a dumbell in each hand.]

Na-na nanananaa, nanana-nanaa, na-nananananaa

[The camera pans away from Eva and on to Sam happily playing a handheld game. A furry hand taps him on the shoulder, distracting the gamer and allowing the arm to snatch away the console. Sam realizes what's happened, and rushes angrily at the large hairy ape-man now playing the game, and the camera moves on watch an odd, almost rattlesnake-like gull floating on the water. A bulbous-headed fish jumps out over it on the right and a shark jumps out of the left with its mouth wide open, but the first fish blasts the shark with some sort of laser, turning it into a skeleton which is swallowed by the first fish as it finishes its jump. A tentacle rises out of the water to grab the gull, but it quickly lashes out and bites it with its snake-like fangs.]

I wanna be! I wanna be! I wanna be famous! (Na-na nanananaa, nanana-nanaa, na-nananananaa)

[The camera pans down to the end of the dock to show Beardo moonwalking to the edge of the dock. He brings his hands to his mouth and vigorously beatboxes, spit flying from his hands.]

I wanna be! I wanna be! I wanna be famous! (Na-na nanananaa, nanana-nanaa, na-nananananaa)

[A sudden splash of water comes down on the hairy boy, interrupting his music and causing him to send a blank look upward – Chris is hovering above him in a jetpack and helmet, holding an empty bucket. He drops the bucket then flies off, the flames from his jetpack taking over the screen. It becomes night as they peter out, and the camera pans down across the stars and treetops and full moon to Angel and Bridgette, sitting at a campfire together. As they lean towards each other with expectant smiles they are interrupted and separated by Chef, wearing a hazmat suit and holding a glowing green marshmallow between them with a pair of heavy tongs.

The shot zooms out to show the rest of the cast looking shocked, whistling the last few notes of the song – Ezekiel, Cody, Natasha, Beardo, Lightning, and Lily on Angel's side; Ella, Sam, Eva, Jo, and Gary on Bridgette's side; and Chris standing next to Chef on Bridgette's side as well. The shot continued to zoom out until a signboard was shown marking the presumed entrance to the fire pit; it read 'TOTAL DRAMA REVENGE OF THE ISLAND' in block letters, the third word being the largest and the last word relegated to a board tacked on at the end.]

 **XXXXX**

The scene faded in to Natasha, running through the woods with a panicked look on his face. He looked behind him, and the shot cut to show Fang was chasing him and looking rather ticked off.

He tripped over a rock and landed on the ground with a pained grunt. Fang ran up to him only a second later. Natasha turned around and gasped. "What did I ever do to you?!" he asked frantically, not noticing that a large shadow had passed over them.

Fang pointed to his missing tooth, held up a crude picture of Ezekiel that looked like it had been drawn in red crayon, then pointed at the mastermind. Natasha gulped at the implications.

The shadow finally fell over them and Natasha perked up in confusion, then smirked. He kicked the giant mutant shark between the legs and scampered off.

\

The scene cut to a zoomed-out shot of the wreckage of the old Maggot cabin, the other members of the Final Five standing outside as Natasha and the shadow approached. A few muttered 'whoa's rose up from the campers, and the shot finally zoomed out enough to reveal the object casting the shadow: a large white zeppelin, which came to a floating halt above the cabins.

"Hmph," Jo scoffed and walked a few steps to the side, "it's not _that_ exciting. It's just a stupid blimp."

As if in response an anchor suddenly dropped down between Jo and the other campers, landing partially on the jock-ette's foot and thus causing her to bend over and yell in pain.

Natasha rolled his eyes as he walked past the young woman and the ship's gondola lowered into view behind them. And he, in turn, was crushed when a gangway slammed down on top of him, earning a groan from the mastermind.

"You're wrong Jo," Chris corrected, the shot cutting outward to show him and Chef standing in the doorway the gangway led up to. Jo was still struggling with the anchor, but Lightning, Lily, and Bridgette were watching the host warily. "It's the McLean Mobile Air Command Center! Where _I_ will recline in luxury, while _you_ compete in today's challenge: an aerial obstacle course!" He disembarked when he finished.

"Lightning takes to the skies," the uber-jock smiled. "Sha - _Bam_!" He punched the air, and Jo had to hastily dodge to avoid being hit.

"Watch it Jockstrap!" she complained.

"Mmm-hmm," Chris said noncommittally as Chef walked to to join him. "And here to demonstrate, put your hands together for Total Drama classic contender, Heather!" He motioned back up to the gondola door as the mean girl herself stepped forward with a cold and haughty look.

"Seriously?" Jo said as she finally freed her foot, the others watching skeptically as Heather walked down the gangway. She stepped uncaringly on the spot where Natasha lay, eliciting a light bone-cracking sound, a groan, and a twitch from the boy's feet which were sticking out from under the metal walkway.

"Well...never thought I'd get to meet you," Lily said.

"Sorry, I have this policy on not talking to losers," Heather told her with a superior look.

Lily snorted. "And how many times did you lose?"

Heather glared at her, but the camera quickly panned to the host. "Heather will now demonstrate the aerial challenge, while wearing a jetpack." The queen bee raised an eyebrow, then gasped as Chef slammed a jetpack onto her back.

"What?" Heather said, the shot pulling back as Chef pressed a button on a remote, activating the jetpack and forcing the young woman wearing it into the air. The four unpinned campers watched her fly off with wary faces, and the shot quickly cut to Heather's screaming face. She was shown approaching an elevated ring of fire, then flying through it and several others in a row...then circling around off-screen and flying back behind them. The camera cut in close to the jetpack's flames as they began to sputter and smoke, and with a gasp Heather began to descend.

"Everyone, just be cool," Chris told the campers as they watched the failing demo, Natasha once again standing among them. "There's a parachute built in to it!"

Heather crashed down moments later, landing face-first in the ground. Only then did the parachute deploy, and float uselessly down to cover the fallen young woman who groaned in pain.

Chris laughed. "Best challenge ev-er!"

"Uhh, this seems a little... unsafe," Bridgette said warily, prodding Heather's parachute-covered legs with her foot.

"No, it's a _lot_ unsafe!" Chris corrected with another laugh. "Did I mention you'll also be attacked by flying mutant fire-breathing goats?"

"Sha-what." Lightning said flatly as the camera panned across the shocked and horrified faces of the campers.

"And the million is officially not worth it," Lily said.

"Are you _sure_ about that?" the host asked slyly, reaching down behind him, picking up a suitcase, and opening it dramatically to the Final Five. It was full of money, and an angelic chorus rose up as Chris continued. "You're absolutely sure it's not worth the ultimate Total Drama prize, one! Million! Dollars!" The camera zoomed in with each word, but when it stopped the chorus did as well and a gust of wind blew a few bills off the top of the stack. "...give or take," the host said quickly.

Lily and the others grinned in stupefied awe. "Okay, maybe it's a _little_ worth it. Me and Angel are winning that money."

Natasha scoffed and rolled his eyes, only to be pushed onto the ground by the cynic. "I dare you to say that to my face!"

XXX

"Yeah, that would've sounded tougher if he actually _could_ talk," Lily admitted. "But I don't really care about that. He sent Angel home, he needs to pay."

XXX

"Now, to perform your aerial feats," Chris said after handing the suitcase over to Chef, "you'll first have to construct your very own _flying machines_!"

Natasha stood up and grinned, the shot focusing in on him and Jo.

"Hey Silent Treatment," she whispered. "With Jockstrap stuck to the others, we need an alliance. What do you say?"

Natasha nodded his agreement.

"Good!" Jo smiled before turning serious. "Now make my flying machine. And make it faster and better than yours." The mastermind rolled his eyes.

The shot cut to Lily whispering in Bridgette's ear. "Are you serious?" she asked in shock.

"He was the only one who wasn't surprised," Lily explained. "Which meant he expected it."

"I can't believe it," the surfer said.

"It's always the quiet ones," the cynic told her.

XXX

"Everyone here outmatches me physically," Natasha admitted. "But Jo in particular has a number of faults that she's incapable of admitting. So I'll side with her while I take out Lily and her 'friends', then crush her in the finale."

XXX

"Nat's a good kid," Jo told the outhouse as she leaned against the side. "I'll carry him a few rounds, and then I'll dump him. But first, Jockstrap's getting a ticket to the Hurl of Shame. He's got this silly 'grudge' against me."

XXX

"Yeah!" Lightning griped. "Because that Jo guy kicked right into that shark's mouth! It was tenderizing me like a T-bone. Jo's gonna pay!"

He smiled. "Man, I could really go for a T-bone right now. Anyway I'm-"

XXX

"-gonna beat-" Natasha said with a confident smirk.

XXX

"-everybody else-" Bridgette smiled.

XXX

"-and take home that million-" Lily rubbed her hands in anticipation.

XXX

"-dollars for myself," Jo finished.

XXX

"Sha- _licious_ ," Lighting added while rubbing his stomach.

XXX

The static finally cut away to show massive piles of junk and garbage, the camera panning to the left as Chris – wearing yellow rubber gloves and standing next to a garbage bag – said "Welcome to your one-stop shop for flying machine parts: the _dump_!" The shot pan stopped once the host and campers were in view, and the shot zoomed in on Chris. "Revolting, aaaand reasonably priced," he added, picking up the fly-ridden bag of trash at his feet and holding it out to the disgusted campers. "Each player will pick a card representing their mode of flight," he continued as the shot panned across the wary faces of Jo, Lily, Lightning, Bridgette, and Natasha.

"Pick 'em like your _nose_ , losers!" the host said making a noise of disgust as he held the bag open.

Jo walked up first, reaching into the bag and pulling a card out of the slime. "An hot-air balloon?" he said as the perspective quickly changed to show a silhouette of a balloon. "Could you get anymore frou-frou la-di-da?" Jo asked in disgust before walking away.

Lightning was next, and cringed as he reached in and grabbed his card. "A helicopter?" he said in disbelief as a silhouette of the machine in question was briefly shown on the card he'd drawn. "Didn't think I'd get one 'til I hit the _majors_." he smiled before moving on.

Third was Bridgette, who picked her card hesitantly. "A plane?" she said as her card's image was shown. "Awesome! If... I could find a way to build one."

Next came Lily, who hesitated a bit before sticking her hand into the bag and shuddered a bit once she did. "A bird?!" she exclaimed as her card was shown to bear silhouette of a condor. "Seriously? How the heck do I build a _bird_?" she asked the host, who shrugged mischievously. Lily walked off muttering angrily under her breath, and Natasha smirked as he walked up behind her.

He reached in, felt around, and grabbed a card. His face lit up as his card was revealed to bear the image of a classic rocket shape. He chuckled to himself as he walked off.

Chris dropped the bag and turned to the campers, now gathered on the other side of him. "The first camper to show me their finished flying machine wins an advantage," he said, the camera panning rightward on to Chef, who was holding a small device with a Chris McLean face sticker on the side. "A McLean-brand Smoke Machine!" the host said as Chef silently motioned at the machine in his hands, holding it up and displaying it proudly. "Use it as a smokescreen, smoke bees out of your attic, or just create spooky ambiance. Check it!"

At the command Chef turned the machine on, and a stream out at the campers, making them cough.

"Sweet, right?" Chris asked them. "First to finish their contraptions wins that smokey bad boy. Okay campers, prepare to get your dump on...now!"

The campers scattered, with Bridgette and Lily and Lightning headed off to the right while Jo and Natasha, went left. The focus moved to Natasha as Jo caught up with him, the jock-ette holding out her card and asking "Silent Treatment! How do I build a hot-air balloon? And what do I need to make it? And by _I_ , I mean _you_."

Natasha rolled his eyes, handed her a slip of paper, then ran off.

"Hey!" Jo complained. "You never-" she finally looked a the paper and her eyebrows went up in shock and she growled in anger.

XXX

"Yeah it's a list of things I need to build the stupid balloon," Jo told the confessional. "But he also told me that if I wasn't so dumb I could've built one myself. I'll show him!"

XXX

The scene cut to Lily throwing things out of the junk pile she was searching through, then rubbing her chin in annoyance. "How am I supposed to build a bird?" she asked herself as she stood up and looked around, and the camera cut to two nearby rattle-gulls sitting on a barrel of toxic waste. "Birds have feathers..." she said thoughtfully.

Lily ripped a handful of feathers from the gull's stomachs before laughing. "Thanks for that." The gulls flew over to her and eyed her angrily. "I'll give them back?" she tried to say before the birds chased her away.

\

Another cut took the scene to Bridgette, who was still walking through the dump with her eyes moving from it to her card and back again. "A plane? I have to build a plane. How am I even gonna find the cockpit?" She stopped and looked in front of her, and a short but dramatically triumphant tune played as the camera zoomed out to reveal a swam boat.

Bridgette smiled and looked it over. "Okay, so I could use that. But where am I gonna find wings?" She looked around a bit, and all of a sudden seemed to notice something off to the left – the camera panned over it as the dramatically triumphant tune played again, revealing the bat wings from Trent's bike first season. "So I have wings," Bridgette said with blank look as the camera cut to a close-up of the surfer. "But there's no way I'll find a propeller out here," she huffed and started to walk away... before she tripped on something and fell to the ground with a yelp.

The camera zoomed, revealing that she'd tripped over a completely intact propeller as the same tune played for a third time. "That works," Bridgette said with a smile.

\

The shot moved next to Lightning, also still looking for the parts to his machine. "Okay...gotta find a really big fan," he said to himself bwnding over and picking up two things from a nearby pile. "A parachute? Heat source?" he asked as he held up a pack and propane burner. "These are things that Jo needs!"

"Hey Jo!" he said mockingly as he walked over to aother heap - holding an old motorcycle and giant fan - "good luck finding these arts to your balloon behind this old motorcycle and huge fan which would make a totally bangin' helicopter."

He walked away with a smile on his face. "Aw yeah." he chuckled. "Who's the smart guy now?" He stopped and his eyes widened in realization, then he looked back. "Wait a minute."

\

The scene moved back to Lily pouring glue on a pile of feathers, then panned over to Natasha sitting in the driver's seat of the wreckage of Chris's sportscar from first season.

He smiled then ducked uder the steering wheel. After a moment, the car's engine roared to life and he popped back up with a smirk.

\

A flash took the scene back to Lightning, grunting in effort as he picked up his scavenged motorcycle and put it on top of the giant fan. He adjusted it a little bit, then stood up and wiped the sweat from his brow. "Oh yeah! I'm makin' myself a hover-copter. Sha-zoom!"

\

Yet another flash moved the scene back to Natasha, who was completely covered in grease and oil and fiddling with a grimy screwdriver. The camera zoomed out, revealing that he was still sitting in the wrecked sports car - though the axles appeared to have been crudely elongated and the wheels and tires were replaced by barrels of toxic waste - and tightening screws on what looked to be a large and bulky control box with several buttons on it.

A short triumphant laugh caught his and the camera's attention, both looking over to see Jo sitting next to a wheelchair with a propane burned strapped to the back of it.

"Hey Silent Treatment!" Jo called out mockingly. "While you were screwing around with McLean's old car, _I_ just built this hot-air balloon without your help."

Natasha smirked to himself.

"As soon as I find a parachute, I'll win this challenge! What do you think about that?"

The mastermind just shrugged and went back to fiddling with his contraption.

\

"Okay, just about...done," Bridgette said with a confident smirk, adjusting something off-camera then wiping the sweat from her brow. "One plane," she declared and the camera zoomed out to reveal her creation: the wings she'd found were taped to the swan boat in ways that made it look like a plane, and the propeller was stuck to the front of it.

"Now to see if it works," she said as she got on. However, before she could start it, a whooping cheer got her attention, and with a gasp she looked skyward.

"Yeah!" Jo cheered in excitement as she rose up over a pile of garbage in her make-shift balloon.

She looked around with a grin on her face, then descended her craft after apparently spotting something. The shot cut outward to reveal that something as Chris, who was watching the jock-ette with a grin on his face and a megaphone in hand.

"Okay," Chris announced through his megaphone, "we have a winner! Jo finishes first, and gets a smoke machine!"

A chorus of three loser's disappointed moans rose up over the dump. "Who will fly high?" Chris asked the camera as it cut back to him and Jo. the jock-ette ginning smugly. "Who will crash and burn? And how many Gemmies will I win for this episode? Find out when we return, on Total! Drama! Revenge, of the Island!"

\

(Commercial Break)

\

The episode resumed on a long-distance shot of the Final Five and their flying machines: Bridgette with her swan boat-plane, Lily with a air of wings similar to the one's from season three's Greek tiebreaker, Lightning with his hovercopter, Jo with her wheelchair-hot air balloon inflated and moored to a stake in the ground, and Natasha's rocket-car.

The shot zoomed in on the cynic and her allies. "So tonight's elimination," Lily started. "We should get rid of Natasha."

"We get vote out Silent Dude _after_ Jo goes home," Lightning declared. "The dude used me as shark bait!"

"But Natasha's the reason Angel was sent home!" Lily countered, to which Bridgette nodded in agreement. "And it'll take all three of us to send him home."

"Sorry Hot Twin," Lightning said. "But Lightning's votin' for Jo."

"Maybe we should vote off Jo first," Bridgette spoke up. "I mean it doesn't really matter which one goes home first if we all stick together."

"And what are you gonna do if Jo wins?" Lily asked shortly before her eyes widened in realization.

XXX

"There's an idea," she mused.

XXX

Before Bridgette and Lightning could answer Lily's question their attention was drawn upward as Chris's voice came down from the distant zeppelin. "Players!" he announced, the camera panning across the flaming hoops of the aerial obstacle course as the music became tensely anticipatory. "Prepare to be challenged, in the Obstacle Course of _Doooooom_!"

The shot cut inside the mobile command center as Chris paused to laugh, his favored red megaphone in hand with Chef and Heather behind him – his assistant smiling and the queen bee looking backward in mild annoyance. Her perspective showed the million-dollar briefcase standing next to several open crates of golden statuettes in the shape of a slender woman holding up an old television set, but her gaze quickly zoomed in on the prize money. It gleamed tantalizingly, and a dark smile formed on her face.

\

"So," Lily said as the scene cut back to her and Lightning on the ground, "you won't vote for Natasha even though I've made it clear how _happy_ that would make me? And I have a tendency to kiss cute guys when I'm happy."

Lightning started staring at her it a dopish grin and a light musical jingle, before he shook his head to a record scratch. "Like Lightning said," the uber jock told her. "Jo's gotta go!"

Lily grit her teeth in frustration.

\

The shot cut back outside the blimp as it slowly flew forward. "Looks like Lily's losing her hold over Lightning," Chris said as the scene moved to him and Chef inside, "Lover's quarrels pretty much _guarantee_ a Gemmie!" he added with ever-increasing giddiness while, unknown to both men, Heather walked over with one of the awards in her hands.

With a dark grin she raised the golden statuette, the camera zooming in on it and staying put as she swung it down hard, hitting both Chef and Chris in the back of their heads, felling both with two cries of "Oof!" and a metallic clang.

The camera cut back to a ways outside the gondola, its door now open. Seconds later Chris was kicked screaming out into the open air, followed shortly by Chef, and the camera zoomed in as Heatherleaned out of the doorway. "One Gemmie for you," she called downward. "And one million for me!" She held up the briefcase of prize money, then turned around and slammed the door behind her.

A long-distance shot of a garbage pile showed Chris and Chef falling just beyond it, the camera quickly cutting over to a close-up of the fallen host. "Unnnh, I think I sprained my stubble," he groaned, Chef visibly lying on top of him.

"Uhh, Chris?" Bridgette spoke up, the shot zooming out as she ran up to the fallen men. "Heather just stole your Mobile Air Command Center."

"Whatever," the host said uncaringly. "Got it at the Air Force garage sale."

Jo arrived next, slamming Heather out of the way. "And my million dollars!" she said angrily.

"Whatever," Chris repeated. "Not _my_ million bucks."

"And all your _precious_ Gemmies," Lily added, walking up on the other side of Chris and Chef.

Chris's eyes popped open in panic. "My Gemmies?" he asked in concern before picking himself up from under Chef. "Cancel the Obstacle Course of Doom," the host declared, "your new challenge is, to STOP THAT ZEPPELIN!"

"DON'T TRY TO STOP ME!" Heather called down at them, the camera cutting to a long-distance shot of the zeppelin and then to its open door where the queen bee was standing with two of the Gemmies. "I'VE GOT GOLD STATUETTES AND I AM _NOT_ AFRAID TO USE THEM!" she added before throwing the statuettes out of the plane one after the other. The camera followed them for a bit as they spun through the air, then cut down to Chris running forward with his arms outstretched.

"I've got you, my preciouses!" he called out in concern, the camera pulling backward as he went behind a junk pile at around the same time as his two awards...and based on the ensuing clonks, groan, and cloud of dust, got hit on the head by both and fell to the ground.

XXX

"Heather's conniving," Jo told the outhouse camera. "Mean. Decietful. My kind of competitor," she finished with a smile. "Except for those _girly_ short-shorts." She gagged.

XXX

"Get your flying machines airborne and shoot down that zeppelin!" Chris commanded, now holding both of the awards that had been thrown but also sporting a large bump on his head. "Aim for the engines. Here's your ammo," he looked to the side as Chef walked up holding, of all thing, a wicker basket full of blue eggs, "flying mutant fire-breathing mountain goat eggs!"

The campers looked surprised. "Since when do goats lay eggs?" Lily asked in confusion.

"Since they started breathing _fire_. Y'know when the started living here!" Chris smiled. "Thank you, toxic waste," he laughed, causing Bridgette and Lightning to share an incredulous look. "Whoever takes down Heather gets immunity," the host continued. "Oh, and look out for the flying mutant fire-breathing mountain goats. They are super ticked for some reason!" He looked at Chef, who whistled nonchalantly.

\

The footage flashed back a trio of mutant goats nesting on a cliff side amongst some barbed wire and waste barrels. They didn't react when Chef suddenly dropped down in front of them by a rope around his waist, carrying a wicker basket in one arm and an airhorn in the other, but when the horn was sounded they bleated in panic and flew off, leaving their eggs behind. Chef grinned, tossed the airhorn away, and picked up an egg with a snicker.

\

"Jo," Lily said as the camera cut to her approaching the jock-ette, who was now sitting in her wheelchair-balloon. "Look. You need invincibility more than anyone in this challenge. And _I_ wanna help you get it."

"What's the catch?" Jo asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Nothing serious," the cynic said slyly. "I just want Natasha gone."

Jo pondered it for a moment. "Yeah, I can do that. Now unhook my mooring line." Lily smirked as she took the rope tying Jo's balloon to the ground and removed it from the stake. Jo's balloon began to float away as Lily walked away.

The camera panned over to Natasha, who was watching confidently from the driver's seat of his rocket-car. The shot cut in closer as pressed a button on the control box and the car's engine turned over. He pressed another button and the car hovered a bit in the air due to the small fires coming from the toxic waste barrels.

The shot cut over to Lightning on the back of the motorcycle part of his contraption, looking over his shoulder and laughing. "Alright," he said, "time for Lightning to get some air!" he revved the bike's engine that got the fan started. Quickly but shakily he rose up, and the scene cut to him rising over the crest of a junk pile and moving off towards the distant hot air balloon in pursuit of the even more distant zeppelin.

The next cut put the focus on the figurehead of Bridgette's contraption, then it's wheels, and then on the whole picture as she herself took off from the junkyard. The sound of laughter caught her attention and she looked behind her to see Lily flapping her arms, read wings, and flying through the air.

"Hey Bridgette," Lily called out with a jovial grin, "eat my dust!"

Natasha suddenly flew past both girls and forced them to the side, the barrels now pointed slightly horizontally.

A quick-pan moved the scene to the zeppelin, but the shot quickly cut to Lightning as he narrowed his eyes and grabbed an egg from somewhere next to him. "Lightning's going long!" he shouted, throwing the egg at the errant airship as she zoomed past.

It bounced uselessly off the side of the zeppelin's balloon, and the camera cut to the inside of the gondola to show Heather cackling.

Back outside, Lightning narrowed his eyes into a glare. "That was just a warm-up. This time for _real_!" He readied another egg, but Jo floated in between him and the zeppelin. "Hey! That's my million mister!"

It was then that Natasha, seemingly out of control, shot past Lightning while dangerously close to him. The uber-jock screamed as he was barely able to swerve out of the way, losing contol of his creation, and Natasha stabalized his car and wink at Jo.

Jo held up a couple of eggs and smirked. "Ah, the smell of victory," she said to herself. "Why does victory smell like bad breath?" she added before an angry bleating got her attention.

A pair of mutant goats were shown flying nearby, quickly joined by a third. They opened their mouths and breathed three streams of fire at her that barely missed. "Hey!" she called out to them. "Why don't you go burn someone else's balloon! Like hers!" she said, pointing towards the zeppelin. To her surprise, the goats flew past her in the direction she'd indicated.

The shot cut inside to Heather standing at the wheel of the airship, gasping as the mountain goats flew up in front of the windshield. She looked on in wide-eyed disbelief for a moment before turning around and running to the door of the gondola. "You wanna piece of me?" she asked, holding two more Gemmies. "Huh? You wanna piece?" She tossed the statuettes out of the window and the shot cut to Jo getting pelted.

"Hey!" Jo complained. "Natasha! Cover me!" The mastermind nodded and flew in between the jock-ette and the zeppelin and pressed another button. An airbag inflated from the front hood and any statuette that might have hit Natasha instead bounced harmlessly off.

"You're runnin' defense for _Jo_?" Lightning asked in disbelief as he flew next to the rocket-car. "He's playin' you like a dollar-store kazzoo man!" the uber-jock warned.

The shot cut back to Jo aiming the smoke machine. "Time for the surfer to take a swan dive!" She turned it on, and Bridgette was forced to turn away from the zeppelin to avoid the smoke.

"He's just gonna dump you when you're not useful anymore," the uber-jock said in one final warning before turning to help Bridgette.

"Silent Treatment!" Jo yelled out. "Get over here and take some more shots for me. _I've_ got a zeppelin to crash!"

XXX

"Lightning's warnings were admirable, but ultimately pointless," Natasha confessed. "After all, what does he think I plan on doing to her?"

XXX

A few deeper notes were struck as the camera followed Natasha fly away, then panned down to show Lily flapping her wings. "Okay, I just gotta figure out a way to make sure Jo wins this thing." she told herself. "And without Rudy or Bridgette figuring out what I'm doing." The sound of the car engine in the background caused her to turn her attention to her left, and the camera to zoom under the zeppelin's gondola to show Natasha flying in front of Jo's balloon.

"There's an idea," Lily smiled, flying upward quicker than before. The camera cut to Natasha smirking to himself in the car, until Lily landed in the passenger seat. "I'm comendeering this vehicle!" She said as she tried to grab the steering wheel. Natasha naturally fought back and the car wobled in the air over the grunting of the two teens.

The shot cut back to Natasha as he pushed Lily away long enough to buckle his seat belt, prompting the cynic to ask "What's that supposed to do?"

In response he held up a small remote control and pushed the lone red button on it. The car flipped upside down and Lily had just enough time to say "Uh-oh," before she fell out with a scream.

\

A flash took the scene back to the front of the zeppelin, where the three mutant goats were still harassing it with angry bleats and the occasional burst of fire breath. "Leave me alone," Heather swore as the shot cut inside the gondola and in a fit of anger she spun the wheel to the side, stopped it, and spun it back the other way. The camera cut back to the open air, the zeppelin suddenly moving up and down. The goats quickly scattered, and the shot panned down to show Lightning swooping and swerving as the massive balloon moved into his path from one side and Bridgette sped past on the other. He collided with his former teammate, and her hastily put-together plan fell apart. The shot cut to a close-up of Bridgette who screamed as she started to fall...

Until a brown-skinned hand grabbed the hood of her sweatshirt. She looked up and smiled, and the camera pulled back to a heroic tune to show that Lightning had caught her. "Lightning!" she said in relief. "You saved me!" She suddenly looked upset and added "After you almost killed me!"

"Hey, it's not my fault the zeppelin suddenly jerked around like that," Lightning retorted. "And why wouldn't I save you?" He pulled her up onto the motorcycle with him. "Now let's go take down that zeppelin!"

Bridgette laughed despite the situation. "Yeah!" The duo started to fly off... until the fan's blades began to sputter and put out smoke.

"Did you clear all the dust and grime out of the fan before you tried to use it?" Bridgette asked warily.

"Lightning didn't know that was a thing!" the uber-jock defended before the fan finnaly died. He managed to get the engiene to roar to life again, but sounding much weaker than before. While this did stop them from dropping, the craft still began slow and descend, its two riders screaming along with it..

\

The scene flashed to Jo flying balloon along the top of the zeppelin. "All this because some girl couldn't take losing," she told complained. "Seriously, how am I supposed to take down a zeppelin with a couple eggs?"

She was startled by a sudden jet of flame shooting up in the background, and she looked in shock to see the mutant goats coming up behind her.

"You gotta be kidding me!" Jo said in shock and disbelief, "Now those things are back!" She fell silent for a moment, then her eyes suddenly widened in realization. "Wait! The goats!" she exclaimed.

The shot cut over to Natasha, still flying around in his rocket-car. "He chuckled darkly to himself, the perspective moving over his shoulder to show the front of the zeppelin moving back into view.

A sudden sputter and puff of smoke from the control box quickly got his attention. He gulped and the shot zoomed out to show his toxic waste barrels had all caught fire. Natasha held up a sign that read 'Help me' as the rear barrels exploded propelling him and his seat forward towards the zeppelin, through its glass windshield and into the gondola – and Heather, who was ducked just in time to avoid being hit by the mastermind.

The queen bee looked to the back in contempt as Natasha was heard groaning. She then picked up the million dollar case and strolled over to him.

She reached the mastermind as he just finished picking himself off the floor. "That money is mine," he told her darkly. "Hand it over."

Heather began to sniffle and tear up. "I'm sorry," she cried. "All I wanted was the money," the camera cut to Natasha crossing his arms and raising an eyebrow, "but this has just gone too far."

"Please," Natasha rolled his eyes. "I've been running this game from day one. Do you _honestly_ think I'd fall for a simple trick like that?"

Heather briefly looked shocked, then shrugged with an impish smile. "Have it your way then," she said, hitting him in the head with the case. "I deserve this money! If Chris had only disqualified that traitor, _I'd_ made the finale and won!"

"Too bad for you," Natasha said as he got to his feet, springing forward and getting his hands on the case just as Heather reached the helm again, forcing her to turn around and renew their struggle. "This is _my_ season, and _my_ million dollars!" They battled over the briefcase, but a sudden jolt caused both to stumble and slam against the helm as the zeppelin began to dive.

They gasped in panic and confusion, and the shot cut outside to one of the front engines, now on fire with the three mountain goats flying to the right along the diving airship. The camera quick-panned over to the rear port-side engine where Jo was waiting, her gaze held backwards and her hand on the fuel source to her balloon.

"Bring it on you pathetic Godzilla wannabes!" she yelled before cutting off the fire and diving away before three jets of fire streamed towards his former position, two of them hitting the engine and igniting it.

The camera cut over to a view of the starboard rear as first Jo, then the goats flew around the tail and back up towards the front of the airship.

"You call that fire? I've faced _bugs_ more threatening than you!" the jock-ette looked back and boasted, immediately screaming and diving out of the way of a jet of fire-breath.

The shot cut back inside the zeppelin's gondola as the whole ship lurched yet again, the bumping and sharp tilting causing Natasha and the briefcase to tumble over and out of the broken windshield.

He recovered from her impact-induced daze in freefall, and quickly realized the million dollar briefcase was falling in front of him. "Yes!" he said, reaching out to grab it...only for Chris to promptly fly up with his jetpack and grab it by the handle instead.

"A million bucks, finders keepers!" he said in mocking sing-song before zipping upwards to the sound of an explosion.

Natasha growled, then furrowed his brow in annoyance. "Fine," he said, "I'll do it the old-fashioned way."

The shot cut down to water level where Bridgette and Lightning were treading water, watching the zeppelin crash into the lake in the distance. "Man, I hope that was Quiet Dude," Lightning said in anger.

"I don't think it was," Bridgette said in concern just before Natasha fell into the water. He resurfaced quickly, but his dazed look, Bridgette's smirk, and Lightning's glower all quickly turned to terror as the camera followed their gaze to the side, revealing Fang looking up out of the water with a menacing grin. Natasha gasped and began to swim away, the mutant gave chase, Lily swam over to the surfer and uber-jock as they shared a confused shrug, and the shot zoomed up and over back to Jo flying against the sunset sky towards Wawanakwa, the mutant goats bleating rather peacefully a little ways behind them.

\

The footage immediately skipped forward to the campfire ceremony, a few deep notes signaling the shift in the music towards the usual elimination repertoire. The Final Five were all sitting in the front row, with Jo on the far left, followed by Bridgette, Lightning, Lily, and Natasha. The jock-ette was already holding a marshmallow.

"Elimination time!" Chris began from off-screen. "Jo, you took down Heather so you're safe," he continued as the camera slowly panned away from the campers, "but the rest of you are on the chopping block." The scene finally moved onto the two adults, Chris standing at his podium with a tray of three marshmallows with Chef standing nearby in his hazmat suit, displaying the Toxic Marshmallow of Loserdom in its open box for all to see.

"Regular marshmallow means you're safe," Chris reminded everyone. "Toxic Marshmallow of Loserdom means you're out. Aaaand, probably mutated." Another round of deep notes led into a trill as the shot cut back to the campers still on the chopping block. "Bridgette, you're safe," the host said, tossing a marshmallow to the delighted surfer. "Lightning, also safe," the host said as the uber-jock was tossed his marshmallow.

"And with four votes against," Chris announced, the shot cutting back to him and Chef, "the Toxic Marshmallow of Loserdom goes to..."

As the camera cut to and zoomed towards Lily and Natasha as they leveled harsh glares at one another. Each was shown in turn in close-up as they looked back towards the host, Lily slashing her thumb across her throat while Natasha closed his eyes.

"Natasha," the host finally said.

Natasha opened his eyes... and smirked at the irradiated treat. He stood up and said "You played the game well Lily."

The rest of the campers all gasped in shock.

"You..." Lily said quietly. "You made us think you couldn't talk!"

"No, you all _assumed_ I couldn't talk," the mastermind corrected. "I never saw the point in correcting you. After all, I planned on observing you all and plan accordingly." He chuckled for a bit. "And _no one_ was as interesting as you," he told Lily. "Pretending to have feelings for Lightning," the uber-jock gasped, "using Bridgette's relationship with your sister to have her ally with you," the surfer gasped. "Why, you even tried to sabotage your own team just to make sure _you_ were in a good position."

"It's not like you haven't been busy yourself," Lily accused. "You planted Eva's mp3 player in my bed, you tricked me into having Ella eliminated-"

"And I also got rid of your sister," the mastermind interjected. "But let me ask you a question. _If_ I was guilty of everything you said, then why would I let you set up this voting block against me?"

Lily's eye's widened. "What do you mean 'you let me'?"

Natasha smirked and reached into his pocket, pulling out the immunity idol mentioned in the first and eight episodes. The other campers gasped again.

"This cancels out all the votes against me," he explained to an open-mouthed cynic. "And since there were _four_ votes against me, that means that only _my_ vote counts. Would you like to guess who I voted for?"

"He's right," Chris told a shocked Lily. "The only vote that wasn't for him, was for _you_. Which means it's time for you to go."

Realization set in on Lily and her shock quickly morphed into dread. "No," she said softly. "No, no, no, no, no." she repeated before getting abruptly grabbed by Chef and dragged away with a startled yelp. "This can't be happening! Bridgette? Rudy?" she asked her former allies, who just turned away from her.

\

The scene flashed to the docks, Lily already loaded into the Hurl of Shame. "Any final words to your fellow competitors?" Chris asked her.

"Just launch the stupid thing already!" Lily replied with a surly expression, not causing the host to so much as flinch. "I'm coming, Angel!" she shouted as she was hurled into the night, the words fading into the distance as she did.

The shot cut to the Final Four watching from the shore. "Here's a tip for anyone who thinks they can outsmart me," Natasha told the others. "You can't," he walked off and chuckled and the camera lingered on Bridgette's angry expression.

The capstone theme began immediately as the scene returned to Chris standing alone by the season's catapult. "And then there were four," he told the camera. "Who will win the million? Who will get crushed while millions watch? Find out next time, on Total! Drama! Revenge, of the Island!"

(Roll the credits)

* * *

 **Author's Note Post Script** : And thus, Natasha manged to eliminate Lily. Even though it looked like she had him by figuring out his actions, that turned out to be his plan. She gets Lightning and Bridgette to vote for him, and he purposefully ticked off Jo enough that she joined them, all so he could play the idol and get the most well-connected camper eliminated. I hope I didn't disappoint any Lily fans too bad. Especially with her ending. As likable as she turned out to be, she _is_ a villain and needed some comeuppance for her actions.

I also hope you liked my choices for the flying machines. Natasha getting the rocket was a given, and it allowed me to show off his skills again - how many people do you know that can turn an old car into a rocket with some toxic waste and some wires. From there, giving Lightning the helicopter was obvious as was Jo and the balloon, because of canon. Bridgette got the plane to set up her inevetable fall. And Lily getting the bird was, of course, primarily for comic effect.

Let's see...not much else to say, other than that I hope you all like Natasha's big reveal.

And as always I'm sure I'm forgetting to mention something.

I hope you all enjoyed the episode, or some part of it.

And I'd also like to remind you guys that a TVTropes page for this series _does_ exist and needs you guys adding to it.

With that I'm signing off

-TotalDramaFan14

* * *

 **RDRotI ELIMINATION TABLE:**

 **13th Place:** Sam

 **12th Place:** Gary

 **11th Place:** Eva

 **10th Place:** Ella

 **9th Place:** Beardo

 **8th Place:** Cody

 **7th Place:** Angel

 **6th Place:** Ezekiel

 **5th Place:** Lily


	11. Eat, Puke, and Be Wary

**Author's Note:** The Final Four are here. After today, there'll only be three. Also _**StarHeart Specials**_ has done a top ten moments list for the first three seasons. Check it out, it's awesome. Also, the first episode of Total DramaRama was leaked to Youtube. It's actually pretty entertaining.

 **Disclaimer:** I don't own Total Drama, the shuffled concept or the (most of) the characters.

And to answer some reviews:

 _ **Guest #1:**_ I'm glad you liked Natasha's reveal, and Lily as a whole. While I can't give away too much, I _can_ say that Lightning will not go his canon path.

 _ **Derick Lindsey:**_ I don't think anyone was expecting Lily to go home then. And oh my, I didn't even realize how I mirrored that scene in All-Stars. I figured even with Heather, I had enough to make it different, like with Natasha seeing through her act. And yes, Heather was talking about Victor. DJ is coming this episode, and all Final Two players will return for Random Drama: The Finale. I didn't really think about how fang knew about Natasha, let's just say Chris told him. And sorry to say, but 'wait and see'.

 _ **Gucci Mane LaFlare:**_ This stupid loaner laptop makes fixing those mistakes a bleep. But they'll all be fixed when I get mine back. Anyway, I'm glad you liked Natasha's reveal. And I'm also glad people liked the 'villain with a heart' angle that sums up Lily.

 _ **StarHeart Specials:**_ Sorry, both for booting Lily before you wanted and for how she ended this season. But like I said, just because she's actually a good person, doesn't mean that she could walk away Scot free for what she did.

 _ **That British Guy:**_ I'll take that as a compliment. :)

 _ **lordkalel:**_ Thanks! I'm glad you like my version of Lightning, which isn't that different than how he was before this episode to be honest.

 _ **Shrimpimp:**_ No need to apologize. Yeah, elimination ceremonies that reveal secrets tend to be tense like that. Though I am confused at why you thought Zeke had the idol.

 _ **Guest #2:**_ Not that weird of a guess. Of course you're assuming I even do a Brains/Brawn finale, and the same about deserving it could go to Lightning and Bridgette. I'm glad you liked Natasha's big reveal. I've been looking forward to it since season one.

Remaining Campers:

 _Boys:_ Lightning, Natasha

 _Girls:_ Bridgette, Jo

Who's up for some cooking/eating/dork hunting?

* * *

 **Episode 11: Eat, Puke, and Be Wary**

"Previously, on Total Drama Revenge of the Island!" The recap opened with a shot of Jo making her first pass at the stolen zeppelin, smelling her eggs; this was followed by the trio of mutant flying fire-breathing mountain goats appearing and breathing jets of fire at her wheelchair-balloon. "An epic air battle turned into an epic _fail_ when Lily tried to take over Natasha's _sweet_ ride," the cynic was shown battling with the mastermind in his converted sports car and then falling out of it, "costing her her shot at winning."

"Natsha fought for control," the host continued over a clip of the young man crashing into the zeppelin's gondola and struggling with Heather over the briefcase of prize money. "Jo fought with fire," he added over the scene of the jock-ette leading the mountain goats around and using their flames to take out the zeppelin's engines. "And Lily fought with Natasha as he used his immunity idol to give her the Hurl," Chris finished as Lily was shown arguing with the mastermind at the campfire ceremony, then getting hurled into the night sky.

The recap ended there, the scene cutting to a close-up of a pair of identical purple kites flying in the sky. "We're down to the Final Four," Chris said as the shot cut to him and Chef standing on the Dock of Shame with the ends of the two kite's lines. "Who's goin' to the finals?" the host asked with a cheesy but excited tone, taking a pair of scissors out of his pocket. "And who's gonna be cut loose?" he asked, reaching over and cutting the line to Chef's kite, then laughing as it flew away. "Haha, yeah, like that."

Chef scowled angrily at him, but Chris ignored it. "Find out right now, on Total! Drama! Revenge of the Island!"

 **XXXXX**

[The sequence begins much as it did three seasons ago, with an open into letterbox format as the camera focuses on the tops of a few distant pine trees. A rusty stage light rotates up and turns on; then the shot changes to a cobwebby spotlight swinging down and turning on as well; then a small security camera popping out of one of several leaky toxic waste barrels; then another camera bursting out of a tree hollow, held by an octopus tentacle and dislodging a few bones; then a pair of fair-skinned arms clapping a film slate in front of the camera which switches to a shot of the island, briefly showing a giant octopus looking out of the lake to the right, then flying forward down the dock and past the buildings, passing under a totem pole that Chris was sitting on and which was being carried by a trio of male interns of mismatched heights.]

Dear Mom and Dad, I'm doin' fine;

[The camera rapidly flies through the trees as the lyrics begin, quickly reaching the top of the thousand-foot-high cliff.]

You guys are on my mind!

[It looks down at the ring of buoys in the water below and dives, immediately cutting to an underwater view as the bubbles disperse to reveal Cody gagging with several vicious-looking fish watching him hungrily.]

Ya asked me what I wanted to be,

And now I think the answer is plain to see!

[Cody frantically swims up and away from an approaching tentacle, passing another fish wearing a gas mask. The camera pans up to reveal Bridgette on one side of her surfboard; Cody surfaces and slumps against the other side, then flashes her a flirtatious smile. The tentacle surfaces and slams into the middle of the board...and in doing so, sends Bridgette into the water and Cody high into the sky.]

I wanna be...famous!

[The scene lingers on Cody in front of the sun for a moment, then quick-pans down to Jo working out with a punching bag in the middle of the woods; a falling Cody abruptly falls into her arms. Cody tries one of his flirty smiles on the jock-ette, who just scowls and drops him before going back to her workout. The camera pans right to Ella, happily singing to a number of hairless squirrels and three-eyed birds.]

I wanna live close to the sun!

[At the top of a waterfall, Angel and Lily float downriver in a canoe. Angel appears to be gushing about something to her sister, and the cynic is clearly only pretending to listen for a second before turning around and spotting the fall. Both scream as they go over the edge.]

Well pack your bags, 'cause I've already won!

[The camera pans down to Lightning, deadlifting a large log while standing on another log suspended across the rocks at the bottom of the falls. the twins and their canoe land on his makeshift weight, breaking the log supporting him and sending all three into the water.]

Everythin' to prove, nothin' in my way;

[Ezekiel walks up to the outhouse confessional and a monstrous shark with arms and legs bursts out of the outhouse with a toothy grin, causing the homeschooler to scream and run away as the shark chases after him.]

I'll get there one day

[The camera pans to the Main Lodge, Chef's silhouette visible in the window. Zooming in to the room shows him stirring a pot of some greenish slop with an annoyed frown, and the shot pans over to show Gary making various hand signs and rapping. A spoon flies from the right and hits him, knocking him out.]

'Cause I wanna be...famous!

[Another pan to the left reveals Natasha looking Gary's way and sighing in relief, he turns to the camera and gives an all-knowing smirk. The scene zooms back out of the lodge to the beach, where Eva is alternating reps with a dumbell in each hand.]

Na-na nanananaa, nanana-nanaa, na-nananananaa

[The camera pans away from Eva and on to Sam happily playing a handheld game. A furry hand taps him on the shoulder, distracting the gamer and allowing the arm to snatch away the console. Sam realizes what's happened, and rushes angrily at the large hairy ape-man now playing the game, and the camera moves on watch an odd, almost rattlesnake-like gull floating on the water. A bulbous-headed fish jumps out over it on the right and a shark jumps out of the left with its mouth wide open, but the first fish blasts the shark with some sort of laser, turning it into a skeleton which is swallowed by the first fish as it finishes its jump. A tentacle rises out of the water to grab the gull, but it quickly lashes out and bites it with its snake-like fangs.]

I wanna be! I wanna be! I wanna be famous! (Na-na nanananaa, nanana-nanaa, na-nananananaa)

[The camera pans down to the end of the dock to show Beardo moonwalking to the edge of the dock. He brings his hands to his mouth and vigorously beatboxes, spit flying from his hands.]

I wanna be! I wanna be! I wanna be famous! (Na-na nanananaa, nanana-nanaa, na-nananananaa)

[A sudden splash of water comes down on the hairy boy, interrupting his music and causing him to send a blank look upward – Chris is hovering above him in a jetpack and helmet, holding an empty bucket. He drops the bucket then flies off, the flames from his jetpack taking over the screen. It becomes night as they peter out, and the camera pans down across the stars and treetops and full moon to Angel and Bridgette, sitting at a campfire together. As they lean towards each other with expectant smiles they are interrupted and separated by Chef, wearing a hazmat suit and holding a glowing green marshmallow between them with a pair of heavy tongs.

The shot zooms out to show the rest of the cast looking shocked, whistling the last few notes of the song – Ezekiel, Cody, Natasha, Beardo, Lightning, and Lily on Angel's side; Ella, Sam, Eva, Jo, and Gary on Bridgette's side; and Chris standing next to Chef on Bridgette's side as well. The shot continued to zoom out until a signboard was shown marking the presumed entrance to the fire pit; it read 'TOTAL DRAMA REVENGE OF THE ISLAND' in block letters, the third word being the largest and the last word relegated to a board tacked on at the end.]

 **XXXXX**

The scene opened on a trio of pink birds singing together on a tree branch...until a mutant squirrel leaned out from behind the trunk and zapped them with its eye lasers. They were burnt to a crisp, and flew away as the squirrel laughed cruelly to the camera.

The camera quick-panned down to the ground, where Natasha was standing at the base of the tree. The mastermind pulled a knot tight in a rope and held it up, revealing the loop he'd made. "And that should take care of that," he told himself. "Stupid shark's had it in for me ever since I had Zeke booted."

He heard muttering and smirked, and the camera quick-panned to show Bridgette shaving a long piece of bark as if she were trying to build a new surfboard.

XXX

"Now that I've given up my ruse," Natasha said, "I have a bit more freedom when dealing with the others. All I need is to make sure Bridgette and Lightning don't vote together. And given how much they hate me and Jo respectively, all I need is to agitate that anger to the point where it's all they think about."

He chuckled. "How kind of Bridgette to show up so close to me."

XXX

The static cut back to Bridgette working on her board. She looked up and scowled when she heard Natasha say "Hey there Bridgette. What happened to the board you brought?"

"What do _you_ want?" the surfer asked. "And if you have to know, I haven't gotten from the wrecked cabin yet."

"What's with all the hostility?" the mastermind asked mockingly. "Is it how I pretended I couldn't talk? Or maybe you're upset that I sent your little girlfriend home."

"Get to the point Natasha," Bridgette sighed.

"You and me should team up to take out Jo and Lightning," he told her. "I mean we weren't exactly the strongest players in the game even at the start and I doubt you wanna go up against either of the mega-jocks alone."

"Better a mega-jock than a mega-jerk," the surfer shot back.

"You're positive about that?" the mastermind asked.

"Sha- _Bam_ ~!" Lightning's cry caught the attention of both teens and the camera before she culd answer. The uber-jock swung by on a vine and let go at the arc of his swing, somersaulting high into the air - high enough that he crossed paths with a flock of birds, one of which gave him a high-five and a nod of respect - before somersaulting into a perfect swan dive into a nearby pond.

"Let me know if you change your mind," Natasha said as he walked off with a smirk, leaving a wide-mouth Bridgette in his wake.

XXX

"Okay, trying to turn me against my only friend in the game is low," Bridgette complained. "But he had a point... I'm having a hard time seeing how I could possibly win this thing now."

XXX

"That took care of the Betty," Natasha chuckled. "Now to work on the musclehead."

XXX

The scene moved to Natasha walking up towards the lone cabin, where Jo was doing push-ups on the steps. She quickly noticed him and shot a glare his way. "What do you want?"

"How odd that that's women's first reaction when they see me," Natasha said.

She sniffed confidently. "Let me guess," she said. "You want me to help you take out Malibu and Jockstrap?"

Natasha smirked. "Nail on the head. All you have to do is keep egging on Lightning so he'll vote for you."

Jo stared at him. "That sounds like a trick."

Natasha seemed taken aback. "Right," he said after a moment. "Let me explain. It's impossible to get those two to vote for each other, but we _can_ get them to split their votes on us."

"And you won't double-cross me?" Jo asked with a warning glare.

Natasha sighed in light annoyance. "What would I have to gain by going against those two alone?" he said dryly before noticing Jo's glare and quickly transitioning himself back into a smirk. "Good then, see you at the challenge," he told her before strolling off to the right.

Jo watched him go, then resumed exercising. It wasn't too long, however, before Lightning walked by. "Hey Jockstrap!" Jo called out mockingly, causing him to stop and glare at her.

"Now is _not_ the time dude," the uber-jock warned.

"Why?" the jock-ette said with a mocking tone. "Because you found out that you let yourself get played by a _girl_?"

"Leave! Me! Alone!" Lightning yelled before storming off. The camera cut to a close-up of Jo's smirk.

XXX

"Lily may have been playin' Lightning," the uber-jock confessed, "but _I'm_ still here and _she's_ not. No more distractions. Lightning's going _all_ the way to the finish and Not Quiet Dude and Jo are goin' home. Sha- _Lightning_!" he declared striking a pose.

XXX

"Challenge time!" Chris called out in an almost sing-song voice as the scene cut to him, Chef, and the Final Four standing just outside the communal bathrooms. "And since you've been abused so flagrantly," he said, walking past the wary four, "today's challenge is a super safe fun challenge!" The campers began to smile and cheer in genuine excitement.

"Get ready for bubbles, flowers, and cotton can-" Chris continued, walking further away...and stepping in something unseen that caused him to yelp in shock and pain before being lifted into the air. The camera cut outward to show that he'd been caught in a snare trap attached to a tall pole that flung him in a high arc...and down through the roof of the bathroom.

The Final Four cringed in sympathy and disgust. "Oh crap," Natasha winced, "that was my snare that just threw Chris into the washrooms..."

Chef raced to the bathroom door and opened it, quickly getting faced with the smells and noises coming from within. "Woo-eee!" he said, waving his hand in front of his face in disgust. "I need five interns and a fire hose! ASAP!" he called off-camera. "We'll get you outta there soon," he told the host.

Chris coughed and nearly wretched. "Those _ungrateful_ puppets just crossed the line!" he said from within the depths of the building. He took a breath, then continued with "Remember your nasty challenges, Chef?" he asked, the shot quickly cutting to the Final Four as they shared a nervous look. "The ones that got the red lights?" he added. "Yeah, the light just turned _green_ ," he finished harshly.

Chef grinned, closed the door, and turned around. "I'll bring the _pain_ ," he said, punching his open palm and cackling evilly as lightning flashed, thunder cracked, and the music became higher and darker.

The Final Four gasped and cowered and turned their eyes skyward...only to see a bright sun and an almost cloudless sky. Though Chef kept laughing their fear soon gave way to annoyance, and the shot cut over to show that the ominous effects had been created by a trio of interns – a short young white woman with a high black ponytail switching a stagelight on and off, a young white man with long bangs waving a piece of sheet metal, and a young man of southeast Asian descent pulling a rope than raised and lowered a tarp above Chef.

After a few seconds, Chef finally lowered his arms and stopped laughing. "Okay, cool it," he told the interns.

\

The scene flashed ahead to a clearing in the woods, where each of the campers was standing behind what appeared to be portable kitchens made mostly of wood. "Listen up, dirtbags," Chef said as he approached from the right, the camera zooming slowly in as he walked past Lightning, and then Jo, and then Natasha, and then Bridgette. "I'm gonna push you until you break. Then I'll take the filthy little broken bits and give 'em another good breakin'!" He mimed snapping something in two with his hands as he finally reached the end of the line.

"No wimps are gonna make it to _my_ finale," he said solemnly before turning around to face Bridgette and roaring "Do you understand?" Bridgette gasped nervously. "First challenge," Chef continued, "the cook-off!"

"Cooking?" Jo repeated dryly. "This better not be another challenge where we do your job for you," she said before getting hit with a frying pan and toppling over with a grunt of pain.

"Shut it, or I'll shut it!" Chef told her, catching the frying pan as it spun back on the rebound. "Bring in the TD classic competitor!" he called to the left, and the camera cut backward and panned over to show none other than season two's winner DJ, blindfolded and bound by rope to a hand truck being wheeled in by a short, fat, and bespectacled east Asian male intern.

"Wow, it's DJ," Bridgette said in awe.

Chef removed the boy's blindfold to reveal a look of panic in his eyes. "No," he moaned and squealed, "not here! I already won this show! I vowed never to come back here!"

"Your contract disagrees, dough-boy," Chef told him, holding up an official-looking stack of paper. "You slime buckets are gonna cook somethin' tasty," he looked back and told the campers, "and this bag of mush will be the judge," he dropped the contract to thumb at DJ. "You've got twenty minutes to make a tasty lunch with whatever you find on the island," he turned the rest of his body away from DJ, and the camera moved to get Bridgette back in the shot. "I believe in eating _locally_ ," he admitted proudly. "Ready?" he asked the contestants with his usual harsh expression.

"Quick question," Natasha raised his hand, "what will he have for seasonings?"

Chef just ran over to him with two frying pans in hand, shouted "Get cookin'!", and banged the pans together. Natasha flinched and yelped, then ran off with Bridgette right behind him.

\

Another flash shifted the scene into some part of the woods, where a three-eyed moose with bat wings for antlers was grazing until it heard the panting and footfalls of someone approaching and flew away.

"Chef doesn't know what he's talkin' about," Lightning complained as he finally entered the scene and stopped to look around. "There's no food in this forest! Think Lightning, think," he said with a hand on his chin as the shot cut in closer. "What makes steak?" His eyes lit up in realization. "Trees!"

He turned to a nearby tree and brandished a fist. "Come on tree! Give me some steak!" The uber-jock punched the tree several times, and the camera cut up to show a beehive in the tree that shook with every punch. With a sharp turn in the music, the hive fell down, the bees followed, and Lightning screamed.

\

The music trilled tensely as the shot cut to a close-up of a group small, glowing green mushroom growing on the bark of a tree. This time, however, they were soon scooped up by a hand that the camera cut outward to identify as Natasha'a. "Perfect," he said as he looked at his gains, "these will make an excellent base for any number of dishes. Now if only I could find some kind of grain," he said, standing up straight and looking around.

He saw Jo approaching and rolled his eyes. "Looking for cooking advice I take it?" the mastermind asked with a hint of condescension.

"Yeah so what?" Jo answered in offense. "I'm not exactly a housewife. And I wanted to talk about the vote. We _are_ giving Jockstrap the hurl right?"

"Well actually I planned on booting Bridgette," the mastermind said. "To minimize the chances of you betraying me in the Final Three."

"Why would I do that?" the jock-ette asked.

"Do you honestly expect me to believe that you'd rather face me than Surfer Girl?" Natasha answered with a raised eyebrow. "As long as Lightning's in the game, I have an insurance policy."

"Fine," Jo conceded, "we'll vote for Malibu." She crossed her arms and walked away, leaving Natasha to smirk.

The shot quickly cut back to Jo, however, to show her looking back with a sly smile...before slamming headfirst into what the camera quickly zoomed out to reveal was a giant two-headed mutant rabbit. It roared at her, she screamed, and the music turned deep and ominous as she turned back and ran for her life.

\

The scene flashed to the communal bathrooms, where the female intern was now leaning against a pipe by herself with a cup of coffee in hand. "Helloooo~o?" Chris asked from inside the building. "Someone give me a hand! I'm almost free!" The intern just looked at her nails and whistled. "Uh-oh, oh no!" the host said in sudden alarm, the shot cutting in to the shocked intern as she listened to her boss slip on something and fall into something watery again.

"Whyyyyy?" he began to cry, earning a smiled from the braces-wearing intern. "Oh wh-h-hyyyy?"

She took a sip of coffee.

\

Another flash took the focus back to the woods, the camera stationed right behind a tree and catching Natasha running past from the left with a pair of laser squirrels gnawing on his head, then Jo running by in the opposite direction pursued by the giant two-headed rabbit, and then Lightning from the left again being attacked be a swarm of bees.

Bridgette ran in from the right, and skidded to a stop as she saw the uber-jock run past. "This is why being a vegetarian's a good thing," she said to herself. "Salad won't try and kill me."

\

The scene returned to the portable outdoor kitchens with a close-up of Bridgette, humming to herself as she tossed her salad with a wooden spoon and fork. The music turned tense as green tendrils sprouted from the bowl, grabbed both the surfer and the spoon, then repeatedly whacked the blonde on the head.

A calm, lilting tune played as the shot cut to a close-up of a bottle of oil, the camera moving back to show it in the hands of Lightning as he spurted some oil into his pan.

It flamed up seconds later, earning a panicked yell from Lightning and a tense turn in the background music. Frantically, he picked up the pan by its handle and moved it under the faucet, turned the water on, and screamed again when it just made the grease fire flare up even worse. He quickly tossed the pan away entirely, and it exploded into a fireball just off-screen. The southeast Asian male intern promptly ran by carrying a boom bike, all of him scorched and flaming and yelling.

The camera followed the flaming intern long enough to come to Natasha, standing with a bowl of glowing mushrooms at the ready. "It's not grandma's borst," he said to himself, "but a quiche should be fine." Jo walked over to the mastermind and raised an eyebrow.

XXX

"A quiche?" she asked incredulously. "Eugh, but it's cooking? How hard can it be?"

XXX

The static cut to Jo as she stirred something in her pan, then tasted it. The jock-ette made a noise of distaste and looked around then ducked down behind her counter and came back up with a three-eyed mutant frog in hand, and squeezed it so that a disgusting-looking pink slime spurted out of its mouth and in to the pan.

Next, the camera cut to Bridgette stil getting attacked by salad. She finally groaned in frustration, the grabbed a large wooden mallet from under her table and hit the bowl a couple of times. The tendrils released her, flailed for a bit, the went limp as Bridgette put her hands on her hips and smiled.

From there, the camera cut to Lightning, now roasting what looked like a large curled-up maggot. "Sha- _licious_ ," he said as he poured some water on the maggot, which uncurled and spat slime at him. As th slime-covered uber-jock stood there with a dumbfounded look on his face, his dish laughed at him.

XXX

"The _only_ reason I didn't win the last challenge was that I need Jo to be invincible," Natasha told the outhouse. "But today? I don't need anyone to win but _me_."

XXX

An angelic tune was playing as the static cut away to the mastermind as his oven dinged. With a pair of blue oven mitts over his hands he quickly bent down and took out his quiche. The shot cut in for a close-up of the dish, putting a radiant gold-and-orange background behind it to emphasize its rather picturesque quality – a perfect unburnt brown.

The shot cut to Jo as her own oven dinged. Like Natasha, she bent down and picked up her quiche. The same tune played, but the angelic chorus was replaced by an ominous pipe organ as the camera cut to a close-up of her dish - looking the same as Natasha's but with a dark sickly green crust - against the same radiant background.

The camera cut to Lightning, now happily salting his pan with his eyes closed, not noticing that the maggot was now on his head. He opened his eyes and noticed, and with a smirk he attemped to whack the large bug with his pan. The maggot jumped away just before he connected, and the uber-jock wound up knocking himself out.

\

"Three, two, one," Chef counted down as the scene faded forward to him standing at the ready with a nervous DJ still bound at his side, "spatulas down. Well, dish it up cupcakes! Move! Move! Move!" he commanded, and the camera zoomed out as the Final Four scrambled in to a line with their dishes in hand.

The shot zoomed back in on DJ, Natasha stepping up to him first. "Today, I present you a quiche," the mastermind said as he presented his dish to the bound brickhouse.

"Mmm," DJ smiled, taking a whiff.

"...made from the finest toxic mushrooms on the island," Natasha finished, looking up with an expectant grin.

DJ yelped in alarm.

"Next!" Chef ordered.

Bridgette was next, she presented his bowl of greens...with a few larger black things scattered throughout almost like croutons. "How about a nice salad?" she asked with an confident smile.

The 'croutons' promptly stood up, revealing themselves as spiders as they crawled out of the bowl and on to DJ. The unwilling judge shuddered in fear.

"Or not...," Bridgette told him nervously before sighing and walking away.

She was replaced by Lightning, who watched his ally leave with a frown before holding up what he'd made so DJ could get a better look. "I went with an Italian theme!" he said proudly, holding up a pepper grinder. "Ginormous maggot cannaloni! In a _cream_ sauce."

The spiders now gone, DJ looked at the dish warily. The maggot stood up and screeched at the brickhouse before being whacked on the head by the pepper grinder. "What'd I tell you! Stay down!"

DJ just whimpered some more. "Next!" Chef hollered, and Jo pulled Lightning away before stepping up herself.

"I made a quiche too," the jock-ette said. "Now eat it!"

The music spiked dramatically just then, and an eye stalk popped out of the dish and made DJ scream.

"Get me outta heeeeerrrrreeeee!' he wailed, bursting his arms free of their bonds with ease and quickly untying his legs. He ran off with his arms raised in utter terror, leaving behind a wide-eyed Chef.

"Welp, looks like we just lost our taste-tester," he said, his expression returning to his usual gruff glare. "Rule change!" he called out as he looked back towards the campers. "You've gotta eat all of your own weird grub."

"Urrgh...," Jo, Lightning, and Bridgette said in disgust while Natasha just smirked and chuckled.

"You hurl, you lose," Chef told them before the camera panned back his way. "Who's got guts of steel and who's gonna blast a barf bomb?" He asked it. "It's a throw-up throw-down, when we come back. On Total! Drama! Revenge of the Island!" An ominous chanting rose up in the background as he said the title with a grin.

\

(Commercial Break)

\

"Alright, con- _pest_ -ants," Chef said with a light snicker as the camera slowly zoomed in from a long-distance shot of him standing behind the campers, who were now seated along on side of a wooden table with their dishes in front of them, "it's time to eat the disgusting crud you cooked up before the break!"

The shot zoomed in on Bridgette's salad, which still had a few spiders crawling in it. "Whoever finishes their meal first, without spewing," Chef continued as the camera panned up to Bridgette's nervous face, "wins the challenge." She looked over at Lightning, who was also looking nervous. Chef laughed, and added "Man, this is gonna be nasty," as the uber-jock looked down at his 'food' and prodded it with a fork. The maggot screeched at at him, and he looked scared.

At the other side of the table, Natasha looked excitedly down at his quiche while Jo cautiously hers. The jock-ette scowled at her 'ally' then hip-checked him hard enough that he fell to the ground with a yelp. While the mastermind was on the ground, Jo quickly swapped their dishes.

Natasha got back up and glared at Jo, but before he could say anything both he and Jo looked to the side. "Three, two, one," Chef counted down, the camera moving back to the middle to better show him standing between Lightning and Natasha. At the end of his countdown he blew an airhorn, then yelled "Eat it!"

Lightning went first, grabbing a bit of cream off the maggot, sticking it in his mouth, gagging, and fainting shortly after his eyes rolled back.

Next was Bridgette, who began to cough soon after her first forkful of salad. She hacked up one of the same kind of spiders that had put off DJ, and gave it a wide-eyed stare as it scuttled away. "Where did all these spiders come from?"

The shot cut to Natasha and Jo next, just as the mastermind was putting his first piece of quiche in his mouth. His eyes promptly popped open.

XXX

"Okay," he confessed sickly to the outhouse camera, " _I_ didn't use frog, but I know who did." He puked a bit on the floor and added "Time to change targets."

XXX

The music ramped up dramatically as Natasha turned and vomited on the ground next to him. The shot cut to Lightning, now stunding up, vomiting, and then to Bridgette doing the same. The music leveled off as quickly as it had arisen, and the footage skipped ahead to Jo finishing off the rest of 'her' quiche.

"Not bad," she said after her last swallow, wiping the last few crumbs from her mouth. "I told you cooking wasn't a real challenge."

"Challenge is over!" Chef declared, leaning over and raising the jock-ette's arm. "Jo wins!"

The other three were shown groaning at the other end of the table with the remains of their dishes, and Natasha put a hand over his mouth as he wretched again.

"That's why _she_ doesn't have to wear one of these tracking collars," Chef continued immediately, showing off the three metal collars hanging loosely on his left arm. A drum was struck as he threw each one in turn, and the shot cut back over to reveal that they'd locked around the necks of Bridgette, Lightning, and Natasha.

"Challenge part two," Chef told them. "I give you...'Dork Hunter'!" With an eager look on his face, he motioned to the GPS map he was now holding. The camera zoomed in, showing something like a topographic map centered on the Dock of Shame. "The challenge is simple," he explained as four red icons bearing the faint faces of the remaining campers appeared on the screen, " _you're_ the dorks, _I'm_ the hunter." A larger icon bearing Chef's faced appeared to the left of the four, and the map screen started panning upward with a dotted red arrow marking the way. "You run off into the woods, I hunt you down. First dork to the flagpole wins." The pan stopped a little ways after, and a large red circled 'X' started flashing on the screen.

" _Pray_ that you make it," the cook said, the camera finally cutting from the map back to him – and the bazooka he was now carrying, "before the Dork Hunter blasts you into a whole new dimension of _pain_!" The shot suddenly moved in for a close-up as he held up a can bearing his face on the label, along with a plate of spaghetti and meatballs with a fiery background. "Rocket-Propelled Spaghetti Cannon. Featuring my own special recipe," he loaded the can into the bazooka, "Chef Hatchet's In-Your-Face Extra Spicy Spaghetti." The shot cut back outward to show that he was now in the driver's seat of the show's jeep. "Dinner is served...in your _face_!" he said, becoming suddenly aggressive again and firing the cannon.

A massive ball of spaghetti and meat sauce shot forward, the four campers barely ducking in time. It hit the long-banged intern as he mowed the common area, sending him flying backward into a rock formation. "Aww! Aww! It burns!" he cried out in pain, pinned to the rock by sizzling-hot pasta.

Chef cackled in delight. " _Spicy_! You got twenty minutes to run, hide, and say your prayers," he said over a shot of the Final Four, who nervously turned from the intern to their tormentor. "Now move out!" he commanded, following up with another shot from his cannon that forced the campers to scream and scatter into the woods – Jo and Bridgette taking a path further into the woods while Natashsa followed Lightning down a way closer to the camera. A third shot of pasta landed on a rock separating the two paths, and Chef giggled.

\

The scene flashed to the back of the communal outhouse, where all three male interns – including the one with long bangs – were now standing around.

"What's taking those interns so long?" Chris asked angrily, still stuck within the bathroom. The fat intern and southeast Asian intern snicked, but their companion – down on one knee in front of a pipe – quickly shushed them. "There's no _way_ they coulda forgot about me!" Chris yelled. "I _OWN_ THEM!"

As he roared, the banged intern raised a connecting hose out of the ground and hooked it to the pipe, and the southeast Asian intern opened the valve. After a few seconds of gurgling, Chris cried out in alarm. "More _sewage_?!" He took a deep breath, then screamed "HEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLPPPPPP!"

\

The shot cut to a close-up of a few lavender-colored tulips, which were promptly covered by a stream of vomit. "Yeah," Natasha said, clutching his stomach as he stood back up and wiped the puke from his mouth, "Jo's gonna pay for that little trick," he added, straightening up with a determined look on his face.

He kept moving in a silence that was broken moments later by a flash and buzz from the woods in the background, which was followed by a pained yelp from a familiar voice. Smirking in satisfaction, Natash turned and walked towards where the flash had come from.

The camera cut to show him stepping through a bush, then panned to the left to show Lightning frowning angrily at his tracking collar. He grabbed it again, only to receive an electric shock that made him yelp again.

"Lightning, just the man I wanted to see," Natasha said suddenly, drawing the uber-jock's attention to the smirking mastermind. "It seems we have a common enemy."

"What are you talking about?" Lightning asked warily.

"Jo," Natasha answered simply. "Here's the deal. I help you get rid of that collar, and you help me give... _him_ the hurl."

"You gotta deal Not Quiet Dude!" Lightning said with a grin, shaking his former teammate's hand.

"So I'm guessing that those collars give out a shock when you try to remove them," Natasha said thoughtfully. "And I'm also willing to bet that they can only take so many shocked before they short out for a time. So if we-"

He was interruped by a zap and a flash of light, courtesy of Lightning trying to remove his collar again. Natasha just raised an amused eyebrow as the uber-jock tried again only to get another shock. Undeterred, he tried again... and was able to remove it with no issue.

"How many times did you try that before I got here?" the mastermind asked.

Lightning shrugged. "Lightning doesn't know," he answered. "He wasn't counting."

Natasha stared for a moment, then groaned in annoyance.

XXX

"Tracking collars?!" Bridgette asked incredulously. "Seriously?! I don't know what's worse. This, or Angel being voted off!"

Any further complaining was cut off by her collar shocking her.

XXX

The static cut to Chef cackling to himself with his spaghetti bazooka at the ready, and the camera panned ahead to Bridgette running through the woods and looking back with panic of her face.

"Chef!" the surfer yelled as a shot of pasta flew past her. "Wait!" she yelled as she narrowly dodged another one.

The camera cut in for a close-up of the surfer. "Please!" she begged, just before she skidded to a stop near an ominous grey sky with a gasp. The camera pulled back to show that she was at the edge of a cliff.

Chef drove to block the path, trapping Bridgette. "Hunt's over _Dork_ -ette!" he taunted at her.

"Wait!" Bridgette said desperately, holding her hands out in front of her face. "I give up!"

"Let's make it official," the cook said with a grin before he fired. The pasta ball hit Bridgette in the face, causing her to back up a few feet and fall off the cliff with a scream.

"Maybe I'll come back for her," Chef said before grinning. " _If_ I remember." He backed out off the clearing with a chuckle, and the camera panned to the bottom of a ravine ti show Bridgette laying on the ground and lightly crying.

"What was I thinking?" she said to herself. "People like me don't win..."

\

"No tracking collar and no Chef mean's _I'm_ gonna win." Jo said to herself, a smug grin on her face as she walked through the woods at a rather casual pace. "Looks like swapping food with Natasha was a smart move. And he can't do anything to me because he knows he needs me to make it to the finale."

"That's the problem with all these losers," she continued, "they all _need_ each other to get ahead. _I_ don't need anybody but me. I bet they're all huddled and 'working together'," she added with a mocking tone and air quotes, "because of some crap about there being safety in numbers or teamwork." She let out another condescending laugh.

Her laughter trailed off again as she continued a few more seconds in silence.

\

The camera cut to Lightning, now without a tracking collar and running through the woods as a familiar soft crying filled the air.

The uber-jock skidded to a stop and looked around. "Bridgette?" he asked worriedly.

"Lightning!" the surfer called out, gaining both his and the camera's attention. The shot quick-panned to show Bridgette barely hanging on to the edge of the cliff.

"Hold on Surfer Girl!" Lightning yelled. "I'll help you up!"

\

The scene flashed to a close-up of Chef's GPS map, showing only his own blinking icon. "Now where the heck did those boys go?" he grumbled, the shot cutting back to show him sitting in his jeep in a different part of the woods. He scrolled the map around with his finger, then stopped and smiled. "Hah! Those fools didn't even think to split up," he said, the shot cutting back to the screen to show Natasha and Lightning to Chef's south.

"Better sneak up on foot," he said with a sneaky snicker as he hopped out of the jeep, the pasta cannon strapped to his back. "I'll bag 'em both before they know what hit 'em, and then I'll take out the mouthy one too," he said, chuckling darkly as he walked off into the woods.

The shot lingered on his jeep and the music turned eerie, and Natasha - also without his tracking collar - leaned out from the shadowy forest background with a smirk on his face.

\

Another flash took the scene back to Jo as she stopped in her tracks suddenly, and the perspective moved behind her to show a checkered flag sticking out of a small hill with an alarm light on top.

"Well what do you know?" she smirked to herself. "The finish line." She started running and the camera cut to a close-up of her face. "Now all I have to do is- yah!"

She was suddenly hoisted up in net trap. "What the? Chef didn't say anything about traps!"

Natasha snorted and came into the shot from the right. "No, he didn't," the mastermind said with a smirk. " _You_ activated one of the traps I set up to catch Fang."

"Get me down from here already!" Jo yelled.

"After that little quiche-swap?" Natasha asked with a raised eyebrow as he brushed some dirt off his shirt. "I think you got what you deserved."

"You're backstabbing me?!" the jock-ette raged.

Natasha pursed his lips. "No," he said simply. "This isn't a double-cross. It's a lesson. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to -"

Like with Jo, he was cut off suddenly. However, _he_ was cut off by Fang appearing directly in front of him.

"... run for my life," he finished, turning away from the flag and running away while screaming.

Fang chased the mastermind a few feet before he suddenly ran in an arc around a strangly miscolored patch of grass. The mutant shark however stepped on it and fell into a pit. The shark's head appeared from within every so often, but it was clear the trap was deep enought that nothing that fell in could get out.

"Hah!" he called back at the shark. "That's one trap for you," he turned back to the flagpole, "and one _victory_ for me!"

A spaghetti shot hit the side of a tree right in front of him, shocking all three campers and causing the dramatic background score to resume. "Guess again, sucka!" Chef cried out, drawing the camera's attention to the tree branch he was standing in. He descended into a cackle as the mastermind looked his way, and fired another shot.

Natasha yelped and ducked, narrowly avoiding being hit by a past-blast that wound up hitting Fang as the shark tried to jump out of the pit. "Aaaagh! Seriously?!" the mastermind screamed, "Now what am I supposed to do?!"

"Run Surfer Girl, run!" the familiar voice of the uber-jock cried, catching the attention of both men and the camera. The two friends were jogging with bright smiles on their faces as they got closer to the finish.

Natasha smirked, and moved to grab Lightning's ankle as he ran past. He managed to wrap his hand around the uber-jock's foot, but rather than trip his opponent, he only succeded in being dragged a couple of feet... and over the pit where he'd trapped Fang.

"That's not good," he moaned in horror just before he fell in, the sounds of snarling, fabric tearing, and pained yelling telling the story of what was happening well enough.

"We're almost there!" Bridgette yelled out... just before Jo fell from the sky and landed on her, causing Lightning to stop and gape at her in shock. The trap that she'd been caught in unraveled.

"Finally!" Jo said in relief as she got to her feet. "See you in the catapult Jockstrap!" she yelled as she ran toward the finish.

Lightning growled. "Get back here dude," he yelled as he started chasing Jo. He quickly caught up to her, but rather than pass her and win, he tackled her to the ground and pinned her.

"What are you doing?!" Jo yelled as she fruitlessly tried to get her rival off of her.

"Go Bridgette Go!" he said in response, the music turning bright and heroic as the surfer jogged past the two jocks... only to trip and slide along the ground and hit the flagpole with her face. She grunted in pain and the siren on top of the flagpole immediately began to flash and spin and sound for all to hear.

"Wait," she said as she got to her feet and rubbed her forehead and a drumroll transitioned the background music into a victory theme. "Did I just win?"

"Game's over," Chef declared as the camera cut to her. "Bridgette wins immunity."

" _I_ got here first!" Jo complained with Lightning still pinning her. "What do _I_ win?"

Chef smirked and readied his cannon. "Dinner," he said darkly just before firing one last time. The camera stayed on his face as a splat was heard and Jo and Lightning cried out 'Ow!" and 'My head! My beautiful head!' respectively.

The shot finally cut to Natasha as he climbed out of his pit trap, now with a black eye and his clothes in tatters.

\

A handful of drumbeats marked the transition to the marshmallow ceremony, the Final Four assembled on the front row of seats with Jo furthest left with a small bandage around the top of her head, then Natasha still in tattered clothes and a bandaged torso, then Lightning with a bandage around his head, and lastly an injury-free Bridgette furthest right. And although enough time had passed for the torches that ringed the area to be lit, Chef stood alone in front of the oil drum podium with his usual hazmat suit-strongbox ensemble.

"Elimination time, dorks!" he told the campers. "One of you is going home tonight, except for Bridgette, who has immunity." The shot cut to Jo, crossing her arms and scowling at Natasha, who met her gaze with a neutral look. A pan over showed Lightning and Bridgette sharing an happy smile.

"Congrats on winnin'," Lightning told her. "You earned it."

"Thanks," Bridgette replied with a smile. "And thanks for that talk back there," she added. "I needed it."

"Zip it," the cook interrupted, drawing the campers attention back to him as he held up four note cards. "Now to the votes," he said, looking down at the cards as the music turned tense and trilling. "We got one vote for Natasha..." the mastermind rolled his eyes, "one for Jo..." the jock-ette's glare intensified, "and one for Lightning..." the uber-jock was the only one of the night to look nervous.

"And the final vote goes to..."

The tension increased in the music as Chef purposely drew out his pause, and the camera cut from worried Lightning, to annoyed Jo, to confident Natasha, and finally back to Chef.

"Jo," he read.

"WHAT?!" she asked, standing up in sheer shock and outrage. " _I'm_ the strongest player here! I deserve it _win_!"

"Oh by the way," Natasha said with a smirk. " _This_ is a double-cross."

Jo just gaped at him in outrage before the Toxic Marshmallow of Loserdom was thrown her way; she caught in instinctively, but fumbled it from hand to hand when it scorched her until she finally let it drop onto the ground.

XXX

"I can't believe this!" Jo raged in the confessional, punching the outhouse wall. "That little backstabbing weasel! That's what I was gonna do to him!"

XXX

"Aw yeah!" Lightning cheered. "Jo is sha- _gone_! Better watch ya step Not Quiet Dude," he warned. "The Lightning Bridgette dream team's comin' for _you_ next. Sha- _bam_!"

XXX

"Once Jo pulled her little swap I knew that staying allied with her would be a mistake," Natasha confessed. He scoffed. "I may have been manipulating everyone since I got here, but at least I treated them with _some_ respect. This _does_ put me at a disadvantage in the semi-finals, but working together in _those_ isn't always the best strategy. And if there's anyone who can figure out the best strategy, it's _me_."

XXX

"Okay," Bridgette sighed. "Natasha's still in the game, but with me and Lightning working together we should be fine."

XXX

The static cut away to the Hurl of Shame, Jo sitting indignantly in the bucket with Chef grinning cockily next to her and the Final Three watching a little way up the dock.

"I've been _waiting_ to be the Hurl Master of this game," Chef said eagerly.

"And you're gonna keep waiting," Chef said, descending to the dock on his jetpack to the shock of Chef and Jo.

"Chris?!" the Final Three said together in shock.

"Yup," the host replied with his handle on the catapult's lever, "I'm the Hurl Master around here! You see Jo," he addressed the loser, "the Hurl of Shame is both shameful, _and_ painful. And right now, I can't think of anything that fits that more for you than the knowledge that you brought this on yourself when you decided cheat your only available ally out of a win."

Jo's face fell into an expression of anger. "Allies are for the-"

She was launched into the night before she could finish her sentence, her words fading into a scream.

"Chris, good to have ya back, man," Chef told the host, walking over with a slice of glowing green quiche on a plate. "I even saved you some quiche," he said, putting a hand on the smaller man's shoulder and smiling.

"Chef, you _are_ the man," Chris grinned, wiggling his finger in anticipation before swiping the quiche and shoving it into his mouth in one piece. He gulped it down quickly...but quickly wretched and vomited into a hole in the dock because of it.

Chef smirked. "You _are_ the Hurl Master, hehe," he said as the series's capstone theme began to play.

"Who will be Hurled next," Chris said sickly, holding his stomach and looking distressed. "How much are they gonna hurl before we hurl them? And when will I stop hurling?" he asked, putting a hand over his bulging mouth before bending over and puking again. "Find out next time,' he stood back up and said, "on Total! Drama! Revenge, of the Island!"

The sound of him vomiting again was heard over the final long-distance shot of the island.

(Roll the credits)

* * *

 **Author's Note Post Script** : Quite a few people were expecting her or Natasha to go home today, and as you can see I decided to keep Natasha. The votes were actually the easiest they've been in a while. You see, Jo was expecting her and Natasha to vote for Lightning knowing/expecting Lightning and Bridgette to vote for the antagonist they hated the most which would end with the uber-jock going home in a 2-1-1 split. Of course, Jo being Jo had to make sure she won by any means necessary and wound up cheating the only person in the game willing to work with her out of a win that he pretty much had guaranteed.

Which of course, made Natasha realize that Jo was _not_ the person to stake his hopes on. And he decided to vote for _her_ instead, double-crossing her before she had a chance to do it to him. And the 2-1-1 split wound up with Jo getting the boot that she's had coming for a while.

And as always I'm sure I'm forgetting to mention something.

I hope you all enjoyed the episode, or some part of it.

And I'd also like to remind you guys that a TVTropes page for this series _does_ exist and needs you guys adding to it.

With that I'm signing off

-TotalDramaFan14

* * *

 **RDRotI ELIMINATION TABLE:**

 **13th Place:** Sam

 **12th Place:** Gary

 **11th Place:** Eva

 **10th Place:** Ella

 **9th Place:** Beardo

 **8th Place:** Cody

 **7th Place:** Angel

 **6th Place:** Ezekiel

 **5th Place:** Lily

 **4th Place:** Jo


	12. The Enchanted Franken-Forest

**Author's Note:** It's time for the penultimate episode of Random Drama Revenge of the Island. After that is the finale, and then the start of All-Stars. I can't wait and I'm sure you guys can't either so let's get to it.

 **Disclaimer:** I don't own Total Drama, the shuffled concept or the (most of) the characters.

And to answer some reviews:

 _ **Derick Lindsey:**_ I guess Jo's eliminations was a little obvious at that point. Shorting out the collars just seemed like the place to go. Natasha could have done what Cameron did in canon, but that just seemed like too much of a cop-out. I'm glad you liked that scene with Natasha and Fang, I'm not sure why I put it in actually. And I'm also glad you liked Lightning's sacrifice. You won't have long to wait to see who makes the finale.

 _ **Guest #1:**_ There's not a soul who actually wanted Jo to win is there? Well time to see if you're right about the finals.

 _ **Gucci Mane LaFlare:**_ I know, these short seasons go by so fast.

 _ **StarHeart Specials:**_ No, thank you for doing it. I was in a good mood all day after I read that. And I don't think Jo can ever be a better person, considering how I wrote Scarlett that says a lot. Time to see which one is right.

 _ **That British Guy:**_ Only one way to find out if you're right.

 _ **Guest #2:**_ I take it you don't like Natasha? lol.

 _ **TheChrisanthemum:**_ No worries, review when you feel like it. I gotta say, after seeing so much hate for him, I'm surprised you feel that way about Natasha.

 _ **Another Guest:**_ Looks like we have the same views on Jo. She's a great secondary antagonist, but not great at much else. Well it's time to see if you're right.

 _ **Shrimpimp:**_ It's not that outlandish, it's probably how Scott found it in canon. Anyway, time to see if you're right.

Remaining Campers:

 _Boys:_ Lightning, Natasha

 _Girls:_ Bridgette

Wanna find out how picking flowers is dangerous?

* * *

 **Episode 12: The Enchanted Franken-Forest**

"Previously, on Total Drama Revenge of the Island!" Chris opened over the standard sunny shot of Wawanakwa. "I took some time off, for personal reasons that I'd rather not discuss," he said with a feigned calmness, the recap beginning with him stepping into Natasha's snare and getting flung into the communal washroom while the campers cringed. "Hey! Who edited that in there?" he asked in rising aggravation as Chef was shown opening the bathroom door, then wincing in disgust. "Not funny guys!" Chris said, and the montage cut to the Final Four standing at the long table about to eat the 'local' dishes they'd created.

"Okay, that's better," the host said as Chef blew his airhorn and Lightning's eyes widened at the first bite of his 'dish'. "Chef led the Final Four players in a revolting cook-off," Bridgette was shown puking up her salad, then Natasha vomited both on the ground by the table and over a few tulips, "which resulted in Natasha upchucking 25% of his insides."

"He also threw up any desire to work with Jo," Natasha was shown talking with Jo before the challenge, "after she tried to screw him out of a win." The jock-ette was shown hip checking Natasha and swapping their dishes, then the mastermind was shown looking sick in the confessional.

"Meanwhile, Bridgette did about as well as you'd expect a klutz like her to," the surfer was shown running through the woods from Chef, then lying at the bottom of the ravine, "and pretty much only won because of Lightning," the host added over shot of Lightning rescuing her, then tripping and slamming into the flagpole.

"And thanks to that previously mentioned backstab," Jo was shown bragging to herself in the woods, "Jo was betrayed and voted out by none other than her ally Natasha." The recap ended with Natasha walking away from a trapped Jo, calmly revealing his betrayal, then Jo gaping in shock and anger as she was voted out.

"Which leads us to...!" Chris continued with rising excitement...until the footage went back to him getting swung into the communal washrooms, the clip repeating over and over and over. "Hey! No! Nnno!" he said in growing alarm, the camera zooming out to show the footage being played on a widescreen television watched by Chris on the Dock of Shame. He gripped the arms of his deck chair, then stood up and shoved the TV cart into the lake with a grunt of "Not funny!"

"That editor is so _fired_ ," he said, turning his back on his shame and dusting his hands off. " _Ten_ players down, _three_ to go!" he told the camera, putting his usual smile back on. "Only _two_ will move on to the final round," he thrust two fingers up close to the camera and pulled them back a second later. "Who will be left standing? Find out, right now! On Total! Drama! Revenge, of the Island!"

 **XXXXX**

[The sequence begins much as it did three seasons ago, with an open into letterbox format as the camera focuses on the tops of a few distant pine trees. A rusty stage light rotates up and turns on; then the shot changes to a cobwebby spotlight swinging down and turning on as well; then a small security camera popping out of one of several leaky toxic waste barrels; then another camera bursting out of a tree hollow, held by an octopus tentacle and dislodging a few bones; then a pair of fair-skinned arms clapping a film slate in front of the camera which switches to a shot of the island, briefly showing a giant octopus looking out of the lake to the right, then flying forward down the dock and past the buildings, passing under a totem pole that Chris was sitting on and which was being carried by a trio of male interns of mismatched heights.]

Dear Mom and Dad, I'm doin' fine;

[The camera rapidly flies through the trees as the lyrics begin, quickly reaching the top of the thousand-foot-high cliff.]

You guys are on my mind!

[It looks down at the ring of buoys in the water below and dives, immediately cutting to an underwater view as the bubbles disperse to reveal Cody gagging with several vicious-looking fish watching him hungrily.]

Ya asked me what I wanted to be,

And now I think the answer is plain to see!

[Cody frantically swims up and away from an approaching tentacle, passing another fish wearing a gas mask. The camera pans up to reveal Bridgette on one side of her surfboard; Cody surfaces and slumps against the other side, then flashes her a flirtatious smile. The tentacle surfaces and slams into the middle of the board...and in doing so, sends Bridgette into the water and Cody high into the sky.]

I wanna be...famous!

[The scene lingers on Cody in front of the sun for a moment, then quick-pans down to Jo working out with a punching bag in the middle of the woods; a falling Cody abruptly falls into her arms. Cody tries one of his flirty smiles on the jock-ette, who just scowls and drops him before going back to her workout. The camera pans right to Ella, happily singing to a number of hairless squirrels and three-eyed birds.]

I wanna live close to the sun!

[At the top of a waterfall, Angel and Lily float downriver in a canoe. Angel appears to be gushing about something to her sister, and the cynic is clearly only pretending to listen for a second before turning around and spotting the fall. Both scream as they go over the edge.]

Well pack your bags, 'cause I've already won!

[The camera pans down to Lightning, deadlifting a large log while standing on another log suspended across the rocks at the bottom of the falls. the twins and their canoe land on his makeshift weight, breaking the log supporting him and sending all three into the water.]

Everythin' to prove, nothin' in my way;

[Ezekiel walks up to the outhouse confessional and a monstrous shark with arms and legs bursts out of the outhouse with a toothy grin, causing the homeschooler to scream and run away as the shark chases after him.]

I'll get there one day

[The camera pans to the Main Lodge, Chef's silhouette visible in the window. Zooming in to the room shows him stirring a pot of some greenish slop with an annoyed frown, and the shot pans over to show Gary making various hand signs and rapping. A spoon flies from the right and hits him, knocking him out.]

'Cause I wanna be...famous!

[Another pan to the left reveals Natasha looking Gary's way and sighing in relief, he turns to the camera and gives an all-knowing smirk. The scene zooms back out of the lodge to the beach, where Eva is alternating reps with a dumbell in each hand.]

Na-na nanananaa, nanana-nanaa, na-nananananaa

[The camera pans away from Eva and on to Sam happily playing a handheld game. A furry hand taps him on the shoulder, distracting the gamer and allowing the arm to snatch away the console. Sam realizes what's happened, and rushes angrily at the large hairy ape-man now playing the game, and the camera moves on watch an odd, almost rattlesnake-like gull floating on the water. A bulbous-headed fish jumps out over it on the right and a shark jumps out of the left with its mouth wide open, but the first fish blasts the shark with some sort of laser, turning it into a skeleton which is swallowed by the first fish as it finishes its jump. A tentacle rises out of the water to grab the gull, but it quickly lashes out and bites it with its snake-like fangs.]

I wanna be! I wanna be! I wanna be famous! (Na-na nanananaa, nanana-nanaa, na-nananananaa)

[The camera pans down to the end of the dock to show Beardo moonwalking to the edge of the dock. He brings his hands to his mouth and vigorously beatboxes, spit flying from his hands.]

I wanna be! I wanna be! I wanna be famous! (Na-na nanananaa, nanana-nanaa, na-nananananaa)

[A sudden splash of water comes down on the hairy boy, interrupting his music and causing him to send a blank look upward – Chris is hovering above him in a jetpack and helmet, holding an empty bucket. He drops the bucket then flies off, the flames from his jetpack taking over the screen. It becomes night as they peter out, and the camera pans down across the stars and treetops and full moon to Angel and Bridgette, sitting at a campfire together. As they lean towards each other with expectant smiles they are interrupted and separated by Chef, wearing a hazmat suit and holding a glowing green marshmallow between them with a pair of heavy tongs.

The shot zooms out to show the rest of the cast looking shocked, whistling the last few notes of the song – Ezekiel, Cody, Natasha, Beardo, Lightning, and Lily on Angel's side; Ella, Sam, Eva, Jo, and Gary on Bridgette's side; and Chris standing next to Chef on Bridgette's side as well. The shot continued to zoom out until a signboard was shown marking the presumed entrance to the fire pit; it read 'TOTAL DRAMA REVENGE OF THE ISLAND' in block letters, the third word being the largest and the last word relegated to a board tacked on at the end.]

 **XXXXX**

The episode opened on the sole remaining cabin, but quickly cut inside to the boys' room to show Natasha and Lightning in turns as they woke up and locked eyes.

"Enjoy your last day on the island Not Quiet Dude," Lightning greeted his roommate.

"Same to you," Natasha said back. "After all, you need to win today more than I do."

"Me an' Surfer Girl got a Final Two deal!" Lightning said, sliding off his top bunk to the floor.

"In that case, maybe I _should_ be worried," Natasha replied sarcastically, dropping to the floor as well.

XXX

"I normally make punchin' bags that look like people I wanna beat to give me extra motivation," a rather angry looking Lightning confessed, "but all Lightning needs is to picture Not Quiet Dude's screams after he's launched from that catapult."

He looked off to the side for a moment, then sighed and smiled.

XXX

"I had a _lovely_ chat with Lightning this morning," Natasha said with a smirk. "Relax, I didn't lie to him," he amended. "I just explained how a certain surfer will act during the next challenge. Of course I _did_ imply that it all meant that she was going to betray him, which will certainly put a strain on their alliance after what happened with his dear Lily."

XXX

"Not Quiet Dude is goin' down!" Lightning declared as the scene moved to outside the mess hall, the camera once again cutting inside after a few moments. Lightning was now seated across from Bridgette at the end of the door-ward table with his back to the window, a single boiled egg in an egg cup before each of them. "But I don't know how to make that happen. He plans on Lightning doin' what he always does, so should I do what I don't normally do? Or is _that_ his plan?" He slumped forward, his head in his hands and his elbows on the table.

"I guess...all you can do is trust your instincts," Bridgette told him. "Or your gut, whichever works," she added after a moment of thought. "The point is, he can only get to you if you let him. I know the two of us can beat him," she said, smiling and put a hand on his shoulder, "because as long as we trust each other there's nothing he can do to us."

Lightning sat up straighter, gave the surfer a distrustful look, and quickly shook it off. "Lightning knows that," he sighed. "But that guy always looks like he's up to somethin'. How didn't we notice that before?" he said, motioning behind Bridgette and causing her to look over her shoulder.

The perspective changed to show Natasha sitting at other table, his back to the kitchen as he focused on repeatedly trying to crack the shell of his egg with a spoon, growing more frustrated with each failed attempt. "See?" Lightning said from behind the camera. Dude's probably plannin' somethin' now." Now scowling in anger, Natasha picked up his uncracked egg and slammed it on to the table...only for it to ricochet off and hit Chef in the side of the head as he walked past the open counter carrying a stack of dirty plates and dishes. The cook was felled with a startled cry, with another weaker one to follow as the dishes crashed down on top of him. Natasha, gaping in wide-eyed shock, quickly closed his mouth and inched away to the right.

The shot cut back to her and Lightning. "Uh," she told her friend as she turned back to face him, "I think the only thing he's planning now is how to avoid getting creamed by Chef."

Lightning blinked. "How are you not worried about him?"

"Because there's no one else for him to mess with," Bridgette told him, now smiling. "He's out of allies, and out of tricks. As long as we stick together, we won't have anything to worry about."

Lightning shot her another look, but smiled. "I guess you're right," he told her, downing his egg in one gulp. "Lightning can't thank you enough for keepin' his eye on the prize."

Bridgette laughed. "Glad I could help. That's what friends are for."

Lightning's smile seemed to falter for a moment, but he nodded all the same. "Yeah. Just don't think that means I'll go easy on you in the finale. Lightning _never_ loses."

Bridgette smirked. "I wouldn't have it any other way," she said, and they shared a high five.

The perspective moved across the room to show Natasha watching them, then shifted again to his front as he chuckled and smirked.

XXX

"Just as I predicted," Natasha confessed. "He went to her with his troubles and she tried to use their friendship to console him. It might have worked, if I didn't plant it in his head that it was all a ploy to backstab him."

XXX

"Okay, so I'm a little more worried about Natasha than I made it seem," Bridgette confessed sheepishly. "But I want to make _sure_ that Lightning knows we can trust each other so that Natasha can't mess with us."

XXX

The scene cut to the sun, then panned down to Lightning, Bridgette, and Natasha standing before Chris on a path through a rather unusual stretch of forest. The host was standing to a tall flower with a drooping, slender, vase-like orange bulb.

"Finalists!" he opened. "Welcome to, the Mutant Forest of _Terror_!" The camera cut around to show the path leading past giant, spiked, and tentacled mushrooms, prickly vines, and thorny, almost rock-like plant spires. A massive housefly flew past from one direction, and a laser squirrel scampered across the path from the other.

"Oh. Wow," Bridgette said looking up in fear and taking a few steps back to the side. She stopped when faced with a sudden jet of steam erupting from the ground, and the earth below her feet soon crumbled into a steamy sinkhole with an eerie green glow. He screamed as she fell, but Lightning quickly grabbed her arm.

"Oh yeah," Chris said as the uber-jock glared at him and the camera cut to the bubbling pool of liquid waste at the bottom of the hole, "watch your step! Biohazardous sinkholes: they put the _mutant_ in 'Mutant Forest of Terror'." The shot panned up to Bridgette as she looked down in terror, only to cry out suddenly as she was lifted back up by Bridgette.

She let out a breath of relief as he set her back on the ground. "Thank you," she said. "Seriously, thank you."

"They're also where Chef gets his Marshmallows of Toxic Loserdom," Chris continued, the sound of a fishing line being reeled in drawing the camera's attention to the cook in question, now dressed in his hazmat suit as he fished a glowing green marshmallow out of another sinkhole. "One of you gets to _eat_ that later!" Chris said with delighted anticipation.

"Didn't you say that we _didn't_ want to eat those on our first day here?" Natasha asked with a raised eyebrow.

"The _challenge_ ," the host continued again unflinchingly. "Race through the mutant forest to find the _elusive_ Chris-a-lis flower," he explained holding up a notebook with photograph on the front of a dark pink flower with four petals and a winged stem. The shot cut in closer to pan up across the photo, showing the odd, two-toned stem and the hints of some sort of jagged white spikes near its base. "First person to present it to me wins immunity," the host finished.

"So what you're sayin' is," Lightning added, "the winner chooses who goes to the finale with them!" He looked over at Bridgette, and the two shared a smile.

"Yeah," Chris replied in annoyance, "thanks for doing my job, muscle-head."

"So let me get this straight," Natasha said, walking over with annoyance of his own rapidly shifting into anger. "After an entire season of deadly creatures, bombs, and Chef, you want the finalists to be decided by a flower-picking contest. What, did getting trapped in a cesspit for an episode make you lower your standards?"

"Trust me, this challenge is _totally_ up to my standards," Chris answered with an impish smile. "Why don't you just take a step closer to see what I mean."

Natasha immediately looked at the vase-like flower between him and the host. "What could this possibly do besides try to eat me," he said after a moment.

He took a step forward.

The flower bulged, then spat fire onto his pants.

Natasha screamed, jumping back and frantically trying to pat out the small fire on his clothes. Chris laughed at his pain, and Chef – now back in his normal clothes and carrying a fire extinguisher – soon arrived and put out the fire.

"This place is _full_ of those pretty little deadly flowers," Chris said with delight. "But the flower _you're_ looking for is attached to an even _more_ deadly plant: a Venus _flytrap_! Or as I like to call him," he added slyly, "Larry."

Lightning gasped. "Hey aren't those those plants that eat meat?"

"I wouldn't worry, most are only about the size of your average housefly," Natasha smirked. "So keep your brain away from it and you should be fine."

Chris walked up between Bridgette and Natasha and earning the silent attention of all three campers. "If I were you I'd save the insults for when you're in the forest and probably on fire. It's funnier for us that way. Find Larry," he added, "and you find the flower. Oh, and watch your step." The shot cut outward to show a massive sinkhole a short ways away. "Those sinkholes are everywhere."

As if on cue, the southeast Asian male intern ran in from the left carrying a boom mic, and unintentionally fell straight into the hole with a cry and a splash. "Wait for it...," Chris said, holding up a finger. Moments later the intern emerged from the hole – or rather flew out of it. He had been mutated quite thoroughly: his left foot and right arm browned and swollen and misshapen; shorts spikes jutting out of his right shoulder; spots on his neck and sharper teeth and an enlarged left eye; and a pair of bat-like wings coming from his back. He let out some sort of pained roar, then flew off. "See ya Josh!" his former boss called out. "Enjoy your new job at the _circus_!"

"So how exactly are we supposed to _find_ Larry?" Bridgette asked after a moment.

Chris responded by holding up a parchment map to them. "Sha-score! We each get a map!" Lightning said in celebration as the camera panned across a close-up of the map, showing little more than a winding dotted line leading from a bright green dot with an arrow pointing at it to a large, ornate X.

"Pfft, no," the host corrected, pulling the map back off-camera and tearing it up. "You each get a _piece_ of the map!" he said, handing two strips to Bridgette and Lightning, and the third to Natasha. "You think printer ink grows on trees?" The shot moved back enough to show the entire group again, the three campers studying their pieces of the map closely. "You can work together or you can go it alone," he told them before walking away to the left. "It's your call."

The shot focused in on Lightning and Bridgette putting their pieces together. "Sha-dang," Lightning said as the perspective moved between their shoulders, "looks like we only got the start and the middle."

"Which means the end is...," Bridgette added, the camera moving back in front of them as they raised their heads and looked over at Natasha.

"Right where it belongs," the mastermind said, folding the scrap of parchment up and sticking it into his pocket. He smirked when he saw the others looking at him, and said "What, you didn't expect me to share it with you, did you?"

"Whatever," Lightning said as he and Bridgette began to walk forward, giving Natasha dirty looks as they passed him by, "we can find Larry without it. Especially since I know how to avoid those sinkholes."

"Really?" Bridgette asked in surprise.

"Uh-huh," Lightning nodded, eyes closed proudly. "There's a whole buncha steam before the ground falls in. So we just need to look out for steam jets-" a jet of steam shot unnoticed next to him, and the ground beneath him promptly collapsed. He screamed in shock, but was quickly saved by Bridgette pulling him to solid ground.

"...so we can avoid falling in?" she finished for him with a smile that he returned sheepishly before looking at the sinkhole he'd almost fallen in.

"Thanks for the tip," Natasha shot at them as he walked past. "Good luck with your 'friendship finale'," he said, chuckling as he walked off camera.

The shot zoomed in on Lightning's annoyed face.

XXX

"Lightning's not buyin' what Not Quiet Dude was sellin'," he told the confessional.

XXX

"I don't know if Chris _meant_ to give me this part of the map," Natasha said as he examined his piece with a broad smile, "but he might as well have handed me _victory_ along with it. I can just follow the others until their part of the path ends, then ditch them and collect the flower." He folded the piece of parchment up and stuck it back into his pocket, then looked at the camera. "As long as I keep hidden they won't catch on, plus I'll get a front-row seat to Lightning's own self-interest _destroying_ his little friendship with the surfer," he said, rubbing his hands in anticipation.

XXX

The music turned tense as Natasha broke into a run, then after a few seconds dived behind one of the giant mushrooms the mutant forest was filled with. The camera zoomed in as he leaned out from behind it and looked around warily, only to notice something a moment later and dart back in to hiding. A zoom back out revealed Lightning and Bridgette walking up the path, the surfer in front carrying both map pieces with the uber-jock bringing up the rear but still looking annoyed.

"So we only have the first two parts of the map," Bridgette said, a jet of steam erupting from the ground next to her which prompted her to hop forward past the edge of the rapidly-sinking earth. "Watch out for that sinkhole by the way," she looked back over her shoulder and smiled. "...and mutants, too," she added after looking forward again and thinking a little.

Lightning looked up at her. "You see where Not Quiet Dude went? Dude's gotta plan, and we need to to watch out for it." As they passed the large mushroom in the background, Natasha leaned out from behind it unnoticed and smirked. He quickly tiptoed to the next piece of cover, a gnarled-looking tree, and ducked behind it as well before the others saw him.

Bridgette shrugged. "I don't think we'll see him until we reach the end of our map," she said. "But I've got a plan. He's probably following _us_ to where his map starts, so _we_ wait until he passes us and then follow _him_ to the flower. Pretty smart right?"

Unnoticed by the surfer, Lightning looked at her rather nervously. "Sha-yeah," he said in an unsure tone that she didn't seem to notice. "Smart."

\

The scene flashed back to Natasha and Lightning in the cabin room they shared.

"You need to be on the lookout for her," the mastermind warned. "First she'll try and remind you of your alliance. It's all a ploy to let your guard down."

"That's what _you_ would do," the uber-jock accused.

"Yes it is," Natasha admitted. "That's how I can recognize someone doing the same thing. Watch her," he warned again. "Because then you'll notice that she can come up with some pretty underhanded ideas..."

\

XXX

"What if Surfer Girl _is_ playin' Lightning?" the uber-jock asked warily. "I mean, Not Quiet Dude's been right about her so far..."

XXX

Bridgette finally seemed to notice her friend's mood when the challenge footage resumed. "Hey," she asked in concern. "Everything okay?"

"Yeah!" he answered suddenly enough to startle her. "Everything's cool! But.. why not let Lightning hold on to that map, just 'til we reach the end?"

"That's fine?... I guess," the surfer said uncertainly, handing him the map fragments. "I mean it doesn't really matter which one of us grabs the flower in the end." The shot briefly cut to Natasha smirking from behind one of the strange rock-like pillars growing out of the ground.

\

"- and she'll definitely tell you it doesn't matter who wins in the end," Natasha said to Lightning in a flashback. "What better way to convince you to let her take the win?"

\

Still smirking, Natasha picked up a small stone and tossed it ahead on the path. The shot cut to Bridgette and Lightning as they heard something rustle ahead of them.

Lightning narrowed his eyes and growled. "I know you're out there!" he called out, then ran off with the two map fragments still in hand.

"Lightning, wait!" Bridgette called after, reaching out an arm but grabbing nothing. She let out her breath, palmed her face, and groaned.

A few deep notes played as she shook her head and ran off, leaving the camera to zoom in on Natasha watching from behind another gnarled tree. He chuckled a little to himself, then left the safety of his cover. "Well, that should distract them long enough for _me_ to get that flower."

He broke into a confident jog through the unbeaten mutant forest...and promptly smacked into the back of a gigantic housefly. It promptly wheeled around on him and buzzed angrily, causing him to scream and run past it.

XXX

"That'll teach me to not pay attention to where I'm going," Natasha grumbled in the confessional.

XXX

"Where are you dude?" Lightning called out as he ran along the path, walking into a fire-breathing flower in his distraction. Finally looking forward again he yelped upon noticing the plant's ominous bulge, then yelped again as he dodged out of the way of its fiery spurt. "That was close," he said, wiping the sweat from his brow as he walked a couple steps away. "That almost took out Lightning's map"

He paused a second, blinked, then looked down at the scraps of parchment in his hands as though he'd only just remembered them. "Oh right, Lightning needs to make sure he knows where he's going." The shot cut to the image of the two partial map fragments as he held them side-by-side, then back out as he started to look from them to his surroundings. He absentmindedly took a couple steps back the way he'd came, looked at his map again, then turned back towards the path heading right and rubbed his chin. "But he just realized he doesn't know how to _read_ a map."

As he rubbed his chin in thought and consulted his map again, the shot zoomed outward with a to show that not only was he next to the fire-flower again, but that it was preparing to use its signature weapon as well.

"Didn't you watch a movie with a giant Venus Flytrap a while back?" he reasoned, unaware of the the sizzling sound and small plume of smoke coming from his backside, "And it lived in a swamp! So I should just look for a swamp" he declared in realization, perking up and extending a finger and sniffing the air in sudden confusion. "Hey, why do I smell hamburgers?" he asked before stiffening in alarm and looking over his shoulder to see his pants on fire.

"My buns are burning!" he cried out in panic before running off down the path, wildly trying to pat the flames out.

\

The music became tense and fast-paced again as the scene flashed to Bridgette, running along and leaving a trail of steam jets and sinkholes in her wake. She seemed too focused on looking around to notice, however, and none of them came close to catching her regardless, so she soon skidded to a halt it safely, though unknowingly, in front of the same fire-flower that had burned Lightning.

"Where'd he go?" she asked, looking around again in concern. "I thought I heard him around here!"

A rustle and crash in the background underbrush caught her attention moments later, and her brow shot up in surprise as Natasha suddenly ran out into the open, flailing his arms in vain at the massive fly that was now flying behind him, sucking on his head.

"Go away!" he told it. "I don't have time for this!"

Bridgette watched in silence as he ran by the fire-flower, stepped on a patch of ground that caused a jet of steam to erupt behind him, and fell with a startled scream into the ensuing sinkhole. The mutant fly detached itself and flew off, and the camera cut in to Natasha hanging on to the edge of the hole. "Somebody help me!" he called out desperately, the music becoming even faster and more intense. "Please!"

As he struggled to gain a foothold the camera cut in close as one of his hands began to slip...only for Bridgette's to grab on to it, the background music becoming triumphant as he was lifted back to safety.

"Thank you!" he said, hugging Bridgette the moment his feet touched the ground but breaking it quickly in sudden embarrassment. "Uhh, heheh, no mutation for me, then," he said nervously under Bridgette's stern glare. Her gaze followed him as he tried to slink away, but after a few steps he stopped and sighed. "Okay, fine, I'll share my part of the map with you," he said, pulling the scrap of parchment in question out of his pocket.

"Don't you think you could be a little more grateful?" Bridgette asked with her hand on her hips.

"I meant what I said the other day," Natasha replied coolly. "I'm not a physical person, and I know you're not looking for a promise not to vote you off on the off chance that I win today" he added with a raised eyebrow. "Are you _honestly_ worried that you'll go home if I _do_ win?"

"Well...no," Bridgette admitted hesitantly.

"There you go," Natasha told her. "I'm fine with helping you get _to_ the flower, but once we _get_ there it's every man for himself."

Bridgette sighed. "Yeah, I figured," she said, leaning over to look at his piece of the map. "So, where are we on this anyway?"

"That depends," the mastermind replied, "where did the trail end on your parts?"

"Good question," the surfer said, standing up straight and looking around.

Natasha sighed. "Let me guess, Bolt Boy ran off with both parts alone, didn't he?" He looked to Bridgette, who nodded in confirmation.

\

Lightning's scream filled the air as the scene flashed back to him, now rolling back and forth along the ground to put out his flaming shorts. Though he extinguished them quickly he kept rolling further on to the right in his blind panic, only just managing to stop at the edge of a bubbling, steaming, bright green body of water. He sighed in relief, got back to his feet, turned around, and gasped as the music started to boom ominously.

"Hey! A swamp!" he exclaimed in breathless awe, the shot cutting outward to show more of the waste-filled environment he now found himself in. A trail of small stepping stones led from the shore into the bog, and after approaching them he stopped and gasped again. "And the flytrap!" he exclaimed, the shot pulling back even more then panning to the right along the stepping stone path to reveal the utterly massive Venus flytrap – Chris-a-lis flower and all – waiting next to a dead tree on a small, desolate island. "Sha-dang. He's _huge_ ," Lightning said in fearful awe.

"No," Chris's voice came suddenly over a loudspeaker wired in to a nearby tree, "he's _colossal_." He laughed, and the camera cut over to show him waiting in a white deck chair at what appeared to be the finish line for the challenge, watching a live feed of the bog on a television cart. "Will Lightning live long enough to pick that flower?" he asked the camera. "And where the heck are Bridgette and Natasha? Find out when we return, on Total! Drama! Rrrevenge, of the Island!"

\

(Commercial Break)

\

The episode resumed on Chris in his chair, now with a notebook open on his lap and Chef standing behind him. "Ahh, Larry," the host sighed, "he used to be such a sweet, cuddly little guy. We were inseparable," the camera cut in for a close-up of the book's contents, revealing it to be a photo album. The shot panned from a picture of Chris pushing a small potted flytrap in a baby carriage, to playing table tennis with the younger plant who held the paddle in its jaw-like leaves. "Until I left him on the island, and...kinda forgot about him for awhile while the toxic waste piled up," he said with a hint of remorse as the camera panned down to a photo of a slightly drooping Larry surrounded by waste barrels, "mutating him into a freakish botanical mistake."

Chris closed the album, and the shot cut back to him and Chef. "They grow up so fast," Chris said, putting a hand on the album cover and beginning to cry. Chef rolled his eyes.

XXX

"I knew comin' back to the island would dig up old memories," the cook told the outhouse camera, "but cryin' over a stupid _plant_? Uggh. That's just pathetic," he said, shaking his head.

XXX

"Let's see," Lightning thought to himself, looking up and down the path towards Larry. "I can just use those steppin' stones," he said, the camera panning across them...then focusing in on one that looked rather more like the peak of a giant turtle shell than anything else.

The shot cut back to the uber-jock, who had backed up a few feet from the edge. He took a deep breath, then launched himself forward with a grin. He cleared the first four stones with ease, but stumbled on the fifth – the turtle shell. The music blared dramatically as the shell began to shake, and Lightning gasped in surprise as the mutant beast rose out of the toxic water to glare at him, then rear back on its hind legs and roar. Lightning was sent flying by the motion, and landed in a painful heap back where he'd started.

XXX

"Lightning just wants to set the record straight," he told the outhouse with arms crossed in irritation. "That turtle got the drop on me. If Lightning knew he was there, that wouldn't have happened!"

XXX

"Lightning!" Bridgette said, suddenly rushing to his side as the uber-jock picked himself up and dusted himself off. "What happened?"

"If I had to guess," Natasha said with a smirk as he emerged from the forest, "He got tossed by that giant turtle over there."

Lightning sent him a glare that turned to mild panic when he turned back to Bridgette. "Hey why are you two together?" he asked, sounding slightly nervous. "You're not gonna team up and take me out? Are you?"

"Who knows?" Natasha replied with an impish shrug as he walked past the uber-jock and looked out over the bog.

"I do," Bridgette scowled, her expression softening when she turned to Lightning. "Look, I just saved him from a sinkhole so he decided to share his map, that's all," she explained.

\

"In fact," Natasha said to Lightning in a flashback, "I wouldn't be surprised if she decided to work with _me_ at some point during the challenge..."

\

Lightning looked from one semi-finalist to the other, then set his face in a determined frown. "Whatever. I'm gonna get that flower." The music became fast and dramatic again as he ran forward again, this time leaping into the air, landing on the head of the turtle and stunning it, jumping off again, and landing right next to the Chris-a-lis flower – which was about chin-height compared to him, with the jaw-like out leaves being utterly massive in comparison.

"Yes," he smiled to himself, reaching out slowly for the flower and wiggling his fingers in excited anticipation, "this game belongs." The shot cut to Bridgette and Natasha watching astounded, then back to Lightning as he touched the flower...and the leaf-jaws of Larry snapped up around him in an instant.

Bridgette gasped. "It.. ate him! Alive!"

"Looks like we have our Final Two..." Natasha said to himself.

The shot cut back to Larry as small, sharp bulges suddenly started forming one after the other as Lightning struggled to break free. "Let me out you overgrown fern!" he shouted, his blows becoming stronger and stronger until Larry was forced to spit him out with enough force that he smacked against a tree and slid down to the ground, covered in digestive fluids and groaning. "So this is what hot dogs feel like," he said woozily.

"Are you okay?" Bridgette asked, pulling the uber-jock to his feet then cringing at the thick, stringy digestive fluids that had gotten on her hand.

"Yeah, Lightning'll be back in the game soon Coach," he answered, swaying a little before collapsing back onto the ground to Bridgette's shock.

The focus moved back to Natasha as he looked from his rivals to their shared obstacle, the sound of movement quickly getting his attention. The camera cut over to show Larry opening his leaf-jaws back up, the tongue-like Chris-a-lis flower popping out moments later.

"Okay Natasha, form a plan based on your knowledge," Natasha said to himself. "More than likely that flower is what triggers his jaws closing," he thought aloud as a faded clip of Lightning getting eaten second earlier was replayed, "which means anyone touching it needs to be pretty fast if they don't wanna end up as plant food. But how can I use that to my advantage?" He tapped his chin in thought for a second, then snapped his fingers and smirked in realization. "Konechno!" he said to himself, turning around and walking back towards the forest.

The camera zoomed in to Bridgette and Lightning in the background as Natasha passed them by in the fore, and Lightning shook away his daze and got back on his feet.

"Now are you okay?" Bridgette asked again as Lightning stood up by himself.

"Yeah," he answered, "yeah, I think so."

Bridgette looked back towards Larry still lying motionless with with flower out enticingly, then back again at Lightning. "That's good," she said, "After what just happened, I don't think we can get the flower by ourselves."

The uber-jock shot her a suspicious look as he rubbed his chin in thought. "Don't worry!" he declared after a second. "Lightning has a plan!"

\

The music turned dramatic again as the footage skipped ahead to Lightning, standing alone by the edge of the bog letting out the slack of a vine that led up into the trees. "I don't like this plan Lightning!" Bridgette was heard yelling, the camera panning up along the length of the vine to the branch it had been thrown over, and down to the other end tied around her waist.

"You don't have to like it!" Lightning called out in response, the shot zooming outward to show Bridgette was hanging over Larry's open maw, slowly being lowered towards the flower in its center. "We just have to trust each other, right? And work as a team!"

XXX

"This'll prove once and for all if I can trust Surfer Girl," he told the outhouse.

XXX

"What is going on with Lightning today?" Bridgette asked.

XXX

Natasha chuckled. "I do love it when a plan works out."

XXX

Bridgette was lowered further and further towards Larry's flower as the dramatic music resumed. "A-A-Almost there," she called out hesitantly as she reached towards her target. "Just... Just a little more...!" The camera zoomed in on the flower as her hands drew inches away from it. Before she could touch it, however, a few greenish motes of something drifted up from the Chris-a-lis and into Bridgette's face; her eyes widened slightly and her nose twitched, but though she struggled to hold it back she couldn't help but sneeze. The force of it was enough to cause her to swing to the right away from the flower, its petals now fluttering in the slight wind caused by the sneeze.

The camera panned down to show Larry's jaw-leaves start to twitch, then over to Lightning as he scowled and started pulling on the vine – and Bridgette along with it, yanking her away as she began to swing back towards the middle...right as Larry's jaws snapped shut. She was pulled forcefully all the way back up to the tree branch, stopping only after hitting her head on it – and cracking it slightly, as the shot zoomed in ominously to show.

"Hey, what's your deal?" Bridgette asked, rubbing her head in pain as she hung below the branch.

"Lightning's got the same question for you," he replied as the music faded out.

"I guess I must be allergic to mutant Venus flytrap pollen," Bridgette answered with a helpless shrug.

"Uhh, good to know?" Lightning said awkwardly, briefly looking towards Larry as he opened back up. "You don't have to do this, you know that right?" he asked Bridgette. "I'm fine trying to get the flower some other way."

Bridgette looked down at him sternly. "Hey, I may not like this plan but it's the best one we have," she told him. "But we need to trust each other. I trust you not to drop me, so trust me to get this flower. It'll be worth it when we win."

Lightning's eyes narrowed in suspicion, but he nodded and lowered his partner back towards the exposed flower as the tense challenge music started up once more. The shot cut back up to the branch to show it creak and crack just a little bit more as the vine quickly slid over it.

"Closer, closer," Bridgette called out to him, eyes locked onto her target as she descended towards it again a few inches at a time. "Just a little bit more and I can reach it!" she said with a grin of anticipation, the shot panning down to the flower mid-sentence – but at its end, a vine-lasso suddenly looped around it and plucked it off its stalk.

"I'll take that!" Natasha exclaimed, the shot cutting to him standing on the opposite bank, reeling in his vine-lasso and discarding it once the Chris-a-lis flower was in his hands. "Do svidaniya!" he said, sending a mock salute across the bog before turning and dashing away in the opposite direction.

The shot quick-panned back over to Lightning's angry expression, which quickly dropped when he heard Bridgette scream. He quickly pulled on her vine with all his might, yanking Bridgette away just as Larry's leaf-jaws snapped close. However, the force of his pull finally snapped the branch the vine was draped over, causing Bridgette to arc through the air and land on her partner.

"I'm so sorry!" Bridgette apologized, still lying on top of Lightning. "I had no idea that Natasha would do that!"

Lightning looked at her incredulously. "Sha-likely story." he replied in disbelief and growing outrage.

"What?" Bridgette asked in genuine confusion.

The uber-jock pushed her off him with a grunt of disgust, but quickly had his attention caught by a rumbling coming from Larry's direction. His head-like leaf-maw rose up on a neck-like stem, ending in a dirty, grassy 'body' with several roots sticking out like limbs. He opened his 'mouth' and roared, then ran off in the direction Natasha had gone.

Lightning and Bridgette gasped in shock and horror. Then, after a moment, Bridgette turned and asked "Are we still a team?"

"...yeah, fine," Lightning sighed after a moment.

XXX

"I'm still not sure that Not Quiet Dude was tellin' the truth about Bridgette," the uber-jock confessed. "So until I have _proof_ , she's still Lightning's teammate. And Lightning does not abandon his team."

XXX

The scene cut to Natasha, running as fast as he could with the flower in hand and a smile on his face. He laughed to himself, "Another plan perfectly executed!"

A thunderous stomping coming up behind him caught his attention, and upon looking back over his shoulder he said "What in the world?"

One of Larry's massive root-limbs suddenly shot out and grabbed him. "How did you- Chris never said you could _walk_!" he shouted, descending into a scream as Larry held him upside-down close by.

His scream caught the attention of Bridgette and Lightning as they ran down the path towards him. Lightning sped up, and just as Larry was about to eat Natasha he jumped up and snatched the flower from the mastermind's dangling hand, quipping "This flower is property of _Lightning_!" as he dropped back down to the ground.

Larry's maw snapped close, but after he moved Natasha out of the way. "Get back here with that!" the mastermind called out angrily before Larry unceremoniously tossed him over his 'shoulder' and ran off in pursuit of Lightning.

Natasha landed head-first in the side of one of the giant mutant mushrooms, his lower half sticking out right in front of a fire-flower. "You're gonna pay when I get out of here!" he shouted angrily through the mushroom, prompting the fire-flower to to ignite his pants. "AAAGGH! NOT AGAIN!" he screamed.

\

The shot cut back to Lightning, flower in his hand and Larry on his tail. He leaped and rolled as the flytrap tried to trip him up with a swing from one of his roots, then looked to his right as the shot pulled back, revealing Bridgette running alongside them.

"Throw it to me!" she said, waving her arms wildly to get his attention. "I'm open!" Lightning looked from her to the flower and back again with a hesitant look on his face, but nodded just the same and tossed it her way. She jumped and caught it in both hands, then cried out "Got it!" in excitement.

She promptly sneezed, which caused her to duck under a swipe from Larry's roots. She narrowly dodged a second one, then looked up in terror – Larry was now standing over her, and roared angrily.

Bridgette screamed and ran, scrambling under the mutant plant's root-limbs and running forward with the flower stretched out in front of her. The camera zoomed out to show Larry right behind her and Lightning further in front, a worried look on her face. "Pass it back here!" he called out to her. "Hurry, it's gainin' on you!"

The music cut away suddenly as the scene moved to Chris and Chef waiting at the finish line, watching the live feed of the massive flytrap's pursuit. "Take your time, Bridge!" the host called out, pausing to laugh. "Larry hasn't had a decent meal since I stopped feeding him after season one. Poor guy must be _famished_."

"Come on Surfer Girl!" Lightning called out, the challenge music resuming just as quickly as it had cut away. "Throw me the flower! What happened to all that stuff about trust?!"

"You tell me!" Bridgette replied, briefly glancing over her shoulder to see Larry still stomping along right behind her. "You clearly don't trust me!"

Lightning hesitated for a moment. "Not if you won't throw me that flower I won't!" he admitted.

Bridgette gasped indignantly. "If you don't trust me now, then how can I trust you to take me to the finale if you win?" she asked.

Larry snapped her up without warning, but his flower was dropped and drifted forward in the wind.

The shot cut to Chris as he watched the feed and laughed. "You're welcome, Larry!" he called out to the plant.

"Let me out!" Bridgette shouted as she struggled against Larry's maw, the plant monster drawing back to his full height and chewing with the surfer in his mouth.

Lightning gasped in shock and horror and took a step towards them, but then gasped again when he noticed the flower floating away down the path.

"Lightning can win this," he said to himself, looking back to see the Chris-a-lis flower now on the ground. "But is that really what he wants?" he added, looking back at Larry as the surfer continued to scream from within. Lightning's eyes widened in alarm, and a grand yet emotional tune began to play as the footage flashed back to a montage of clips from throughout the season.

\

Everyone gasped but the two jocks in question, who just smiled and walked towards their 'new' teammates, exchanging a quick glare as they passed each other. Lightning sat next to Angel, who giggled lightly. "Welcome to the team, Lightning," she said happily.

The camera panned over to Bridgette, who smiled.

\

"Look, I don't think it's right that you go home if we lose," Bridgette said, smiling at her teammate. "So I won't vote for you if we do. But if you lose the tiebreaker..."

Lightning looked taken aback by the statement, then adopted his normal smug persona. "Lose?" Lightning _never_ loses!"

"Then it looks like we'll be teammates for a while," Bridgette said with a slightly amused smile.

\

The goats quickly scattered, and the shot panned down to show Lightning swooping and swerving as the massive balloon moved into his path from one side and Bridgette sped past on the other. He collided with his former teammate, and her hastily put-together plane fell apart. The shot cut to a close-up of Bridgette who screamed as she started to fall...

Until a brown-skinned hand grabbed the hood of her sweatshirt. She looked up and smiled, and the camera pulled back to a heroic tune to show that Lightning had caught her. "Lightning!" she said in relief. "You saved me!" She suddenly looked upset and added "After you almost killed me!"

"Hey, it's not my fault the zeppelin suddenly jerked around like that," Lightning retorted. "And why wouldn't I save you?" He pulled her up onto the motorcycle with him. "Now let's go take down that zeppelin!"

Bridgette laughed despite the situation. "Yeah!" The duo started to fly off.

\

The camera cut to a close-up of Lightning in a surfing position, then zoomed out to show Angel in a similar stance with Bridgette in between them.

"Thanks for teaching us how to surf," the idealist said with a large smile.

"Sha-yeah!" the uber-jock added. "Now Lightning can add surfing to the list of sports he dominates at!" Bridgette gave him a light shove that knocked him to his butt and caused both girls to laugh.

"Not as long as I'm around you can't," the surfer said with a competitive smirk that Lightning scowled at.. for all of two seconds before joining in with the laughter.

\

"So what you're sayin' is," Lightning added, "the winner chooses who goes to the finale with them!" He looked over at Bridgette, and the two shared a smile.

\

The montage ended and the scene cut back to an upwards shot of Lightning standing before Larry with his back to the camera. "Sorry Pops," he said as the plant happily chewed on Bridgette, "but some things are more important than winning" He took a deep breath, puffed out his chest, and called out "I'm comin', Surfer Girl!" as the glorious tune hit its peak and transitioned into more typical challenge fare.

"Get ready for a varsity beatdown!" Lightning yelled as he charged forward, stretching out his fist. Larry lashed out with one of his roots; Lightning jumped on it and tried to punch the plant's 'head', and the mutant flytrap responded by opening his mouth and calmly chomping down on the uber-jock.

"Spit us out!" Bridgette from within the plant's maw, both she and Lightning pounding on the plant's leafy jaws.

The camera pulled back a ways to ground-level, and a pair of black sneakers stepped in front of it. The perspective inverted to reveal it as Natasha, watching the scene with wide, terrified eyes. "Uhh...okaaayyy...," he said slowly and warily, "not how I planned on that happening, but I'll take it!" Another shift in viewpoint showed him running past Larry and a nearby sinkhole while the mutant tried to keep his mouth closed against two athletic camper's furious struggles, and the shot cut to a top-down view of the Chris-a-lis flower lying on the ground as Natasha stepped up to it and picked it up. "I'll _also_ take this," he smirked, the camera cut up to his face just before he ran off.

Larry took immediate notice and, despite the persistent struggles in his maw, growled angrily and took off in pursuit.

"There's the finish!" Natasha said with wide-eyed panic. "Just a little bit more!"

"Hurry up!" Chris called out as the shot cut to his lounging spot behind the finish line, the music abruptly cutting out. "C'mon, Larry, he's almost made it!"

The music cut back in again with a much tenser tune as Natasha, panting and sweating, ran for the finish line with Larry right on his tail. The monstrous plant took a swipe at him with a root-arm, forcing Natasha to dive forward with a 'Whoa!'. He hit the ground on his stomach, and with a grunt of desperation and effort he scrambled back to his feet...and across the finish line, tossing the flower into Chris's lap the moment he was able. He collapsed to the ground after moving another few inches.

"Natasha, for the win!" the host said excitedly, holding up the Chris-a-lis flower as a few pleasant notes. He rose from his chair and walked over to the mutant, who had stopped in its tracks outside the finish banner. "Larry! Buddy!" he said as a short but triumphant tune played. "Look what I rescued for you!" He paused, then frowned. "Uh, you okay there Larry?" he asked in concern, then camera panning up to the great mutant's head as another round of strong blows from within caused him to whimper in pain and open his mouth. Lightning stuck his head out of it and gasped for breath, then dropped down with Bridgette under his arm, apparently unconscious. Dripping with Larry's digestive fluids, they landed flat on the ground together.

Chris looked at them, shrugged, then held up the stolen flower. "Who's a good man-eating plant?" he cooed at his pet, a sweet ad playful melody playing as it bent down and sucked up its flower, then rubbed Chris with it's 'head'. "Mmm, Larry's a good man-eating plant, yes you are," the host said, giving it a few affectionate pats and then scratching under its massive 'chin' as it re-positioned its head. Larry seemed to smile in contentment, and a sudden pounding the shook the entire drew attention to its leg-roots as it stamped the ground like a loyal and loving dog.

"Now _that_ is messed up," Natasha said as the shot cut to him and Chef watching a close-up of Larry's pounding foot on the live feed. Chef nodded in agreement.

The shot panned to the left to show Lightning limping forward with his arm around a half-conscious and groaning Bridgette. "Did we win?" she asked weakly as a much more touching tune began to play.

"No," Lightning answered sadly, not meeting her gaze.

"Oh...," Bridgette said, looking down in disappointment. "Sorry I cost you the win..."

Lightning finally looked at her. "It was Lightning's choice. And he made the right one."

\

"At least we made the Final Three," Bridgette said cheerily as the shot cut to her and Lightning hanging out on the porch of the non-wrecked cabin. "It just sucks that one of us has to go."

"Lightning's sorry he thought he couldn't trust you," the uber-jock said. "He was so worried about Not Quiet Dude messin' with his head he couldn't even see it when it _was_ happening."

"Don't beat yourself up," the voice of the mastermind said, prompting the two friends to look up and scowl. The camera followed their gaze to the right over to where Natasha was standing with his arms crossed and a smirk on his face. "You did your best to stop me, it's just that your best was nowhere near good enough."

He started to walked away with a chuckle, but a small log was thrown from the left and knocked him to the ground.

\

A trio of deep, ominous notes punctuated the flash ahead to the long-distance shot of nighttime Wawanakwa that opened the usual marshmallow ceremony.

"Eeeeeelimination time!" Chris begun excitedly, the scene cutting not to the fire pit but to the Dock of Shame, the Final Three already waiting with the host and host's assistant by the Hurl. "Natasha! By refusing to to help rescue your fellow players from the jaws of a _monster_...," Chris said as the camera panned from the catapult to Bridgette and Lightning and Natasha to him and Chef, another trio of deep notes punctuating the end of his statement.

"When you put it that way it makes me sound like a villain," the mastermind said impishly, causing the other two to glare at him.

"...you've secured yourself a place in the finale," Chris finished. " _Aaaa~aand_ , you get to choose your opponent, _in_ said finale."

"Don't look so surprised," Natasha told Chris. "I said this would happen in my audition tape."

"Who will get the Hurl of Shame?" Chris asked. "Will it be Bridgette, the klutzy friendly surfer chick?" Bridgette looked down sadly. "Or will it be-"

"Me," Lighting spoke up with a slightly dramatic tone to Bridgette's surprise. "Isn't it obvious?" he added, earning odd looks from the other two campers and a few deep notes from the background score.

"Well...," Bridgette said hesitantly.

"Natasha messed with _me_ ," he said, turning towards her as the soft trill of the elimination rose up. "He obviously wanted me off my game so I'd lose and he can send me home."

"Umm, Lightning?" Chris interrupted with mild confusion. "Yeah, that's surprisingly smart coming from you, but it's not your choice."

"Yes it is," the uber-jock declared angrily, stepping forward. "Lightning _chose_ to give up the win to save Bridgette. He knew this was gonna happen the moment he did it."

A single deep note played as the shot cut outward, and the others present looked at Natasha expectantly. The shot cut back in as he looked around at the and said "Sorry to disappoint, but I'm eliminating Bridgette."

" _WHAT_?!" Bridgette and Lightning exclaimed, the somber elimination music starting up as Chef walked over and grabbed the eliminated surfer by the arm. "But Lightning's a bigger threat than I am!" Bridgette added. "No offense," she said to the uber-jock.

"Lightning's with you on this one," he said back.

"I know I have no hope of matching either of you physically," Natasha admitted. "But _mentally_? I have a much bigger advantage there with Rudolph than I ever will with Bridgette."

\

The scene skipped ahead to show Bridgette loaded into the Hurl of Shame, Chris standing by at its lever and Chef near the bucket. "Bon voyage," he told her with a dark smile, launching her screaming into the night without further ceremony.

"Whoops," he said, the camera cutting back down to him as the series's capstone theme opened up and Chef walked over with the ceremonial strongbox, "she forgot her Toxic Marshmallow of Loserdom. Oh well," he said calmly. "Chef, dispose of it so it's not _dangerous_."

Chef gave the camera a nervous and uncertain look.

"Wwwwell," Chris said, walking back over to the center of the dock where Lightning and Natasha were still standing, "I for one am relieved. Having Bridgette and Lightning compete for the million would've been a friendly huggy snooze-fest," he explained to the two actual finalists, both of whom were seemingly too busy glaring at each other to notice.

"Hopefully I won't beat Bolt Boy too fast and you can still put together an episode," Natasha bragged.

"The only dude gettin' beat is _you_ ," Lightning retorted.

"Yep," Chris said happily. "Just unrelenting death-defying brains versus brawn mortal combat, next time on the _epic_ final round of, Total! Drama! Revenge of the Island!"

Although the shot staggered outward as usual, the scene did not fade away. Instead, the chirping of countless crickets led into a tense trill, and the scene moved to the campfire pit as Chef walked up with strongbox in hand. He looked warily from it, to the left, and to the right, deep beats punctuating every move until he finally smiled, and tossed the entire box into the fire.

The camera cut back to the long-distance view of the island as a massive explosion went off, a flash of light followed by a boom and shake and cloud of smoke that rose up from where the pit had been located.

(Roll the credits)

* * *

 **Author's Note Post Script** : First off, let me say how surprised I am that no one expected this. I thought it was way too obvious. As you can see the Final Two are Natasha and Lightning.

By the way, this is so not what I had planned from day one. As you know I originally had Cody slated to be the winner this season and he was going to face off against Jo. Natasha would have been the fourth place finish and Lightning in sixth, with a much more direct betrayal from Lily. Bridgette was still going to place third because Cody seems easier to beat than her. Once I decided on moving up Cody's elimination, he was replaced by Lightning and the finale was going to be a battle of the jocks, with Bridgette once going here because Jo wanted to crush Lightning in the finale. But I decided to swap out Jo and Natasha so I could do an inversion on canon's Brains vs. Brawn. Obviously, the brain is the villain and the brawn is the good guy. How that will change has yet to be written.

But back to this week's challenge, I hope everyone enjoyed how it went down. Natasha messes with Lightning's mind in a much more direct way than he normally deals, which causes a bit of a rift between him and Bridgette thanks to what happened between him and Lily (also revealed by Natasha I might add, almost as if he had planned it - which he totally did). But even though Lightning abandoned the win to save his friend, Natasha was planning on taking Lightning to the finale the whole time because of how easy it will be to outsmart him. So rather than a heroic decision that led to the decider's downfall, it was a heroic decision that led to the saved person's downfall. And now Lightning feels guilty that he caused his buddy to go home.

As far as Natasha's Russian: 'Konechno' means 'of course' and Do svidaniya' means bye... according to Google.

So...yeah. Let me know what you thought of the episode, and of the Final Two! And, of course, feel free to state your predictions for next season's cast. I mean, it won't change anything, but I'm curious as to who you think will go where.

And as always I'm sure I'm forgetting to mention something.

I hope you all enjoyed the episode, or some part of it.

And I'd also like to remind you guys that a TVTropes page for this series _does_ exist and needs you guys adding to it.

With that I'm signing off

-TotalDramaFan14

* * *

 **RDRotI ELIMINATION TABLE:**

 **13th Place:** Sam

 **12th Place:** Gary

 **11th Place:** Eva

 **10th Place:** Ella

 **9th Place:** Beardo

 **8th Place:** Cody

 **7th Place:** Angel

 **6th Place:** Ezekiel

 **5th Place:** Lily

 **4th Place:** Jo

 **3rd Place:** Bridgette


	13. Brains vs Brawn: The Ultimate Showdown

**Author's Note: **And here we are everyone, at the much-awaited finale to Random Drama Revenge of the Island! The first thirteen-episode season concludes today, and it's been quite a journey for the second generation of Randomized campers. But it's about to come to an end...

 **Disclaimer:** I don't own Total Drama, the shuffled concept or the (most of) the characters.

And to answer some reviews:

 _ **That British Guy:**_ If it makes you feel better, so was everyone else. Lightning v Natasha may have only been obvious to me because I'm the writer. I'm pretty sure if I was the reader I'd be shocked too. Everybody loves a good villain. And you have some interesting predictions for next season's cast.

 _ **Derick Lindsey:**_ I'm assuming you're rooting for Lightning. I'm glad you like my little canon inversion. As far as Lightning's demeanor, I've always felt like if he met someone he respected who _didn't_ backstab him he wouldn't have gone down the path of jackassery. And I didn't even realize that could be a reason why DJ was brought back.

 _ **Guest #1:**_ I'll be honest if the challenge didn't involve physical violence, Bridgette would've won the season. But I just don't feel right forcing her to do something like this. It seems quite a few people are rooting for Lightning. Makes sense, seeings how Natasha is well... Natasha. Yep, even though I normally try to avoid canon finalists making it to the finale it worked out that I get two. I can't believe how fast this season went by myself, but you won't have long to see who wins.

 _ **StarHeart Specials:**_ I'm surprised by how likable Lightning is here and I wrote it. Interesting predictions for next season, but your gender balance is off. Seven guys and seven girls.

 _ **Gucci Mane LaFlare:**_ Thanks. Like I said, it wasn't my first choice, but I'm pleased with it nonetheless. And don't worry, All-Stars is right around the corner.

 _ **That Other Guest:**_ A Natasha fan I see, He really is a great villain because he's without practically every villainous flaw. While I don't mind the 'rant' I do have to disagree with you on one point. You see, while very few of the villains made it to the finale here, not a single one was actively defeated by any of the heroes. They all fell due to their own actions which is very realistic. The villains are usually better competitors because the heroes just kinda... luck into it. And I'm glad I could blindside you with Bridgette's elimination.

 _ **Guest #2:**_ Yep, Brains vs. Brawn was the original plan even if I didn't stick to the original finalist I had planned. And there _will_ be an even number of guys and girls for Random Drama: The Finale.

 _ **Shrimpimp:**_ Oh yeah, I'd actually be terrified of Natasha if he really existed. A lot of reviewers are looking for the dumb jock to pull it out. And you seem to be the only person who guessed Sugar.

After thirteen episodes full of humor and drama, it's time for the final battle. Literally. Today, _**Lightning**_ and _**Natasha**_ will fight for the title of Total Drama Champion, and the million dollar prize that goes with it.

* * *

 **Episode 13: Brains vs. Brawn: The Ultimate Showdown**

"Last time, on Total Drama Revenge of the Island!" Chris opened, the scene moving from the typical long-distance stock shot of sunny Wawanakwa to the finale trio of contestants standing together in the Mutant Forest of Terror, Natasha making a snide comment, and Bridgette and Lightning smiling at each other. "The Final Three went hunting for my old pal Larry, the human flytrap." Lightning was shown getting trapped by the massive plant's jaw-like leaves the moment he touched its central flower, and Chris laughed. "Awww, _adorable_ ," he said as Bridgette and Natasha watched with horror from the sidelines, the next clip showing Larry rising up out of the ground, roaring, and running off.

"Lightning and Bridgette vowed to take each other to the finale," the two friends were shown slapping five over breakfast, "but thanks to Natasha trust issues pulled them apart." Natasha was shown talking to Lightning in flashback; Lightning was shown giving Bridgette suspicious looks; and Bridgette was shown getting snapped up by Larry after calling Lightning out on his behavior.

"In the end, Natasha won immunity," the mastermind's desperate dive and scramble past the finish line was the next clip played, and was followed by Bridgette's departure, "and gave Bridgette the old heave-hurl!"

"Only _two_ competitors remain," Chris said over shots of Natasha building the rocket couch in the third episode, Lightning tackling Jo in the eleventh episode, then both of them glaring at each other after Bridgette's elimination, "Natasha and Lightning in the _ultimate_ Total Drama showdown!" The montage ended there, the scene cutting to the Dock of Shame where Chris and Chef stood in their formal attire – the host in his baby blue tuxedo, the assistant in his dark pink evening gown holding the prized suitcase. "It's _Brains_ versus _Brawn_ in a tooth-rattling, ego-bashing, life-threatening battle for a cash prize of," he motioned to Chef and the shot cut to a close-up of the suitcase, which was opened to reveal the money inside, "One! Million! Dol-lars!"

Chef wiggled his fingers eagerly and reached for the cash, but the quickly cut to his face as something snapped and he yelped in pain. He raised his hand to reveal that he gotten his fingers caught in a mouse trap, and glared at the laughing host. "Right here, right now," Chris told the camera as it cut back to him, "on the epic finale of, Total! Drama! Rrrevenge, of the _Island_!"

 **XXXXX**

[The sequence begins much as it did three seasons ago, with an open into letterbox format as the camera focuses on the tops of a few distant pine trees. A rusty stage light rotates up and turns on; then the shot changes to a cobwebby spotlight swinging down and turning on as well; then a small security camera popping out of one of several leaky toxic waste barrels; then another camera bursting out of a tree hollow, held by an octopus tentacle and dislodging a few bones; then a pair of fair-skinned arms clapping a film slate in front of the camera which switches to a shot of the island, briefly showing a giant octopus looking out of the lake to the right, then flying forward down the dock and past the buildings, passing under a totem pole that Chris was sitting on and which was being carried by a trio of male interns of mismatched heights.]

Dear Mom and Dad, I'm doin' fine;

[The camera rapidly flies through the trees as the lyrics begin, quickly reaching the top of the thousand-foot-high cliff.]

You guys are on my mind!

[It looks down at the ring of buoys in the water below and dives, immediately cutting to an underwater view as the bubbles disperse to reveal Cody gagging with several vicious-looking fish watching him hungrily.]

Ya asked me what I wanted to be,

And now I think the answer is plain to see!

[Cody frantically swims up and away from an approaching tentacle, passing another fish wearing a gas mask. The camera pans up to reveal Bridgette on one side of her surfboard; Cody surfaces and slumps against the other side, then flashes her a flirtatious smile. The tentacle surfaces and slams into the middle of the board...and in doing so, sends Bridgette into the water and Cody high into the sky.]

I wanna be...famous!

[The scene lingers on Cody in front of the sun for a moment, then quick-pans down to Jo working out with a punching bag in the middle of the woods; a falling Cody abruptly falls into her arms. Cody tries one of his flirty smiles on the jock-ette, who just scowls and drops him before going back to her workout. The camera pans right to Ella, happily singing to a number of hairless squirrels and three-eyed birds.]

I wanna live close to the sun!

[At the top of a waterfall, Angel and Lily float downriver in a canoe. Angel appears to be gushing about something to her sister, and the cynic is clearly only pretending to listen for a second before turning around and spotting the fall. Both scream as they go over the edge.]

Well pack your bags, 'cause I've already won!

[The camera pans down to Lightning, deadlifting a large log while standing on another log suspended across the rocks at the bottom of the falls. the twins and their canoe land on his makeshift weight, breaking the log supporting him and sending all three into the water.]

Everythin' to prove, nothin' in my way;

[Ezekiel walks up to the outhouse confessional and a monstrous shark with arms and legs bursts out of the outhouse with a toothy grin, causing the homeschooler to scream and run away as the shark chases after him.]

I'll get there one day

[The camera pans to the Main Lodge, Chef's silhouette visible in the window. Zooming in to the room shows him stirring a pot of some greenish slop with an annoyed frown, and the shot pans over to show Gary making various hand signs and rapping. A spoon flies from the right and hits him, knocking him out.]

'Cause I wanna be...famous!

[Another pan to the left reveals Natasha looking Gary's way and sighing in relief, he turns to the camera and gives an all-knowing smirk. The scene zooms back out of the lodge to the beach, where Eva is alternating reps with a dumbell in each hand.]

Na-na nanananaa, nanana-nanaa, na-nananananaa

[The camera pans away from Eva and on to Sam happily playing a handheld game. A furry hand taps him on the shoulder, distracting the gamer and allowing the arm to snatch away the console. Sam realizes what's happened, and rushes angrily at the large hairy ape-man now playing the game, and the camera moves on watch an odd, almost rattlesnake-like gull floating on the water. A bulbous-headed fish jumps out over it on the right and a shark jumps out of the left with its mouth wide open, but the first fish blasts the shark with some sort of laser, turning it into a skeleton which is swallowed by the first fish as it finishes its jump. A tentacle rises out of the water to grab the gull, but it quickly lashes out and bites it with its snake-like fangs.]

I wanna be! I wanna be! I wanna be famous! (Na-na nanananaa, nanana-nanaa, na-nananananaa)

[The camera pans down to the end of the dock to show Beardo moonwalking to the edge of the dock. He brings his hands to his mouth and vigorously beatboxes, spit flying from his hands.]

I wanna be! I wanna be! I wanna be famous! (Na-na nanananaa, nanana-nanaa, na-nananananaa)

[A sudden splash of water comes down on the hairy boy, interrupting his music and causing him to send a blank look upward – Chris is hovering above him in a jetpack and helmet, holding an empty bucket. He drops the bucket then flies off, the flames from his jetpack taking over the screen. It becomes night as they peter out, and the camera pans down across the stars and treetops and full moon to Angel and Bridgette, sitting at a campfire together. As they lean towards each other with expectant smiles they are interrupted and separated by Chef, wearing a hazmat suit and holding a glowing green marshmallow between them with a pair of heavy tongs.

The shot zooms out to show the rest of the cast looking shocked, whistling the last few notes of the song – Ezekiel, Cody, Natasha, Beardo, Lightning, and Lily on Angel's side; Ella, Sam, Eva, Jo, and Gary on Bridgette's side; and Chris standing next to Chef on Bridgette's side as well. The shot continued to zoom out until a signboard was shown marking the presumed entrance to the fire pit; it read 'TOTAL DRAMA REVENGE OF THE ISLAND' in block letters, the third word being the largest and the last word relegated to a board tacked on at the end.]

 **XXXXX**

It was night as the episode proper opened, zooming in from a long-distance shot of the island to Natasha and Lightning walking together. "I can't believe Surfer Girl's gone," Lightning said, his head hung sadly. "She deserved to win the million more than _Lightning_ did."

"Yeah, too bad you messed it up for her," Natasha told him in a mocking voice. "Just think, if you had trusted her maybe _she'd_ be here instead of me."

Lightning stopped in his tracks. "So what?" he said, prompting Natasha to stop as well and look back. "Just look at us, Lightning's obviously gonna win this challenge." He started walking again, and smiled confidently as he passed Natasha by.

Natasha snorted. "Yeah because the smart guy _always_ loses if they make it to the finale," he said as he resumed walking as well. "You do know you're a complete and total _joke_ , right? You're not this amazing athlete you make yourself out to be. _I've_ won more challenges than you."

"You are _not_ gettin' in Lightning's head this time," the uber-jock declared. "I hope you like juice, 'cause I'm gonna crush you like a grape!"

Natasha just rolled his eyes as Lightning walked off.

XXX

"Turns out I _did_ need this Natasha lookin' dummy," Lightning told the outhouse camera while squaring up with a large pillow dressed in Natasha's clothes, the light coming in through the upper windows suggesting that it was now the next day. "He messed with people all season, and now it's down to Lightning to take him out and avenge Angry Girl," he punched the dummy. "Singer Girl." Punch. "Nice Girl." Punch. "Homeschool." Punch. "Surfer Girl." Punch. "And he guesses he can avenge Jo and _Lily_ ," he added with another two punches, sounding rather bitter as he spat the name of his former crush.

XXX

"The money is almost at hand," Natasha confessed with a pleased smile. "I've been in control of this game since I got here, and now it's time to move the last pieces and put this game into _checkmate_."

He started laughing evilly, but a sudden loud fanfare outside startled him into screaming and falling off his seat.

XXX

The fanfare continued as the scene cut to a pair of long, straight, Roman tubas adorned with flags bearing the face of Chris McLean. They were pointed towards the sunny sky and played by the pony-tailed female and long-banged male interns, a stereo at their feet as they stood with a wary-looking Lightning and Natasha by the communal washroom. The display served to herald the arrival of Chef, wearing a stereotypical Roman legion helmet, pulling a red-and-gold chariot ridden by Chris, who was naturally dressed as a stereotypical Roman emperor.

"All hail mighty McLean!" the host declared in a dramatic voice as his chariot came to a stop in front of the Final Two.

Lightning and Natasha shared an odd look. "Sha-what?" Lightning said incredulously.

"What's with the Ancient Roman garb?" Natasha asked.

"You'll see," Chris said impishly before looking to the side and calling out "Slave! Bring me my mystic seeing glass," in the same dramatic voice as his previous declaration.

Moments later the camera zoomed out to show the arrival of a widescreen television on a cart pushed by the fat male intern, who blew his boss a raspberry as he passed. "Hey!" Chris said in outrage before shrugging and smiling. "You know what? In Ancient Rome blowing a raspberry was a show of respect!"

"No it wasn't," Natasha corrected, the television cart now set up next to him and the interns out-of-sight.

"Anywho," Chris said with an annoyed shrug, "as a reward for making it all the way to the finale, you each get thirty seconds to speak to a loved one back home."

Both boys perked up. "Then that means..." Natasha said before the television switched on to show a live feed of a not-quite elderly Russian man with a thick brown handlebar mustache. He wore a Soviet military uniform and cap, and was sitting on a faded green couch in front of a pale wall decorated with numerous pictures of famous Russian architecture. "Grandfather," Natasha said as he brought his right arm across his chest and bowed his head slightly. "Rad videt' tebya." At the bottom of the screen the words were translated to 'It's good to see you.'

The man narrowed his eyes at his grandson for a moment, then smirked himself. "Natasha," he said in a thick Georgian accent. "Vy pochti doshli do kontsa. Otlichno srabotano." Like before, the words were translated on the bottom of the screen to 'You've almost made it to the end. Well Done.'

Natasha smirked. "Byli li kakiye-libo somneniya?" (Was there ever any doubt?)

Natasha's grandfather laughed. "Ne imeya delo s Shukoffom, ne bylo." (Not when dealing with a Shukoff, there wasn't.) "Teper' vykhodite tuda i gordites' svoim dedom." (Now get out there and make your grandfather proud.)

"I always do," Natasha replied with a nod before the feed cut to static and then cut out entirely. He let out a breath shortly after, and smirked.

"What was that about?" Lightning asked.

"Nothing you need to concern yourself with," Natasha responded condescendingly.

"Whatever," Lightning said, stepping forward as Natasha stepped back.

It was then that the widescreen cut to static, and then to the backside of a black man with graying brown hair dressed in a white long-sleeve shirt being surrounded by microphones and camera flashes. "It's Pops!" Lightning said happily.

"My boy's gonna win the whole million dollar sha-bang!" Lightning's father said to the reporters.

"I'll do you proud Pops!" Lightning said.

"He's the best boy a superstar athlete could _ever_ hope for," Lightning's father continued.

"You know it Pops!" Lightning said, knocking on the widescreen as if to get his father's attention before wildly flailing his arms. "Over here!"

"But what if Lightning doesn't win the finale?" one of the reporters asked.

"Impossible!" Lightning's father said. "I'll bet my championship _rings_ on it!" He raised his hand in the air, showing a golden ring on every finger.

"Pops!" Lightning gasped in shock. "You're kiddin' right?!"

"He better win it!" Lightning's father said, once again ignoring his son. "Because without these rings, I'm nothin'. Nothin'!" The feed ended there.

"Pops?" Lightning asked desperately. "Pops?!"

"That's your dad?" Natasha asked. "Not the most loving character is he?"

"Shut up Not Quiet Dude!" Lightning snapped.

"I don't know what's worse," the mastermind continued with a smirk. "The fact that he ignored you or the fact that he put all that _pressure_ on you."

Lightning glared at him.

XXX

"If I lose, then Pops loses his rings!" Lightning panicked. "And Natasha was right about Lightning's losses this season. But that won't be the case today! One way or another, Lightning's gonna win that million dollars and make Pops proud!"

XXX

The static cut away to show that Natasha and Lightning had gotten on the chariot behind Chris, which was being pulled once more by Chef. "Where are we headed off to today?" Natasha asked coolly. "Mount Looming Tragedy? The Bay of Dismay? Haunted Forest?"

"Nah, somewhere _waaaay_ more dangerous," the host replied, spreading his arms excitedly and earning a wary look from the finalists. "For the most _painful_ Total Drama finale competition _ev-er_! Gentleman," he said in his dramatic 'imperial' voice, "behold, the _Chrisiseum_!"

A grandiose fanfare began to play as he pointed ahead, and the two boys gasped before the perspective shifted to show their destination: a massive coliseum with wooden walls and high flat arches; the central entryway incorporated magenta curtains, tall stacks of toxic waste barrels as supports, and the tail fin of the former Total Drama Jumbo Jet with the Chris McLean insignia intact and prominent.

\

The fanfare continued as the scene cut inside to a high covered box seating area, where Chris was flanked by the same two interns playing Roman tubas as before. He smiled for a few seconds, then glance to the side and pressed a button on a nearby stereo, shutting off the fanfare and leaving the interns sputtering pathetically into their instruments. They lowered them in shame, and Chris stood up.

"Finalists, say 'what's up' to your cheering section," he opened, the camera following his point downward to reveal a three-tiered section of seats where the season's former contestants were already seated. "From the Toxic Rats," the camera zoomed in on the left side of the top row, "Gary! Sam!" The rapper smiled and threw a indecipherable hand sign to the finalists below, and the gamer looked up from his handheld just long enough to smile at his former teammates. "Eva! Ella!" The iron woman scowled and the camera panned onto the princess, who smiled and waved at the camera. "Aaand, Lily," the host finished, the pan across the row ending on the cynic, who was slumped over sadly.

"And the Mutant Maggots," Chris continued, the shot briefly cutting back to him before following his motion back down to the second row. "Ezekiel! Jo!" The homeschooler stuck a finger up his nose, and the jock-ette gave him a look of disgust before turning her gaze to the right and glaring. "Cody! Beardo!" The boys smiled to the camera, but the geek's quickly turned into a glare as he noticed Jo's gaze. "Angel! Aaand, Bridgette!" The blonde couple were gazing into each other's eyes as the camera panned to them, but they separated long enough to smile and wave.

The shot cut outward to show the two finalists standing on the bare dirt of the Chrisiseum floor while the losers began to cheer – Ella, Ezekiel, Cody, Beardo, Angel, and Bridgette for Lightning; Sam and Gary for Natasha. Eva, Jo, and even Lily remained silent.

"Huh," Natasha said with a hint of surprise, "wasn't expecting people to actually side with me." He looked at Lightning and noticed him silently staring at the crowd, then looked at them again to see Lily meeting his gaze...and then closing her eyes and looking away.

Angel looked from her to the arena and back again. "You're really not going to cheer for Lightning?" she asked her sister.

"I don't think he wants me cheering for him," the cynic said sadly.

"Who are _you_ cheering for?" Ella leaned over to ask Eva as the camera panned over to the two girls.

"I don't cheer," the iron woman said gruffly.

"I'm not cheering for Jockstrap _or_ Silent Treatment," Jo said with a hint of indignation.

"Oh, I think you _will_ cheer," Chris corrected, the music turning slightly tense as the focus panned up to him – and the remote control he was now holding. "Otherwise, I'll be forced to unleash... _him_!" He pressed the button on his remote, and with a mechanical whir Fang rose up into the third row of the seating area, a metal collar and leash around his neck. He barred a toothy grin, and the former contestants gasped.

"Not him eh!" Ezekiel yelled out in fear.

"Any questions?" Chris asked smugly.

"...go Lightning," Eva cheered bitterly.

"Go Natasha," Jo added blankly.

The two finalists smirked.

"On with the main event," Chris announced, drawing the camera's attention back to him. "The final challenge of the season is," he stood up and folded his hands behind his back, "a one-on-one Gladiator Battle Royale!" The shot pulled back to show the cheering section below him and the two finalists looking upward. "But first, you'll need to use your imaginations to make armor and weapons, in a challenge I like to call ' _Make_ It, or _Break_ It'!" A flatter version of the usual grandiose theme played as the task was named.

"You'll need tools and materials to build your armor and weapons," the host continued. "And we've got 'em, rrrright here!" He motioned towards the arena floor, the camera cutting to several objects lying on the ground together – a blow torch, a magnifying glass, various hammers and wrenches, tacks, a roll of duct tape, a dead fish, and a bowling ball.

"I can think of a couple of things to do with that blowtorch," Natasha mused, the shot panning up and right to him and Lightning.

"That's not all!" Chris added impishly. "Oh, Cheee~ef!" he called out, the cheering section gasping in shock as they noticed a helicopter approaching. Chef lowered it over the arena, and the camera zoomed in on the massive dumpster hanging upside down below it. The lid opened suddenly, dumping the assorted garbage inside onto the useful items below causing Lightning and Natasha to groan in annoyance. "THANK YOU, CHEF!" the host called and waved out to his assistant, who nodded slightly and flew away.

"You have _fifteen_ minutes to collect useful bits of crud from Mount Junkmore," Chris explained over a shot of the two finalists looking at the trash heap they'd been given then turning back towards the stands, "and assemble your arsenal. But watch your step," he warned with a smile, sitting back onto his throne. "I may have loaded the dumpster with a ton of booby-traps." He laughed with anticipatory glee, causing Lightning to flinch and Natasha to raise an annoyed eyebrow.

"Aaand," Chris finished, snapping his fingers. The shot panned over to the ponytailed female intern who eagerly pressed play on the stereo...only to frown as it played a jaunty sea shanty, then press rewind and play again so that a loud gong rung out from it. She smiled sheepishly at her boss, who glared at her briefly before turning his smile towards the arena. "Go!" he declared.

The music immediately became tense as the two boys made a dash for the junk pile, slapping at each other while the losers cheered on their preferred former Rat. Natasha reached the pile first, however, with Lightning running past while he lifted a large metal car spoiler off the pile. He was rewarded by a sudden blast of disgusting-looking gas from the pile that left him coughing and hacking. "Aaagh, stink bomb! Sha- _nasty_!" Lightning said as he stumbled backward out of the cloud, nearly dropping the piece of scavenged metal in the process. When the gas cloud dissipated he regained his hold just before it fell to the ground, and he carried the piece of metal off to the side.

The gallery continued to cheer as he ran back towards the pile. "You can do it, Lightning!" Bridgette called out, rising from her seat and cupping her hands around her mouth.

"Yeah...," Lily added with a sigh.

"C'mon, Natasha!" Jo cheered next, the camera focusing in on the other end of the stands. "Grab that mannequin leg! It'll make an excellent weapon. Oh! And those chains too!"

"He needs to build _armor_ too," Sam told her as he looked down at her.

"Looks like he ain't doin' none o' that yo," Gary added as he pointed off to the action.

The shot cut to Natasha as he stood up in the speedboat with an old laptop in his hands. "Perfect," he smiled.

"Hey!" Lightning taunted, drawing the attention of Natasha and the camera to the other side of the junk heap where the uber-jock stood . "You might have had a chance if the finale was a race, but no way are you gonna stop Lightning now!"

"I hope your right," Natasha mockingly replied. "If only for your father's sake." He laughed a little as he jumped off the boat, landing on a pile of trash bags and a discarded hazmat suit...and getting blown off the pile by a sudden explosion.

Those who had been cheering for him winced in sympathy, and as he stood groaning and blackened a few bits of debris rained down around him, including a tennis racket that hit him on the head and knocked him backward.

"Hah! Serves you right!" Lightning taunted, the camera panning back to the right to show him using a section of pipe like a crowbar to pry apart the boat's engine. As he laughed at his foe's misfortune he managed to wedge the pipe into the outboard motor...only to get electrocuted for his trouble. He fell over groaning in pain, landing in front of a cannon that promptly went off. Lightning yelped and flattened himself to the ground and closed his eyes in fear, just fast enough for the cannonball to go over him entirely and crash into the far wall of the Chrisiseum.

Chris laughed as Lightning tentatively opened his eyes and looked up. "Alright!" the host said. "Those booby traps were _such_ a good idea!"

"C'mon Lightning!" Cody cheered excitedly. "You got this!"

Beardo made the sound of a lightning strike.

The shot cut to Lightning as he got to his feet and grabbed the trashcan lid from DJ's Captain Canada costume, then panned back across the pile to Natasha as he plugged the laptop's power cord into a Toxic Marshmallow and pushed the power button. When the laptop chimed on, he smirked. Several more clips followed as the focus switched from one competitor to the other, showing Lightning as he tried to force a rusted knight's helmet onto his head, and lifted the visor once he finally had it on. "Sha- _yeah_ ," he grinned as the camera pulled back to show that he was already wearing a full set of rusted knight's armor that seemed just a tad bit too small for him. Natasha was next as he typed away at his computer.

Lightning hammered down on a piece of sheet metal, then Natasha glanced at a nearby fire extinguisher, then shrugged and typed some more. Next, Lightning stuck a number of metal spikes through a mannequin's leg. He raised it high above him with pride, the camera showing it against the sunny sky as an angelic chorus played in the background. It gave way for a fast-paced rock tune, however, as Lightning swiftly lowered it into a fighting stance and smirked darkly, the shot cutting over to a one-legged mannequin standing nearby. The uber-jock knight threw his makeshift weapon like a boomerang, and the 'mace' was stuck into the mannequin's head, then knocked his target over.

The perspective moved to Lightning's front as he grinned.

Natasha was next, looking over a large series of equations he'd scratched into the dirt. He stared at his math for a few seconds, then smirked.

A gong played on the stereo, which was quickly shut off by the female intern. "Aaaand, time is _up_!" Chris announced, a grand tune playing as he stood from his throne. "Finalists, take your positions for the _ultimate_ Total Drama showdown! Last man standing wins, One! Million! Dol-lars!"

Lightning stepped forward first, the camera panning up from his feet to his helmet, showing his full suit of rusted armor and his makeshift mace and slightly-used shield. "You're looking great, Lightning!" Bridgette called out from off-screen.

"He looks just like the brave knights in fairytales!" Ella added.

"Take him down!" Eva finished.

Lightning lowered the visor on his helmet, then rose his mace up and declared "Go Team Lightning!"

The shot cut to the stands as Jo laughed at the uber-jock, earning a glare from Ezekiel and Cody. "Way to go full on nerd Jockstrap," she taunted, "Come on Natasha! One loser left!"

A pan up to the former Rats showed Gary grinning, while Sam looked worried. "You got this Nat!" the rapper cheered.

"I don't know," Sam said hesitantly. "Natasha may have underdog status right now but that may not be enough." The perspective moved behind Lightning, sliding to the side to show him facing a rather bored-looking Natasha. The mastermind was wearing nothing unusual aside from the old tattered golf bag that was sitting at his feet.

"Nice suitcase," the uber-jock quipped. "Are you packin' your bags and headin' home?"

Natasha smirked. "Come now Lightning," he said smugly. "By now you should know, I _always_ have a plan." With that he kicked the golf bag and it flipped open in a flash of electricity. With a different and much darker sounding rock tune playing in the background, the background shifted to a red sunburst as a set of red and black tinted metal boots stuck themselves on the mastermind. The camera cut to his chest as a breastplate in the same style and color flew on to him, then he crossed his arms in front of his chest as metal gauntlets flew onto his wrists and then expanded to cover his entire arms. The camera cut one last time to his smirking face as a red helmet and black face mask stuck themselves onto it.

The background returned to normal, and the camera panned up to show Natasha electrified armor as the tune continued to play. The lights of the 'eyes' in Natasha's power armor turned on and he said "Checkmate," in a deep and robotic voice.

Lightning was heard gulping as the shot cut to the rusted knight, but his supporters cheered him on nonetheless.

"This is gonna be good," Chris laughed as the camera panned around Natasha back, showing Lightning turning up his visor and glaring at the mastermind as a radical techno tune played. "The ultimate battle brutale!" he declared as the shot cut back up to him. "Find out what happens when we return, on Total! Drama! Rrrrevenge of the Island!" An ominous chant punctuated each successive outward cut, going from his top box, to the entire stands, to the entire arena, and lastly to the entire island.

\

(Commercial Break)

\

Rumbling thunder filled the sky as the episode resumed, a dramatic score rising up under the cheers of the former players as the shot cut to the Chrisiseum, and then to the stands.

"It's the _final_ challenge of the season," Chris announced, "a gladiator battle to _end_ all gladiator battles!"

"Hope you're ready to lose," Lightning told his opponent, the camera panning behind his to show the Crimson Natasha suit. "Because Lightning's done falling for your mind games," the uber-jock added, holding his weapon out as the camera showed him through Natasha'a legs.

"Don't you have to _have_ a mind for me to mess with it?" Natasha replied as the shot showed him from over Lightning's shoulder. "Brute force will only get you so far in life you know." Lightning was shown from over Natasha's shoulder, frowning as the mastermind finished speaking.

"I believe _I_ was speaking?" Chris interrupted in annoyance. "Save the trash talk for the battle. Oh, and in the grand Total Drama tradition, there are gonna be a few _obstacles_ to deal with, that I will release into the ring...whenever I feel like it."

"They don't stand a _chance_ against me," Natasha bragged.

"The match ends when one gladiator pins the other for three seconds," Chris continued without acknowledging the outburst.

"Three seconds?" Lightning scoffed. "That's nothin'."

"Nothing _you'll_ be capable of," Natasha shot back.

"Aaaand, go!" Chris announced, the music quickly rising up to an appropriate level of danger and intensity as the uber-jock lowered his visor and gripped his weapon and shield.

The shot cut to Lightning's feet as he charged forward, and growled while his supporters cheered. "Kiss the million bucks goodbye!" he declared, raising his mace.

"No thanks, I'm good," Natasha replied, raising one of his arms and shooting out a bolt of red energy that the rusted knight had to quickly duck under with a yelp.

Lightning popped back up as quickly as he ducked and held his weapon up high. "Sha- _yeah_!" he cheered. "Bet you didn't plan on Lightning bein as fast as... uh... _lightning_!"

As he spoke, Natasha simply raised his arm again and shot out another bolt of energy at his opponent's feet. The uber-jock was launched into the air with an explosion and a shout and landed flat on his stomach a few yards back.

"Actually I did," Natasha said as the perspective cut to the view from the host's box, the man himself stepping in front of the camera as he watched the mastermind walk over to his rival. "I also figured you'd be too busy gloating to notice my follow-up attack."

"Time for a close encounter of the _mutant_ kind!" Chris declared, smugly pressing the button on his remote. "Finalists," he called out, catching the attention of Natasha long enough for Lightning to scramble out of the way, "get ready for your _next_ opponent! It's an old friend I'm sure one of you is well acquainted with." The camera panned from Natasha, down to Lightning, and then over to a gate in the far wall which slid up to reveal the giant mutant beetle mother, standing on its hind legs and wearing a single boxing glove. It quickly breathed a jet of fire, and scuttled forward with a menacing hiss.

The shot cut back to the two boys, Natasha chuckling through his super suit and Lightning still on the ground. "Have fun," Natasha told him, activating boot jets and flying off without another word.

"Huh?" Lightning asked, looking back up at him only to see that Natasha had already disappeared. "Get back here!" he said in outrage before a sudden jet of fire forced him to jump to the side.

The shot cut to the former Maggots shouting their encouragement, with Sam of all people joining in. "C'mon, Lightning! Kick that mutant's butt!" he stood up and called out.

"I thought you was rootin' for Nat." Gary told him.

"That was when he was the underdog," the gamer explained. "Now that he has that kick-butt armor, Lightning's the underdog."

The music picked up slightly as the scene returned to Lightning and the beetle, the latter punching over and over while the former kept blocking with his shield and backing up. In moments he found himself up against the wall of the arena, and when he looked to the side to confirm the beetle finally landed a blow on his chestplate. Despite the armor it was strong enough to earn a grunt from Lightning, but the rusted knight was able to duck under the next blow and strike back with a blow from his mannequin-leg mace. This was enough to knock the beetle back, which in turn gave Lightning the opportunity to strike back with several shield bashes that managed to knock the mutant over.

"Sha-bam!" he said, pumping his fist confidently. "How do you like that?" He was answered by a furious jet of fire-breath, but with the beetle on its back it was unable to actually hit him – though Lightning ducked all the same, and he quickly stood up seemingly unscathed. He tossed his shield like a disc at the supine mutant; it hissed and squealed upon getting hit in the head, but soon fell unconscious with its head and legs flopping down.

Lightning let out a breath of relief as the crowd cheered. "Alright, takes care of him. Now where's Natasha?" he asked, looking up.

"Hey Lightning!" the robotic voice of the mastermind in question yelled. Both the uber-jock and the camera turned to see Natasha flying toward him with a fist outstretched. "Strike _this_!"

Lightning let out a high-pitched scream and ran away, jumping up every so often. The camera pulled back to show that Natasha was shooting more energy bolts at his feet and laughing evilly.

"Stop running and fight like a man!" Eva yelled angrily from the stands.

"That's not very supportive," Ella told her.

"How else is he gonna win?" Eva replied.

Lightning's yelps and Natasha's laughter filled the air, and the shot cut up to the host's box as Chris sighed in boredom. "Yawn." He pressed the button on his remote control, and a circular hole opened up in the ground, the two dirt-covered doors that had been covering it sliding aside with a mechanical whir.

Lightning gasped as he realized he was running right towards it, and he let out a terrified 'Sha-uh-oh' as the massive mutant alligator with tentacles for arms rose up out of it and roared at him. He screamed and turned to flee, but the beast reached out and grabbed him. Then, as Natasha flew up and gasped in horror, the alligator chomped down on the screaming knight just off-camera.

"Rudy!" Lily called out in shock and concern.

"Aww, you _do_ care about him," Chris leaned down to tell her. "Man, the ratings on this are gonna be _crrraaaaazy_!"

The shot cut back to the alligator's head as Lightning let out a muffled cry of "Let go of me you dirty lizard!"

"That jock belongs to me!" Natasha chimed in, the camera panning down to show him firing an energy bolt at the alligator's belly to no effect. It just kept on chewing, until something inside its mouth seemed to break and give it pause. It grimaced in pain, then opened its mouth dropping Lightning onto Natasha. It frantically tried to wipe away its tongue, and the camera panned down to the two boys.

"Sha-thanks for the save," Lightning said as he got back to his feet.

"Oh, I didn't do it to _save_ you," Natasha replied, standing up as well.

He raised his arm to fire at Lightning at point-blank range, but a tentacle tapping on Natasha's shoulder got both their attention, and they looked up right into the mutant alligator's roar. "Sha-yikes!" Lightning yelled as he dashed back out of the way, but Natasha was too slow and got grabbed by the mutant.

It raised the power suited mastermind up to eye level and growled, prompting Natasha to groan. "I hate karma..."

The alligator replied with a point-blank roar.

"Drop the tin can, scaley!" Lightning called out suddenly, earning the attention of the other two 'fighters'. The shot cut to him standing nearby brandishing his weapon. He huffed, then charged at the mutant at such a speed that while the camera was able to follow him, the background became little more than a blur. He charged past the gator and delivered a blow to its stomach; causing it to promptly drop Natasha, who managed to land on his feet and stomp the mutant's foot. The beast raised the foot in pain, and another hit from Lightning managed to bring it crashing down to the ground. It growled and started to get back up, but a strange sharp punch from Natasha over the eyes managed to knock it out.

The two boys regrouped, panting heavily. "You should've let that thing chew on me some more," Natasha taunted.

"Don't you ever shut up?" Lightning asked.

Natasha replied by pulling a pressing a button on his left arm and spraying him in the face with a fire extinguisher-like foam, the resulting cloud taking over the scene as he flew off cackling to himself. The powder dispersed in seconds to show Lightning waving his hand and coughing. " _Now_ where'd he go?" he asked.

"Over he~ere!" Natasha sang, both Lightning and the camera turning to see the outstretched fist of the mastermind. "I'd run if I were you," he said. "Or not, it's fun for me either way."

He fired an energy bolt at the rusted knight, and Lightning instinctively swung his mace in an attempt to deflect the bolt. To his audible surprise, it worked - causing the bolt to fly into the stands to the shock of those sitting there. It hit the chain that Fang was tied to, breaking it and continuing on the punch a hole in the back wall of the lowest seating section.

"Guess I have to turn up the power," Natasha said as his entire arm began to glow red. He his gauntlet at the uber-jock before another shot went off. This one flew towards the top box, forcing Chris and his two interns to dive away in panic – but the host happened to toss his remote control into the bolts's flight path as he made his escape, and the device was shattered on impact along with his throne.

"Uh-oh," Chris said, standing back up and giving the sparking and smoking remains of his remote a fearful look.

The circular door in the ground opened back up even wider, and the camera backed away from a shot of the two boys as they saw a veritable horde of mutants rise up out of the ground all at once: multiple mutant gophers, a mutant turtle, a spiny mutant beaver, the squid-tree, a laser squirrel, a giant two-headed rabbit, and Larry all glaring down at the two humans. Larry roared, and the perspective inverted to show the two boys screaming, and the stands in the background filled with shocked and worried faces.

XXX

"Larry..." Bridgette said, rocking back and forth in the confessional while hugging her legs.

XXX

"M-m-mutant gophers!" Cody said fearfully.

XXX

Angel and Lily shared the next confessional. The idealist rubbing her sister's back as the cynic muttered "B-b-b-b-b-bun-bu-"

"She really doesn't like rabbits," Angel told the camera.

XXX

The music quickly became dramatic again as the laser squirrel shot at the stands, forcing those in them to scream and scatter before the blast blew up a good chunk of the seats. The shot cut to the arena floor as Angel and Bridgette fled in the foreground while Gary fled in the background, before skidding to a stop at the sound of Ella's screams. He looked back over to see the princess with her back against the wall being menaced by the laser squirrel, whose eyes slowly began to turn red.

The rapper dashed to the front of his former teammate and taunted the mutant with a call of "Come on ya bald freak." The squirrel fired its laser at Gary, but he just held his gold chain out in front of him. The laser bounced off the golden dollar sign and hit at the squirrel's feet, sending it high into the air.

"Score one for Young Easy!" the rapper cheered to himself, which earned an eye roll from Ella. The two former teammates were distracted by a low growl, and the camera panned to the right to show Fang grinning menacingly at them.

The shot cut to Lightning and Natasha, who were now readying their weapons for a strike. "Hey, those other guys need our help," Lightning said as he ran off to help the losers. A bolt of energy struck the ground in front of him and he turned back to Natasha.

"Not so fast," Natasha said. "I'm not through with you yet!" He flew at Lightning and outstretched his fist, but the rusted knight just moved to the side and slammed his mace on the mastermind's back. Natasha fell to the ground with a grunt and Lightning jumped on his back.

"Hey Chris!" the uber-jock called out to the host. "I'm pinnin' him!"

"Oh no you're not!" Natasha said as he threw his rival off his back and into the arena walls. The mastermind stood up and raised his fist menacingly at Lighnting's crumpled form.

The shot cut to the top box, where Chris was now being cornered by several mutant gophers. "The biohazardous waste was _Chef's_ idea!" the host cried out defensively as the giant rodents closed around him, squealing angrily. "If you gotta chew someone's face off, chew his!" They moved in even further, forcing him to scream "HEEEEELP!" as he sank below their bodies.

A massive root-limb suddenly swept the gophers away, revealing the host crouched down with his hands on his head. He opened his eyes at the sound of a crash, and the shot cut backward to show Larry standing on the bottom wall of the empty seating area. He roared in triumph, prompting Chris to stand and smile in the direction his assailants had been thrown. "That's extra fertilizer for _you_ tonight," he told his monstrous pet, the massive flytrap rubbing the host with its head as a touching tune played. "Awww, now go out there and terrorize some loser contestants," he told it with a rub and a pat.

He lifted his head and roared again, only to cut it short into a sort of startled gurgle as he was suddenly pulled downward. "I don't think so McLean," Eva said, the shot cutting outward to show her pulling the giant mutant down off the stands by one of its smaller root-limbs. Chris gasped in shock as Larry slammed down to the ground, and Eva gave him a strong kick in his central mass of dirt and roots. "You're done terrorizing us," she said confidently as the music became strangely triumphant.

" _Hey there little girl or fella_ ," Ella sang as the scene moved to her and the mutant beaver, which seemed entranced by the princesses voice. " _If you helped my friends it would be mighty swella_ " she finished, motioning to the squid-tree which seemed to be preoccupied by a tug-of-war with Beardo over a hollering Ezekiel. The mutant beaver snarled and charged at it, knocking it to the ground and allowing Beardo to pull his friend to safety.

The shot cut to Lily, who was cowering behind her sister as the massive two-headed rabbit growled menacingly at them. Until, that is, Angel narrowed her eyes and stepped forward. "Leave my sister alone!" she said sharply, running up and kicking the the mutant between the legs. It shuddered painfully, then fell onto the ground holding its groin.

"Hit him low Shortstuff!" Jo said as the camera cut to her and Cody glaring not at each other, but at the giant mutant turtle looming over them. Cody ran and jumped into the air, landing on the mutant's foot. The turtle crouched down in pain, bringing its head in just the right height for Jo to deliver a punch to the face that knocked it out cold. The two rivals shared a high five.

A pan put the camera back on Natasha, watching the scene unfold with his arm raised. "Look at that, they're going to live...," he said before firing another bolt of energy, the oddly triumphant music fading out as the tense challenge music resumed once more and Lightning was heard screaming in pain. "You're only making this harder on yourself," he said to his off-screen opponent.

The camera cut to Lightning, now missing his helmet and the left leg of his armor. "It's not over yet," he said in a strained voice just before another bolt of energy blasted into him causing him to scream in pain. After it dissipated, the armor on his right arm was gone.

The scene cut to Bridgette as she backed away warily to the left away from an advancing mutant gopher, then over to Lily backing away similarly to the right from another gopher. The two girls bumped into each other, looked over their shoulders to briefly lock eyes, then looked away with a sniff and a huff and a scowl apiece. The shot zoomed out to show that the two gophers had cornered them, but their shock quickly faded as they both yelled out and kicked the rodent they were facing – Bridgette's in the chin, Lily's in the nose. Another few kicks got the gophers to turn and flee, squealing in fear, with the two young women now giving chase.

A further zoom caught another pair of rather terrified mutant gophers being chased through the arena by Sam of all people, who was holding on tight to the dazed squirrel forcing it to use its lasers on its mutant brethren. The gamer was followed closely by Gary, Cody, and Beardo, the former two boys brandishing their arms and yelling and the beatboxer making some sort of grunting animal noises as they helped chase the mutants around. They passed Ella and the feuding beaver and squid-tree, who had their attention drawn just in time to see Fang slamming into them. "That TV show was right eh," Ezekiel said proudly as he rubbed his right fist.

"Oh my," Ella said, looking from him to the three unconscious mutants in shock. "That's what you all get for trying to hurt everyone all the time."

To her shock, Larry's head slammed down next to him as if in reply, his flower-tipped 'tongue' lolling out of his leafy maw. "Way to tell 'em Ella," Eva said, the camera panning over to show her holding the monster plant's stem-neck tight under her arm. A pair of cheers caused the shot to zoom out, revealing Jo and Angel sitting on top the fallen plant's main mass, high-fiving as its two largest root-limbs, which had been tied together, twitched pathetically.

Lightning's screams of pain caught everyone's attention and the rumble of thunder echoed through the air, taking over for the background music entirely as the blanket of dark clouds filling the sky finally broke into a light rain. The camera panned down Natasha and Lightning. The mastermind was still blasting away at his opponent, who was down to his chestplate and mace - which had fallen just out of his reach.

"Why won't you just fall already?" Natasha said in annoyance, the shot moving in for a close-up as the rain ran down his power suit's mask. "You're out of energy, out of hope. Just give up and you can go home without major injury."

"Lightning... never gives up...," Lightning replied weakly, the shot moving to his close-up as the rain pattered on his face, "and... he never... surrenders," he grabbed his weapon and slowly started to stand up. A dramatic and heroic tune played and the camera cut to the losers watching with smiles on their faces as they watched the uber-jock get to his feet. The shot cut back to him against a yellow sunburst background as the music reached it's climax...

Right before another blast of energy knocked him back down with a pained scream.

"How sweet," Natasha mocked. "Although you have shocked me with your endurance," he added while rubbing his chin. "Now it's up to me to return the favor!" He pressed a button on his right arm, and a bright white light enimated from his gauntlets and enveloped the entire screen.

The light slowly faded to reveal the two finalists in the same position they were in before, Lightning still crumpled against the arena wall and Natasha standing before him. The mastermind's armor powered down and his head lowered.

"There," Natasha said. "That should do it."

"Do... what?" Lightning asked before an ominous rumbling got his attention. He slowly looked up to see the toxic wast barrels vibrating, then looked down to see that his chestplate was vibrating.

"I just turned myself into an electromagnet," Natasha explained. "Which will attract any heavy metal object in a certain radius, you included."

"Huh?" Lightning said in shock just as he was suddenly pulled across the arena and stuck to the mastermind's power suit. "Let me go!" he said frantically trying to free himself. His only response was Natasha's laughter as a number of barrels were attracted to - and stuck to - them, burying the two in a pile of barrels.

"Lightning," the mastermind said from within the pile, "meet _lightning_." Natasha delved into manaical laughter as lightning struck the pile of barrels he and his opponent were buried in and the scene was once again engulfed in light...

This time light slowly faded to reveal the two finalists facing each other - Natasha on the right and Lightning, with completely white hair, on the left. The only sound present was the pouring rain, Lightning's heavy breaths, and the sound of Natasha's armor powering back up.

The shot cut from a close-up of Lightning to a shot of Natasha smirking in his armor, and then to a series of shots of the losers as they watched with baited breath. First Bridgette and Angel, then Ella and Beardo, then Cody and Sam, then Jo and Eva, and lastly Ezekiel and Lily and Gary.

With a strangled groan, Lightning fell forward into the mud.

Natasha's supporters perked up. "Finish him!" Jo called out first.

"Pin him yo!" Gary added seconds later.

"Rudy! You gotta get up!" Lily yelled desperately. The rest of Lightning's supporters kept trying to send encouragement his way.

"Sorry," Natasha said as he walked two steps before his armor suddenly gave out and he fell on top of Lightning. "But this game has always belonged to _me_."

"ONE!" Gary and Jo called out together excitedly

"TWO!"

" _THREE_!"

"Should've _struck_ somewhere else Lightning," Natasha mocked to the unconscious boy.

"He's done it!" Chris announced excitedly, arriving on the scene in his Chef-pulled chariot. "Natasha, has _done_ it! Natasha wins Total Drama _Revenge_ of the Island, _and_ the million dollar prize!"

"And the best competitor wins!" Jo said as everyone aside from Gary groaned in disappointment. "I taught him everything he knows by the way."

"Keep telling yourself that," Natasha quipped from within his frozen armor.

XXX

"I told Chris when I auditioned that I was going to be his next winner," Natasha, back in his normal clothes, confessed with a smug grin. "After all, there wasn't a single event that I couldn't turn to my advantage. Natasha Shukoff is now the proud owner of a million dollars."

XXX

"Lightning can't believe it!" the white-haired uber jock confessed. "He was supposed to make Pops proud!" He started to tear up and broke into tears. "I'm sorry Pops!"

XXX

The footage resumed on a shot of the season's twelve losers aboard a large speedboat with Chef at the wheel. A pan to the left along the Dock of Shame after the boat's engine started landed the focus on Chris and Natasha, the host holding on to the prized briefcase. "Congratulations Natasha, to the winner go the spoils," he said, the shot cutting in close to the case as its lid was flipped open. "One million dollars, in cold hard _cash_!" Chris announced, a radiant golden background appearing behind the money as a glorious tune played.

The case was closed and handed to the grinning Mastermind. "Perfect," he said, sagging slightly under his prize's weight when the host let go of it. Nevertheless, he managed to carry it all the way to the boat without further issue.

"Sorry you lost Rudy," Lily tried to console her crush with a hand on his shoulder, but her bitterly shrugged it off and walked away.

"I'm sure he'll forgive you eventually," Angel said to her sister.

"No need for the optimism sis," Lily told her. "I know that I screwed up my chances there."

"So, what are you gonna spend your prize money on?" Cody asked Natasha as he got on the boat. "World's largest Foosball table? 100 inch plasma screen?"

"My _fee_ is fifteen percent," Jo told the winner.

"If you ever want someone to play video games with you," Sam added. "I'm available."

"None of that is gonna happen," the mastermind said. "My money, my business."

XXX

"I carried _both_ those idiots to the finale!" Jo complained. "Where's _my_ money?! What a rip-off."

XXX

"Hey Natasha!" Eva yelled as the footage cut to the moving boat, causing Natasha look over to his right. The camera cut first to Eva pulling back a fist, then to the mastermind instinctively throwing the closest thing he could - his suitcase full of money - in front of his face, then to the water in front of Chris as the host winced at the off-screen punch. His face widened in shock as the suitcase flew toward the water... only to be gobbled up by a breaching Fang.

"NOOOOOOOO!" Natasha cried as the camera cut outward as the boat finally started moving away from the dock. Everyone one else laughed and/or thanked Eva.

"Well, that's it for another season," Chris said, the shot cutting to him as the music became solemn. He paused as the speedboat carrying the cast passed between him and the camera, then turned impishly towards them and said "Except for one last _surprise_ I hid on their boat." He broke into a devilish grin, and the shot cut to the boat speeding across the lake. "First rule of showbiz," his hand rose up in front of the camera holding his remote control, "always go out with a bang." He pressed the button.

The perspective immediately inverted to show him getting caught up in an explosion that destroyed a good chunk of the dock. The former campers were shown cheering with glee, and the shot cut back just in time to catch Chris falling back down with a scream into the water. He quickly surfaced, spat out a mouthful of water, and sputtered around in confusion. "Huh?" he asked before the shot cut to Chef, the camera jumping in closer and closer to him in time with a high, sharp, and deadly tune, ending on his sly smirk. "CHEF!" the host yelled, shaking his fist in anger.

He quickly cleared his throat, though, and as he did the series's capstone theme began to play. "Until next time," he smiled at the camera, "I'm Chris McLean, and this has been Total!" The scene cut to the Mutant Forest of Death and its bizarre mushrooms. "Drama!" The shot cut to the bog, the small island where Larry had once taken root now empty. "Rrrevenge, of the _Island_!" The shot cut to the abandoned mine, its raised entrance still blocked by fallen rocks.

The shot cut to Chris, still floating by the Dock of Shame as the sound of a helicopter suddenly rose up along side a tense and dramatic tune. "You're _busted_ , McLean!" an authoritarian voice said to the host's shock, prompting him to look up.

"For what?" he asked in outrage.

"Creating an environmental _disaster_ , that's what!" the voice answered, the camera cutting outward to show not only the helicopters that were hovering over the beach but also the two groups of hazmat-suited people standing on the busted dock. "Residents of Wawanakwa," the voice announced, "your island is now under government protection! You're hereby quarantined!" The shot cut back in closer, showing the skinnier figures on the left holding water buckets and the muscular figures on the right holding mops. "Prepare for heavy scrub _decontamination_!"

The pained cries of Chris McLean filled the air as the camera cut out even further, showing the usual long-distance shot of the island as the boat carrying the rest of the cast passed by, the former contestants still laughing and cheering - except for Natasha, who was staring out at the spot where his prize was destroyed.

 **\**

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 **[What, you thought** _ **that**_ **was the ending?]**

 **[Here's what really happened.]**

 **\**

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 **\**

This time light slowly faded to reveal the two finalists facing each other - Natasha on the right and Lightning, with completely white hair, on the left. The only sound present was the pouring rain, Lightning's heavy breaths, and the sound of Natasha's armor powering back up.

The shot cut from a close-up of Lightning to a shot of Natasha smirking in his armor, and then to a series of shots of the losers as they watched with baited breath. First Bridgette and Angel, then Ella and Beardo, then Cody and Sam, then Jo and Eva, and lastly Ezekiel and Lily and Gary.

Natasha took one step, then his armor failed and he fell forward into the mud.

Lightning's supporters perked up. "Finish him!" Eva called out first.

"Hurry up and pin him eh!" Ezekiel added seconds later.

"You got this Rudy!" Lily yelled. The rest of Lightning's supporters continued to send encouragement his way.

"Lightning's goin' to the _Super Bowl_ ," the uber-jck said woozily before he passed out on top of Natasha.

"ONE!" the former contestants all called out together, Jo and Gary doing so reluctantly.

"TWO!"

" _THREE_!"

"Sha-bam," Lightning said weakly.

"He's done it!" Chris announced excitedly, arriving on the scene in his Chef-pulled chariot. "Lightning, has _done_ it! Lightning wins Total Drama _Revenge_ of the Island, _and_ the million dollar prize!"

"I did it!" Lightning repeated in sheer disbelieving excitement as he was lifted up by his supporters and shown against a radiant golden background. "I really won!"

XXX

"See that!" the white-haired uber-jock bragged. "Not even lightning can stop the Lightning!" He sighed happily. "Victory! It's the ultimate sha-bam! From now own, you can call me _White Lightning_!" he said happily, striking a pose.

XXX

Natasha seemed eerily devoid of emotion as he began his confessional. "For the record," he said. "the _only_ reason that muscle-head won was because my armor gave out three seconds before I had planned it would. He didn't beat me, I just made a catastrophic error. And I hope he goes the rest of his life knowing it."

His eye twitched...and with a sudden scream of rage he punched the camera lens, forcing it to cut to static. The last thing it recorded was the sound of shattering of glass and a subsequent cry of pain.

XXX

The footage resumed on a shot of the season's twelve losers aboard a large speedboat with Chef at the wheel. A pan to the left along the Dock of Shame after the boat's engine started landed the focus on Chris and Lightning, the host holding on to the prized briefcase. "Congratulations Lightning, to the winner go the spoils," he said, the shot cutting in close to the case as its lid was flipped open. "One million dollars, in cold hard _cash_!" Chris announced, a radiant golden background appearing behind the money as a glorious tune played.

The case was closed and handed to the grinning stary-eyed Athletic Overachiever. "Aw yeah," he said, grabbing the case and jogging off to the boat.

"Congrats on winning Rudy," Lily tried to tell her crush with a hand on his shoulder, but he bitterly shrugged it off and walked away.

"I'm sure he'll forgive you eventually," Angel said to her sister.

"No need for the optimism sis," Lily told her. "I know that I screwed up my chances there."

"So, what are you gonna spend your prize money on?" Cody asked Lightning as he walked over to his former teammate. "World's largest Foosball table? 100 inch plasma screen?"

"If you ever want someone to play video games with you," Sam added. "I'm available."

"You better not be thinking of sharing that with us," Bridgette said with a smirk, the look on Lightning's face betraying that that was exactly what was on his mind.

"Well Lighnting _has_ had a dream of ownin' his own stadium," the uber-jock told his friends.

XXX

"I carried _both_ those idiots to the finale!" Jo complained. "Where's _my_ money?! What a rip-off."

XXX

"Hey Natasha!" Eva yelled as the footage cut to the moving boat, causing Natasha look over to his right. The camera cut first to Eva pulling back a fist, then to the mastermind instinctively throwing the closest thing he could - his hands - in front of his face, then to the water in front of Chris as the host winced at the off-screen punch. His face widened in shock as the mastermind landed in the water... then resurfaced next to a grinning Fang.

"I hate karma..." Natasha said as the camera cut outward as the boat finally started moving away from the dock. Everyone one else laughed and/or thanked Eva.

"Well, that's it for another season," Chris said, the shot cutting to him as the music became solemn. He paused as the speedboat carrying the cast passed between him and the camera, then turned impishly towards them and said "Except for one last _surprise_ I hid on their boat." He broke into a devilish grin, and the shot cut to the boat speeding across the lake. "First rule of showbiz," his hand rose up in front of the camera holding his remote control, "always go out with a bang." He pressed the button.

The perspective immediately inverted to show him getting caught up in an explosion that destroyed a good chunk of the dock. The former campers were shown cheering with glee, and the shot cut back just in time to catch Chris falling back down with a scream into the water. He quickly surfaced, spat out a mouthful of water, and sputtered around in confusion. "Huh?" he asked before the shot cut to Chef, the camera jumping in closer and closer to him in time with a high, sharp, and deadly tune, ending on his sly smirk. "CHEF!" the host yelled, shaking his fist in anger.

He quickly cleared his throat, though, and as he did the series's capstone theme began to play. "Until next time," he smiled at the camera, "I'm Chris McLean, and this has been Total!" The scene cut to the Mutant Forest of Death and its bizarre mushrooms. "Drama!" The shot cut to the bog, the small island where Larry had once taken root now empty. "Rrrevenge, of the _Island_!" The shot cut to the abandoned mine, its raised entrance still blocked by fallen rocks.

The shot cut to Chris, still floating by the Dock of Shame as the sound of a helicopter suddenly rose up along side a tense and dramatic tune. "You're _busted_ , McLean!" an authoritarian voice said to the host's shock, prompting him to look up.

"For what?" he asked in outrage.

"Creating an environmental _disaster_ , that's what!" the voice answered, the camera cutting outward to show not only the helicopters that were hovering over the beach but also the two groups of hazmat-suited people standing on the busted dock. "Residents of Wawanakwa," the voice announced, "your island is now under government protection! You're hereby quarantined!" The shot cut back in closer, showing the skinnier figures on the left holding water buckets and the muscular figures on the right holding mops. "Prepare for heavy scrub _decontamination_!"

The pained cries of Chris McLean filled the air as the camera cut out even further, showing the usual long-distance shot of the island as the boat carrying the rest of the cast passed by, the former contestants still laughing and cheering - except for Natasha, who was frantically swimming away from the mutant shark.

(Roll the credits)

* * *

 **Author's Note Post Script** : And thus, it ends. Both boys fought as hard as they could, but ultimately it was Lightning who emerged the official victor of Random Drama Revenge of the Island.

It wasn't exactly a tough decision, though I will say I'm surprised at how many people either would be okay with Natasha winning or actively rooted for him. I'm not opposed to the bad guy winning, but Natasha isn't the kind of bad guy I'd want to do so. I mean the guy was a step away from being a super villain, and not the cheesy cartoon ones. He _did_ almost kill Lightning after all.

Of course, being the villain he _still_ had to get his comeuppance - which was caused by Eva in both endings. Either he loses the money that he almost killed a guy over, or he winds up being stuck in the water and being chased by a giant mutant shark.

The two messages from home still make me smile to think about. Showing off Lightning's dad was obvious, it was in canon and it helped sell that he was the good guy of the story and maybe explains why he is the way he is. He wants to be the best so he can be worthy of his Pops. Natasha's grandfather is pretty much a copy-paste of Joseph Stalin and was specifically portrayed the way he was to make sure you don't find out why he is the way he is. He's a villain, that's all there is to it.

I hope you all enjoyed the weapons and armor I gave them this episode. The possibility of mimicking 'Iron Cam', or Crimson Natasha as I call him, pretty much a given for Natasha. Especially because 'Iron Cam' was meant to highlight Cameron's brains versus Lightning's brawn. But with the brains as the bad guy, I couldn't let Lightning charge into battle with a soup pot and some sheet metal. Which is why there was conveniently a set of knight's armor that he could find, albeit a little rusty. I think it perfectly fits him in this universe. He's a good guy, but he's not without his flaws. A knight in rusted armor.

And then we have the mutants. Originally I hadn't given it much thought beyond having them basically repeat their canon performance (relatively speaking, as their was no good reason to have Staci take Zeke's role again). But it's kinda obvious that wasn't gonna fly with Eva, especially after the way she got eliminated. And Ella would do what she could to stop it also. And...it just kind of spiraled out from there until the entire cast was routing the entire attacking force of mutants. And I really liked it!

But...yeah, that's the end of Random Drama Revenge of the Island! The first thirteen-episode season was kind of a different experience that the original trilogy, mostly due to the pacing but the cast itself also made things interesting. Though I know that it has its flaws, like the previous entries of the Randomverse, I sincerely enjoyed writing it and I'm glad so many of you have enjoyed reading it.

It feels strange to say this, but for six of these players their story is over - they won't be competing again until season eight. But the other seven of them will be moving on to Random Drama All-Stars, which will debut **Friday, August 10th, 2018** , aka Friday. Look forward to it.

And until then, let me know what you thought of the finale, and of the season as a whole! I really like hearing your feedback and your thoughts. So until Friday, enjoy yourselves and have fun!

And as always I'm sure I'm forgetting to mention something.

I hope you all enjoyed the episode, or some part of it.

And I'd also like to remind you guys that a TVTropes page for this series _does_ exist and needs you guys adding to it.

With that I'm signing off

-TotalDramaFan14

* * *

 **RDRotI ELIMINATION TABLE:**

 **13th Place:** Sam

 **12th Place:** Gary

 **11th Place:** Eva

 **10th Place:** Ella

 **9th Place:** Beardo

 **8th Place:** Cody

 **7th Place:** Angel

 **6th Place:** Ezekiel

 **5th Place:** Lily

 **4th Place:** Jo

 **3rd Place:** Bridgette

 **2nd Place:** Natasha (ALTERNATE WINNER)

 **1st Place:** Lightning (ALTERNATE RUNNER-UP)


End file.
